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This commit is contained in:
Madison Scott-Clary
2020-02-16 14:50:11 -08:00
parent 274b8d683d
commit ac70e112ff
52 changed files with 511 additions and 189 deletions
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6
book/content/ally/001.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent What if I tried to write a memoir?
Like.
@ -15,3 +18,6 @@ Myself, I guess.
Well, have at it, then.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/002.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\null
\vfill
@ -27,3 +30,6 @@ Well played.
\vfill
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/003.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
Do you remember when you met me?
\end{ally}
@ -87,3 +90,6 @@ You're as chipper now as you were then.
Yes, but a different kind.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/004.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
Why am I here?
\end{ally}
@ -130,3 +133,5 @@ And have you figured out your present?
For me to pull out that trite quote about my own personal history speaks pretty well to my fears of doing things accidentally. I've certainly figured out my present better than twice-seven-years-ago me had figured out his.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/005.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent When 2007 rolled around, I turned 21. \emph{What if,} I thought to myself. \emph{What if I decided to see what it feels like to be addicted to something?}
By that point, alcohol was this nebulous thing. I'd roped a few people into getting me alcohol now and then, and it was fine. I'd started brewing and it was whatever. I had beer and it was alright. I went through a mead phase--
@ -72,3 +75,5 @@ That, coming from you, is a glowing endorsement.
You may have been more of a person when you started than when you stopped, but you weren't much of one, even then.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/006.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent When I was young, back before I knew what mental health entailed, what anxiety and abuse and depression really meant, I was convinced I was having semi-regular mental breakdowns. That was the phrase I used then, because I was unsure of what it meant to have a panic attack.
This was before LiveJournal, of course. This was before I was writing on the internet, or even really on the internet at all. This was before you.
@ -34,3 +37,5 @@ He was half-right.
I suppose he was.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/007.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent I think of myself as a trans woman, not a woman. I think of past me as male, not female. To an extent, I think of past me as cisgender. I was a guy. I was that gay guy who tumbled out the other side of puberty and was left to figure out what the fuck. I am not who I was.
\begin{ally}
@ -36,3 +39,5 @@ Have you answered Theseus' question?
I don't know.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/008.tex
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\end{leftcolumn}
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\emph{July 2nd, 2004, shortly after midnight}
\end{rightcolumn*}
@ -177,3 +177,6 @@ A sigil need not just be lines and curves.
Or maybe it's just mania.
\end{ally}
It may be.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/009.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
Tell me about mania.
\end{ally}
@ -51,3 +54,6 @@ Let's get into mania later. We owe each other that. For now, bed. And tomorrow,
\begin{ally}
Ah yes. Polyamory. Known for being easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/010.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent The first time I remember thinking about polyamory--
\begin{ally}
@ -37,3 +40,5 @@ To poly?
\end{ally}
To poly.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/011.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\null
\vfill
\begin{ally}
@ -6,3 +9,6 @@ Let's talk about mania.
Fine.
\vfill
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/012.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\null
\vfill
\begin{ally}
@ -5,3 +8,6 @@ Thank you.
\end{ally}
\vfill
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/013.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\null
\vfill
\noindent Can we talk about something else? Please?
@ -8,3 +11,6 @@ Something lighter?
Something softer.
\vfill
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/015.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\null
\vfill
\noindent And so we find ourselves in a place between.
\vfill
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/016.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\null
\vfill
\begin{ally}
@ -11,3 +14,6 @@ Ain't that just the way of things?
\end{ally}
\vfill
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/017.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent Let's talk about writing.
\begin{ally}
@ -10,3 +13,6 @@ Of course not.
\end{ally}
Upwards and inwards.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/018.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
You are unsettled in your identity.\\
Boy $\rightarrow$ enby $\rightarrow$ girl $\rightarrow$ trans woman.\\
@ -31,3 +34,6 @@ Should I?
Should you?
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/019.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent The tragic core to all this, to this whole project, is that I am not an interesting person. Or maybe interesting, but unremarkable.
\begin{ally}
@ -43,3 +46,6 @@ Are you thinking of ending this project?
Not at all. I've got a list of side quests I need to complete in order to make you happy, and their very nature makes it easy to complete. One or two thousand words, an hour or two's conversation with you, and then they're done and I don't have to pick up where I left off.
I'm just tired.
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/020.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
Let me ask this another way, perhaps. Why are we doing this? Why are we talking? Why did you start?
\end{ally}
@ -144,3 +147,6 @@ But you are my ally.
I am your ally.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/021.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
When you started this project, several people asked if you were okay.
\end{ally}
@ -68,3 +71,6 @@ This is going nowhere.
\end{ally}
Maybe, but maybe that's the point.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/022.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent My turn.
\begin{ally}
@ -51,3 +54,6 @@ An honest one? A true one? A worthwhile one?
Sort of.
Maybe I think it's an earnest one. One that was borne out of a real desire, birthed by a need beyond what might be imbued by hypomania. A more grounded need, not one based in those non-Newtonian laws that govern that other space, where mechanics break down and strange energies spring, palladial, into being.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/023.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent Have you gotten that out of your system?
\begin{ally}
@ -39,3 +42,5 @@ Fine. Weight? Surgery? Dyskinesia?
Tell me about the dyskinesia and the tic and the akathesia. Tell me about St.~Vitus' Dance. Tell me about the aching necessity of movement.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/024.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent Do you hate me?
\begin{ally}
@ -34,3 +37,5 @@ That might just be the kindest thing you've said to me.
Not my department.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/025.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
You were gone.
\end{ally}
@ -28,3 +31,5 @@ I wasn't gone.
\end{ally}
I know. It's not even like when we don't talk. You were there. I just wasn't able to engage, and that's an integral part of our relationship. It happens from moment to moment. It is not something that exists in any sense of permanence or stasis. It is defined by movement and momentum.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/026.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent Apophenia
\begin{ally}
@ -54,3 +57,5 @@ So, are you?
Anything else is just pareidolia.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/027.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent I'm sorry this is taking so long.
\begin{ally}
@ -15,3 +18,5 @@ So? Is a metaphor not allowed to use metaphors?
\end{ally}
I suppose so.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/028.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{ally}
Do you ever find yourself getting angry at me?
\end{ally}
@ -51,3 +54,5 @@ How does one do that?
Every ally does it in a different way. I do it by talking. By asking and poking and prodding.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}

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book/content/ally/029.tex
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{quote}
Where did you go?
\end{quote}
@ -43,3 +46,5 @@ Let's talk about burnout, shall we?
\end{quote}
We probably better had.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}