From 4e6230fa2a10a5776c9dfac6311f1e2435d0c07e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Tue, 21 Jul 2020 23:47:54 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 1/9] Limerance --- content/ally/037.md | 13 +++++++++++++ content/limerance/001.md | 28 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ content/limerance/002.md | 13 +++++++++++++ content/limerance/003.md | 24 ++++++++++++++++++++++++ content/limerance/004.md | 15 +++++++++++++++ content/limerance/005.md | 20 ++++++++++++++++++++ content/limerance/006.md | 24 ++++++++++++++++++++++++ content/limerance/007.md | 26 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ content/limerance/008.md | 9 +++++++++ content/limerance/009.md | 10 ++++++++++ content/limerance/_index.html | 3 +++ 11 files changed, 185 insertions(+) create mode 100644 content/ally/037.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/001.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/002.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/003.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/004.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/005.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/006.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/007.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/008.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/009.md create mode 100644 content/limerance/_index.html diff --git a/content/ally/037.md b/content/ally/037.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6139c11 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/ally/037.md @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 37 +--- + +
O breathe a word or two of fire! + Smile, as if those words should burn me, + Squeeze as lovers should—O kiss + And in thy heart inurn me—
+ +> Keats? Now? Really? + +I can't help it. diff --git a/content/limerance/001.md b/content/limerance/001.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c6b0ae9 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/001.md @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 1 +--- + +I am, I often joke, a being built entirely of crushes and anxiety. + +> You joke, but... + +But is that so far from the truth? Is that wrong? It is an incomplete definition, perhaps but it is not incorrect. There is a set of negative emotions that I feel, and a lot of them are bundled up beneath the umbrella of anxiety. There are a lot of positive emotions that I feel, and when I feel them about people, they are bound up under the header of crush. + +The squish zone, I call it. + +> Crush, squish...how delightfully physical. + +They are very physical feelings. They're a type of attraction that has a flavor, a taste. They're a type of attraction that comes over me with a pressure within my chest and a compulsive itch to move, to touch. + +And it's not that they're not emotional. They are. They're very emotional. They're just of a more forceful breed. + +> More forceful than what? + +Than attraction. Than the comfortable sort of love that comes with an established relationship. + +They're not comfortable at all. They come upon me like a palsy. They ride me like madness. + +> "Involuntary state of intense romantic desire" indeed. + +Yes. diff --git a/content/limerance/002.md b/content/limerance/002.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8a3b26 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/002.md @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 2 +--- + +
I live my life in eternal terror +of the completeness of your own. +I take up so little space +and impinge upon it so gently, +I only hope that there is space enough +for a 'dear' here and a 'lovely' there. +If beauty is at the edge of the terrifying, +I live my life in eternal terror.
diff --git a/content/limerance/003.md b/content/limerance/003.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c504d41 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/003.md @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 3 +--- + +Limerence is not a negative thing. This feeling, this need-tinged love is not a negative thing. Crushes are not negative. They add to my life. They make it what it is. + +They're just sometimes a bit too...eucalyptus, you know? + +> I do not. + +Well, lets say that my relationship with JD is a comfortable amber or musk, and let's say that my relationship with Robin is a sort of caramel or cajeta, and let's say that my relationship with Judith is a sort of lilac, and so on. They're scents and flavors that have something of a fullness to them. A roundness. A softness. + +> If you insist. + +I do. + +Then let's say that limerence bears the scent of eucalyptus, the taste of tea-tree oil. It's a sharp, intrusive sensation. It's not negative. It's not unpleasant. + +It's just that it's intense enough to make my eyes water and to interrupt my thoughts. It takes over and I don't know what to do about it. It lingers, even away from the source. + +> Uncomfortably pleasant, perhaps. + +Very. diff --git a/content/limerance/004.md b/content/limerance/004.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2a77dc6 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/004.md @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 4 +--- + +
Between our houses, +there is a simple fence - +not a chasm, not a wall. +Chain-link, waist high, +bedecked with sweet-pea +and set about with violets. +Something we can tend, +something to feel good about, +something between us +other than nothing.
diff --git a/content/limerance/005.md b/content/limerance/005.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0bb5cc0 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/005.md @@ -0,0 +1,20 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 5 +--- + +I think the core problem here is that I form crushes more readily than I form friendships. Or, rather, that I form crushes that then, down the line, turn into friendships. + +> Is that a problem? + +It can be. It can be uncomfortable to fall for someone before reaching some comfortable level of equilibrium (or perhaps desensitization) and we settle into friendship. + +It doesn't always work in that order. Sometimes, I'll form a pretty solid friendship and then *kablam*, there I am, pining away over someone. It's like a switch was flipped, though I'm rarely aware of what the switch is, when it is actually flipped; I just suddenly realize, "Oh my god, I think I may love them." + +> Perhaps the problem is that you are so unsure of how to deal with someone being nice to you, willingly and of their own accord, that you can't help but latch onto that as something worth loving. + +Oof owie. + +> Perhaps. + +I don't think that's the whole of the problem --- or, well, "problem" --- but it's a big enough part of it, that there's no real getting around it. Perhaps the switch being flipped is me realizing, on some subconscious level, that they honestly care for me, even if it's just as a simple friendship. diff --git a/content/limerance/006.md b/content/limerance/006.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f4d9604 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/006.md @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 6 +--- + +
Mi glutos mian amon por vi. +Mi glutos mian amon. +Mi glutos mian amon por vi +Kaj frandos la ekflamadon de magnezio, +Ĝuos la oferbuĉadon, +Ĝojos la aŭtolizadon +De sekretaj ĉeloj. +Mi glutos mian amon por vi. +Mi glutos mian amon. +----- +I will swallow my love for you. +I will swallow my love. +I will swallow my love for you +And relish the magnesium flare, +Rejoice in immolation, +Cherish the autolysis +Of secret cells. +I will swallow my love for you. +I will swallow my love.
diff --git a/content/limerance/007.md b/content/limerance/007.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..148ba40 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/007.md @@ -0,0 +1,26 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 7 +--- + +For the most part, I try to just keep limerance to myself. I'll talk about it with Robin sometimes, or maybe JD, but it's not really something I'll bring up with anyone else, least of all with the limerent object. Why would I? Why would I put that burden on them when I'm not convinced it's worth acting on? Especially if it's something that happens shortly after meeting them. + +> Why not? + +I don't want to put an expectation for reciprocation on them. + +> That is projection. That's you projecting onto them your inability to say no. After all, haven't you told a few and they basically told you no and then you moved on to the comfortable friendship that feels more appropriate? Is that so bad? + +I...well, no, but what if they *are* like me? What if they have a hard time saying no and that leads to a relationship that I have...what? Tricked them into? What if that leads to some form of abuse that I don't realize I'm perpetrating? + +> Are you unable to approach that conversation should it come up? + +I think it's one I'd be willing to have. Glad, even. I would rather that be out in the open. + +> Then why not lead with that? + +Would that not sound like hedging? "I like you, I want you to know that. But it's okay if you don't like me in return, I'd rather know up front." Isn't that a more complicated conversation than it needs to be? Doesn't that add its own pressure to say yes, just using different words? + +> I don't know. Do you? + +I suppose I don't. diff --git a/content/limerance/008.md b/content/limerance/008.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..13eed29 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/008.md @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 8 +--- + +
Every day, I learn to say "I love you" +in a whole new way. +And every day, I fall short +of being understood.
diff --git a/content/limerance/009.md b/content/limerance/009.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4efe705 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/009.md @@ -0,0 +1,10 @@ +--- +date: 2020-07-21 +weight: 9 +--- + +Besides. I like eucalyptus. I like tea-tree oil. I like being ridden by madness, I tell myself. I like to dance, and is palsy not like a dance of sorts? + +> Masochist. + +Through and through. diff --git a/content/limerance/_index.html b/content/limerance/_index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5f2544d --- /dev/null +++ b/content/limerance/_index.html @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +--- +type: serial +--- From 1f1bf40d31b3de0491ca18cd7f813b22cfc69329 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Tue, 21 Jul 2020 23:49:24 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 2/9] Limerence --- content/ally/037.md | 2 +- content/{limerance => limerence}/001.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/002.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/003.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/004.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/005.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/006.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/007.md | 2 +- content/{limerance => limerence}/008.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/009.md | 0 content/{limerance => limerence}/_index.html | 0 11 files changed, 2 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/001.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/002.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/003.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/004.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/005.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/006.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/007.md (95%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/008.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/009.md (100%) rename content/{limerance => limerence}/_index.html (100%) diff --git a/content/ally/037.md b/content/ally/037.md index 6139c11..03bed40 100644 --- a/content/ally/037.md +++ b/content/ally/037.md @@ -10,4 +10,4 @@ weight: 37 > Keats? Now? Really? -I can't help it. +I can't help it. diff --git a/content/limerance/001.md b/content/limerence/001.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/001.md rename to content/limerence/001.md diff --git a/content/limerance/002.md b/content/limerence/002.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/002.md rename to content/limerence/002.md diff --git a/content/limerance/003.md b/content/limerence/003.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/003.md rename to content/limerence/003.md diff --git a/content/limerance/004.md b/content/limerence/004.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/004.md rename to content/limerence/004.md diff --git a/content/limerance/005.md b/content/limerence/005.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/005.md rename to content/limerence/005.md diff --git a/content/limerance/006.md b/content/limerence/006.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/006.md rename to content/limerence/006.md diff --git a/content/limerance/007.md b/content/limerence/007.md similarity index 95% rename from content/limerance/007.md rename to content/limerence/007.md index 148ba40..21fe3fb 100644 --- a/content/limerance/007.md +++ b/content/limerence/007.md @@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ date: 2020-07-21 weight: 7 --- -For the most part, I try to just keep limerance to myself. I'll talk about it with Robin sometimes, or maybe JD, but it's not really something I'll bring up with anyone else, least of all with the limerent object. Why would I? Why would I put that burden on them when I'm not convinced it's worth acting on? Especially if it's something that happens shortly after meeting them. +For the most part, I try to just keep limerence to myself. I'll talk about it with Robin sometimes, or maybe JD, but it's not really something I'll bring up with anyone else, least of all with the limerent object. Why would I? Why would I put that burden on them when I'm not convinced it's worth acting on? Especially if it's something that happens shortly after meeting them. > Why not? diff --git a/content/limerance/008.md b/content/limerence/008.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/008.md rename to content/limerence/008.md diff --git a/content/limerance/009.md b/content/limerence/009.md similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/009.md rename to content/limerence/009.md diff --git a/content/limerance/_index.html b/content/limerence/_index.html similarity index 100% rename from content/limerance/_index.html rename to content/limerence/_index.html From 99f03118b2d51cff0edc79c12b8fddb3297d4f7f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2020 00:14:52 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 3/9] News item --- content/ally/037.md | 9 +++------ content/limerence/009.md | 2 +- content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md | 21 +++++++++++++++++++++ 3 files changed, 25 insertions(+), 7 deletions(-) create mode 100644 content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md diff --git a/content/ally/037.md b/content/ally/037.md index 03bed40..151b4ae 100644 --- a/content/ally/037.md +++ b/content/ally/037.md @@ -3,11 +3,8 @@ date: 2020-07-21 weight: 37 --- -
O breathe a word or two of fire! - Smile, as if those words should burn me, - Squeeze as lovers should—O kiss - And in thy heart inurn me—
+A scent of eucalyptus. The taste of tea-tree oil. -> Keats? Now? Really? +> And? -I can't help it. +And maybe a little bit of yearning. diff --git a/content/limerence/009.md b/content/limerence/009.md index 4efe705..b401994 100644 --- a/content/limerence/009.md +++ b/content/limerence/009.md @@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ date: 2020-07-21 weight: 9 --- -Besides. I like eucalyptus. I like tea-tree oil. I like being ridden by madness, I tell myself. I like to dance, and is palsy not like a dance of sorts? +Besides, I tell myself, I like eucalyptus. I like tea-tree oil. I like being ridden by madness, I continue. I like to dance, and is palsy not like a dance of sorts? And is there not something queer about relishing secret loves? > Masochist. diff --git a/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..195f920 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +--- +type: post +title: A liminal sort of love +date: 2020-07-21 +--- +
O breathe a word or two of fire! + + Smile, as if those words should burn me, + Squeeze as lovers should—O kiss + And in thy heart inurn me—
+ +> Keats? Now? Really? + + + +I can't help it. + +### New content + +* [ally 37](/37) +* [Liminence](/liminence) From 72dee76cd157d832d815307acaad2eebe48eb57a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2020 00:15:16 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 4/9] News item --- content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md index 195f920..e44aa4c 100644 --- a/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md +++ b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -type: post +type: news title: A liminal sort of love date: 2020-07-21 --- From f53b51bbd120469303ac0a717e516bb982d29690 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2020 00:23:19 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 5/9] Switch to pre --- content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md | 5 ++--- 1 file changed, 2 insertions(+), 3 deletions(-) diff --git a/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md index e44aa4c..c71681c 100644 --- a/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md +++ b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md @@ -3,11 +3,10 @@ type: news title: A liminal sort of love date: 2020-07-21 --- -
O breathe a word or two of fire! - +
O breathe a word or two of fire!
         Smile, as if those words should burn me,
     Squeeze as lovers should—O kiss
-        And in thy heart inurn me—
+ And in thy heart inurn me— > Keats? Now? Really? From 5614464617fe09a36ef21f94130a93a989d7f809 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2020 00:26:45 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 6/9] fix link --- content/ally/037.md | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/content/ally/037.md b/content/ally/037.md index 151b4ae..77b1853 100644 --- a/content/ally/037.md +++ b/content/ally/037.md @@ -7,4 +7,4 @@ A scent of eucalyptus. The taste of tea-tree oil. > And? -And maybe a little bit of yearning. +And maybe a little bit of yearning. From e715cbf9b0c48789b7e3bf168c44f307c3a037dc Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2020 00:30:12 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 7/9] back link --- content/limerence/_index.html | 1 + 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+) diff --git a/content/limerence/_index.html b/content/limerence/_index.html index 5f2544d..f54fac7 100644 --- a/content/limerence/_index.html +++ b/content/limerence/_index.html @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ --- type: serial +back: /37 --- From 3cf23906e35d9d695b2cbcb38520cd9b52301dbc Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2020 00:32:40 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 8/9] Typo --- content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md index c71681c..c8e2681 100644 --- a/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md +++ b/content/news/2020-07-21-limerence.md @@ -17,4 +17,4 @@ I can't help it. ### New content * [ally 37](/37) -* [Liminence](/liminence) +* [Limerence](/limerence) From af83c8738fb5d975451087fc168f3c9da62d3892 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2020 11:09:41 -0700 Subject: [PATCH 9/9] Reword --- content/limerence/001.md | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/content/limerence/001.md b/content/limerence/001.md index c6b0ae9..6df7911 100644 --- a/content/limerence/001.md +++ b/content/limerence/001.md @@ -19,7 +19,7 @@ And it's not that they're not emotional. They are. They're very emotional. They' > More forceful than what? -Than attraction. Than the comfortable sort of love that comes with an established relationship. +Than simple romance. Than the comfortable sort of love that comes with an established relationship. They're not comfortable at all. They come upon me like a palsy. They ride me like madness.