---
date: 2019-08-12
weight: 10
tags:
- earnest
- demanding
categories:
- mental health
- mania
---

The first time I remember thinking about polyamory--

> And here I was hoping you'd cave and talk more about mania.

Why are you so hung up on that? I told you I wouldn't, and you seemed to accept that.

> 'Seemed to'? 'Accept'? Are those things something like me can do?

Well, if *I* can...

> Conceded. No mania, then?

It's not a comfortable topic.

> Granted. Tell me why, at least.

It's not a good feeling. Not from the inside, not from the outside. From the inside I've only caught glimpses of it, even. Glimpses caught through the haze of medication or withdrawal or the mass of ineffable ecstasy comes crashing down upon me. I get all wrapped up in hypomania. Something less. Something just beneath. That thin meniscus between this world and...something else.

But in others I've watched --- in some cases, been caught up in --- the frenzy as their world slowly slides out of alignment with consensus reality. They turn from...

> What?

You got me talking about it.

> I'm pleased you think so highly of me.

I *will* talk about it. It's not off the table. I just need something not that for a bit.

> To poly?

<a class="pulse" href="/poly">To poly</a>.
