diff --git a/content/001.md b/content/001.md
deleted file mode 100644
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--- a/content/001.md
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,17 +0,0 @@
----
-weight: 1
-date: 2019-08-09
-title: —
----
-
-What if I tried to write a magical-realistic memoir?
-
-Like.
-
-It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of manic notes or bits of Manifesto Project, and maybe I just own the hypertextuality of the medium, but it's generally autobiographical.
-
-That might be neat
-
-> Who are you kidding?
-
-Myself, I guess.
diff --git a/content/_index.md b/content/_index.md
index 5f2544d..d7c9e4c 100644
--- a/content/_index.md
+++ b/content/_index.md
@@ -1,3 +1,19 @@
---
-type: serial
+weight: 1
+date: 2019-08-09
+type: single
---
+
+What if I tried to write a magical-realistic memoir?
+
+Like.
+
+It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of manic notes or bits of Manifesto Project, and maybe I just own the hypertextuality of the medium, but it's generally autobiographical.
+
+That might be neat
+
+> Who are you kidding?
+
+Myself, I guess.
+
+> Well, have at it, then.
diff --git a/content/about/_index.md b/content/about.md
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@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
---
-type: serial
---
*ally* is an autobiographical project. A lot of the information contained within is real, some of it isn't. Each page is structured as a conversation between myself and my ally, a mirror reflection of myself. The idea was originally cribbed from Dale Pendell's wonderful *Pharmako/\** trilogy back in my late teens, but has since taken on a life of its own.
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--- a/content/008.md
+++ b/content/core/008.md
@@ -15,7 +15,7 @@ This isn't what I meant when I was talking about beautiful pain.
Current mood: Bright blue with a tinge of purple, but mostly off white and hazy.
```
-
+
July 3rd, 2004, shortly after midnight.
@@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ July 3rd, 2004, shortly after midnight.
Greens covering my chest and shoulders warmly are happiness.
```
-
+
> And that's when I showed up, yes?
@@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ That's a post-rock song title.
> Is it wrong?
-
+
I'll take a picture, lasso a color, and desaturate everything else. Sometimes, it's fun. I do it to Falcon's eyes a lot because they're so pretty.
@@ -88,17 +88,17 @@ I'll take a picture, lasso a color, and desaturate everything else. Sometimes, i
Yeah. Sometimes it's a compulsion. Sometimes a picture will latch onto me and never let me go. Sometimes I'll remove all color.
-
+
-
+
Sometimes I'll blow out the background because the foreground is so completely overwhelming.
-[](/manifesto-project)
+[](/manifesto-project)
Sometimes I'll skew colors all in one direction.
-
+
It's not an artistic decision. Not *just*, at least. It's always something more.
@@ -126,4 +126,4 @@ A sigil need not just be lines and curves.
> Or maybe it's just mania.
-[It](/manic1.jpg) [may](/manic2.jpg) [be](/manic3.jpg).
+It may be.
diff --git a/content/009.md b/content/core/009.md
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diff --git a/content/core/010.md b/content/core/010.md
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index 0000000..42bf8c9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/core/010.md
@@ -0,0 +1,36 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 10
+---
+
+The first time I remember thinking about polyamory--
+
+> And here I was hoping you'd cave and talk more about mania.
+
+Why are you so hung up on that? I told you I wouldn't, and you seemed to accept that.
+
+> 'Seemed to'? 'Accept'? Are those things something like me can do?
+
+Well, if *I* can...
+
+> Conceded. No mania, then?
+
+It's not a comfortable topic.
+
+> Granted. Tell me why, at least.
+
+It's not a good feeling. Not from the inside, not from the outside. From the inside I've only caught glimpses of it, even. Glimpses caught through the haze of medication or withdrawal or the mass of ineffable ecstasy comes crashing down upon me. I get all wrapped up in hypomania. Something less. Something just beneath. That thin meniscus between this world and...something else.
+
+But in others I've watched --- in some cases, been caught up in --- the frenzy as their world slowly slides out of alignment with consensus reality. They turn from...
+
+> What?
+
+You got me talking about it.
+
+> I'm pleased you think so highly of me.
+
+I *will* talk about it. It's not off the table. I just need something not that for a bit.
+
+> To poly?
+
+To poly.
diff --git a/content/core/011.md b/content/core/011.md
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+++ b/content/core/011.md
@@ -0,0 +1,64 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 11
+---
+
+My parents put me through three divorces. My mother and father divorced when I was very young. Young to the point where I don't remember them being married. I remember finding a picture of them walking with their arms around each other's backs. Dad was shirtless and chestnut brown, hair a near-black 'fro. Mom was in a white blouse, blonde hair in a perm. It seemed so alien to me.
+
+Mom and Jay got divorced when I was in my freshman year of high school. I remember being taken to a family therapy session for Jay's lingering divorce with his previous wife, but no such luck with his divorce with my mom. I just remember things getting bad after I came out, and then my mom coming downstairs to wake me one morning and inform me that we were moving out. Today. Now.
+
+I don't remember ever seeing Jay again after that, though I surely must have.
+
+> But you heard about him.
+
+Mom said he called Erin, my ex-step-sister a "witch". I don't think that's the word he used. A decade and a half later, she'd suggest that I go visit him.
+
+I turned her down.
+
+> A sub-story. Do I sense conflict?
+
+Of course.
+
+> You may be made of star-stuff, but conflict seems to be what holds you together.
+
+Stop trying to get me to talk about mania.
+
+At first, I was proud of my relationships. Then I was embarrassed. There were so many, all in a line. One would trickle into existence with, as I put it, `light, in through the head, out through the heart`. We'd be perfect, until we weren't. Everything would be delightful, until it wasn't. It's the way of early relationships, I suppose. You fall for someone, and you can't quite pick apart the difference between love and lust.
+
+I just went through so many that I started feeling a bit weird about it. How do I talk about the Danny-Merlin-Andrew-Michael-Andy-Rikky-Tyson-Andrew(again) progression? And how do I talk about Lon? Or what JD and I were at the beginning?
+
+> Doubtless with the same lilac-scented words you talk about everything.
+
+I guess.
+
+Early on, I promised myself that I would do anything to not become my dad, in so many ways. One of those was to not run my relationships like him. Some bits were easy, of course. I could start by being queer. That's glib, of course, but at the time I started dating, being queer required more discretion, more discussion than I saw in my dad's relationships.
+
+Some bits weren't so easy, though. The overlap between the discussion that's involved the mechanics of simply having a queer relationship and the discussion that's involved in having a healthy relationship, queer or not, is not non-existent, but neither is it large.
+
+> Are you going to provide us with a Venn Diagram? In hand-coded SVG, perhaps?
+
+[](/healthy-sound.svg)
+
+Happy?
+
+> Very. I just wanted to ensure that you were at your very Maddy-est about this.
+
+When my dad divorced Julie, he told her he hadn't loved her in ten years. He told her he married her because she was easy to deal with. Quiet. Compliant. Not as smart as him. He could be right around her, which wasn't always guaranteed with mom.
+
+Julie's friends gave her a rubber rat afterward. They had scribbled his name on it. The rat was sitting on a plaque that said `Rat Bastard`. The last time I saw her, she was very drunk, sagged against my side, sobbing and beating that rat against the nightstand.
+
+> And you didn't want to be like him when you grew up? Color me surprised.
+
+You *would* say that.
+
+He had started dating well before divorcing her. I don't know if he and Maureen are married now. When I told mom, she shrugged and said that he had started dating Julie before their own divorce.
+
+> You dovetailed relationships. You were dating Andrew well before you and Tyson fell away from each other.
+
+Hey, I said some bits weren't as easy. He left me with a lot of him in me.
+
+> Like the anger. He gave you that. The anger and the pride.
+
+I pay for his past as well as mine.
+
+So, when Moondog mentioned that she wanted to go on a date with someone else while we were together, well, it touched a nerve.
diff --git a/content/core/_index.md b/content/core/_index.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/core/_index.md
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+---
+type: serial
+---
diff --git a/content/jay/01.md b/content/jay/01.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/jay/01.md
@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 1
+---
+
+Mom and Jay got married when I was in elementary school. Fourth grade, maybe? It's a bit hazy.
+
+> Life began in high school, remember?
+
+Life began when I came out, I suppose. Or maybe when I ran away. Life began when I started to assert ownership over it.
+
+> Who owned it before?
+
+I thought my dad did. My dad and Jay, and they let my mom borrow me.
+
+> What did you own.
+
+Many gifts. A few hobbies. Later, an internet connection.
diff --git a/content/jay/02.md b/content/jay/02.md
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+++ b/content/jay/02.md
@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-13
+weight: 2
+---
+
+Jay was a photographer. An artist. A true, honest, dyed-in-the-wool artist.
+
+> You looked up to him. Part of you wanted to be him. He could run a photography business funded by his day job of being a newspaper photographer. You thought of him when you changed your major to music.
+
+Did I? I was terrified of him.
+
+> Are they so different? 'Awe', as a word, is not always a positive one.
+
+He took a picture of his son from a prior marriage that I still remember. Zach was shirtless, covered in mud that had started to dry and crack. He was looking down and to the left. He was holding something...a sunflower, maybe? He had ram horns. The colors were muted...was it black and white? Or was it just the mud?
+
+I think I wanted to be that. Not Zach, necessarily. but I wanted to be that picture. I wanted to be a son that was loved like that. I wanted to be something as magical as that felt.
+
+> You also wanted to be the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera. Raoul was the bad guy, and you danced with your 'Christine', Sarah Trowbridge, after school in front of your parents on the balance beam.
+
+I desperately craved being an artist. I drew endlessly. I played the saxophone, and sometimes I even liked it. I wrote music. My first song in third or fourth grade.
+
+Maybe I did look up to him. He pulled it off.
+
+> Until he didn't.
+
+Right. When my mom told me to get in touch with him a decade and a half after the divorce, he owned a feed store down the block from me.
+
+He left The Rocky Mountain News as lead photographer or something to pursue a job in 3D art. He bought Bryce 3D. He brought Lightwave. He spent a year learning Lightwave, and when the next version came out, he bought that and said it would take time to learn.
+
+By that point, mom had been supporting all of us --- herself, him, me, my step-brother and two step-sisters --- for a year. She confided in me later that she had lost half a million dollars by the end of the relationship.
+
+I didn't remember that folly. I majored in music and thought, "Ah, yes, I can get a job doing library music or teaching choir while I work on my compositions" but forgot how lucky he was when I met him.
+
+> You remembered and raced to teach yourself programming.
+
+*You* remembered, maybe. I'd like to think of myself as a bit of a dreamer, even still.
+
+> Thus you, 1:19 AM on a Tuesday, gritting your teeth and trying not to write about mania.
diff --git a/content/jay/03.md b/content/jay/03.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/jay/03.md
@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-13
+weight: 3
+---
+
+Our punishment --- my step-siblings and I --- was time-out. Jay had an old church pew rescued from some church in New Mexico that he'd painted a grayish sky blue. "Go sit on the bench," he'd tell us. "Half an hour."
+
+> You measured it with your fingers. You'd judge the width of the plank you sat on by pinching it. Three inches? Four? You'd lay your length on it and count how many Matts it took from one end to another.
+
+It was a perfect punishment. My dad lamented once that he couldn't send me to my room as a punishment because I'd happily sit in there for hours on end.
+
+> You'd be away from him. That's a reward.
+
+I hadn't thought of it that way.
+
+The bench, though, was perfect. It faced a dining table, and across from that, the computer which was kept powered off. No reading. No talking. No moving from the bench. If more than one of us were in trouble at the same time, no looking at each other; we sat on opposite ends.
+
+When he started taking up martial arts, he brought Zach and I with him. He thought...well, I don't know what he thought. That it would make us men? That it would teach us to defend ourselves?
+
+In the end, it turned into its own means of punishment. He'd grapple with us. He'd grab me by the front of my shirt and slam me into the cabinets. It was just play, right? Just studying up for the next session, right?
+
+> Maybe he wanted to hit you from the start. Maybe that's why he got into karate.
+
+I think part of him did, yeah. I think part of him would rather our punishments would make him feel better at the same time. It took me a while to think of it that way, though. It took me a while to think of it as abuse.
+
+> It took you no longer being afraid of him. It took you telling your mom that, no, you wouldn't go see him at his feed store in Loveland. It took you until then to think of it as anything other than you not being man enough.
+
+I'm still afraid of him. Maybe it just took me admitting that.
diff --git a/content/jay/04.md b/content/jay/04.md
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+++ b/content/jay/04.md
@@ -0,0 +1,46 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-13
+weight: 4
+---
+
+When I came out, I did so by leaving a book of stories from gay youth on top of my mom's reading pile right before taking the bus down to visit my dad for the night. She called me after dinner and asked me if the book meant what she thought it did.
+
+> Did you ever tell --- really tell, with words and everything --- any of your family you were gay? Or trans?
+
+Twice. It was awful.
+
+She must have told him at some point. Within a week, he told my mom I had to tell Zach that I was gay, too. He left the house on a run and made my mom stand in the kitchen with me to make me say, "Zach, I'm gay."
+
+He just said, "Oh, okay", and kept pouring his Kix.
+
+> And then he stopped talking to you.
+
+Beside the point.
+
+After I came out, Jay changed. He got mean--
+
+> "Got", she says.
+
+Do you fear him, then?
+
+> Mu.
+
+Fair enough.
+
+He got mean. That's when I got physical. That's when his anger got hot.
+
+He started reading my emails. He found some reply notifications to some posts on a forum, where kids were talking about puberty. As kids do, there was some dick-size comparing. He read that aloud in front of my mom and mocked me for my answer. I had said seven inches. It was generous, sure, but keep in mind, I was way underweight at the time--
+
+> And him rather overweight.
+
+--and the skinnier you are, the less padding you have around the base of your penis.
+
+> We're getting off topic.
+
+Are we? I was starting to own my body. I was starting to find things that I felt I could feel proud about. I was starting to form relationships. Puberty was in full swing and I was realizing that there were people my age like me who would find me attractive.
+
+And he took that and he humiliated me for it.
+
+> Let's talk about kink.
+
+Let's fucking not.
diff --git a/content/jay/05.md b/content/jay/05.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/jay/05.md
@@ -0,0 +1,30 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-13
+weight: 5
+---
+
+My mom and I got in the habit of going to the dog part after work. We'd pick up Hank, our golden lad, and Chelsea, our Phyllis-Diller-slash-Yoda mutt, and drive across town to a field dedicated to letting dogs frolic with each other.
+
+We'd play with other dogs. We'd through tennis ball after slobbery tennis ball. We got to know the other owners, mostly as "oh, you're Sandy's owner".
+
+> Or "oh, you're Zephyr's owner". You stole your own dog's name from some random aussie shepherd at the dog park.
+
+It was a meaningful period of my life. Is there some reason that wouldn't make a big impact on me?
+
+> It was Zephyr or Samuel. Even you knew what you wanted. You had him already named in your mind.
+
+And mom and I would talk. We'd walk the perimeter or, on hot days, sit at the lone picnic table under the lone tree and talk.
+
+I was sitting on the table itself, feet on the bench, and she was sitting next to me, when she said, "I think I'm going to get divorced from Jay. Is it alright if I use his reaction to you coming out as the reason?"
+
+> And you thought, "I must be the luckiest boy in the world, being able to say that I knew my parents' divorce was your fault."
+
+She told me how much money she had lost, and how he had changed even before I came out. I think that's when I realized that she might be a friend as well as a mother.
+
+> Gag.
+
+I know. I tried typing that eight different ways, and no matter what, it sounds like a Care Bears thing or whatever.
+
+> Back to the lilac-scented word, please.
+
+Gladly.
diff --git a/content/jay/06.md b/content/jay/06.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/jay/06.md
@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-13
+weight: 6
+---
+
+Between when the divorce was decided and when we were supposed to move out to the townhouse my mom had purchased, mom adopted a dog. Helen had clearly been feral rather than a surrender, because she was impossible. She didn't know how to act around dogs. She didn't know how to act around people. She didn't know how to act indoors. She didn't know how to act outside.
+
+> She didn't know how to act around you, so you hid from her.
+
+She didn't know how to act around Jay, either, to be fair. One night, three days before we were supposed to move out, mom was sleeping on the couch downstairs, and Jay came down from the master bedroom to have the last word in one argument or another, and Helen raced up to greet him, nailing him right in the nuts with her paw.
+
+Do you laugh?
+
+> Not my department.
+
+It took my mom and I a while to laugh about that. It's the type of story that usually gets a laugh, right? Nut-shots?
+
+> Hollywood decrees it must be so.
+
+Maybe my mom smiled when she woke me to tell me we had to move out immediately. It was Sunday. We moved all we could to the townhouse in my mom's Honda Civic and slept on newly-purchased air mattresses. Mine kept going flat.
+
+> Your mom would soon learn that she had rheumatoid arthritis. You complained to her about that in the morning, and she stayed quiet about how much pain she must have been in.
+
+The next day at school was nigh intolerable.
+
+> And yet you felt free.
+
+And yet I felt free.
diff --git a/content/jay/_index.md b/content/jay/_index.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/jay/_index.md
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+---
+type: serial
+background: '#edf'
+color: '#228'
+quote: '#44a'
+back: /core/page/10/
+---
diff --git a/content/mania/01.md b/content/mania/01.md
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+++ b/content/mania/01.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 1
+---
+
+[](/manic/1.jpg)
diff --git a/content/mania/02.md b/content/mania/02.md
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+++ b/content/mania/02.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 2
+---
+
+[](/manic/2.jpg)
diff --git a/content/mania/03.md b/content/mania/03.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/mania/03.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 3
+---
+
+[](/manic/3.jpg)
diff --git a/content/mania/04.md b/content/mania/04.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/mania/04.md
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 4
+---
+
+[](/manic/4.jpg)
+
+[](/manic/6.jpg)
+
+[](/manic/7.jpg)
+
+[](/manic/8.jpg)
+
+[](/manic/5.jpg)
diff --git a/content/mania/05.md b/content/mania/05.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/mania/05.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 5
+---
+
+[](/manic/9.jpg)
diff --git a/content/mania/06.md b/content/mania/06.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/mania/06.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 6
+---
+
+[](/manic/10.jpg)
diff --git a/content/mania/07.md b/content/mania/07.md
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index 0000000..f04438d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/mania/07.md
@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-08-12
+weight: 7
+---
+
+[](/manic/11.jpg)
diff --git a/content/mania/_index.md b/content/mania/_index.md
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--- /dev/null
+++ b/content/mania/_index.md
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+---
+type: serial
+background: '#000'
+color: '#ddd'
+quote: '#ddd'
+back: /core/page/7/
+---
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rename to static/color/orange_eyes.jpg
diff --git a/static/window_view.png b/static/color/window_view.png
similarity index 100%
rename from static/window_view.png
rename to static/color/window_view.png
diff --git a/static/healthy-sound.svg b/static/healthy-sound.svg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a36bf20
--- /dev/null
+++ b/static/healthy-sound.svg
@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+
+
diff --git a/static/manic/1.jpg b/static/manic/1.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b8d93ca
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diff --git a/static/manic/10.jpg b/static/manic/10.jpg
new file mode 100644
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diff --git a/static/manic/11.jpg b/static/manic/11.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8ec5655
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diff --git a/static/manic/2.jpg b/static/manic/2.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4140648
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diff --git a/static/manic/3.jpg b/static/manic/3.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5715e15
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diff --git a/static/manic/4.jpg b/static/manic/4.jpg
new file mode 100644
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diff --git a/static/manic/5.jpg b/static/manic/5.jpg
new file mode 100644
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diff --git a/static/manic/6.jpg b/static/manic/6.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..248a918
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diff --git a/static/manic/7.jpg b/static/manic/7.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0bbb792
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diff --git a/static/manic/8.jpg b/static/manic/8.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5a9c114
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diff --git a/static/manic/9.jpg b/static/manic/9.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3e2576a
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diff --git a/static/manic1.jpg b/static/manic1.jpg
deleted file mode 100644
index c0dec4f..0000000
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diff --git a/static/manic2.jpg b/static/manic2.jpg
deleted file mode 100644
index 0b90957..0000000
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diff --git a/static/manic3.jpg b/static/manic3.jpg
deleted file mode 100644
index 4e8e1fd..0000000
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diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/index.html b/themes/ally/layouts/index.html
index 7d1b525..9b49c8e 100644
--- a/themes/ally/layouts/index.html
+++ b/themes/ally/layouts/index.html
@@ -1,10 +1,5 @@
{{ define "main" }}
{{ .Content }}
- {{ $paginator := .Paginate (where .Pages.ByPublishDate.Reverse ".Params.date" "!=" nil) 1 }}
- {{ range $paginator.Pages.ByWeight }}
- {{ .Content }}
- {{ end }}
- {{ template "_internal/pagination.html" . }}
{{end}}
diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html b/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html
index ea8e868..0b6b7db 100644
--- a/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html
+++ b/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html
@@ -1,5 +1,3 @@
-