further styling etc

content/001.md

@@ -4,7 +4,11 @@ date: 2019-08-09
 title: —
 ---
 
-What if I tried to write a magical-realistic memoir? Like. It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of manic notes or bits of manifesto project, but it's generally just about me.
+What if I tried to write a magical-realistic memoir?
+
+Like.
+
+It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of manic notes or bits of Manifesto Project, and maybe I just own the hypertextuality of the medium, but it's generally autobiographical.
 
 That might be neat
 

content/003.md

@@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ She never wanted to be
 
 Hey now, don't be rude. Aren't you supposed to be my ally?
 
-> I *am* your ally. I'm just not your friend.
+> I **am** your ally. I'm just not your friend.
 
 Fair enough.
 

content/004.md

@@ -53,7 +53,7 @@ I drank my way out of one job and through a good chunk of another. I drank until
 
 I worked to quit, I'll have you know. It wasn't easy. It took meds and some rough nights.
 
-> You were less of a person then than you were when you started drinking. The you who started drinking by focusing on *starting drinking* was more real than the you who collapsed in the kitchen from a PNES and stopped drinking because she was completely empty of intention.
+> You were less of a person then than you were when you started drinking. The you who started drinking by focusing on **starting drinking** was more real than the you who collapsed in the kitchen from a PNES and stopped drinking because she was completely empty of intention.
 
 Should I start the daily drinking again, then?
 

content/005.md

@@ -10,3 +10,27 @@ When I was young, back before I knew what mental health entailed, what anxiety a
 This was before LiveJournal, of course. This was before I was writing on the internet, or even really on the internet at all. This was before you.
 
 > No, it wasn't.
+
+Right.
+
+When I [ran away](https://writing.drab-makyo.com/blog/running-away/), my dad found my paper journal. I had kept it infrequently, as something about daily journaling to a seventh-grader felt dishonest, stupid. What could I possibly write about?
+
+In the journal, I mentioned on a few occasions that I'd had a mental breakdown. My dad called me several times over the next few days after my mom found me, and in one of those calls, he yelled at me about that. "Do you really think you're crazy?" he said. "Do you need to be taken to an asylum?"
+
+I told him no. I whispered it. I murmured it. I wasn't crazy. I didn't need to go to an asylum. I just felt like time stopped for me and the world around me sped up. I just felt like I was holding on by the barest amount of friction on my fingertips. The whorls of my fingerprints providing my only grasp on reality.
+
+> That was me saying hi.
+
+Blunt-force greeting?
+
+> I was quiet as a mouse.
+
+I have the words now. I have the vocabulary. I can say derealization, depersonalization, dissociation. I can say panic attack and anxiety and depression and hypomania. I can say *ah, __this__ is what is happening now*.
+
+> You have emotions now, is what you have. Those were your mental breakdowns.
+
+Dad didn't believe in those. Not for boys. *Mood's a thing for cattle and loveplay*, right? Emotions are for women.
+
+> He was half-right.
+
+I suppose he was.