Fix some goldmark stuff, add graphomania

config.toml

@@ -12,4 +12,5 @@ paginatePath = ""
   category = "categories"
 
 [markup.goldmark.renderer]
-  unsafe= true
+  unsafe = true
+  xHTML = true

content/movement/005.md

@@ -35,13 +35,13 @@ No.
 
 March 10, 2018:
 
-<div class="verse">I stayed away from reading too much about my own mental health problems for a long time because I'm not a doctor, and have seen what trying to be smarter than one's doctor can do. In fact, I stayed away from reading most anything about these things for a long time, until I realized I needed SOME language to describe what was going on to my docs.</div>
+<pre class="verse">I stayed away from reading too much about my own mental health problems for a long time because I'm not a doctor, and have seen what trying to be smarter than one's doctor can do. In fact, I stayed away from reading most anything about these things for a long time, until I realized I needed SOME language to describe what was going on to my docs.</pre>
 
 > And how did that work?
 
-<div class="verse">With a recent physical health problem cropping up, I decided that my embargo wasn't worth keeping up in that instance. Of course, almost immediately after, I suffered a crash and decided to do a bunch of reading on bipolar, and you know, it's a real shitmess.
+<pre class="verse">With a recent physical health problem cropping up, I decided that my embargo wasn't worth keeping up in that instance. Of course, almost immediately after, I suffered a crash and decided to do a bunch of reading on bipolar, and you know, it's a real shitmess.
 
-I had thought I'd have a chance at normalcy, that I'd get better over time, that - and here I should've been tipped off to the impossibility of the scenario - I'd be able to return to some previous golden era of Madison.</div>
+I had thought I'd have a chance at normalcy, that I'd get better over time, that - and here I should've been tipped off to the impossibility of the scenario - I'd be able to return to some previous golden era of Madison.</pre>
 
 > And the physical health problem?
 

content/movement/007.md

@@ -17,25 +17,25 @@ I say 'shortly after', when it was likely during that trip when I realized I fel
 
 I just learned the word for it shortly after, the name. And by naming a thing, hoped to gain some sort of power over it.
 
-<div class="verse">Alv pinned his ears back against his head as he stomped down the length of the block. His boots were too much for the drizzle that the weather offered, but it was that or his threadbare sneakers, and some tiny part of his mind had done the calculation without the rest of him knowing, and he'd tugged the heavy things on for the walk.</div>
+<pre class="verse">Alv pinned his ears back against his head as he stomped down the length of the block. His boots were too much for the drizzle that the weather offered, but it was that or his threadbare sneakers, and some tiny part of his mind had done the calculation without the rest of him knowing, and he'd tugged the heavy things on for the walk.</pre>
 
 > Because of course you have a furry story about akathisia.
 
 Write what you know.
 
-<div class="verse">The air inside had grown too stuffy for the old fisher, or perhaps his eyes had grown too tired of reading, or maybe it was something in his joints, a feeling of too much space that needed to be compressed down. The solution, no matter the problem, was to move.
+<pre class="verse">The air inside had grown too stuffy for the old fisher, or perhaps his eyes had grown too tired of reading, or maybe it was something in his joints, a feeling of too much space that needed to be compressed down. The solution, no matter the problem, was to move.
 
 His third time around the block, knees and hips aching from walking in work boots that were never meant for the task, and Alv still hadn't figured out what it was that kept driving him out of the house. He'd walk, day after day, until his tail drooped and his feet started dragging. Sometimes, like today, he'd circle the block. Some days he'd drive the mile to the supermarket and walk aimlessly up and down each aisle, eventually picking up a drink or a snack, just to make the trip worth it. Other days, he'd just pace in his building's parking lot.
 
 He didn't think.
 
-Or maybe he thought too much. Maybe that was it. Maybe the fisher's every step was taken to crush too many thoughts beneath the soles of his boots, pressing the life out of them through the sheer weight of his restlessness.</div>
+Or maybe he thought too much. Maybe that was it. Maybe the fisher's every step was taken to crush too many thoughts beneath the soles of his boots, pressing the life out of them through the sheer weight of his restlessness.</pre>
 
 > And you would, too. You'd walk and walk and walk, hoping that perhaps you could walk the thoughts out of you.
 
 Yes.
 
-<div class="verse">He didn't know what it was that, day by day, drove him to his feet, drove him to walk until he couldn't walk anymore. He just knew that if he didn't, that ache within him, that burning, that itch would continue to grow, and he'd start to feel like his heart was being extruded through his rib cage, like his fur was coming out in clumps, like he couldn't possibly breathe deep enough.
+<pre class="verse">He didn't know what it was that, day by day, drove him to his feet, drove him to walk until he couldn't walk anymore. He just knew that if he didn't, that ache within him, that burning, that itch would continue to grow, and he'd start to feel like his heart was being extruded through his rib cage, like his fur was coming out in clumps, like he couldn't possibly breathe deep enough.
 
 His wife, gone now these five years, had been fond of calling him a restless soul. He wasn't sure that he was capable of believing in a soul, nor that this increasingly restless state of being was confined to something so intangible. He was just restless.
 
@@ -43,7 +43,7 @@ His wife, gone now these five years, had been fond of calling him a restless sou
 
 That's all he was. There was nothing to him except restlessness. After Naomi's death, he'd slowly become less and less of a person, until all that was left was the urge to move, the terror over being confined to one place for any length of time.
 
-His tail starting to sag, the fisher could feel all the calm he'd accumulated through the walk start to ebb, the tide of anxiety creeping in from the edges, from his fur inwards. One last trip around the block, he figured, was all he could manage before resting again.</div>
+His tail starting to sag, the fisher could feel all the calm he'd accumulated through the walk start to ebb, the tide of anxiety creeping in from the edges, from his fur inwards. One last trip around the block, he figured, was all he could manage before resting again.</pre>
 
 > Write what you know.
 
@@ -55,13 +55,13 @@ Yes.
 
 > Write what you know. Write about the way pacing slowly moved from its status as nervous habit to a necessity, to an ache. Write about how there was no relief in walking, just a drive, an itch you could never scratch but were nonetheless required to try. Write, and cast those words upon something else, upon someone else, so that you can look on them and say, "Ah yes, **this** is happening."
 
-<div class="verse">By the time he made it around to his building again, Alv was well and truly sore, knees and hips aching from the repetitive motion of stomping around the block. Still, he couldn't bring himself to head up to his apartment quite yet. The idea of being closed in such a space held negative appeal. Something about the thought of four walls was actively repulsive.
+<pre class="verse">By the time he made it around to his building again, Alv was well and truly sore, knees and hips aching from the repetitive motion of stomping around the block. Still, he couldn't bring himself to head up to his apartment quite yet. The idea of being closed in such a space held negative appeal. Something about the thought of four walls was actively repulsive.
 
 So he sat on the damp stoop and watched the trees across the street.
 
 The drizzle had dried up---though he hadn't noticed when---and all that was left was the occasional <em>pat</em> of drop on leaf as some bit of water got too heavy and sought a new home closer to the ground. There was just that gentle sound. Despite the hour, the street was empty of traffic, as though the shoddy weather had chased everyone inside.
 
-"Would that my soul were that calm," he mumbled to the bare street at last and levered himself up creakily, climbing the rest of the stairs to head inside.</div>
+"Would that my soul were that calm," he mumbled to the bare street at last and levered himself up creakily, climbing the rest of the stairs to head inside.</pre>
 
 > Write what you know but don't yet understand.
 

content/poet-and-mystic/001.md

@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ date: 2019-08-22
 weight: 39
 ---
 
-<div class="verse">Here is the difference betwixt the poet and the mystic, that the last nails a symbol to one sense, which was a true sense for a moment, but soon becomes old and false. For all symbols are fluxional; all language is vehicular and transitive, and is good, as ferries and horses are, for conveyance, not as farms and houses are, for homestead. Mysticism consists in the mistake of an accidental and individual symbol for an universal one.</div>
+<pre class="verse">Here is the difference betwixt the poet and the mystic, that the last nails a symbol to one sense, which was a true sense for a moment, but soon becomes old and false. For all symbols are fluxional; all language is vehicular and transitive, and is good, as ferries and horses are, for conveyance, not as farms and houses are, for homestead. Mysticism consists in the mistake of an accidental and individual symbol for an universal one.</pre>
 
 > Pretty.
 

content/poet-and-mystic/011.md

@@ -5,6 +5,6 @@ weight: 49
 
 > You're not very focused.
 
-I know.
+<a class="pulse" href="/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words">I know</a>.
 
 > Ask.

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/001.md

@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+---
+date: 2019-12-26
+weight: 1
+---
+
+<style>
+main * {
+    line-height: 0.3;
+}
+</style>
+
+speak to me  
+speak to me  
+speak to me  
+speak to me  
+speak to me  
+speak to me  
+speak to me
+
+that i may see  
+that i may see  
+that i may see  
+that i may see  
+that i may see
+
+the face of god  
+the face of god  
+the face of god

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/002.html

@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
+---
+date: 2019-12-25
+weight: 2
+---
+
+<div class="verse">I was born at the edge of the numinous.
+
+That is why I can to tread along the border.
+That is why I'm able to whisper the name of God.
+That is why I'm allowed to know the number and how to factor it.
+That is why I have seven fingers spread wide and three curled toward my heart.
+That is why my limbs trace the curves and lines of power when I dance.
+That is why I sit with my back to the sun in summer.
+That is why my body is a canvas.
+
+You were born in the sunlight.
+
+Speak secrets into my hair.
+Take my words from me.
+Spend the intercalary days telling me lies.
+Break my dystonia with a breath.
+Wash my face with salt water.
+Tell me the name you call yourself.
+Close my eyes.
+
+We will sleep in the shade.
+
+Let me bless you with smoke.
+Let me bathe your feet.
+Let me light the candles.
+Let me place a stone beneath my tongue.
+Let me taste copper.
+Let me draw in ash.
+Let me rise up until my head is in the branches and my hair becomes the leaves.</div>

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/003.md

@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-12-25
+weight: 3
+---
+
+At the beginning of time, when chaos birthed to order and disorder, we were blessed with two souls. One has seven eyes and can see all of the monsters in the dark, but is blinded by the sun. The other has no eyes, but can feel no pain. When order and disorder were close as children, our souls experienced the world hand in hand, but as they drifted apart and began to fight, some of us left one of our souls behind, and that is why we search.

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/004.md

@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+date: 2019-12-25
+weight: 4
+---
+
+Babel was a collaborative effort. Once, we all spoke the same language, but on seeing god grow increasingly anxious with the rate of our progress, we agreed to let our tongues be confused, so that he could take things at a more comfortable pace, and we could be assured he would not understand us unless we prayed in silence, for only then do we speak the language of angels.

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/005.md

@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+---
+date: 2019-12-26
+weight: 5
+---
+
+I went for a walk and was driven by impulse to collect five sticks. They had to be as straight as possible. They had to be balanced as close to the middle as possible. They had to be the same length without me breaking them. They had to have been from different trees. They had to have fallen more than a year prior.
+
+When I got home, I lay them in a row, asked my question, and, one by one, broke them in half.

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/006.html

@@ -0,0 +1,25 @@
+---
+date: 2019-12-26
+weight: 6
+---
+
+<div class="verse">When I speak, the words drip from my tongue as ink,
+and form writing on the ground,
+and I leave a trail behind me,
+and the ink stains your feet,
+and when you walk, words and phrases and sentences are pressed into the soil,
+and the ink breathes life into the plants,
+and even the grass will flower,
+and the bees will flourish,
+and they will both sting you and provide you with sweet honey.
+
+The ink stains my chin and my clothes.
+&nbsp; Sometimes, I speak into my hands and stain my cheeks as well.
+&nbsp; &nbsp; I speak against my fingers and press them into my flesh until I am covered in rosettes.
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I stretch my hands to the sky and marvel at how black they are.
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; And as with the grass, where the ink stains, growth quickens, and I am covered in soft fur.
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I fall to all fours and hunt amid the rocks and the buildings, between cars and along trails.
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; And when I am full, I curl up to sleep, and awake human once again.
+&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; My skin is clean and my mind is clear,
+
+and I cannot speak.</div>

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/007.md

@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
+---
+date: 2019-12-26
+weight: 7
+---
+
+<pre class="verse">The only time I know my true name is when I pray.
+
+The only time I pray is at the utmost need.
+
+To pray is to ask yourself what you dare not ask god.
+
+To answer your own question, you must step outside yourself.
+
+To step outside yourself, you must forget your true name.
+
+The only time I know my true name is when I pray.</pre>

content/poet-and-mystic/overflowing/with/words/_index.md

@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+---
+type: serial
+background: '#000'
+color: '#444'
+quote: '#555'
+pulse_light: true
+back: /16
+---

content/self-harm/02.md

@@ -5,41 +5,41 @@ weight: 2
 
 <div class="cw">Self harm</div>
 
-<div class="verse">There is too much fire in me
+<pre class="verse">There is too much fire in me
-    to be described by the soldering iron's tip.</div>
+&emsp; to be described by the soldering iron's tip.</pre>
 
 > I must not fear.
 
-<div class="verse">Were I to draw it across my skin,
+<pre class="verse">Were I to draw it across my skin,
-    it would all spill out at once.</div>
+&emsp; it would all spill out at once.</pre>
 
 > Fear is the mind-killer.
 
-<div class="verse">I'd melt, eaten whole by flames,
+<pre class="verse">I'd melt, eaten whole by flames,
-    and flow into a pool of molten glass.</div>
+&emsp; and flow into a pool of molten glass.</pre>
 
 > Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
 
-<div class="verse">Sublimation would claim me,
+<pre class="verse">Sublimation would claim me,
-    atoms would scatter, diffuse.</div>
+&emsp; atoms would scatter, diffuse.</pre>
 
 > I will face my fear.
 
-<div class="verse">I would be borne up through the clouds,
+<pre class="verse">I would be borne up through the clouds,
-    and grow lighter by the second.</div>
+&emsp; and grow lighter by the second.</pre>
 
 > I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
 
-<div class="verse">All that energy poured to the air around me,
+<pre class="verse">All that energy poured to the air around me,
-    an imperceptible increase in temperature.</div>
+&emsp; an imperceptible increase in temperature.</pre>
 
 > And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
 
-<div class="verse">Particle would excite particle
+<pre class="verse">Particle would excite particle
-    until I'm felt only as warmth on your face.</div>
+&emsp; until I'm felt only as warmth on your face.</pre>
 
 > Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
 
-<div class="verse">But even that would not be enough.</div>
+<pre class="verse">But even that would not be enough.</pre>
 
 > Only I will remain.

content/self-harm/suicide/001.md

@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ date: 2019-09-28
 weight: 1
 ---
 
-<div class="verse">From the point of view of the universe, Max's death wasn't a big deal, it was just my big deal.</div>
+<pre class="verse">From the point of view of the universe, Max's death wasn't a big deal, it was just my big deal.</pre>
 
 On March 21st, 2012, I tried to kill myself.
 

content/sex/001.md

@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ weight: 1
 
 Cathleen Schine writes in *The Evolution of Jane*:
 
-<div class="verse">I resented the state of childhood wonder.  It was insatiable, yet it seemed to me to be no more than a puerile affliction, like baby teeth.  My ignorance struck me as a bizarre anomaly, for I felt, with utter certainty, that I was --- how can I say this? --- that I was *sufficient*.  Evidence to the contrary forced itself on me every hour of every day, but that seemed to me some preposterous misunderstanding.</div>
+<pre class="verse">I resented the state of childhood wonder.  It was insatiable, yet it seemed to me to be no more than a puerile affliction, like baby teeth.  My ignorance struck me as a bizarre anomaly, for I felt, with utter certainty, that I was --- how can I say this? --- that I was *sufficient*.  Evidence to the contrary forced itself on me every hour of every day, but that seemed to me some preposterous misunderstanding.</pre>
 
 And while I don't necessarily have fond memories of childhood--
 

content/sex/002.md

@@ -1,5 +1,6 @@
 ---
 date: 2019-09-24
+weight: 2
 ---
 
 How can one be sexual when the act of engaging in sex is so confusing, so anxiety-inducing as to be not worth it no matter how barked up one is?
@@ -22,7 +23,7 @@ Another easy solution I latched onto was erotic roleplay. TS. Typefucking. Co-au
 
 I latched on and wouldn't let go. Still haven't. Beyond even myself, it shows up in my writing:
 
-<div class="verse">And it was there where I found love. There where I found love and lust and romance and flings. I dated. I TSed (we were, of course, too cool to use so vulgar a word as ‘cyber’). I set up relationships for characters in our games, and I set up relationships that transcended that, two hearts touching through only those white words on a black screen.
+<pre class="verse">And it was there where I found love. There where I found love and lust and romance and flings. I dated. I TSed (we were, of course, too cool to use so vulgar a word as ‘cyber’). I set up relationships for characters in our games, and I set up relationships that transcended that, two hearts touching through only those white words on a black screen.
 
 Merlin and Marusin, The_Prof and rranger386, people I would dream about and likely never meet. We were all young. We were in love with each other in our own little worlds, serially and in parallel.
 
@@ -32,7 +33,7 @@ Sometimes I would think about who they were when we TSed, would wonder what it w
 
 But our relationships were as real as any collocated flings. More so, we told ourselves, for the purity of essence that came with no flesh to get in the way.
 
-I’m sure we all hungered for touch.</div>
+I’m sure we all hungered for touch.</pre>
 
 > Did you?
 

themes/ally/static/css/main.css

@@ -116,6 +116,7 @@ blockquote em {
     font-style: normal;
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 .verse {
+    font-family: 'Gentium Book Basic', serif;
     border: 1px solid #eee;
     padding: 1em;
     white-space: pre-wrap;