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book/content/gender/surgery.tex
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@ -19,7 +19,7 @@
tells you that that must not be the case.\\
There's no easy way to make yourself face\\
that which your emotions continually deny,\\
no matter how true you know it to be.\\!
no matter how true you know it to be.\\*
\vinphantom{no matter how true you know it to be.} But why\\
must all these contradictions claim events\\
that mean the most to us? What prevents\\
@ -29,13 +29,12 @@
Is the life-changing too vast to explore, to seek\\
out every corner?
\begin{ally}
\noindent Have you considered that your constant seeking\\
\noindent may be the problem? That your anxieties leaking\\
\noindent all over may be what's preventing you\\
\noindent from recognizing what's actually true:\\
\noindent you can do things for yourself. It's allowed.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Have you considered that your constant seeking\\
\vin may be the problem? That your anxieties leaking\\
\vin all over may be what's preventing you\\
\vin from recognizing what's actually true:\\
\vin you can do things for yourself. It's allowed.}
It also doesn't help that there were so many delays.\\
The scheduler losing my application, and me counting days\\
@ -51,20 +50,19 @@
How trite. How selfish. How lame. How revealing\\
of my bottomless shallowness.
\begin{ally}
\noindent Your saving grace being, as always, dysphoria:\\
\noindent more than any cough or cold, more than your chorea,\\
\noindent it provided you with a problem. Something fixable.\\
\noindent It gave you a tangible solution to something integral\\
\noindent that plagued you.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Your saving grace being, as always, dysphoria:\\
\vin more than any cough or cold, more than your chorea,\\
\vin it provided you with a problem. Something fixable.\\
\vin It gave you a tangible solution to something integral\\
\vin that plagued you.}
That I had something I could concrete at which to point\\
that would be fixed by this act, I could thus annoint\\
it as somehow more worthy, something worth doing.\\
If I could go through some process of ungluing,\\
excise this thing from myself I might become whole\\
in some way never before imagined.\\!
in some way never before imagined.\\*
\vinphantom{in some way never before imagined.} Ah, but the toll.\\
There must always some arbitrary price to pay ---\\
Self-actualization must never be free --- and hey,\\
@ -73,16 +71,16 @@
of change must serve some sort of divine end.\\
To wait eighteen long months, to refuse to bend\\
to others' whims\ldots{}
\newpage
\begin{ally}
\noindent You got your letters, you got your date, you did it.\\
\noindent You did your labor, you did your time. They let you fidget\\
\noindent and twist in the wind. Hell, they did it to you twice.\\
\noindent Your letters only good for one year, you had to ask nice\\
\noindent for a second set.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin You got your letters, you got your date, you did it.\\
\vin You did your labor, you did your time. They let you fidget\\
\vin and twist in the wind. Hell, they did it to you twice.\\
\vin Your letters only good for one year, you had to ask nice\\
\vin for a second set.}
Yes.\\!
Yes.\\*
\vinphantom{Yes. } To preempt your 'why', I followed my own advice:\\
If I feel the same when I'm depressed as I do when I feel nice,\\
It's a thing worth doing. Eighteen months is time enough\\
@ -97,13 +95,12 @@
even at the pre-operative appointments, totally cognizant\\
that I didn't deserve this.
\begin{ally}
\noindent Whether or not you deserve this is not up for debate.\\
\noindent Not because you do or don't so much as because the hand fate\\
\noindent dealt you. You had the job, you had the insurance, the means.\\
\noindent You made the call. You took the step. You passed the screens.\\
\noindent \textbf{You} did this.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Whether or not you deserve this is not up for debate.\\
\vin Not because you do or don't so much as because the hand fate\\
\vin dealt you. You had the job, you had the insurance, the means.\\
\vin You made the call. You took the step. You passed the screens.\\
\vin \textbf{You} did this.}
\end{verse}
\newpage
@ -123,8 +120,8 @@
to that six-thirty AM call. The days of purging.\\
The anxiety. The drive. My husband's gentle urging.\\
That night in the Airbnb. That last shower with the Hibiclens.\\
All that has faded. It's distored at the edge of the lens
of my memory.\\!
All that has faded. It's distored at the edge of the lens\\
of my memory.\\*
\vinphantom{of my memory.} No, what remains is the two hours before:\\
the being so scared that I was reduced to the barest core.\\
There was nothing left of me but fear, not even a name.\\
@ -133,13 +130,12 @@
But beyond that, I was a non-person. Or convict: my doom\\
was in their hands.
\begin{ally}
\noindent Non-person? Doom? Give yourself at least some credit.\\
\noindent You still had agency. You still had a choice, could have not let it\\
\noindent happen. You say of travel that getting you there is their job:\\
\noindent you felt the same here. You crossed the doorway and let this mob\\
\noindent of nurses do theirs.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Non-person? Doom? Give yourself at least some credit.\\
\vin You still had agency. You still had a choice, could have not let it\\
\vin happen. You say of travel that getting you there is their job:\\
\vin you felt the same here. You crossed the doorway and let this mob\\
\vin of nurses do theirs.}
And that's exactly what happened. I crossed that threshold,\\
and then there I was: a patient before a team ready to handhold.\\
@ -148,7 +144,7 @@
working through a system. I even had a barcode to scan.\\
Some gabapentin. My belongings in a bag. A rundown of the plan.\\
An IV, and a second after the first missed. Meet the surgeon,\\
then the anaesthesiologist.\\!
then the anaesthesiologist.\\*
\vinphantom{then the anaesthesiologist.} I felt myself then a virgin.\\
I was at this point being prepared for some strange sacrifice,\\
a process of pain and cutting, of rebirth. A cut, a slice,\\
@ -156,13 +152,12 @@
Where I'd never put stock in virginity before --- so obsolete ---\\
it fits well, now.
\begin{ally}
\noindent It's the penetration. It's the being opened up. The breach in tegument.\\
\noindent There is change implied in the loss of virginity. Something elegant,\\
\noindent something beyond just the physical. Maybe it's maturity,\\
\noindent maybe it's a coming of age, or even some strange aspect of purity.\\
\noindent It's a one-way change
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin It's the penetration. It's the being opened up. The breach in tegument.\\
\vin There is change implied in the loss of virginity. Something elegant,\\
\vin something beyond just the physical. Maybe it's maturity,\\
\vin maybe it's a coming of age, or even some strange aspect of purity.\\
\vin It's a one-way change}
That no-going-back-ness grew stronger and stronger,\\
and the minutes just seemed to go longer and longer,\\
@ -177,15 +172,15 @@
After all, this surgery, this procedue, none of this was riskless.\\
Would this be where we died? Would we pass here, resistless,\\
in the depths of anaesthesia?
\newpage
\begin{ally}
\noindent Was that really such a worry?\\!
\noindent \vinphantom{Was that really such a worry?} I mean, I suppose it had to have been.\\
\noindent You spent all that time polishing your will. How could you begin\\
\noindent to deny the death-thoughts inherent in a nine-hour surgery?\\
\noindent That you didn't still leaves you feeling like you're living a forgery\\
\noindent of a life.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Was that really such a worry?\\*
\vinphantom{\vin Was that really such a worry?} I mean, I suppose it had to have been.\\
\vin You spent all that time polishing your will. How could you begin\\
\vin to deny the death-thoughts inherent in a nine-hour surgery?\\
\vin That you didn't still leaves you feeling like you're living a forgery\\
\vin of a life.}
But then I was in. I was in that room with surprisingly green walls.\\
The nurses dropped me off, and from down those hidden halls\\
@ -198,48 +193,46 @@
any train of thought. The jazz music they'd put on, at my request,\\
was overwhelmed by static. My vision followed. Silence: blessed.\\
Speed: surprising. Is this death? A rush of nothing. Is this death?\\
Nothing.\\!
\vinphantom{Nothing.} Nothing. Is this death?\\!
Nothing.\\*
\vinphantom{Nothing.} Nothing. Is this death?\\*
\vinphantom{Nothing. Nothing. Is it his death?} Is this death?
Silence, static.
\end{verse}
\begin{ally}
\begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
\vinphantom{Nothing.} Was this death?\\!
Nothing. \phantom{Was this death?} Nothing, death? \phantom{Nothing,} nothing.\\!
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vinphantom{Nothing.} Was this death?\\*
Nothing. \phantom{Was this death?} Nothing, death? \phantom{Nothing,} nothing.\\*
\vspace{1em}
\vinphantom{Nothing. Was this death? Nothing, death?} Nothing,\\
\vinphantom{Death?} Was this death?\\!
Death? \phantom{Was this death?} Nothing.\\!
% \vinphantom{Death? Was this Death? Nothing. There was Nothing.} Death? Nothing.\\!
\vinphantom{Death?} Was this death?\\*
Death? \phantom{Was this death?} Nothing.\\*
% \vinphantom{Death? Was this Death? Nothing. There was Nothing.} Death? Nothing.\\*
\vspace{1em}
\vinphantom{Death? Was this death? Nothing.} There was nothing.\\
\vspace{2em}
Silence.\\!
Silence.\\*
\vspace{1em}
\vinphantom{Silence.} Static.\\!
\vinphantom{Silence.} Static.\\*
\vspace{3em}
\vinphantom{Silence. Static.} Nothing.\\!
\vinphantom{Silence. Static.} Nothing.\\*
\vspace{4em}
\vinphantom{Silence. Static. Nothing. Death.} Death.\\!
\vinphantom{Silence. Static. Nothing. Death.} Death.\\*
\vspace{3em}
\vinphantom{Silence. Static. Nothing.} Death.\\!
\vinphantom{Silence. Static. Nothing.} Death.\\*
\vspace{3em}
\vinphantom{Silence. Static. Nothing. Death. Death.} Silence.\\!
\vinphantom{Silence. Static. Nothing. Death. Death.} Silence.\\*
\vspace{2em}
\vinphantom{Silence. Static. Nothing. Death. Death. Silence.} Death.\\
\vinphantom{Static. Static.} Silence.\\!
\vinphantom{Static. Static.} Silence.\\*
\vspace{2em}
\vinphantom{Static.} Static.\\!
\vinphantom{Static.} Static.\\*
\vspace{5em}
Static. \phantom{Static. Silence.} Static.\\! \vspace{10em}
\vinphantom{Static. Static. Silence. Static.} Death, static.\\!
Static. \phantom{Static. Silence.} Static.\\* \vspace{10em}
\vinphantom{Static. Static. Silence. Static.} Death, static.\\*
\vspace{11em}
\vinphantom{Static. Static. Silence. Static. Death, Static.} Death.\\
\vfill
And then you woke up.
And then you woke up.}
\end{verse}
\end{ally}
\newpage
\begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
@ -315,19 +308,18 @@ that which was probably memory to begin with.
yet to be had, despite the heady sensation of the opiate\\
coursing through me; only giggles, however inappropriate,\\
every time we went over a bump or up a ramp.\\
And then I was in my room.\\!
And then I was in my room.\\*
\vinphantom{And then I was in my room.} Me. A bed. My IV. A lamp.\\
Square. Spacious. A bathroom I could not yet walk to.\\
Hourly vitals. Friendly staff wandering through to talk to.\\
And a button in my hand.
\begin{ally}
\noindent That button, which you were instructed to press\\
\noindent every seven minutes. A morphine drip, or dilaudid, at a guess.\\
\noindent Every seven minutes, a bit of nightmare dripped into your veins.\\
\noindent Every seven minutes, more entrails, more gears, more chains\\
\noindent coursing through your mind.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin That button, which you were instructed to press\\
\vin every seven minutes. A morphine drip, or dilaudid, at a guess.\\
\vin Every seven minutes, a bit of nightmare dripped into your veins.\\
\vin Every seven minutes, more entrails, more gears, more chains\\
\vin coursing through your mind.}
There was pain, too, and the drip did indeed lessen that.\\
Still, the pain grew less, and soon I switched meds to combat\\
@ -335,7 +327,7 @@ that which was probably memory to begin with.
Pills. Pills. Every four hours: pills. I complain, but improved\\
nonetheless. Antibiotics. Stool softeners. Painkillers.\\
The nurses wandering in and out became my tillers:\\
They steered my days, steered my pain, steered my diet.\\
They steered my days, steered my pain, steered my diet.\\\newpage
We talked. We laughed. We shared private jokes in the quiet\\
of the night over BP cuffs. They helped with bedpan duty,\\
thankless though it was. Another patient would cry, flutey,\\
@ -343,13 +335,12 @@ that which was probably memory to begin with.
Every now and then, when he made it down to Portland, James\\
would visit, perhaps spend the night.
\begin{ally}
\noindent Your laptop unweildy, you spent most of your time on your phone.\\
\noindent Even when no one was there, you were never quite alone.\\
\noindent Hours on Taps. Hours on Telegram. Five long days on your back,\\
\noindent and you, a side sleeper! Anything and everything to distract\\
\noindent from that fact.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Your laptop unweildy, you spent most of your time on your phone.\\
\vin Even when no one was there, you were never quite alone.\\
\vin Hours on Taps. Hours on Telegram. Five long days on your back,\\
\vin and you, a side sleeper! Anything and everything to distract\\
\vin from that fact.}
It wasn't all monotony. The surgeon came in to check on me.\\
They removed my dressing, and then my packing, setting me free,\\
@ -364,14 +355,14 @@ that which was probably memory to begin with.
outside my door. It was somehow still unreal to me.\\
Or perhaps I was simply to eager to finally be free\\
from the room.
\newpage
\begin{ally}
\noindent Undiluted sunlight while you waited on JD to get the car\\
\noindent hurt your eyes. You could still barely stand, afraid to jar\\
\noindent your new body in your dizziness. Almost more overwhelming\\
\noindent than the hours before the surgery was you helming\\
\noindent your dissociating self.
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Undiluted sunlight while you waited on JD to get the car\\
\vin hurt your eyes. You could still barely stand, afraid to jar\\
\vin your new body in your dizziness. Almost more overwhelming\\
\vin than the hours before the surgery was you helming\\
\vin your dissociating self.}
All the way to the B\&B, crossing that street, getting settled,\\
I was nothing. I was not myself. I was soft, bepetaled.\\
@ -387,16 +378,17 @@ that which was probably memory to begin with.
I needed to not be completely unmoored, to not be unbounded.\\
But it was done.
\begin{ally}
\noindent It was done. It was complete. You'd started taking action,\\
\noindent and kept on taking steps until you were there, beyond abstraction.\\
\noindent This was concrete. This was real. This was true. \textbf{You} were true.\\
\noindent You weren't false before, but all the same, now that you were new,\\
\noindent you were more true now
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin It was done. It was complete. You'd started taking action,\\
\vin and kept on taking steps until you were there, beyond abstraction.\\
\vin This was concrete. This was real. This was true. \textbf{You} were true.\\
\vin You weren't false before, but all the same, now that you were new,\\
\vin you were more true now}
\end{verse}
\newpage
\null
\vfill
\begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
It is two hundred miles between what I expect and what I want.\\
Two hundred long strides that seem impassible from one direction,\\
@ -414,6 +406,7 @@ It is twelve years between what I want and what I get:\\
Ten years of remembering who I will become, two years running,\\
\vin Eight days dreaming.
\end{verse}
\vfill
\newpage
\begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
@ -431,22 +424,21 @@ Ten years of remembering who I will become, two years running,\\
My body was still my own. Whole and entire. My life played out,\\
and I became more myself.
\begin{ally}
\noindent This isn't going how you pictured it, this bit of writing.\\
\noindent You were going to talk more about healing, about fighting\\
\noindent for permission to change, about your \$76,000 bill.\\
\noindent And here you talk of trees and growth. Did you not get your fill?\\
\noindent Do you still need this outlet?
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin This isn't going how you pictured it, this bit of writing.\\
\vin You were going to talk more about healing, about fighting\\
\vin for permission to change, about your \$76,000 bill.\\
\vin And here you talk of trees and growth. Did you not get your fill?\\
\vin Do you still need this outlet?}
Apparently.\\!
Apparently.\\*
\vinphantom{Apparently.} Apparently I still need to revel in the newness.\\
Apparently, what I need out of this project isn't the trueness\\
of the concrete. We should really have expected nothing less.\\
This is a project to dig for truth, a project to confess.\\
It is not a project for describing stitches stabbing me in the clit.\\
It is not for telling about each successive dilator testing the fit\\
of my new depths. Could I have gone into that? Yes. Perhaps.\\
of my new depths. Could I have gone into that? Yes. Perhaps.\\\newpage
Perhaps I still will. Later. For now, I still need to run laps,\\
to circle around some dark core and discern its edges.\\
Perhaps if I know that shape, if I peek over enough hedges,\\
@ -454,13 +446,12 @@ Ten years of remembering who I will become, two years running,\\
Maybe there is no knowing the self. Still, I have to try, rightly\\
or not.
\begin{ally}
\noindent Fair enough. Still, at some point, discuss the concrete.\\
\noindent So many have asked you to, and perhaps you'd feel complete.\\
\noindent Perhaps that, too, would be of use to you. Not everything demands\\
\noindent such thorough introspection. Not everything fits in the wetlands\\
\noindent of your subconscious
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin Fair enough. Still, at some point, discuss the concrete.\\
\vin So many have asked you to, and perhaps you'd feel complete.\\
\vin Perhaps that, too, would be of use to you. Not everything demands\\
\vin such thorough introspection. Not everything fits in the wetlands\\
\vin of your subconscious}
Of course not. I know this. \emph{You} know I know this.\\
I'm not deflecting, just focusing on this part of the abyss.\\
@ -475,14 +466,14 @@ Ten years of remembering who I will become, two years running,\\
and to learn from our discussions. To learn? To suffer?\\
Perhaps more the latter. To hurt, and grow tougher\\
by hurting.
\newpage
\begin{ally}
\noindent You have been called on that, yes, writing to suffer.\\
\noindent And it's not wrong. You sit at your laptop and fill the buffer\\
\noindent with sentences and lines and paragraphs of memories and pain.\\
\noindent Do you really grow tougher? Is it masochisim, or do you gain\\
\noindent real insight from this?
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin You have been called on that, yes, writing to suffer.\\
\vin And it's not wrong. You sit at your laptop and fill the buffer\\
\vin with sentences and lines and paragraphs of memories and pain.\\
\vin Do you really grow tougher? Is it masochisim, or do you gain\\
\vin real insight from this?}
I think I do. It's therapeutic to try and understand myself better.\\
is it not? With every paragraph and line and word and letter,\\
@ -498,69 +489,65 @@ Ten years of remembering who I will become, two years running,\\
Then I can experience thisness --- I hope --- when buffeted by forces\\
internal.
\begin{ally}
\noindent If you say so, I suppose. Do you think it'll work, though?\\
\noindent Aren't such works unknowable by definition? They grow,\\
\noindent they wane. You can sense them by their effects and emissions,\\
\noindent but isn't seeing them, truly seeing, knowing their positions,\\
\noindent reserved for dreams?
\end{ally}
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\vin If you say so, I suppose. Do you think it'll work, though?\\
\vin Aren't such works unknowable by definition? They grow,\\
\vin they wane. You can sense them by their effects and emissions,\\
\vin but isn't seeing them, truly seeing, knowing their positions,\\
\vin reserved for dreams?}
\end{verse}
\newpage
\begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
What have you changed?\\
\vin \emph{My mind}\\
What changed you?\\
\vin \emph{Nothing}\\
What became of it?\\
\vin \emph{I am not who I was}
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What have you changed?}\\
My mind\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What changed you?}\\
Nothing\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What became of it?}\\
I am not who I was
What have you changed?\\
\vin \emph{My name}\\
What changed you?\\
\vin \emph{The word}\\
What became of it?\\
\vin \emph{I am called who I am}
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What have you changed?}\\
My name\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What changed you?}\\
The word\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What became of it?}\\
I am called who I am
What have you changed?\\
\vin \emph{My looks}\\
What changed you?\\
\vin \emph{The light}\\
What became of it?\\
\vin \emph{I am seen as I am}
What have you changed?\\
\vin \emph{My chemistry}\\
What changed you?\\
\vin \emph{The substance}\\
What became of it?\\
\vin \emph{My form is my own}
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What have you changed?}\\
My looks\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What changed you?}\\
The light\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What became of it?}\\
I am seen as I am
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What have you changed?}\\
My chemistry\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What changed you?}\\
The substance\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What became of it?}\\
My form is my own
\newpage
\null
\vspace{0.01em}
What have you changed?\\
\vin \emph{My body}\\
What changed you?\\
\vin \emph{The knife}\\
What became of it?\\
\vin \emph{I am shaped how I am}
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What have you changed?}\\
My body\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What changed you?}\\
The knife\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What became of it?}\\
I am shaped how I am
What have you changed?\\
\vin \emph{Nothing}\\
What changed you?\\
\vin \emph{I was accepted}\\
What became of it?\\
\vin \emph{I accepted myself}
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What have you changed?}\\
Nothing\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What changed you?}\\
I was accepted\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What became of it?}\\
I accepted myself
What have you changed?\\
\vin \emph{Everything}\\
What changed you?\\
\vin \emph{Everything}\\
What became of it?\\
\vin \emph{I became who I am}
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What have you changed?}\\
Everything\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What changed you?}\\
Everything\\
\vin {\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] What became of it?}\\
I became who I am
\end{verse}
\newpage