Index

book/content/gender/gender.tex

@@ -1,7 +1,8 @@
 \label{gender:gender}
+\index{Gender|(}
 \begin{paracol}{2}
 \begin{leftcolumn}
-
+\index{ally}
 \begin{ally}
 How did we get here?
 \end{ally}
@@ -20,7 +21,7 @@ Why are you trying to get me to do this?
 \begin{ally}
 Because we must take care to place ourselves in our time: now that we are done with writing about one of the hardest parts of our lives. And we must take special care that we locate ourselves within our place: having come at this conversation about gender through self-harm.
 \end{ally}
-Then yes. We got here through furry, which opened up the path before us to even begin exploring gender, and then we finally reached this topic through that of self-harm, wherein I came face to face with so many aspects of my body. It's so easy to disappear within one's own head for days, weeks, months at a time, but one eventually comes to terms with the fact that one is stuck with a body, and thus one must deal with it. Live with it and inhabit it.
+Then yes. We got here through furry, which opened up the path before us to even begin exploring gender, and then we finally reached this topic through that of self-harm, wherein I came face to face with so many aspects of my body. It's so easy to disappear within one's own head for days, weeks, months at a time, but one eventually comes to terms with the fact that one is stuck with a body, and thus one must deal with it. Live with it and inhabit it.\index{Furry}
 
 What better way to experience that sudden, jarring dissonance of body-ownership than to re-inhabit it and discover it to be wrong in so many ways?
 \newpage
@@ -28,7 +29,7 @@ What better way to experience that sudden, jarring dissonance of body-ownership
 \noindent I stand by the fact that not every trans, non-binary, or queer person experiences gender through a negative lens. Dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans. It has to be the case that there be a positive way to experience gender, or transition would be simply an exercise in futility. There has to be a flip side. There has to be gender euphoria.
 
 \begin{ally}
-There has to be the little thrill of typing \texttt{morph\ female} and being able to interact with the world around you --- even if that's only in the instance of a furry text-base role-play game --- as something other, something truer. There has to be that even when you still enjoy the body you've got.
+There has to be the little thrill of typing \texttt{morph\ female} and being able to interact with the world around you --- even if that's only in the instance of a furry text-base role-play game --- as something other, something truer. There has to be that even when you still enjoy the body you've got.\index{Furry}
 \end{ally}
 Or are at least okay with it being yours on a day-to-day basis, yes.
 
@@ -44,7 +45,7 @@ If we got here through any one part of the trail I mentioned, it was through You
 \begin{ally}
 ``I remember laying on the couch,'' you said. ``That awful, awful yellow couch, and {[}JD{]} getting playful, and then some little movement of his touched a nerve and I started crying because of the way that brushed up against me wasn't in focus.''
 \end{ally}
-Why do you bring my words back to me?
+Why do you bring my words back to me?\index{ally!throwing stones}
 
 \begin{ally}
 ``It brought to the forefront the fact that I didn't align with myself,'' you said. ``That there was a lag in my proprioception, that I was falling behind myself.''
@@ -52,9 +53,9 @@ Why do you bring my words back to me?
 I did. But why?
 
 \begin{ally}
-Because you wrote that in the section about liminality.
+Because you wrote that in the section about liminality.\index{Liminal}
 \end{ally}
-Yes, but I wrote it two days later than I wrote about Younes.
+Yes, but I wrote it two days later than I wrote about Younes.\index{Furry!fursoñas!Younes}
 
 \begin{ally}
 The time scale is not what I'm pointing at right now.
@@ -62,10 +63,11 @@ The time scale is not what I'm pointing at right now.
 Can you point?
 
 \begin{ally}
-Are you looking at my finger, or the moon? Don't dodge this. I'm pointing at the fact that you came at gender through furry, then through self-harm, and yet this quote, this realization of ``oh, shit, I might actually be trans'', is all the way on the other side of that goofy map you make, and from there, you headed into talking about your dad.
+Are you looking at my finger, or the moon? Don't dodge this. I'm pointing at the fact that you came at gender through furry, then through self-harm, and yet this quote, this realization of ``oh, shit, I might actually be trans'', is all the way on the other side of that goofy map you make, and from there, you headed into talking about your dad.\index{Dad}
 \end{ally}
 So?
 
+\index{ally}
 \begin{ally}
 And you headed from there to talking about your dad.
 \end{ally}
@@ -104,7 +106,7 @@ I remember laying on the couch --- that awful, awful yellow couch --- and him ge
 \begin{ally}
 As you said.
 \end{ally}
-I remember scooting back up into a sitting position, facing JD, with us sitting by the picture window in the living room. I remember words coming out in a jumble. I remember leaning heavily on similes. I remember taking lots of breaks as though I was collecting my thoughts when really I was trying to talk without my voice going all gross with tears. That horrible, bubbly, trapped-in-my-chest sound that comes with trying to talk while crying.
+I remember scooting back up into a sitting position, facing James, with us sitting by the picture window in the living room. I remember words coming out in a jumble. I remember leaning heavily on similes. I remember taking lots of breaks as though I was collecting my thoughts when really I was trying to talk without my voice going all gross with tears. That horrible, bubbly, trapped-in-my-chest sound that comes with trying to talk while crying.\index{Relationships!James}
 
 I remember explaining to him that I'd been spending so much time online having different parts than I actually had, that it was super jarring to have it brought into focus that that was actually not the case. I tried to say how, feeling him aroused and pressing against me, pressing between my legs, it hurt on a very emotional level that he was pressing only against my perineum and not against a vulva.
 
@@ -118,7 +120,7 @@ They were things that I could feel and not say. They were as yet ineffable. They
 \begin{ally}
 And they were frightening. Too frightening to say.
 \end{ally}
-Yes, had I the words, I would not have been able to say them out of fear. Fear that they might drive JD away, but also fear that they might be true, because if they were true, I was fucked.
+Yes, had I the words, I would not have been able to say them out of fear. Fear that they might drive James away, but also fear that they might be true, because if they were true, I was fucked.
 \newpage
 
 \begin{ally}
@@ -209,7 +211,7 @@ Start at the beginning.
 \end{ally}
 And when I get to the end, stop. Yes.
 
-As soon as I got surgery, literally when I was in the hospital, laying in bed on my five days strict bed-rest, something changed about the ways in which trans women interacted with me. I was, in some indescribable way, no longer trans.
+As soon as I got surgery, literally when I was in the hospital, laying in bed on my five days strict bed-rest, something changed about the ways in which trans women interacted with me. I was, in some indescribable way, no longer trans.\index{Gender!surgery}
 
 \begin{ally}
 Or, perhaps, no longer trans enough.
@@ -319,7 +321,7 @@ Yes.
 Why?
 
 \begin{ally}
-I want you to justify yourself.
+I want you to justify yourself.\index{ally!throwing stones}
 \end{ally}
 Why?
 
@@ -370,6 +372,7 @@ What? Why?
 You're proud. For the first time, you're proud of who you are.
 \end{ally}
 \vfill
+\index{Gender|)}
 \newpage
 \end{leftcolumn}
 \end{paracol}

book/content/gender/surgery.tex

@@ -1,4 +1,6 @@
 \label{gender:surgery}
+\index{Gender!surgery|(}
+\index{Writing!samples!poetry|(}
 \null
 \vfill
 \begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
@@ -563,4 +565,6 @@ Surgery was, by far, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
 \end{ally}
 Why should this section then be easy to write?
 \vfill
+\index{Writing!samples!poetry|)}
+\index{Gender!surgery|)}
 \newpage