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Madison Scott-Clary
2020-02-18 18:31:35 -08:00
parent 765f516600
commit 862c1b8153
31 changed files with 525 additions and 341 deletions

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@ -51,7 +51,7 @@ I drank hard with the choir, and then I left school and drank hard with the prog
I did some work at a bar, even. Just making their menu and website for them in exchange for free drinks.
\begin{ally}
You mastered \LaTeX that way. A very you thing to do.
You mastered \LaTeX\ that way. A very you thing to do.
\end{ally}
I did well at it. I still have one of the menus and some of the paper laying around somewhere. I did that until the bartender left and, when I asked for my next payment from the owner, he flipped out at me and threatened to sue me for impersonating him. I don't think I realized Raffi, the bar manager who hired me, was already on his way out.

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@ -1,10 +1,12 @@
\label{ally:8}
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\emph{July 2nd, 2004, shortly after midnight}
\begin{flushright}
\emph{July 2nd, 2004, shortly after midnight}
\end{flushright}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
My emotions are gaining distinct colors, like a kind of twisted synaesthesia. There's definitely a sense of physical location associated with each emotion, and it's not always internal. There may also be a tactile part to this, but I have yet to experience it in any different places or with any different touches, so it may just be one continuous headache that goes latent occasionally.
\noindent My emotions are gaining distinct colors, like a kind of twisted synaesthesia. There's definitely a sense of physical location associated with each emotion, and it's not always internal. There may also be a tactile part to this, but I have yet to experience it in any different places or with any different touches, so it may just be one continuous headache that goes latent occasionally.
An example: when pondering ****, a luminescent fuschia color that seems to be flowing in the right hemisphere of my brain; when thinking of ******* and snuggling, a warm, earthy brown with a little bit of green in a pine-needle-ish pattern about a foot and a half in front of me and slightly to the left; tiredness is off-white everywhere and blind hopelessness is bright blue wrapped around my mind. The headache moves around, but it's mostly at the lower, back, right side of my head. Ibuprofin works well.
@ -19,10 +21,12 @@ Current mood: Bright blue with a tinge of purple, but mostly off white and hazy.
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
July 3rd, 2004, shortly after midnight.
\begin{flushright}
\emph{July 3rd, 2004, shortly after midnight}
\end{flushright}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
Greens covering my chest and shoulders warmly are happiness.
\noindent Greens covering my chest and shoulders warmly are happiness.
\vfill
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}
@ -37,14 +41,13 @@ And that's when I showed up, yes?
Yeah, later that day.
\begin{quotation}
The navy blue I've been seeing at waist level in front of me and to my left is contentment. I'm not entirely sure that it being omnipresent is a good thing, however, considering the colors it's mixed with. Am I really content with longing and hopelessness? It's not out of the question, I suppose that it could just be another aspect of my personality. But that just brings up the question of whether or not it's something I ingrained into myself through habit, something where I just kinda accepted that feeling such things is normal, okay, and what I want; or is it something I was born with, or that we're all born with? Is it a side effect of love, expecting impossible desires and the blind hopelessness that follows the end of a four year undertaking?
\noindent The navy blue I've been seeing at waist level in front of me and to my left is contentment. I'm not entirely sure that it being omnipresent is a good thing, however, considering the colors it's mixed with. Am I really content with longing and hopelessness? It's not out of the question, I suppose that it could just be another aspect of my personality. But that just brings up the question of whether or not it's something I ingrained into myself through habit, something where I just kinda accepted that feeling such things is normal, okay, and what I want; or is it something I was born with, or that we're all born with? Is it a side effect of love, expecting impossible desires and the blind hopelessness that follows the end of a four year undertaking?
\begin{ally}
Whatever, you're rambling.
\end{ally}
Guilty, conspirator.
\end{quotation}
\newpage
\begin{ally}
@ -53,9 +56,7 @@ And these pictures?
All from years later. The color thing comes and goes, like you.
\end{leftcolumn}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\begin{flushright}
\emph{April 8, 2004}
\end{flushright}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{verse}
@ -87,7 +88,7 @@ Off\\
It soothes.
\end{verse}
Sometimes I'm overcome by the numinous. Sometimes it's colors, sometimes it's you, sometimes it's a silence swelling within my chest, stealing breath.
\noindent Sometimes I'm overcome by the numinous. Sometimes it's colors, sometimes it's you, sometimes it's a silence swelling within my chest, stealing breath.
\begin{ally}
He would be riding on the subway or writing formulas on the blackboard or having a meal or (as now) sitting and talking to someone across a table, and it would envelop him like a soundless tsunami.
@ -104,7 +105,7 @@ Is it wrong?
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
I'll take a picture, lasso a color, and desaturate everything else. Sometimes, it's fun. I do it to Falcon's eyes a lot because they're so pretty.
\noindent I'll take a picture, lasso a color, and desaturate everything else. Sometimes, it's fun. I do it to Falcon's eyes a lot because they're so pretty.
\begin{ally}
And sometimes it's something more.
@ -121,16 +122,17 @@ Yeah. Sometimes it's a compulsion. Sometimes a picture will latch onto me and ne
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
Sometimes I'll blow out the background because the foreground is so completely overwhelming.
\noindent Sometimes I'll blow out the background because the foreground is so completely overwhelming.
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}
\includepdf{assets/static/color/bw3.pdf}
\null
\vfill
Sometimes I'll skew colors all in one direction.
\vfill
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent Sometimes I'll skew colors all in one direction.
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}
\includepdf{assets/static/color/window_view.pdf}
@ -148,7 +150,7 @@ Sometimes I'll skew colors all in one direction.
\end{quote}
\end{rightcolumn}
\begin{leftcolumn}
It's not an artistic decision. Not \emph{just}, at least. It's always something more.
\noindent It's not an artistic decision. Not \emph{just}, at least. It's always something more.
\begin{verse}
Inter ĝuo kaj timo\\
@ -172,7 +174,7 @@ Incontestible,\\
Unmoving and always changing.
\end{verse}
A sigil need not just be lines and curves.
\noindent A sigil need not just be lines and curves.
\begin{ally}
Or maybe it's just mania.

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@ -29,7 +29,6 @@ Later.
I took a sleep aid. I'm not getting into this now. I was all prepped to write about poly stuff, but you started banging on the door.
Read what I've already written.
\newpage
\input{content/birds.tex}

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@ -7,8 +7,13 @@
\begin{ally}
Thank you.
\end{ally}
Can we talk about something else? Please?
\begin{ally}
Something lighter?
\end{ally}
Something softer.
\vfill
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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@ -2,49 +2,49 @@
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
Where did you go?
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
I was still here.
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
Were you?
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
I was still at my computer. Still writing. I was still here?
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
You'll have to forgive me for saying that I don't quite believe you.
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
Why wouldn't you? You're here with me, aren't you?
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
Was I? It was like looking through cling wrap. It was like looking through melted glass.
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
What do you mean?
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
Well, you were there. I could see you at your computer. You were there, but it wasn't \textbf{you}. There was a Madison-shape sitting with a laptop on the couch, petting the dogs, feeding the cat, listening to music, but it wasn't you.
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
I was busy, perhaps. \emph{Restless Town} came out, that stole a lot of my time.
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
When was the last time you filed an invoice at work?
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
Two\ldots{}weeks ago. I think? Damn. Was I really gone that long?
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
Longer. Do you remember what you did the week before that?
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
Worked, doubtless.
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
Did you? Have you talked with work about that?
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
Ah.
\begin{quote}
\begin{ally}
Let's talk about burnout, shall we?
\end{quote}
\end{ally}
We probably better had.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}

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@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ Shall I throw your words in your face?
\begin{ally}
By all means.
\end{ally}
``Am I something to be bought and sold? Am I something to be traded and marketed?''\footnote{https://ally.id/aside/2}
\emph{Am I something to be bought and sold? Am I something to be traded and marketed?}\footnote{https://ally.id/aside/2}
\begin{ally}
Have you answered the question? \textbf{Am} I something to be bought and sold? Me, here, being a part of yourself.
@ -66,5 +66,6 @@ That said, I can't stop. I can't not make more things. I can't not write. If I h
\begin{ally}
See? Not my department.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}