diff --git a/content/self-harm/suicide/001.md b/content/self-harm/suicide/001.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c896ddd --- /dev/null +++ b/content/self-harm/suicide/001.md @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-28 +weight: 1 +--- + +
From the point of view of the universe, Max's death wasn't a big deal, it was just my big deal.
+ +On March 21st, 2012, I tried to kill myself. + +It's amazing how such a simple statement of fact reflects, months of strange tension, slow recovery, and a whole lot of trying to understand what really happened. It's not a comfortable thing for anyone to discuss, but it's one of those things I need to discuss, need to get off my chest. A little too much of what makes life meaningful for me now is wrapped up in that one night. + +> Even now? + +Even now. + +> You wrote that disclaimer four months after the attempt itself. You copied it from some notes from back then. You even kept the Steve Eisman quote. + +Yes. Nostalgia, remember? + +> Are you nostalgic for those weighty months after you tried to kill yourself? + +If Matthew died on September of that year, then he was sick long before. This was part of his long, slow death rattle. + +Perhaps it's not totally accurate to say that I'm nostalgic for that time in particular, but I suppose I am nostalgic for the sense of change that permeated the air around me then. Something big was happening. Something terrible and wonderful. + +> And you got to witness it from the inside. + +Yes. I got to watch the agonal breathing that went on for far too long. I got to see his eyes widen in terror. I got up to fetch the cold compress and came back to a quiet room. + +I'm not nostalgic for that pain, no. I'm nostalgic for the fact that I am who I am because I went through that. I'm nostalgic for what it came to symbolize. I'm nostalgic for its part in Madison's birth. diff --git a/content/self-harm/suicide/_index.md b/content/self-harm/suicide/_index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..897b4a1 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/self-harm/suicide/_index.md @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ +--- +type: serial +background: '#222222' +color: '#aaaaaa' +quote: '#999999' +--- + +
Suicide