Index

book/content/dad.tex

@@ -1,13 +1,9 @@
 \label{dad}
+\index{Dad|(}
 \backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{cccccc}
 \backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{cccccc}
 \backgroundcolor{c[1]}[HTML]{cccccc}
 \backgroundcolor{C[1](0.6\columnsep,10000pt)(10000pt,10000pt)}[HTML]{cccccc}
-\begin{paracol}{2}
-\begin{leftcolumn}
-
-\end{leftcolumn}
-\end{paracol}
 
 \begin{paracol}{2}
 \begin{leftcolumn}
@@ -34,7 +30,7 @@ You know now that he was actually in quite a bit of pain.
 \end{ally}
 Yes.
 
-I also know that he would close out the bar that Julie worked out, drinking the whole time.
+I also know that he would close out the bar that Julie worked out, drinking the whole time.\index{Julie}
 
 I know that if I went with, I'd spent countless hours meandering between the corner booth in the bar and the Pac-Man and Millipede cabinets up front.
 
@@ -65,7 +61,7 @@ I realize, later, that the reason he was so angry was because, if I didn't steal
 \begin{ally}
 Tell me about the dress.
 \end{ally}
-I stole a paring knife and obsessively sharpened it. I cut at my wrists until, confronted with the realization that I would be asked about it, I stopped and cut on my big toes instead.
+I stole a paring knife and obsessively sharpened it. I cut at my wrists until, confronted with the realization that I would be asked about it, I stopped and cut on my big toes instead.\index{Mental health!bipolar!depression}
 
 \begin{ally}
 You told your friend, Julene. She had no idea what to do, confronted with such information. You were eleven.
@@ -73,9 +69,9 @@ You told your friend, Julene. She had no idea what to do, confronted with such i
 What does one say to being told that your friend is self-harming? I would never tell anyone about self harm again, I promised myself.
 
 \begin{ally}
-Tell me about the dress.
+Tell me about the dress.\index{Gender}
 \end{ally}
-I tried on Julie's dress. I tried on her teddy. I prowled, naked, through her rack of clothing in the spare room for things to try on. I spent a lot of time naked. I spent a lot of time masturbating. I wondered if I was gay because I tried on her clothing, or I tried on her clothing because I was gay.
+I tried on Julie's dress. I tried on her teddy. I prowled, naked, through her rack of clothing in the spare room for things to try on. I spent a lot of time naked. I spent a lot of time masturbating. I wondered if I was gay because I tried on her clothing, or I tried on her clothing because I was gay.\index{Julie}
 
 \begin{ally}
 You told your friends confidently in third grade that lesbians were just women who wanted to be men and that gay men were just men who wanted to be women.
@@ -213,7 +209,7 @@ At times.
 \begin{ally}
 Yes.
 \end{ally}
-At times it was stressful. At times it felt like we were going skiing so that my dad could take some time away from home, away from Julie. At times, when Julie came with us, it would be more stressful on the slopes than it was at home.
+At times it was stressful. At times it felt like we were going skiing so that my dad could take some time away from home, away from Julie. At times, when Julie came with us, it would be more stressful on the slopes than it was at home.\index{Julie}
 
 And then it fell apart.
 
@@ -250,7 +246,7 @@ You drove a fraction of an inch too close to the shoulder, your right wheel veer
 Yes.
 
 \begin{ally}
-He was drunk and in pain. His shoulder again. He yelled at Julie. Told you both to let him drive in silence.
+He was drunk and in pain. His shoulder again. He yelled at Julie. Told you both to let him drive in silence.\index{Julie}
 \end{ally}
 Yes.
 
@@ -297,11 +293,13 @@ I guess.
 \end{leftcolumn}
 \end{paracol}
 
+\index{Dad!running away}
 \includepdf{assets/static/grey--running-away-big--makyo.pdf}
 
 \begin{paracol}{2}
   \begin{rightcolumn*}
     \begin{flushright}
+      \index{Journal entries}
 \emph{June 10, 2015}
 \end{flushright}
 \end{rightcolumn*}
@@ -423,7 +421,7 @@ Let me talk about the clinical side. You go back to the other version of the sto
 Okay.
 
 \begin{ally}
-What was happening at this point, is that you were having an honest to goodness panic attack. You were entering a fugue state.
+What was happening at this point, is that you were having an honest to goodness panic attack. You were entering a fugue state.\index{Mental health!anxiety}
 \end{ally}
 I froze for several minutes, probably about an hour, sitting on my bed and holding a broken mirror in my hands. All thoughts had left me, and all I could think about was not being. Not being here, not being at all.
 
@@ -531,7 +529,7 @@ One of us was getting squeezed out.
 Did you feel neglected?
 
 \begin{ally}
-That's nostalgia: neglect of the present in favor of the past.
+That's nostalgia\index{Nostalgia}: neglect of the present in favor of the past.
 \end{ally}
 I suppose it is. I'll refrain from diving into a blog post like that again.
 
@@ -597,7 +595,7 @@ Dig deeper.
 \end{ally}
 \newpage
 
-\noindent When I was getting ready to leave bConnected, I started struggling with movements. It started as a twitchiness in the hands. It started with a wringing of the fingers. It started with a slight nod of the head. It started in so many tiny ways that I didn't really put together.
+\noindent When I was getting ready to leave bConnected, I started struggling with movements. It started as a twitchiness in the hands. It started with a wringing of the fingers. It started with a slight nod of the head. It started in so many tiny ways that I didn't really put together.\index{Mental health!movement disorders}
 
 \begin{quotation}
 \noindent Twitching, twitching. Screw lorazepam. Gonna walk the dog instead :D
@@ -680,7 +678,7 @@ It was nice.
 It was. This was at the time in my life where I was learning what the proper amount of `dad' was that I could handle. About three hours. Maybe a little more. Any more than that and we'd both fall back into our old habits. We had much better reunions than we did an ongoing friendship.
 
 \begin{ally}
-And you drank, then.
+And you drank, then.\index{Alcohol}
 \end{ally}
 Yes.
 
@@ -695,7 +693,7 @@ It was nice.
 In a smirking sort of way, I guess. In a \emph{oh wow I'm different now} way. In a \emph{I guess I'm finally starting to grow out of being your son} way.
 
 \begin{ally}
-Matthew had died.
+Matthew had died.\index{The Death of Matthew}
 \end{ally}
 Yes. Matthew had died, and we were doing Thanksgiving together.
 
@@ -715,6 +713,7 @@ Dig deeper.
 \newpage
 \end{leftcolumn}
 \begin{rightcolumn*}
+  \index{Letters|(}
 \emph{October 26, 2014}
 \end{rightcolumn*}
 \begin{leftcolumn}
@@ -873,6 +872,7 @@ Still looking forward to seeing you Madison. This weekend is a bit of a rush, bu
 
 Love Dad
 \end{quotation}
+\index{Letters|)}
 
 \begin{ally}
 Dig deeper.
@@ -981,6 +981,8 @@ The him who kicked me, the him who I ran away from, the him who taught me that m
 Maybe I do love him, I'm just not yet sure that I don't also hate him.
 \newpage
 
+\index{Writing!samples!poetry|(}
+\index{Dogs}
 \begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
   There's some duality between sources of meaning,\\
   \vin Between the types of stories we use to back identity.\\
@@ -1017,6 +1019,7 @@ Maybe I do love him, I'm just not yet sure that I don't also hate him.
   It's something subtler, comfortably complex, a topic of its own.\\
   \vin I guess it's just meaning \& self.
 \end{verse}
+\index{Writing!samples!poetry|)}
 
 \newpage
 
@@ -1031,3 +1034,4 @@ Oh, \emph{constantly}.
 \end{leftcolumn}
 \end{paracol}
 \resetbackgroundcolor
+\index{Dad|)}