Finish sex and kink
This commit is contained in:
Madison Scott-Clary
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content/sex/kink/001.md
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content/sex/kink/001.md
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---
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date: 2019-09-25
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weight: 1
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---
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What do you do when you've got a libido and relatively little will to act upon it? Delve into kink.
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> Well, and fuck around on Taps a lot.
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The two go hand in hand. When sex makes you intensely anxious, it turns out that getting tied up and blindfolded just sort of multiplies that anxiety.
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> So you removed yourself from the equation.
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Close enough, yes. I let my characters bear the weight of kink and sexual interaction. Textually, there's a vast divide between what's on the screen and what's going on in person. I can get all I need from kink without actually needing to interact with it.
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> And what do you need from kink?
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Beyond just fantasy fulfillment? A way to cope, I suppose.
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content/sex/kink/002.md
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content/sex/kink/002.md
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---
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date: 2019-09-25
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weight: 2
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---
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[](https://bbbingo.me/preparations-squadrons-voices-spans)
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> I'm not really sure what to make of the fact that you made a bingo card for your kinks.
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Well, hey, hit bingo, and maybe I explode or something. Besides, [bbbingo](https://bbbingo.me) was for a game jam.
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> So tell me about your free space.
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Actually, I think many of them come from a similar space: recasting bad or uncomfortable experiences from childhood into some positive light. A way to reclaim them and make them positive again.
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> How is humiliation positive?
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Okay, maybe some of them are not so much 'again'.
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> I don't imagine non-consensual sex ever was, no.
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Not really, but using kink as a coping mechanism for anxieties around rape is at least a way forward for me.
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Ditto humiliation. Being made to feel inadequate, often by people I was supposed to look up to, was such a negative force in my life --- in Matthew's life --- that it left me with quite a bit of baggage. This is just a way to sort through it.
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> Sexily.
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I suppose. It's something of a metakink. Many of the others stem from that, or from a similar core interest.
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Scent-play as a means of degradation: why would a snow leopard smell of canine? Fits in nicely with knotting. Why not toss in some species denial, too; no more kitty, you say 'arf' now.
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Scruffing, in the context of furry, especially with felines, is a means of rendering one helpless. Coercion and weakened mental states fit as well. Those all sort of tag along with the non-consensual core kink
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> So, pain and blood? Breathplay?
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Yes. Abuse. Damage. Bad ends.
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> Where do those come from?
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Self hatred. Self harm. Destroy me before I destroy myself.
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> Really?
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No, of course not.
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> But some part of you actively believes that? Some part of you actively craves someone destroying you? Beating you bloody? Choking you? Leaving you for dead with casual nonchalance?
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Yes.
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content/sex/kink/003.html
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content/sex/kink/003.html
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---
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date: 2019-09-25
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weight: 3
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---
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<blockquote>Why are you doing this?</blockquote>
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<p>It's sensitive. It's difficult to talk about. It's my life, it's my site, it's my art. Why would I not?</p>
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<blockquote>Because this is supposed to be honest. This is supposed to be you baring your soul to the world. This is supposed to be your memoir.</blockquote>
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<p>I suppose. But still, it <em>is</em> mine, first and foremost.</p>
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<input type="text" name="passphrase" id="passphrase" placeholder="Passphrase" />
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</label>
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<button type="submit">Decrypt</button>
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</form>
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<div id="decrypted"></div>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="/js/sjcl-1.0.6/sjcl.js"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript" src="/js/marked-0.3.6/marked.min.js"></script>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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function decrypt() {
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window.event.preventDefault();
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const passphrase = document.querySelector('#passphrase').value;
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document.querySelector('#decrypt-form').remove()
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try {
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var decrypted = sjcl.decrypt(passphrase, encrypted);
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document.querySelector('#decrypted').innerHTML = marked(decrypted);
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} catch(e) {
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document.getElementById('decrypted').innerHTML = marked(`...
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I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
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> To whom are you apologizing?
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Myself, perhaps. You. Everyone.
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Needless to say, that's not the passphrase. I'm sorry. If you don't know it, if I haven't told you, I'm sorry.`);
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}
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}
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</script>
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content/sex/kink/004.md
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content/sex/kink/004.md
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---
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date: 2019-09-25
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weight: 4
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---
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> Do you enjoy vanilla sex, then?
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Perhaps. I suppose I must. So much of what I did for so long, online and off, was vanilla. Even now, much of it is.
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> Yet "sneps are for abusing".
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Yes.
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> Why?
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I enjoy vanilla sex. It feels good. All this kink, though, helps me grow. It's exposure therapy.
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It was exposure therapy when a TS partner on Taps laughed in my face as he raped me and left me to clean myself up. It is exposure therapy because I can say no, because I can enjoy being tied up now.
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It was exposure therapy when I was ordered to describe what I wanted in lurid detail. It's exposure therapy because I can talk about sex now.
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It was exposure therapy when I entered into a few master/pet relationships. It's exposure therapy because at some point I was able to handle a power-dynamic in my relationships.
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It was exposure therapy when I spent scene after scene toying with fertility. It's exposure therapy because at some point I was able to deal with the idea of not being cis, of motherhood being unattainable.
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It was exposure therapy when I made my character a pudgy nerd and still able to engage with her sexually. It's exposure therapy because I've been able to come to terms with my body.
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> It's exposure therapy because at some point, you started enjoying sex and the thought of sharing that with someone.
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Yes.
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---
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type: serial
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back: /sex/4
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background: '#17111a'
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color: '#ffffff'
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---
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<div class="cw">Frank discussions of sexuality and kink (along with some problematic ones)</div>
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<!--
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Things to talk about:
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