More writing, music

content/news/2019-08-29-writing-about-writing.md

@@ -14,6 +14,8 @@ I'm not totally convinced that's true, but it's at least providing more fodder.
 * [Writing 4](/writing/4)
 * [Writing 5](/writing/5)
 * [Writing 6](/writing/6)
+* [Writing 7](/writing/7)
+* [Music](/writing/music)
 * [Agony and Ecstasy](/poet-and-mystic/agony-and-ecstasy)
 
 ### Updated content

content/writing/07.md

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+---
+date: 2019-08-30
+weight: 7
+---
+
+<div class="cw">Autoplaying music</div>
+
+> If this is about creativity, then tell me about composing.
+
+Shall I do so in song?
+
+> Please.
+
+No thanks, but I'll tell you <a class="pulse" href="/writing/music">all the same</a>.

content/writing/music/01.md

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+---
+date: 2019-08-30
+weight: 1
+---
+
+
+<audio autoplay src="/miniatures/1.mp3"></audio>
+
+I did not fall into music of my own accord, my dad bought me a saxophone.
+
+> As his dad bought him before you.
+
+He wanted us to be alike in so many ways.
+
+> But you already knew that.
+
+He got me a saxophone and he and my mom pooled resourses to get me lessons.
+
+> And showed you to all his friends.
+
+I played at his Christmas parties. I played at his neighbor's Christmas parties.
+
+> Once, he was going to show you off to his friends at a barbeque, and you got so anxious and upset that you bent the octave key out of shape. You could only produce squeaks. You said it was an accident.
+
+I did it to get out of playing for the party, and instead it got me in trouble for being careless.
+
+> You were anything but. You were very careful. You acted with intent.
+
+I kept playing. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it wasn't.
+
+> Once, you told your mom you weren't sure why she or your dad bothered with you learning to play the saxophone when all life was meaningless, anyway.
+
+How old was I, then? Ten? Eleven?
+
+> Dad made you apologize to her. I don't think either knew what to do with a nihilistic preteen.
+
+But it worked, in a roundabout way. I wound up in music. I wound up playing the saxophone and even sometimes enjoying it. I moved from that to the oboe.
+
+And not just playing. I listened to tapes until they wore out. I made mixtapes of my dad's music after he taught me how to program his six-disc CD changer. After that, it was mix CDs, which I'd listen to on the bright yellow Sport Discman I carried everywhere. I fell asleep with headphones on more than once.
+
+Music held --- continues to hold --- this sense of mystery about it. It worked on some level below spoken language, understandable without being text, affecting emotions without the cadence of words.
+
+> So why'd you quit?
+
+I can't just say "computers" and beg off, here, can I?
+
+> Nope.

content/writing/music/02.md

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+---
+date: 2019-08-30
+weight: 2
+---
+
+<audio autoplay src="/miniatures/2.mp3"></audio>
+
+Okay, you're right. It's not quite true that I left because of computers. I stopped playing the oboe after I ran away and moved schools. Band was already well underway, after all, and I couldn't join in partway through. They let me play the cymbal in one concert, but I basically gave up after that. We returned the rental oboe. I wouldn't touch an instrument in all seriousness until well into university.
+
+And really, during all that time, there was no sense of regret, no sense of loss.
+
+> Your dad bought you a pair of drumsticks after that concert, but while you played with them for a few weeks, you soon lost interest. You had moved on.
+
+I had moved on.
+
+I was trying to square being gay with being the type of person my parents would like. I was trying to figure out how to make friends after transfering into a school. I was trying so hard to settle down and just become someone, to just be born already.
+
+> You told your mom and Jay that, when you complained about karate in the future, they should remind you that you do enjoy it sometimes, that it just comes and goes. You just wanted to cling to something and have it stick.
+
+Computers were all well and good. They certainly offered me a route to explore so much that I might otherwise have not. They got me Danny. They got me into furry. They got me into programming.
+
+> You're still a furry. You still program. Hell, you still think about Danny. Does that not count as sticking?
+
+Oh, it definitely does, don't get me wrong. Some of the things I launched myself into did stick, even if some of them did not. I was too busy getting ready to be born to focus on what, I suppose.
+
+And then, two weeks into my freshman year at high school, a few girls stopped me in the hall during my only free period and asked me to join choir with them.
+
+> And you said yes.
+
+Lord help me, I have no idea why, but I did.

content/writing/music/03.md

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+---
+date: 2019-08-30
+weight: 3
+---
+
+<audio autoplay src="/miniatures/3.mp3"></audio>
+
+(choir kid as an identity)

content/writing/music/04.md

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+---
+date: 2019-08-30
+weight: 4
+---
+
+
+<audio autoplay src="/miniatures/4.mp3"></audio>
+
+(Music in uni)

content/writing/music/05.md

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+---
+date: 2019-08-30
+weight: 5
+---
+
+<audio autoplay src="/miniatures/5.mp3"></audio>
+
+(The crash after senior recital, slowly getting back into it.)

content/writing/music/_index.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+---
+type: serial
+---