---
date: 2019-08-18
weight: 3
---

TIASAP stands for *The Ill-Advised Self-Administration Period*.

This is why.

I was unsafe about it.

I lost my sexuality for years.

I turned the need for change into punishment.

The color drained from my universe. The flavor was gone from food. I could not smell.

> And when you added in a bit of estrogen, you wept at the return of sensation.

I tell myself now that if I belive something to be true when I'm depressed as well as when I'm hypomanic, it's more likely to be right.

And, well.

<a class="pulse" href="/gender">Now I knew it was right</a>.

But I was unsafe, I was punishing myself, and I did it all on purpose.

> Why ruin your life on accident when you can <a class="pulse" href="/self-harm/suicide">do it on purpose</a>?
