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Madison Scott-Clary
2020-02-16 14:50:11 -08:00
parent 274b8d683d
commit ac70e112ff
52 changed files with 511 additions and 189 deletions
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book/content/poet-and-mystic.tex
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@ -1,9 +1,17 @@
\end{leftcolumn}
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{2f082a}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{2f082a}
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\backgroundcolor{C[1](0.6\columnsep,10000pt)(10000pt,10000pt)}[HTML]{2f082a}
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\input{content/induction.tex}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\noindent \emph{Here is the difference betwixt the poet and the mystic, that the last nails a symbol to one sense, which was a true sense for a moment, but soon becomes old and false. For all symbols are fluxional; all language is vehicular and transitive, and is good, as ferries and horses are, for conveyance, not as farms and houses are, for homestead. Mysticism consists in the mistake of an accidental and individual symbol for an universal one.}
\begin{ally}
@ -43,27 +51,29 @@ You make a terrible mystic. Your poetry's just okay.
\end{leftcolumn}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
\small
Seven flies circle,\\
Trimmers chatter down the block:\\
The hum of summer.
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] \vin I listen, silent, waiting,\\
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEEEFF,Ligatures=TeX] \vin I listen, silent, waiting,\\
\vin Breathing in sun and out shade.}
Fig leaves like fingers\\
paw feebly through still hot air\\
and come up with naught.
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] \vin Too early for fruit to droop,\\
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEEEFF,Ligatures=TeX] \vin Too early for fruit to droop,\\
\vin we must wait past midsummer.}
And I walk until\\
all I can hear is the wind\\
among the fir trees.
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=444444FF,Ligatures=TeX] \vin Summer breezes bear away\\
{\fontspec{Merriweather Sans Italic}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEEEFF,Ligatures=TeX] \vin Summer breezes bear away\\
\vin all the choices of years past.}
Drink deep of death-thoughts\\
@ -72,7 +82,8 @@ You make a terrible mystic. Your poetry's just okay.
\end{verse}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\noindent How can I capture that essence of stillness? How can I become nothing?
\begin{ally}
@ -113,34 +124,44 @@ Clay between fingertips.
\end{leftcolumn}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\begin{flushright}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\emph{March 10, 2004}
\end{flushright}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{quotation}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\noindent We wandered around for a bit before ending up sprawled in a fire-escape at FHS with Shannon in my lap, me in Ash's lap, and Andrew in Kiran's lap. Andrew ditched to go shooting with Ash and Kiran, while I went to bomb a history test. That's when things started getting really weird. I had a percoset relapse (whether that's what it was or not, it felt oddly similar to the real thing: an incurable itch buried beneath my skin, to the point where I can't actually scratch it) near the end of the period, and then in choir I imploded from empathy - so many emotions from others that I had no room for my own. Then, horns grew from my chest and head, and wings from my back; a giant fox escaped, left, and exploded into a thousand birds over Viele. Mind you, none of this really happened, but I sure felt strange. During latin, I exploded from empathy in a patchwork swirl of colors while Starin et al. stared on as I banged my head against the desk. Ms. Gibert didn't notice. I yelled for help inaudibly and searched out white points of light in the black silhouette of Boulder. I yelled for Ash and searched for Moondog.
Afterwards, I figured out how to regain control (mostly) and just in time for the bell to ring. I got a small mocha at Cafe Sole, got eaten by small greenish crystals on a table while supposed psychics did fairy readings from a kids book, and here I am, about to take a shower and get ready for Great Works rehearsal, and then group, whereupon I shall request to Reiki Moondog (again) during the speakers board on gay marriage. Hopefully I don't ex-/im-plode again ^^
\end{quotation}
Afterwards, I figured out how to regain control (mostly) and just in time for the bell to ring. I got a small mocha at Cafe Sole, got eaten by small greenish crystals on a table while supposed psychics did fairy readings from a kids book, and here I am, about to take a shower and get ready for Great Works rehearsal, and then group, whereupon I shall request to Reiki Moondog (again) during the speakers board on gay marriage. Hopefully I don't ex-/im-plode again \^{}\^{}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{flushright}
\emph{April 12, 2004}
\end{flushright}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{quotation}
\noindent You have come, finally, to a safe place. You have arrived at the point where it counts most, the point at which Life itself seems to fall away, leaving behind nothing of it's former shell: that blackened husk of body and mind that housed a bright bright star. Years and years, it took, places and places and each day offering good and bad, but you, lucky you, saw past that, saw beyond the grid of your perception to see inside others, touching and caressing the bright points of light that were essentially them, cherishing each for not only their good points, but for their faults as well. The energy flowed around and through you in the concentric spirals of the labyrinth and the Bat Qol kept you clean and pure with the voice of God and the Buddha in me to the Buddha in you weaved everything under the sun into Life itself. This is Rapture.
\end{quotation}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{flushright}
\emph{June 7, 2004}
\end{flushright}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{quotation}
\noindent I'd like to chant, perhaps Emmeleia.
@ -185,11 +206,15 @@ Damn straight.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\begin{rightcolumn*}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{flushright}
\emph{October 5, 2004}
\end{flushright}
\end{rightcolumn*}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{quotation}
\noindent Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani.
@ -233,7 +258,7 @@ Yes, but it is important that you make it.
\end{ally}
\emph{It's the immediacy, the seamless immediacy\ldots{}}
\noindent It's about meaning and self. It's about defining where your boundaries are; your physical boundaries, your mental boundaries, your spiritual and emotional boundaries. It's about that ground-state training that you undergo so that you might step just a bit to the side. An inch. A mile. An age.
It's about meaning and self. It's about defining where your boundaries are; your physical boundaries, your mental boundaries, your spiritual and emotional boundaries. It's about that ground-state training that you undergo so that you might step just a bit to the side. An inch. A mile. An age.
It's about breathing in for the count of four, holding for the count of two, breathing out for the count of four, holding for the count of two. It's about feeling where your feet touch the ground. It's about drawing a straight line from your center of gravity to the center of the world. It's about becoming totally present.
@ -288,12 +313,33 @@ You're not very focused.
%%%%%
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=000000FF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{aaaaaa}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{aaaaaa}
\backgroundcolor{c[1]}[HTML]{aaaaaa}
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=000000FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=000000FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\null
\vfill
\noindent overflowing
\begin{center}
overflowing
\end{center}
\vfill
\newpage
\end{paracol}
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCCCFF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{666666}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{666666}
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCCCFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=CCCCCCFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\null
\vfill
\begin{center}
@ -301,12 +347,22 @@ You're not very focused.
\end{center}
\vfill
\newpage
\end{paracol}
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=777777FF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{000000}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{000000}
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=666666FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=777777FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\null
\vfill
\begin{flushright}
\begin{center}
words
\end{flushright}
\end{center}
\vfill
\newpage
@ -337,7 +393,7 @@ the face of god
\newpage
\begin{verse}[1.01\textwidth]
I was born at the edge of the numinous.
I was born at the edge of the numinous.\vspace{-7pt}
That is why I can tread along the border.\\
That is why I'm able to whisper the name of God.\\
@ -345,9 +401,9 @@ the face of god
That is why I have seven fingers spread wide and three curled toward my heart.\\
That is why my limbs trace the curves and lines of power when I dance.\\
That is why I sit with my back to the sun in summer.\\
That is why my body is a canvas.
That is why my body is a canvas.\vspace{-7pt}
You were born in sunlight.
You were born in sunlight.\vspace{-7pt}
Speak secrets into my hair.\\
Take my words from me.\\
@ -355,9 +411,9 @@ the face of god
Break my dystonia with a breath.\\
Wash my face with salt water.\\
Tell me the name you call yourself.\\
Close my eyes.
Close my eyes.\vspace{-7pt}
We will sleep in the shade.
We will sleep in the shade.\vspace{-7pt}
Let me bless you with smoke.\\
Let me bathe your feet.\\
@ -453,12 +509,25 @@ the face of god
The only time I know my true name is when I pray.
\end{verse}
\vfill
\newpage
\flushpage
\end{paracol}
%%%%%
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{2f082a}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{2f082a}
\backgroundcolor{c[1]}[HTML]{2f082a}
\backgroundcolor{C[1](0.6\columnsep,10000pt)(10000pt,10000pt)}[HTML]{2f082a}
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\null
\vfill
\begin{ally}
@ -483,9 +552,21 @@ Unwind the maze by keeping your right hand on the wall. Pray that the walls do n
Speak thrice, and enter.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}
\null
\vspace{1cm}
%%%%%
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=777777FF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{000000}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{000000}
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\begin{paracol}{2}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=666666FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=777777FF,Ligatures=TeX]
\begin{leftcolumn}
\noindent There was a sort of succulent quality to the air, as though, were I to bite down on it, it would all come bursting forth at once. Dribble down my chin. Stain my shirt. It would be sweet, almost saccharine. It would beg for a pinch of salt to quell all that sweetness.
I didn't know whether or not I'd be able to stomach it, honestly. I was dizzy. I was apart from myself. Above, and beside. I was looking down at myself. Were I to do so, to bite into time itself, I would surely overflow.
@ -554,6 +635,26 @@ When I got home, I lay them in a row, asked my questions, and, one by one, broke
I had forgotten about the birds until recently, but every time I feel that ecstasy --- that ekstasis --- I am pitch. I am tar. I am sticky with apology. I am the living embodiment of ``I'm sorry''.
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}
\resetbackgroundcolor
%%%%%
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF]
\backgroundcolor{c[0]}[HTML]{2f082a}
\backgroundcolor{C[0](10000pt,10000pt)(0.6\columnsep,10000pt)}[HTML]{2f082a}
\backgroundcolor{c[1]}[HTML]{2f082a}
\backgroundcolor{C[1](0.6\columnsep,10000pt)(10000pt,10000pt)}[HTML]{2f082a}
\begin{paracol}{2}
\begin{leftcolumn}
\fontspec{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=CCCCDDFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\renewfontfamily\allyFont{Merriweather Sans}[Scale=0.9,Color=EEEEFFFF,Ligatures=TeX]
\null
\noindent I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm tired and I'm upset and I'm lost.
@ -573,3 +674,8 @@ You tried.
It's not, but it's important that you have tried.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
\end{paracol}
\resetbackgroundcolor
\renewfontfamily\pagenumfont{Gentium Book Basic}[Color=000000FF]