Colors, formatting

book/content/self-harm/suicide.tex

@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@ Yes. I got to watch the agonal breathing that went on for far too long. I got to
 I'm not nostalgic for that pain, no. I'm nostalgic for the fact that I am who I am because I went through that. I'm nostalgic for what it came to symbolize. I'm nostalgic for its part in Madison's birth.
 \newpage
 
-It's not really so much that I have the need to write about what happened, even, as that, after something of such import, I feel the need to expose myself through writing, to force ideas out into the open whether or not they actually have anything to do with what's going on.
+\noindent It's not really so much that I have the need to write about what happened, even, as that, after something of such import, I feel the need to expose myself through writing, to force ideas out into the open whether or not they actually have anything to do with what's going on.
 
 \begin{ally}
 It goes beyond a desire. It becomes a necessity.
@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@ So.
 I tried to kill myself on March 21st, 2012. It was, as the epigram said, not a big deal; it was just my big deal.
 \newpage
 
-I'll be honest, I stole the concept of \emph{thisness}, the phrase, ``See, it is doing \emph{this} now'' from a science fiction book.
+\noindent I'll be honest, I stole the concept of \emph{thisness}, the phrase, ``See, it is doing \emph{this} now'' from a science fiction book.
 
 \begin{ally}
 I honestly expected nothing less.
@@ -115,7 +115,7 @@ You brought your anxiety, but not your depression. You thought you just had anxi
 No, and there's the problem.
 \newpage
 
-When I first started therapy, I did what I thought was the right thing by bringing an open mind. It wasn't enough for me to seek help, I had to be told what was wrong with me. So anxious was I to not diagnose myself, I had to let someone do the work to pry the symptoms from me.
+\noindent When I first started therapy, I did what I thought was the right thing by bringing an open mind. It wasn't enough for me to seek help, I had to be told what was wrong with me. So anxious was I to not diagnose myself, I had to let someone do the work to pry the symptoms from me.
 
 I didn't tell Dr Johnston that I was feeling bad. I told him my boss told me I was angry. I didn't tell him that I was depressed, I told him that James was worried about how anxious I was.
 
@@ -140,7 +140,7 @@ They removed a lot more than just the pain of panic.
 Yes.
 \newpage
 
-The problem of working with clients on a task with a specified end-goal, one that is finished and about which you can say, ``ah, it does \emph{this} now'', is that when the project is done, there is nothing left.
+\noindent The problem of working with clients on a task with a specified end-goal, one that is finished and about which you can say, ``ah, it does \emph{this} now'', is that when the project is done, there is nothing left.
 
 \begin{ally}
 This is a problem with any task. This is a grander problem.
@@ -167,7 +167,7 @@ You watched yourself with a metaphysical quirk of the eyebrow as you reached for
 And then the pain snapped me to.
 \newpage
 
-Okay, I lied. Just a little bit.
+\noindent Okay, I lied. Just a little bit.
 
 \begin{ally}
 Yes. You didn't dissociate through the entire thing. There was no small part of that scene that was horribly, terrfyingly intentional.
@@ -233,7 +233,7 @@ Both times. I started whispering his name, then eventually swallowed the miniscu
 Though the rest of the night in March is still sort of a blur --- I hadn't totally gotten out of the state that I was in, just woken up enough to engage with the mechanics --- I do remember James helping me to clean and bandage my arm as we sat on the floor of the bathroom, the dog occasionally wandering in and out. The whole time, I was still sobbing, blubbering out, ``I don't want to leave you, I don't want to leave Zephyr, I don't know why I did that, I'm sorry'' over and over again.
 \newpage
 
-I'm so tired.
+\noindent I'm so tired.
 
 \begin{ally}
 I know.
@@ -272,40 +272,45 @@ I locked myself in the bathroom and broke down again.
 Both James and Karl checked in on me throughout the next few hours, but it was mostly spent huddled up on the cold tile of the floor feeling awful about both myself and what I'd done --- that it had any effect on those around me was just starting to hit home. I will not lie that, several times throughout the night, I wished that I had succeeded in order to not be going through what I was going through at the time. I simply couldn't stand what I'd done.
 \newpage
 
-Things are totally out of control now.
+\begin{quotation}
+  Things are totally out of control now.
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) March 23, 2012
+--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
 
 On meds for anxiety now, but that seems to have just let loose something terrible. Tried to kill myself Wednesday night, spent all tonight--
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) March 23, 2012
+--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
 
 --obsessing about it, woke up Karl and James, then felt guilty and upset about it.
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) March 23, 2012
+--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
 
 It's not even really about anything, I'm just messed up, I guess.
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) March 23, 2012
+--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
 
 Days are spent in a surreality, both happy and unreasonably angry.
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) March 23, 2012
+--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
 
 I'm sorry you'll all wake up to a bunch of Matt freaking out, but I'm stuck :S
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) March 23, 2012
+--- @drab\_makyo March 23, 2012
+\end{quotation}
 
 \begin{ally}
 Where's your tweet from this time?
 \end{ally}
+
+\begin{quotation}
 As someone who went to the ER last night and got 12 stitches only to find out that insurance ended on the 30th and I haven't received my COBRA paperwork yet so we'll see how fucked I am financially: mood. https://t.co/sil5Yf2617
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) October 10, 2019
+--- @drab\_makyo October 10, 2019
 
 I'm okay. Just tired.
 
---- Maddy, whose tail is behind her (@drab\_makyo) October 10, 2019
+--- @drab\_makyo October 10, 2019
+\end{quotation}
 \newpage
 
 \begin{ally}
@@ -356,7 +361,7 @@ The office next to
 ``Well, you need to tell me if anything like that happens again.''
 \newpage
 
-I can't do this.
+\noindent I can't do this.
 
 \begin{ally}
 Of course you can.
@@ -374,7 +379,7 @@ Perhaps that's part of what snaps you back into place. Perhaps that's part of wh
 It's harder to \emph{not}.
 \newpage
 
-I can't do this anymore.
+\noindent I can't do this anymore.
 
 \begin{ally}
 This topic, or this project?
@@ -382,7 +387,7 @@ This topic, or this project?
 I don't know.
 \newpage
 
-Let's talk about something else. Please.
+\noindent Let's talk about something else. Please.
 
 \begin{ally}
 One more question, and then we can.