From 3342b0d6d461c14af886c3eb252b4ac940134ffb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2019 21:30:32 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] More writing, simplify map, agony and ecstasy --- content/birds/04.md | 193 +-- content/birds/05.md | 192 ++- content/map.html | 1273 +++++++++-------- .../news/2019-08-29-writing-about-writing.md | 23 + content/poet-and-mystic/013.md | 2 +- .../agony-and-ecstasy/_index.md | 5 + .../agony-and-ecstasy/audio.md | 5 + .../poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/text.md | 6 + .../agony-and-ecstasy/video.md | 6 + content/writing/02.md | 2 +- content/writing/03.md | 2 +- content/writing/04.md | 265 ++++ content/writing/05.md | 80 ++ content/writing/06.md | 36 + static/map.dot | 39 +- static/map.svg | 1273 +++++++++-------- 16 files changed, 1976 insertions(+), 1426 deletions(-) create mode 100644 content/news/2019-08-29-writing-about-writing.md create mode 100644 content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/_index.md create mode 100644 content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/audio.md create mode 100644 content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/text.md create mode 100644 content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/video.md create mode 100644 content/writing/04.md create mode 100644 content/writing/05.md create mode 100644 content/writing/06.md diff --git a/content/birds/04.md b/content/birds/04.md index b5d736b..9db0368 100644 --- a/content/birds/04.md +++ b/content/birds/04.md @@ -3,195 +3,4 @@ date: 2019-08-19 weight: 4 --- - - - -
-
-

I

-

Geese Level:
- Unnerving

-

Expect:
- Anxiety

-
-
-A hundred geese overhead — - A thousand — - A million — - -Heady scent of premonition. -Acrid tang of ill omens. -Portents. -Too much meaning - In too small a space. -
-
- -
-
-

II

-

Geese Level:
- Noise-Cancelling Headphones

-

Expect:
- auditory aberrations

-
-
-Geese are a byproduct of laminar shear stress - Of two layers of phantasmagorical - Newtonian fluids, - Which is why they’re often seen on a plane. -A thin, sort-of Truth - From a sort of thin layer - geese chromatography. -
-
- -
-
-

III

-

Geese Level:
- Eldrich

-

Expect:
- red tint to vision; hot flashes

-
-
-As the dove bears the olive branch, - so too the goose bears the wand - that withers all it touches. -A wand of nightshade, - Core of tainted silver. -A wand of obscure origin, - The goose surely stole it. -Malice begets malice. -
-
- -
-
-

IV

-

Geese Level:
- Beyond Comprehension

-

Expect:
- confusion; nausea; sweating; racing pulse

-
-
-We know not the transgression, - the origin - -We know not the punishment, - only the terror. -
-
- -
-
-

V

-

Geese Level:
- Excruciating

-

Expect:
- pounding heart; tunnel vision; racing thoughts; black outs; -blood pouring from ears

-
-
-Geas - Wing - Dark - Horizon -
-
- -
-
-

VI

-

Geese Level:
- Terrifying

-

Expect:
- tinnitus; piloerection; shortness of breath; uneven gait

-
-
-I’d rather owls. -Owls, as though geese were turned inside out, - made less evil. -Still portentous, - Still momentous, - Just less terrifying. -Owls are okay. -I can think about owls. -
-
- -
-
-

VII

-

Geese Level:
- Uncomfortable

-

Expect:
- subdermal itching; formication

-
-
-Life within a comfortable grid. -Parallel lines - Interrupting narrowing circles - Of birds in flight. -Travel in straight lines. -Turn at right angles. -Trace the roof of your mouth - With wet tongue. - -I’m not afraid of geese anymore - Because I can step on them now. -I’m big enough. -
-
- -
-
-

VIII

-

Geese Level:
- Birds

-

Expect:
- birds

-
-
-Ritual thinking - Driven by geese — - By lines, by grids, by food — - By numbers and neat delineation. -And I’m left with questions: - Why the portents? - Why the anxiety? -Or maybe: - Did I take my meds this morning? - -Failing that, - Can I just have the comfort of prayer - Or the ecstasy of signs - Without bleak paranoia - Over circling birds? -
-
+[![Geese](/bird/geese.jpg)](/bird/geese.jpg) diff --git a/content/birds/05.md b/content/birds/05.md index 0660701..4d48795 100644 --- a/content/birds/05.md +++ b/content/birds/05.md @@ -3,4 +3,194 @@ date: 2019-08-19 weight: 5 --- -[![Geese](/bird/geese.jpg)](/bird/geese.jpg) + + +
+
+

I

+

Geese Level:
+ Unnerving

+

Expect:
+ Anxiety

+
+
+A hundred geese overhead — + A thousand — + A million — + +Heady scent of premonition. +Acrid tang of ill omens. +Portents. +Too much meaning + In too small a space. +
+
+ +
+
+

II

+

Geese Level:
+ Noise-Cancelling Headphones

+

Expect:
+ auditory aberrations

+
+
+Geese are a byproduct of laminar shear stress + Of two layers of phantasmagorical + Newtonian fluids, + Which is why they’re often seen on a plane. +A thin, sort-of Truth + From a sort of thin layer + geese chromatography. +
+
+ +
+
+

III

+

Geese Level:
+ Eldrich

+

Expect:
+ red tint to vision; hot flashes

+
+
+As the dove bears the olive branch, + so too the goose bears the wand + that withers all it touches. +A wand of nightshade, + Core of tainted silver. +A wand of obscure origin, + The goose surely stole it. +Malice begets malice. +
+
+ +
+
+

IV

+

Geese Level:
+ Beyond Comprehension

+

Expect:
+ confusion; nausea; sweating; racing pulse

+
+
+We know not the transgression, + the origin - +We know not the punishment, + only the terror. +
+
+ +
+
+

V

+

Geese Level:
+ Excruciating

+

Expect:
+ pounding heart; tunnel vision; racing thoughts; black outs; +blood pouring from ears

+
+
+Geas + Wing + Dark + Horizon +
+
+ +
+
+

VI

+

Geese Level:
+ Terrifying

+

Expect:
+ tinnitus; piloerection; shortness of breath; uneven gait

+
+
+I’d rather owls. +Owls, as though geese were turned inside out, + made less evil. +Still portentous, + Still momentous, + Just less terrifying. +Owls are okay. +I can think about owls. +
+
+ +
+
+

VII

+

Geese Level:
+ Uncomfortable

+

Expect:
+ subdermal itching; formication

+
+
+Life within a comfortable grid. +Parallel lines + Interrupting narrowing circles + Of birds in flight. +Travel in straight lines. +Turn at right angles. +Trace the roof of your mouth + With wet tongue. + +I’m not afraid of geese anymore + Because I can step on them now. +I’m big enough. +
+
+ +
+
+

VIII

+

Geese Level:
+ Birds

+

Expect:
+ birds

+
+
+Ritual thinking + Driven by geese — + By lines, by grids, by food — + By numbers and neat delineation. +And I’m left with questions: + Why the portents? + Why the anxiety? +Or maybe: + Did I take my meds this morning? + +Failing that, + Can I just have the comfort of prayer + Or the ecstasy of signs + Without bleak paranoia + Over circling birds? +
+
diff --git a/content/map.html b/content/map.html index 42b45b9..603a24d 100644 --- a/content/map.html +++ b/content/map.html @@ -4,17 +4,17 @@ - - + + Map - + Aside 1 - -Aside 1 + +Aside 1 @@ -22,8 +22,8 @@ Aside 2 - -Aside 2 + +Aside 2 @@ -31,8 +31,8 @@ Aside 3 - -Aside 3 + +Aside 3 @@ -40,8 +40,8 @@ Birds 1 - -Birds 1 + +Birds 1 @@ -49,68 +49,68 @@ Birds 2 - -Birds 2 + +Birds 2 Birds 1->Birds 2 - - + + Birds 3 - -Birds 3 + +Birds 3 Birds 2->Birds 3 - - + + Birds 4 - -Birds 4 + +Birds 4 Birds 3->Birds 4 - - + + Birds 5 - -Birds 5 + +Birds 5 Birds 4->Birds 5 - - + + ally 1 - -ally 1 + +ally 1 @@ -118,376 +118,376 @@ ally 2 - -ally 2 + +ally 2 ally 1->ally 2 - - + + ally 3 - -ally 3 + +ally 3 ally 2->ally 3 - - + + ally 4 - -ally 4 + +ally 4 ally 3->ally 4 - - + + ally 5 - -ally 5 + +ally 5 ally 4->ally 5 - - + + ally 6 - -ally 6 + +ally 6 ally 5->ally 6 - - + + ally 7 - -ally 7 + +ally 7 ally 6->ally 7 - - + + ally 8 - -ally 8 + +ally 8 ally 7->ally 8 - - + + ally 9 - -ally 9 + +ally 9 ally 8->ally 9 - - + + Manic notes 1 - -Manic notes 1 + +Manic notes 1 - + ally 8->Manic notes 1 - - + + - + ally 9->Birds 1 - - + + ally 10 - -ally 10 + +ally 10 ally 9->ally 10 - - + + ally 11 - -ally 11 + +ally 11 ally 10->ally 11 - - + + - + Poly 1 - - -Poly 1 + + +Poly 1 - + ally 10->Poly 1 - - + + ally 12 - -ally 12 + +ally 12 ally 11->ally 12 - - + + From within 1 - -From within 1 + +From within 1 - + ally 11->From within 1 - - + + ally 13 - -ally 13 + +ally 13 ally 12->ally 13 - - + + ally 14 - -ally 14 + +ally 14 ally 13->ally 14 - - + + Furry 1 - -Furry 1 + +Furry 1 - + ally 13->Furry 1 - - + + - + ally 14->Aside 1 - - + + ally 15 - -ally 15 + +ally 15 ally 14->ally 15 - - + + ally 16 - -ally 16 + +ally 16 ally 15->ally 16 - - + + Liminal 1 - -Liminal 1 + +Liminal 1 - + ally 15->Liminal 1 - - + + ally 17 - -ally 17 + +ally 17 ally 16->ally 17 - - + + Poet and Mystic 1 - -Poet and Mystic 1 + +Poet and Mystic 1 - + ally 16->Poet and Mystic 1 - - + + To be continued... -To be continued... +To be continued... ally 17->To be continued... - - + + - + Writing 1 - - -Writing 1 + + +Writing 1 - + ally 17->Writing 1 - - + + Dad 1 - -Dad 1 + +Dad 1 @@ -495,620 +495,620 @@ Dad 2 - -Dad 2 + +Dad 2 Dad 1->Dad 2 - - + + Dad 3 - -Dad 3 + +Dad 3 Dad 2->Dad 3 - - + + Dad 4 - -Dad 4 + +Dad 4 Dad 3->Dad 4 - - + + Dad 5 - -Dad 5 + +Dad 5 Dad 4->Dad 5 - - + + Dad 6 - -Dad 6 + +Dad 6 Dad 5->Dad 6 - - + + Dad 7 - -Dad 7 + +Dad 7 Dad 6->Dad 7 - - + + Dad 8 - -Dad 8 + +Dad 8 Dad 7->Dad 8 - - + + Dad 9 - -Dad 9 + +Dad 9 Dad 8->Dad 9 - - + + Dad 10 - -Dad 10 + +Dad 10 Dad 9->Dad 10 - - + + Dad 11 - -Dad 11 + +Dad 11 Dad 10->Dad 11 - - + + - + Dad 11->ally 16 - - + + From within 2 - -From within 2 + +From within 2 From within 1->From within 2 - - + + From within 3 - -From within 3 + +From within 3 From within 2->From within 3 - - + + From within 4 - -From within 4 + +From within 4 From within 3->From within 4 - - + + From within 5 - -From within 5 + +From within 5 From within 4->From within 5 - - + + From within 6 - -From within 6 + +From within 6 From within 5->From within 6 - - + + - + From within 6->ally 12 - - + + Furry 2 - -Furry 2 + +Furry 2 Furry 1->Furry 2 - - + + Koan 1 - -Koan 1 + +Koan 1 - + Furry 1->Koan 1 - - + + Furry 3 - -Furry 3 + +Furry 3 Furry 2->Furry 3 - - + + Fursoñas 1 - -Fursoñas 1 + +Fursoñas 1 - + Furry 2->Fursoñas 1 - - + + Furry 4 - -Furry 4 + +Furry 4 Furry 3->Furry 4 - - + + Furry 5 - -Furry 5 + +Furry 5 Furry 4->Furry 5 - - + + Furry 6 - -Furry 6 + +Furry 6 Furry 5->Furry 6 - - + + Furry 7 - -Furry 7 + +Furry 7 Furry 6->Furry 7 - - + + Margaras 1 - -Margaras 1 + +Margaras 1 - + Furry 6->Margaras 1 - - + + Younes 1 - -Younes 1 + +Younes 1 - + Furry 7->Younes 1 - - + + Fursoñas 2 - -Fursoñas 2 + +Fursoñas 2 Fursoñas 1->Fursoñas 2 - - + + Fursoñas 3 - -Fursoñas 3 + +Fursoñas 3 Fursoñas 2->Fursoñas 3 - - + + Fursoñas 4 - -Fursoñas 4 + +Fursoñas 4 Fursoñas 3->Fursoñas 4 - - + + Fursoñas 5 - -Fursoñas 5 + +Fursoñas 5 Fursoñas 4->Fursoñas 5 - - + + Fursoñas 6 - -Fursoñas 6 + +Fursoñas 6 Fursoñas 5->Fursoñas 6 - - + + Fursoñas 7 - -Fursoñas 7 + +Fursoñas 7 Fursoñas 6->Fursoñas 7 - - + + Fursoñas 8 - -Fursoñas 8 + +Fursoñas 8 Fursoñas 7->Fursoñas 8 - - + + Margaras 2 - -Margaras 2 + +Margaras 2 Margaras 1->Margaras 2 - - + + Margaras 3 - -Margaras 3 + +Margaras 3 Margaras 2->Margaras 3 - - + + Margaras 4 - -Margaras 4 + +Margaras 4 Margaras 3->Margaras 4 - - + + Margaras 5 - -Margaras 5 + +Margaras 5 Margaras 4->Margaras 5 - - + + Margaras 6 - -Margaras 6 + +Margaras 6 Margaras 5->Margaras 6 - - + + Younes 2 - -Younes 2 + +Younes 2 Younes 1->Younes 2 - - + + Younes 3 - -Younes 3 + +Younes 3 Younes 2->Younes 3 - - + + - + Self-harm 1 - - -Self-harm 1 + + +Self-harm 1 - + Younes 3->Self-harm 1 - - + + Jay 1 - -Jay 1 + +Jay 1 @@ -1116,859 +1116,910 @@ Jay 2 - -Jay 2 + +Jay 2 Jay 1->Jay 2 - - + + Jay 3 - -Jay 3 + +Jay 3 Jay 2->Jay 3 - - + + Jay 4 - -Jay 4 + +Jay 4 Jay 3->Jay 4 - - + + Jay 5 - -Jay 5 + +Jay 5 Jay 4->Jay 5 - - + + Jay 6 - -Jay 6 + +Jay 6 Jay 5->Jay 6 - - + + Koan 2 - -Koan 2 + +Koan 2 Koan 1->Koan 2 - - + + Koan 3 - -Koan 3 + +Koan 3 Koan 2->Koan 3 - - + + Koan 4 - -Koan 4 + +Koan 4 Koan 3->Koan 4 - - + + Koan 5 - -Koan 5 + +Koan 5 Koan 4->Koan 5 - - + + Koan 6 - -Koan 6 + +Koan 6 Koan 5->Koan 6 - - + + Liminal 2 - -Liminal 2 + +Liminal 2 Liminal 1->Liminal 2 - - + + Liminal 3 - -Liminal 3 + +Liminal 3 Liminal 2->Liminal 3 - - + + Liminal 4 - -Liminal 4 + +Liminal 4 Liminal 3->Liminal 4 - - + + - + Liminal 4->Aside 2 - - + + Liminal 5 - -Liminal 5 + +Liminal 5 Liminal 4->Liminal 5 - - + + Liminal 6 - -Liminal 6 + +Liminal 6 Liminal 5->Liminal 6 - - + + Liminal 7 - -Liminal 7 + +Liminal 7 Liminal 6->Liminal 7 - - + + Liminal 8 - -Liminal 8 + +Liminal 8 Liminal 7->Liminal 8 - - + + - + Liminal 8->Dad 1 - - + + Manic notes 2 - -Manic notes 2 + +Manic notes 2 Manic notes 1->Manic notes 2 - - + + Manic notes 3 - -Manic notes 3 + +Manic notes 3 Manic notes 2->Manic notes 3 - - + + Manic notes 4 - -Manic notes 4 + +Manic notes 4 Manic notes 3->Manic notes 4 - - + + Manic notes 5 - -Manic notes 5 + +Manic notes 5 Manic notes 4->Manic notes 5 - - + + Manifesto Project 1 - -Manifesto Project 1 + +Manifesto Project 1 - + Manic notes 4->Manifesto Project 1 - - + + Manifesto Project 2 - -Manifesto Project 2 + +Manifesto Project 2 Manifesto Project 1->Manifesto Project 2 - - + + Manifesto Project 3 - -Manifesto Project 3 + +Manifesto Project 3 Manifesto Project 2->Manifesto Project 3 - - + + Manifesto Project 4 - -Manifesto Project 4 + +Manifesto Project 4 Manifesto Project 3->Manifesto Project 4 - - + + Manifesto Project 5 - -Manifesto Project 5 + +Manifesto Project 5 Manifesto Project 4->Manifesto Project 5 - - + + Manifesto Project 6 - -Manifesto Project 6 + +Manifesto Project 6 Manifesto Project 5->Manifesto Project 6 - - + + Manifesto Project 7 - -Manifesto Project 7 + +Manifesto Project 7 Manifesto Project 6->Manifesto Project 7 - - + + Manifesto Project 8 - -Manifesto Project 8 + +Manifesto Project 8 Manifesto Project 7->Manifesto Project 8 - - + + Manifesto Project 9 - -Manifesto Project 9 + +Manifesto Project 9 Manifesto Project 8->Manifesto Project 9 - - + + Manifesto Project 10 - -Manifesto Project 10 + +Manifesto Project 10 Manifesto Project 9->Manifesto Project 10 - - + + Manifesto Project 11 - -Manifesto Project 11 + +Manifesto Project 11 Manifesto Project 10->Manifesto Project 11 - - + + Manifesto Project 12 - -Manifesto Project 12 + +Manifesto Project 12 Manifesto Project 11->Manifesto Project 12 - - + + Manifesto Project 13 - -Manifesto Project 13 + +Manifesto Project 13 Manifesto Project 12->Manifesto Project 13 - - + + Manifesto Project 14 - -Manifesto Project 14 + +Manifesto Project 14 Manifesto Project 13->Manifesto Project 14 - - - - - -Poet and Mystic 1->Manifesto Project 1 - - + + Poet and Mystic 2 - -Poet and Mystic 2 + +Poet and Mystic 2 Poet and Mystic 1->Poet and Mystic 2 - - + + Poet and Mystic 3 - -Poet and Mystic 3 + +Poet and Mystic 3 Poet and Mystic 2->Poet and Mystic 3 - - + + Poet and Mystic 4 - -Poet and Mystic 4 + +Poet and Mystic 4 Poet and Mystic 3->Poet and Mystic 4 - - + + Poet and Mystic 5 - -Poet and Mystic 5 + +Poet and Mystic 5 Poet and Mystic 4->Poet and Mystic 5 - - + + Poet and Mystic 6 - -Poet and Mystic 6 + +Poet and Mystic 6 Poet and Mystic 5->Poet and Mystic 6 - - + + Poet and Mystic 7 - -Poet and Mystic 7 + +Poet and Mystic 7 Poet and Mystic 6->Poet and Mystic 7 - - + + - + Poet and Mystic 7->Aside 3 - - + + Poet and Mystic 8 - -Poet and Mystic 8 + +Poet and Mystic 8 Poet and Mystic 7->Poet and Mystic 8 - - + + Poet and Mystic 9 - -Poet and Mystic 9 + +Poet and Mystic 9 Poet and Mystic 8->Poet and Mystic 9 - - + + Poet and Mystic 10 - -Poet and Mystic 10 + +Poet and Mystic 10 Poet and Mystic 9->Poet and Mystic 10 - - + + Poet and Mystic 11 - -Poet and Mystic 11 + +Poet and Mystic 11 Poet and Mystic 10->Poet and Mystic 11 - - + + Poet and Mystic 12 - - -Poet and Mystic 12 + + +Poet and Mystic 12 Poet and Mystic 11->Poet and Mystic 12 - - + + + + + +Poet and Mystic 13 + + +Poet and Mystic 13 + + + + + +Poet and Mystic 12->Poet and Mystic 13 + + + + + +Agony and Ecstasy + + +Agony and Ecstasy + + + + + +Poet and Mystic 13->Agony and Ecstasy + + + + + +Audio + + +Audio + + + + + +Agony and Ecstasy->Audio + + + + + +Video + + +Video + + + + + +Agony and Ecstasy->Video + + + + + +Text + + +Text + + + + + +Agony and Ecstasy->Text + + - + Poly 1->Jay 1 - - + + - + Poly 2 - - -Poly 2 + + +Poly 2 - + Poly 1->Poly 2 - - + + - + Poly 3 - - -Poly 3 + + +Poly 3 - + Poly 2->Poly 3 - - - - - -Self-harm 1->Margaras 1 - - + + - + Self-harm 2 - - -Self-harm 2 + + +Self-harm 2 - + Self-harm 1->Self-harm 2 - - + + - + Self-harm 3 - - -Self-harm 3 + + +Self-harm 3 - + Self-harm 2->Self-harm 3 - - + + - + Writing 2 - - -Writing 2 + + +Writing 2 - + Writing 1->Writing 2 - - - - - -Writing 2->Birds 1 - - - - - -Writing 2->Dad 1 - - - - - -Writing 2->Fursoñas 1 - - - - - -Writing 2->Margaras 1 - - - - - -Writing 2->Poet and Mystic 1 - - + + - + Writing 3 - - -Writing 3 + + +Writing 3 - + Writing 2->Writing 3 - - + + - - -Koans 1 - -Koans 1 + + +Writing 4 + + +Writing 4 + - - -Writing 2->Koans 1 - - + + + +Writing 3->Writing 4 + + + + + +Writing 5 + + +Writing 5 + + + + + +Writing 4->Writing 5 + + diff --git a/content/news/2019-08-29-writing-about-writing.md b/content/news/2019-08-29-writing-about-writing.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4354de8 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/news/2019-08-29-writing-about-writing.md @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +--- +date: 2019-08-29 +title: Writing about writing +--- + +When my therapist asked about what the plot of this writing project was, I told her it was about the ways in which creativity interacted with the important facets of my life. + + + +I'm not totally convinced that's true, but it's at least providing more fodder. + +### New content + +* [Writing 4](/writing/4) +* [Writing 5](/writing/5) +* [Writing 6](/writing/6) +* [Agony and Ecstasy](/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy) + +### Updated content + +* The [map](/map) has been updated to be a *bit* less confusing. +* [Birds 4](/birds/4) and [Birds 5](/birds/5) have swapped places. +* [Poet and Mystic 13](/poet-and-mystic/13) updated to link to Agony and Ecstasy. diff --git a/content/poet-and-mystic/013.md b/content/poet-and-mystic/013.md index daa7733..6670d5d 100644 --- a/content/poet-and-mystic/013.md +++ b/content/poet-and-mystic/013.md @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm tired and I'm upset and I'm lost. > I know. -I want to shout and to whisper. I want to talk about how I feel when I read Stevens or Esch or Rilke. I want to put words to the feeling of falling to the ground and taking root. +I want to shout and to whisper. I want to talk about how the light flows in through the head and out through the heart. I want to put words to the feeling of falling to the ground and taking root. I want to say how it feels when I step outside myself. diff --git a/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/_index.md b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/_index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d4f4418 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/_index.md @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +--- +type: single +--- + +Upon reading certain things, upon hearing certain songs, upon seeing certain things, upon smelling certain scents, upon tasting certain foods, upon feeling certain feelings and upon losing myself, it flows, the light, in through the head, out through the heart, washes over all, and, being lost in it, have found myself without. diff --git a/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/audio.md b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/audio.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7f66965 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/audio.md @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +--- +type: single +--- + + diff --git a/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/text.md b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/text.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a7d645c --- /dev/null +++ b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/text.md @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ +--- +type: single +--- + +* [Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Thirteen_Ways_of_Looking_at_a_Blackbird) by Wallace Stevens +* [Winter](https://ericwhitacre.com/music-catalog/winter) by Edward Esch diff --git a/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/video.md b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/video.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4033bf0 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/video.md @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ +--- +type: single +--- + +* [The Angst of Sagazan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MLIcnua1is) from *Samsara* +* [ANIMA](https://www.netflix.com/title/81110498) diff --git a/content/writing/02.md b/content/writing/02.md index 144f764..e779dfa 100644 --- a/content/writing/02.md +++ b/content/writing/02.md @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ --- date: 2019-08-27 -weight: 41 +weight: 2 --- All of writing, all of creativity is selfish. To take some idea or some concept and to set it down on paper and say, "I made this" is selfish, of course, but to then take that thing and show it to others with the expectation that they might get something out of it as well is taking that several steps further. diff --git a/content/writing/03.md b/content/writing/03.md index 3e6048b..61555d0 100644 --- a/content/writing/03.md +++ b/content/writing/03.md @@ -1,6 +1,6 @@ --- date: 2019-08-27 -weight: 42 +weight: 3 --- The first poetry I remember writing was back before high school. At some point I picked up the poetry bug and decided I was going to try my hand at it. Finding it hard, I quit after the first poem I wrote. It was something really, *really* bad, too. Something where all I knew about poetry was that it should rhyme, so I sacrificed...well, everything in search of a rhyme. Readability. Sense. It was horrifying. diff --git a/content/writing/04.md b/content/writing/04.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7cea213 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/writing/04.md @@ -0,0 +1,265 @@ +--- +date: 2019-08-29 +weight: 4 +--- + +> I assume you went looking for one of these execrable poems of yours? + +I did. I wasn't really able to find much from The Before Times, but I found a few from shortly after while prowling through my LiveJournal and archives of my old site in high school. + +> [RedFox! Productions](https://web.archive.org/web/2005*/http://ranna.babylonia.flatirons.org/), right? + +Gah, yeah. I was a kid, alright? + +> If you say so. + +September 26, 2003: + +
I. +Borne through air, + Close my eyes. +Wind ruffles hair + Soul sighs, + Heart flies; +I’m the wind. + +I flow east: + Over the plains, +Over land creased. + Current refrains, + Cloud stains +As I build. + +Trees bow at my + Will +To move drives me + Onward +I push through + Mountains +Do nothing but + Divert +The rain as I + Flow. + + +II. +Borne through air - + Rise up high - +Driven there, + Earth nigh, + I sigh; +I’m the wind. + +I flow west: + Past the lakes, +Water my guest; + Thunder makes + Noise, wakes, +As I storm. + +Sand flies at my + Force +Builds as I + Push +Across the + Land +Flows beneath my + Self +Means nothing to + Wind. + + +III. +Borne through air, + Through the night +And dawn fair. + No fight, + Only flight; +I’m the wind. + +I flow south + On the ocean, +On delta’s mouth + My motion + Just notion +As I breathe. + +Waves break as I + Drive +Past the thin + Sands +Lift themselves to my + Body +Waxes as I + Press +Through the stillness of + Night. + + +IV. +Borne through air, + Around the world +And forests I tear; + Ferns furled, + Trees burled; +I am the wind. + +I flow north, + Across the ice; +I roll forth + Past spice – + So nice – +As I change. + +Men bask as I + Warm +Drops of rain + Fall +Colored leaves + Shiver +Because of the + Chill +Wind blows on + Past.
+ +> It's not without its own sense of charm. + +I suppose. It's crude. It's a bit heavy-handed. + +> Your others are not? + +Well, okay, fair. I like to think that I've improved nonetheless. + +> Are these old ones not creative? Are they still just play? + +The more I think of it, the more I think it's that they're just too...work. They're not creative, because they're too mechanical. I had realized that writing wasn't just play, so I stopped playing altogether. + +> Wrong answer. + +Tell me about it. + +January 11, 2003: + +
What hath man wrought! + When faced with the question of love + Or seeking peace with the answer thereof, +Or faced with life peril-fraught, + Created a god, or several, to satisfy + Some need to fulfill or deny + A lacking - + A slacking + On someone else's behalf, + Or his own behalf - +And on the world a question of faith brought. + +And when a man, endowed + With the ability to make his own God, + Does so with nary a nod, +And finds the god shan't be cowed, + What does he then? + And when a group of men + Make their God + With nary a nod, + And cow him easily, rightly + To them, and find him tightly +bound, what then, with a god bowed? + +What then, indeed, should a God, + Now lesser than his creators, do + When his creators move to gods new? +Is he then still a God? + Or is that when God dies, + Not bloated with swarms of flies, + But forgotten? + Not rotten, + Forgotten and immortal, what then? + Does he hope to come again, +Rising a second time, perhaps again to be God? + +One would hope that the God, being omniscient + Would realize he was no longer, otherwise + Might he become destructive? Likewise, +A god, waiting patient + Could become restless, + Try to leave his creators breathless, + Again, + But then, + Be pronounced a heretic + By all but the hermetic +And others of the new God ignorant. + +So hence a people divided + Those of Whispers and those of Nanon, + Fight to the tooth and fight to the bone, +Until over Whispers Nanon presided; + And when those of Nanon took + Speech from the Whispers so as to look + And not hear, + They here + Those of Whispers with + Supposed powers of myth +Of creation with speech's remnants provided. + +So it was before the fall of Whispers that + Faith of most all lay in technology, + Remnants of religion lay in astrology +And superstitious fears like the black cat. + Only after the fall did the faiths + Of only the Whisperers turn to mysterious wraiths + And gods, + But the odds + That one of the gods was taken more seriously + Than the rest was small, and not mysteriously, +The small bit of Faith quickly passed as society's scat + +Now, it's come that those of Nanon have all but forgotten + Those of Whispers except perhaps in myth + Maybe portrayed as consorting with +Black cats or something equally rotten. + But for the Whisperers, the city + Of Nanon is very real, also denial of pity + Of sunlight, + For sunlight + Is blocked by the city directly overhead + And the Whisperers know of only shadow instead; +Only death out from beneath the city to be gotten. + +The magic that's spoken of those + Of the Whispers, is often made + Out to be more, but because of their stayed +Speech, only whispers remain in quite prose. + So through the long stretches of time, + The Whisperers, through long stretches of rhyme + Can make - + Only make - + What they wish, with words divine, + Benign, or malign, +And in their creations complete trust repose. + +So begins a story, often told but never yet writ + Of a divided people still the same + And the rise and fall of a god played like a game. +While not true itself, it is truth lit: + As men continue to create and live under gods, + What would happen if the gods, at odds, + Warred and fell, + Raising hell + In the process? What would happen + In a society misshapen +If a wrathful god fell and no one cared a whit?
+ +> Ah yes, your Keats phase. + +It was a mixture of Keats and Larry Niven, I think. + +> That is intensely Madison. + +Thanks. + +I had recently read *The Ringworld Throne*, so I was thinking about vertically stratified cities, and had also been on a Keats kick ever since reading *The Hyperion Cantos*, so I decided I would write a sci-fi epic poem to support my conlang. + +It's a mess. + +> Could be worse. + +Could be better. diff --git a/content/writing/05.md b/content/writing/05.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3e6e998 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/writing/05.md @@ -0,0 +1,80 @@ +--- +date: 2019-08-29 +weight: 5 +--- + +> If you went from a mockery of creativity to a mockery of play, when did you settle down and just write a damn story? + +I think it wasn't too long after, actually. I wrote [*All of Time at Once*](https://writing.drab-makyo.com/fiction/all-of-time-at-once/) in April of 2004, and that was the first time I started to think, *ah-hah, okay, there's a rhythm to this, a pace, a set of mechanics as well as an art.* + +And from then on, I basically dropped writing in favor of music for months. Sure, there were a few others scattered around there. [*Tu pater et mater*](https://writing.drab-makyo.com/fiction/tu-pater-et-mater/) in May of 2003, and [*Light*](https://writing.drab-makyo.com/fiction/light/) in June of 2004, but other than that, I kind of just dropped it. + +> Why? + +I graduated. I left language arts classes behind. I went to school for an engineering major. + +> One you were supremely unhappy in. + +Right. And then when I started writing again, it was music. + +I wrote a few essays I was reasonably proud of, but it took another four years before I decided to actually sit down and give writing a go in a more structured setting, and then only because of NaNoWriMo. + +> Ah yes, your "boy meets girl with a twist" story. + +Yeah, [*The Consequences of Dissonance*](https://writing.drab-makyo.com/fiction/consequences-of-dissonance/). + +> You originally named it **Coming to Terms with Being a Terrible Person**. + +I did, yeah. I was fresh off my relationship with Kayla and well into a relationship with Kanja, and had a head full of hatred for who I used to be. + +> And who you were becoming. + +Well, it wasn't *Coming to Terms with Having Been a Terrible Person*, was it? + +> Fair enough. + +It wasn't a bad story, really, nor even that poorly written. I've even thought of revisiting it sometime. It was sort of a coming out story, but a coming-out-for-the-second-time sort of thing. Gay boy starts dating a girl and has to go through the social process of coming out as bi. + +> As Madison? + +I suppose. I went through my own series of comings-out, so maybe I have more insight into that now. + +> And you're less of a terrible person. + +Doubt. + +> There are perfectly cromulent reasons for you to think of yourself as a terrible person in the past, and even as a terrible person in 2008. Or even one now, really. You're just less of one. + +Always improving, I guess. + +> How did it feel to come up with a schedule, a goal, and a plan, and then to stick to it? + +I never finished the story. + +> But you won NaNoWriMo that year. You went over by eight thousand lines. + +I guess. + +> And you're dodging the question. + +That's why, though. It felt good while it lasted. It felt good during that hypomanic rush to actually complete something, to come up with an outline and actually work through it. + +Then I finished NaNo with several hours to spare and tried to keep going, but there was something missing. I felt rudderless. I kept trying to poke at it, but I think I was working as well as I was because of the deadlines. I was still trying to balance the work with the fun that go into a creative endeavor. + +> Did you stop having fun, or did you stop doing the work? + +I think it's more complex than that. There was fun to be had in the race to the finish line. I think that's why NaNo is so popular. And doubtless it was work, of course. + +But with the fun of having already won gone, I was faced with the fact that I had less outline than I had originally thought. Pantsing, as the community so eloquently puts it, may work well for some folks, but I was mostly left feeling uninspired and unmotivated once December hit. The same thing happened with *Getting Lost* and *Inner Demons*. I started strong enough with the basic idea as I tried to write by the seat of my pants, but without a direction or even any goal, I lost steam and wound up disheartened. + +> Do you not do well without goals, then? You don't seem to have one for this project. + +It's not necessarily that. More that, the shorter the project, the less planning that's required. I do much better with articles and short stories than I do with novels. At least so far, given the amount of planning that goes into each. + +This project is working as well as it is because of my heavy reliance on these side-quests. I can break a story down into manageable chunks so that, by the time I might start losing direction, they're about overwith anyway. + +Besides, I have you to help. + +> Me? Little old me? + +Yeah. It's much easier to have a conversation than it is to plan out a story. You keep taking me in directions I don't mean to go. diff --git a/content/writing/06.md b/content/writing/06.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b4055bd --- /dev/null +++ b/content/writing/06.md @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ +--- +date: 2019-08-29 +weight: 6 +--- + +> So if the goal of this project is to write about the ways in which creativity interacts with various facets of your life, what are your goals when it comes to creativity itself? + +Huh. + +I'll have to think on that one. + +> I'd say I'll be patient, but you know I won't be. + +Yeah. + +I think the goals for my creativity are to find a happy medium of entertaining and applicable for others to consume as well as enjoyable for me to create. + +> Vague. + +I guess. I could list specifics, but I don't think that's quite what you're asking after. + +> No, vague is good. It's good to have something you'll always fall short on, because that'll always give you reason to strive for improvement. + +That "if you hate who you were in the past, it's a good sign that you've improved as a person" sort of thing? + +> In a way. If you hate your old work, it's a good sign you've improved as a writer, musician, developer, whatever. + +That makes sense. + +Though I do have concrete goals. I'd like to write a book. I'd like to finish some outstanding music I've still got hanging around. I'd like to maybe work toward getting a job in something other than tech. + +> So what you're saying is that you'd like to be happy? + +I suppose so. + +> Good luck, kid. diff --git a/static/map.dot b/static/map.dot index 3f2bad3..48fb3e2 100644 --- a/static/map.dot +++ b/static/map.dot @@ -177,11 +177,22 @@ digraph Map { "Poet and Mystic 9" [href="/poet-and-mystic/9"] "Poet and Mystic 10" [href="/poet-and-mystic/10"] "Poet and Mystic 11" [href="/poet-and-mystic/11"] - "Poet and Mystic 12" [href="/poet-and-mystic/21"] + "Poet and Mystic 12" [href="/poet-and-mystic/12"] + "Poet and Mystic 13" [href="/poet-and-mystic/13"] "Poet and Mystic 1" -> "Poet and Mystic 2" -> "Poet and Mystic 3" -> "Poet and Mystic 4" -> "Poet and Mystic 5" -> "Poet and Mystic 6" -> "Poet and Mystic 7" -> "Poet and Mystic 8" -> "Poet and Mystic 9" -> - "Poet and Mystic 10" -> "Poet and Mystic 11" -> "Poet and Mystic 12" + "Poet and Mystic 10" -> "Poet and Mystic 11" -> "Poet and Mystic 12" -> + "Poet and Mystic 13" + + node[group="ane",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] + "Agony and Ecstasy" [href="/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy"] + "Audio" [href="/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/audio"] + "Video" [href="/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/video"] + "Text" [href="/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy/text"] + "Agony and Ecstasy" -> "Audio" + "Agony and Ecstasy" -> "Video" + "Agony and Ecstasy" -> "Text" node[group="poly",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] "Poly 1" [href="/poly"] @@ -201,9 +212,20 @@ digraph Map { "Writing 1" [href="/writing"] "Writing 2" [href="/writing/2"] "Writing 3" [href="/writing/3"] - "Writing 1" -> "Writing 2" -> "Writing 3" + "Writing 4" [href="/writing/4"] + "Writing 5" [href="/writing/5"] + "Writing 1" -> "Writing 2" -> "Writing 3" -> "Writing 4" -> "Writing 5" - /***** Connections *****/ + /** + Connections + + Connections should only lead from one quest to another the first time that + link appears. No need to link to a quest a second time. + + Wasn't the point of this to be intentionally confusing? + + Yeah, but it was grating on me. All of those lines crossing, all those curves, side-quests pushed way down the page because I linked to them too many times. + */ // Asides "ally 14" -> "Aside 1" @@ -259,19 +281,20 @@ digraph Map { /* none */ // Poet and Mystic - "Poet and Mystic 1" -> "Manifesto Project 1" + /*"Poet and Mystic 1" -> "Manifesto Project 1"*/ + "Poet and Mystic 13" -> "Agony and Ecstasy" // Poly "Poly 1" -> "Jay 1" // Self-harm - "Self-harm 1" -> "Margaras 1" + /*"Self-harm 1" -> "Margaras 1"*/ // Writing - "Writing 2" -> "Koans 1" + /*"Writing 2" -> "Koans 1" "Writing 2" -> "Birds 1" "Writing 2" -> "Margaras 1" "Writing 2" -> "Dad 1" "Writing 2" -> "Fursoñas 1" - "Writing 2" -> "Poet and Mystic 1" + "Writing 2" -> "Poet and Mystic 1"*/ } diff --git a/static/map.svg b/static/map.svg index 5abb867..4b2faf6 100644 --- a/static/map.svg +++ b/static/map.svg @@ -4,17 +4,17 @@ - - + + Map - + Aside 1 - -Aside 1 + +Aside 1 @@ -22,8 +22,8 @@ Aside 2 - -Aside 2 + +Aside 2 @@ -31,8 +31,8 @@ Aside 3 - -Aside 3 + +Aside 3 @@ -40,8 +40,8 @@ Birds 1 - -Birds 1 + +Birds 1 @@ -49,68 +49,68 @@ Birds 2 - -Birds 2 + +Birds 2 Birds 1->Birds 2 - - + + Birds 3 - -Birds 3 + +Birds 3 Birds 2->Birds 3 - - + + Birds 4 - -Birds 4 + +Birds 4 Birds 3->Birds 4 - - + + Birds 5 - -Birds 5 + +Birds 5 Birds 4->Birds 5 - - + + ally 1 - -ally 1 + +ally 1 @@ -118,376 +118,376 @@ ally 2 - -ally 2 + +ally 2 ally 1->ally 2 - - + + ally 3 - -ally 3 + +ally 3 ally 2->ally 3 - - + + ally 4 - -ally 4 + +ally 4 ally 3->ally 4 - - + + ally 5 - -ally 5 + +ally 5 ally 4->ally 5 - - + + ally 6 - -ally 6 + +ally 6 ally 5->ally 6 - - + + ally 7 - -ally 7 + +ally 7 ally 6->ally 7 - - + + ally 8 - -ally 8 + +ally 8 ally 7->ally 8 - - + + ally 9 - -ally 9 + +ally 9 ally 8->ally 9 - - + + Manic notes 1 - -Manic notes 1 + +Manic notes 1 - + ally 8->Manic notes 1 - - + + - + ally 9->Birds 1 - - + + ally 10 - -ally 10 + +ally 10 ally 9->ally 10 - - + + ally 11 - -ally 11 + +ally 11 ally 10->ally 11 - - + + - + Poly 1 - - -Poly 1 + + +Poly 1 - + ally 10->Poly 1 - - + + ally 12 - 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- + + Margaras 4 - -Margaras 4 + +Margaras 4 Margaras 3->Margaras 4 - - + + Margaras 5 - -Margaras 5 + +Margaras 5 Margaras 4->Margaras 5 - - + + Margaras 6 - -Margaras 6 + +Margaras 6 Margaras 5->Margaras 6 - - + + Younes 2 - -Younes 2 + +Younes 2 Younes 1->Younes 2 - - + + Younes 3 - -Younes 3 + +Younes 3 Younes 2->Younes 3 - - + + - + Self-harm 1 - - -Self-harm 1 + + +Self-harm 1 - + Younes 3->Self-harm 1 - - + + Jay 1 - -Jay 1 + +Jay 1 @@ -1116,859 +1116,910 @@ Jay 2 - -Jay 2 + +Jay 2 Jay 1->Jay 2 - - + + Jay 3 - -Jay 3 + +Jay 3 Jay 2->Jay 3 - - + + Jay 4 - -Jay 4 + +Jay 4 Jay 3->Jay 4 - - + + Jay 5 - -Jay 5 + +Jay 5 Jay 4->Jay 5 - - + + Jay 6 - -Jay 6 + +Jay 6 Jay 5->Jay 6 - - + + Koan 2 - -Koan 2 + +Koan 2 Koan 1->Koan 2 - - + + Koan 3 - -Koan 3 + +Koan 3 Koan 2->Koan 3 - - + + Koan 4 - -Koan 4 + +Koan 4 Koan 3->Koan 4 - - + + Koan 5 - -Koan 5 + +Koan 5 Koan 4->Koan 5 - - + + Koan 6 - -Koan 6 + +Koan 6 Koan 5->Koan 6 - - + + Liminal 2 - -Liminal 2 + +Liminal 2 Liminal 1->Liminal 2 - - + + Liminal 3 - -Liminal 3 + +Liminal 3 Liminal 2->Liminal 3 - - + + Liminal 4 - -Liminal 4 + +Liminal 4 Liminal 3->Liminal 4 - - + + - + Liminal 4->Aside 2 - - + + Liminal 5 - -Liminal 5 + +Liminal 5 Liminal 4->Liminal 5 - - + + Liminal 6 - -Liminal 6 + +Liminal 6 Liminal 5->Liminal 6 - - + + Liminal 7 - -Liminal 7 + +Liminal 7 Liminal 6->Liminal 7 - - + + Liminal 8 - -Liminal 8 + +Liminal 8 Liminal 7->Liminal 8 - - + + - + Liminal 8->Dad 1 - - + + Manic notes 2 - -Manic notes 2 + +Manic notes 2 Manic notes 1->Manic notes 2 - - + + Manic notes 3 - -Manic notes 3 + +Manic notes 3 Manic notes 2->Manic notes 3 - - + + Manic notes 4 - -Manic notes 4 + +Manic notes 4 Manic notes 3->Manic notes 4 - - + + Manic notes 5 - -Manic notes 5 + +Manic notes 5 Manic notes 4->Manic notes 5 - - + + Manifesto Project 1 - -Manifesto Project 1 + +Manifesto Project 1 - + Manic notes 4->Manifesto Project 1 - - + + Manifesto Project 2 - -Manifesto Project 2 + +Manifesto Project 2 Manifesto Project 1->Manifesto Project 2 - 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