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Madison Scott-Clary
2020-02-18 18:31:35 -08:00
parent 765f516600
commit 862c1b8153
31 changed files with 525 additions and 341 deletions
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16
book/content/self-harm/self-harm.tex
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@ -1,6 +1,9 @@
\label{selfharm:selfharm}
\renewcommand*{\footnoterule}{%
\kern-3pt%
\color[HTML]{dddddd}\hrule width 0.4\columnwidth
\kern2.6pt}
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=DDDDDDFF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{222228}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{222228}
\backgroundcolor{c[1]}[HTML]{222228}
@ -90,6 +93,8 @@ You never spoke to him again.
\end{ally}
I will close my eyes and my heart and become a stone.
\newpage
\null
\newpage
\noindent There is too much fire in me
@ -136,6 +141,9 @@ And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Particle would excite particle
until I'm felt only as warmth on your face.
\newpage
\null
\vfill
\begin{ally}
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
@ -145,6 +153,7 @@ But even that would not be enough.
\begin{ally}
Only I will remain.
\end{ally}
\vfill
\newpage
\noindent TIASAP stands for \emph{The Ill-Advised Self-Administration Period}.
@ -167,7 +176,7 @@ I tell myself now that if I belive something to be true when I'm depressed as we
And, well.
% XXX footnote color
Now I knew it was right.\footnote{Page \pageref{gender:gender}}
Now I knew it was right.\footnote{\color[HTML]{dddddd}Page \pageref{gender:gender}}
But I was unsafe, I was punishing myself, and I did it all on purpose.
@ -175,7 +184,10 @@ But I was unsafe, I was punishing myself, and I did it all on purpose.
Why ruin your life on accident when you can do it on purpose?
\end{ally}
\newpage
\null
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}
\resetbackgroundcolor
\renewcommand*{\footnoterule}{\oldfootnoterule}

41
book/content/self-harm/suicide.tex
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@ -11,6 +11,10 @@
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=AAAAAAFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=999999FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{quotation}
\noindent From the point of view of the universe, Max's death wasn't a big deal, it was just my big deal.
\end{quotation}
\noindent On March 21st, 2012, I tried to kill myself.
It's amazing how such a simple statement of fact reflects, months of strange tension, slow recovery, and a whole lot of trying to understand what really happened. It's not a comfortable thing for anyone to discuss, but it's one of those things I need to discuss, need to get off my chest. A little too much of what makes life meaningful for me now is wrapped up in that one night.
@ -286,27 +290,31 @@ Both James and Karl checked in on me throughout the next few hours, but it was m
\newpage
\begin{quotation}
Things are totally out of control now.
\noindent Things are totally out of control now.
--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
\end{quotation}
On meds for anxiety now, but that seems to have just let loose something terrible. Tried to kill myself Wednesday night, spent all tonight--
\begin{quotation}
\noindent On meds for anxiety now, but that seems to have just let loose something terrible. Tried to kill myself Wednesday night, spent all tonight obsessing about it, woke up Karl and James, then felt guilty and upset about it.
--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
\end{quotation}
--obsessing about it, woke up Karl and James, then felt guilty and upset about it.
\begin{quotation}
\noindent It's not even really about anything, I'm just messed up, I guess.
--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
\end{quotation}
It's not even really about anything, I'm just messed up, I guess.
\begin{quotation}
\noindent Days are spent in a surreality, both happy and unreasonably angry.
--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
\end{quotation}
Days are spent in a surreality, both happy and unreasonably angry.
--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
I'm sorry you'll all wake up to a bunch of Matt freaking out, but I'm stuck :S
\begin{quotation}
\noindent I'm sorry you'll all wake up to a bunch of Matt freaking out, but I'm stuck :S
--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
\end{quotation}
@ -316,15 +324,20 @@ Where's your tweet from this time?
\end{ally}
\begin{quotation}
As someone who went to the ER last night and got 12 stitches only to find out that insurance ended on the 30th and I haven't received my COBRA paperwork yet so we'll see how fucked I am financially: mood. https://t.co/sil5Yf2617
--- @drab\_makyo October 10, 2019
I'm okay. Just tired.
\noindent As someone who went to the ER last night and got 12 stitches only to find out that insurance ended on the 30th and I haven't received my COBRA paperwork yet so we'll see how fucked I am financially: mood. https://t.co/sil5Yf2617
--- @drab\_makyo October 10, 2019
\end{quotation}
\newpage
\null
\vfill
\begin{quotation}
\noindent I'm okay. Just tired.
--- @drab\_makyo October 10, 2019
\end{quotation}
\vfill
\newpage
\begin{ally}
You posted about those things publicly, but not privately, not one-on-one.