Reorganize links, start on some patron content
This commit is contained in:
Madison Scott-Clary
@ -2,3 +2,4 @@ baseURL = "https://ally.drab-makyo.com/"
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languageCode = "en-us"
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languageCode = "en-us"
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title = "ally"
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title = "ally"
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theme= "ally"
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theme= "ally"
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paginatePath = ""
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@ -1,19 +1,3 @@
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---
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---
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weight: 1
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type: core
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date: 2019-08-09
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type: single
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---
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---
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What if I tried to write a magical-realistic memoir?
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Like.
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It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of manic notes or bits of Manifesto Project, and maybe I just own the hypertextuality of the medium, but it's generally autobiographical.
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That might be neat
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> Who are you kidding?
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Myself, I guess.
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> Well, <a href="/core" class="pulse">have at it, then</a>.
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@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
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---
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---
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type: serial
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type: serial
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back: /core/page/8
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back: /9
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---
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---
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18
content/core/001.md
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content/core/001.md
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---
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weight: 1
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date: 2019-08-09
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---
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What if I tried to write a magical-realistic memoir?
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Like.
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It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of manic notes or bits of Manifesto Project, and maybe I just own the hypertextuality of the medium, but it's generally autobiographical.
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That might be neat
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> Who are you kidding?
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Myself, I guess.
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> Well, have at it, then.
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@ -1,6 +1,4 @@
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---
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---
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title: —
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type: post
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date: 2019-08-09
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date: 2019-08-09
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weight: 2
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weight: 2
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---
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@ -1,6 +1,4 @@
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---
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---
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title: —
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type: post
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date: 2019-08-10
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date: 2019-08-10
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weight: 3
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weight: 3
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---
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@ -1,6 +1,4 @@
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---
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---
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title: —
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type: post
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date: 2019-08-10
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date: 2019-08-10
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weight: 4
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weight: 4
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---
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@ -1,6 +1,4 @@
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---
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---
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title: —
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type: post
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date: 2019-08-10
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date: 2019-08-10
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weight: 5
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weight: 5
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---
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---
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40
content/core/032.md
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content/core/032.md
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@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
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---
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date: 2019-08-20
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weight: 32
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---
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> Was it really so bad to be in this liminal space?
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Of course not. I just got done saying how much I learned during that time.
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> You don't make it sound pleasant.
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It wasn't, I suppose. I mean, obviously there was a lot of good going on in my life. I started a few relationships that are still going strong to this day. I solidified my place in the industry. [a][s] took off. Good stuff came of it. A better me came of it.
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> At what cost?
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Well.
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Okay. A lot of that time was bound up in recovery. There was the suicide attempt in March that ate up a lot of my emotional bandwidth on a daily basis for quite a while.
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There are a lot of cute metaphors for how pain and grief work on a daily basis. Spoon theory is great and all, but it's starting to lose its luster for me. I like the idea of spell slots. It was like the number of spell slots I had to work with before needing a long rest was reduced by half after that, and it took me two years at least to bring it back up.
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> You remain a parody of yourself.
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It's only been a few days since you reminded me of that.
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> I will never cease to do so.
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Fine.
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Another metaphor is that you have a box with a ball in it. On the wall of the box is a button that causes pain, exhaustion, anxiety, your choice. When it starts out, the ball is big and with basically every movement, it bumps up against the button and activates it. Over time, the ball gets smaller and bumps up against the switch less often.
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Or maybe you could think of it as endurance. You can hold a glass of water for a few minutes, but after a bit, it becomes painful, and after along time, your arm can start to feel paralyzed. Over time and with training, you might be able to endure that longer and longer.
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The last two, in particular, are used often with the idea of grief in mind, which, I suppose, is fitting given how much I still bear over Margaras.
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> Do you feel any for Matthew?
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Less, perhaps.
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> Was it that easy to let go?
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@ -1,3 +1,4 @@
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---
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---
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type: serial
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type: serial
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permalink: /
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---
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---
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44
content/dad/001.md
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44
content/dad/001.md
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---
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date: 2019-08-20
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weight: 1
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---
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The thing I like to say about my dad is that he didn't really want a son, he wanted a budy. He wanted someone he could be smart with, or, failing that, be smart at. He wanted someone he could chill with and, at the end of the day, go home.
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> He wanted someone he could drink with. Someone he could take to the bar.
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Yes. He seemed fundamentally uncomfortable with the fact that I was his offspring.
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It wasn't an always thing, of course. There were a few times we really connected.
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> Yes.
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One time, we taped up glow in the dark stars on my bedroom ceiling and walls to make my bedroom into a night sky when the lights were out.
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> Yes.
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One time, when driving you to school on a snowy morning, there was an accident far ahead and traffic was stopped on Highway 93, and I had to pee so bad, he had me just step out of the car and pee, blocked off by the door with my back to the car behind me. Traffic started moving then and I had to walk awkwardly to finish peeing before I could hop back inside the moving truck. We laughed. On days we knew we'd be late because of weather, we'd grab french toast sticks from Burger King.
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> Yes.
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One time, we lay on our backs on a beach at Lake Powell and stared up at the real night sky and talked about the satelites that went overhead. We would try to guess, based on how fast they moved, whether we were seeing the same ones again later. He talked of his sisters, Patty and Sue, and how they were doing. He talked of his brother, Joe. He told me Joe was the trouble kid, how he got caught on PCP once and when grandma brought him home from the police station, he missed the door to the house entirely and walked into the door jamb and fell down laughing. Grandma kicked at him, cursing up a storm. He told me about his dad, blowing up an inner tube and floating out into the middle of the pond with a six pack or a bottle of liquor and drinking as he looked up at these very same stars, floating on his back. About how sometimes, his dad would fall asleep out there and grandma would have to throw rocks at him to wake him up the next morning so he could paddle back ashore and get to work.
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> One time, after you switched majors from biochem to music education, you went skiing with him, but had an upset stomach, so you stopped to buy some Alka-Seltzer tablets. You asked what kept them from fizzing until they were dropped in water, and he started to explain about buffers, then cut himself short and said coldly, "But you won't learn about that, now. I don't expect you really want to know." He had you ski alone the rest of the afternoon.
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Yes.
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> One time, you told your best friend in the area, Joseph, that you had rode your bike to the mall, Villa Italia, God rest its weary soul, and bought magic cards. He mentioned that while out with you and your dad, and your dad fell behind a few steps and kicked you. You rode home in silence. Joseph refused to ride with you again.
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Yes.
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> One time, you kissed him on the cheek after he hugged you good night and he laughed in your face. "You thought I was your mom, didn't you?" he said, then got up and left the room, shutting the door behind him. You thought, years later, decades later, that he really meant to say, "You thought I was your parent, didn't you? Best buds don't kiss." You never kissed him again, and he never kissed you at all.
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Yes.
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> When teaching you to read with the book Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss, he jokingly warned you never to actually hop on him or he'd kick you from one side of the house over the roof to the other, and then back again. Joking, of course, but you were already so terrified of him you believed every word.
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He said the same during our talk on sex. That if I ever got a girl pregnant and didn't use a condom, he'd do it five times and then leave me on my own to be a dad.
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He raised me, but the definition of 'raise' here is a very elastic one.
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> Dig deeper.
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6
content/dad/_index.md
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content/dad/_index.md
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---
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type: serial
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background: '#ccc'
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color: '#000'
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quote: '#222'
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---
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@ -14,9 +14,9 @@ It's not because of this.
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> It's not because of me.
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> It's not because of me.
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This is part of it, but this is not because of it.
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This is part of hypomania, but this is not because of it.
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> I am part of it, but I am not because of it.
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> I am part of hypomania, but I am not because of it.
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I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry.
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@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
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---
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---
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type: serial
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type: serial
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back: /core/page/16/
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back: /17
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---
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---
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@ -3,5 +3,5 @@ type: serial
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background: '#edf'
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background: '#edf'
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color: '#228'
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color: '#228'
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quote: '#44a'
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quote: '#44a'
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back: /core/page/10/
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back: /11
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---
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---
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@ -3,5 +3,5 @@ type: serial
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background: '#1f183a'
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background: '#1f183a'
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color: '#ccd'
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color: '#ccd'
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quote: '#eef'
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quote: '#eef'
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back: /core/page/15
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back: /16
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---
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---
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@ -3,5 +3,5 @@ type: serial
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background: '#000'
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background: '#000'
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color: '#ddd'
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color: '#ddd'
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quote: '#ddd'
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quote: '#ddd'
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back: /core/page/7/
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back: /8
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---
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---
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947
content/map.html
947
content/map.html
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Load Diff
@ -33,4 +33,4 @@ I guess.
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But it still hurts.
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But it still hurts.
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> I know.
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> I know. <a class="pulse" href="/22">We can continue</a>.
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---
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---
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type: serial
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type: serial
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back: /core/page/21/
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back: /21
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---
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---
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static/map.dot
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@ -4,81 +4,82 @@ graph Map {
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node[group="koan"]
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node[group="koan"]
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"Koan 1" [href="/koan/"]
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"Koan 1" [href="/koan/"]
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"Koan 2" [href="/koan/page/2"]
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"Koan 2" [href="/koan/2"]
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"Koan 3" [href="/koan/page/3"]
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"Koan 3" [href="/koan/3"]
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"Koan 4" [href="/koan/page/4"]
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"Koan 4" [href="/koan/4"]
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"Koan 5" [href="/koan/page/5"]
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"Koan 5" [href="/koan/5"]
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"Koan 6" [href="/koan/page/6"]
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"Koan 6" [href="/koan/6"]
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node[group=""]
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node[group=""]
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node[group="mania"]
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node[group="mania"]
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"Manic notes 1" [href="/mania/"]
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"Manic notes 1" [href="/mania/"]
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"Manic notes 2" [href="/mania/page/2"]
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"Manic notes 2" [href="/mania/2"]
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"Manic notes 3" [href="/mania/page/3"]
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"Manic notes 3" [href="/mania/3"]
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"Manic notes 4" [href="/mania/page/4"]
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"Manic notes 4" [href="/mania/4"]
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"Manic notes 5" [href="/mania/page/5"]
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"Manic notes 5" [href="/mania/5"]
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"Manic notes 6" [href="/mania/page/6"]
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"Manic notes 6" [href="/mania/6"]
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"Manic notes 7" [href="/mania/page/7"]
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"Manic notes 7" [href="/mania/7"]
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node[group=""]
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node[group=""]
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node[group="birds"]
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node[group="birds"]
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"Birds 1" [href="/birds"]
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"Birds 1" [href="/birds"]
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"Birds 2" [href="/birds/page/2"]
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"Birds 2" [href="/birds/2"]
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"Birds 3" [href="/birds/page/3"]
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"Birds 3" [href="/birds/3"]
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"Birds 4" [href="/birds/page/4"]
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"Birds 4" [href="/birds/4"]
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"Birds 5" [href="/birds/page/5"]
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"Birds 5" [href="/birds/5"]
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node[group=""]
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node[group=""]
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node[group="core"]
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node[group="core"]
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Home [href="/"]
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"Core 1" [href="/"]
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"Core 1" [href="/core/"]
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"Core 2" [href="/2"]
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"Core 2" [href="/core/page/2"]
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"Core 3" [href="/3"]
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"Core 3" [href="/core/page/3"]
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"Core 4" [href="/4"]
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"Core 4" [href="/core/page/4"]
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"Core 5" [href="/5"]
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"Core 5" [href="/core/page/5"]
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"Core 6" [href="/6"]
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"Core 6" [href="/core/page/6"]
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"Core 7" [href="/7"]
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"Core 7" [href="/core/page/7"]
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"Core 8" [href="/8"]
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"Core 8" [href="/core/page/8"]
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"Core 9" [href="/9"]
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"Core 9" [href="/core/page/9"]
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"Core 10" [href="/10"]
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"Core 10" [href="/core/page/10"]
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"Core 11" [href="/11"]
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"Core 11" [href="/core/page/11"]
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"Core 12" [href="/12"]
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"Core 12" [href="/core/page/12"]
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"Core 13" [href="/13"]
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"Core 13" [href="/core/page/13"]
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"Core 14" [href="/14"]
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"Core 14" [href="/core/page/14"]
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"Core 15" [href="/15"]
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"Core 15" [href="/core/page/15"]
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"Core 16" [href="/16"]
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"Core 16" [href="/core/page/16"]
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"Core 17" [href="/17"]
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"Core 17" [href="/core/page/17"]
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"Core 18" [href="/18"]
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"Core 18" [href="/core/page/18"]
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"Core 19" [href="/19"]
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"Core 19" [href="/core/page/19"]
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"Core 20" [href="/20"]
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"Core 20" [href="/core/page/20"]
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"Core 21" [href="/21"]
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"Core 21" [href="/core/page/21"]
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"Core 22" [href="/22"]
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"Core 22" [href="/core/page/22"]
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"Core 23" [href="/23"]
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"Core 23" [href="/core/page/23"]
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"Core 24" [href="/24"]
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"Core 24" [href="/core/page/24"]
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"Core 25" [href="/25"]
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"Core 25" [href="/core/page/25"]
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"Core 26" [href="/26"]
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"Core 26" [href="/core/page/26"]
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"Core 27" [href="/27"]
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"Core 27" [href="/core/page/27"]
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"Core 28" [href="/28"]
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"Core 28" [href="/core/page/28"]
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"Core 29" [href="/29"]
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"Core 29" [href="/core/page/29"]
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"Core 30" [href="/30"]
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"Core 30" [href="/core/page/30"]
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"Core 31" [href="/31"]
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"Core 32" [href="/32"]
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"To be continued..." [shape="none"]
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"To be continued..." [shape="none"]
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node[group=""]
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node[group=""]
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Home -- "Core 1" -- "Core 2" -- "Core 3" -- "Core 4" -- "Core 5" -- "Core 6" -- "Core 7" -- "Core 8" -- "Core 9" -- "Core 10" -- "Core 11" -- "Core 12" -- "Core 13" -- "Core 14" -- "Core 15" -- "Core 16" -- "Core 17" -- "Core 18" -- "Core 19" -- "Core 20" -- "Core 21" -- "Core 22" -- "Core 23" -- "Core 24" -- "Core 25" -- "Core 26" -- "Core 27" -- "Core 28" -- "Core 29" -- "Core 30" -- "To be continued..."
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Home -- "Core 1" -- "Core 2" -- "Core 3" -- "Core 4" -- "Core 5" -- "Core 6" -- "Core 7" -- "Core 8" -- "Core 9" -- "Core 10" -- "Core 11" -- "Core 12" -- "Core 13" -- "Core 14" -- "Core 15" -- "Core 16" -- "Core 17" -- "Core 18" -- "Core 19" -- "Core 20" -- "Core 21" -- "Core 22" -- "Core 23" -- "Core 24" -- "Core 25" -- "Core 26" -- "Core 27" -- "Core 28" -- "Core 29" -- "Core 30" -- "Core 31" -- "Core 32" -- "To be continued..."
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|
||||||
"Core 7" -- "Manic notes 1" -- "Manic notes 2" -- "Manic notes 3" -- "Manic notes 4" -- "Manic notes 5" -- "Manic notes 6" -- "Manic notes 7"
|
"Core 8" -- "Manic notes 1" -- "Manic notes 2" -- "Manic notes 3" -- "Manic notes 4" -- "Manic notes 5" -- "Manic notes 6" -- "Manic notes 7"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
"Core 8" -- "Birds 1" -- "Birds 2" -- "Birds 3" -- "Birds 4" -- "Birds 5"
|
"Core 9" -- "Birds 1" -- "Birds 2" -- "Birds 3" -- "Birds 4" -- "Birds 5"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
node[group="jay"]
|
node[group="jay"]
|
||||||
"Jay 1" [href="/jay/"]
|
"Jay 1" [href="/jay/"]
|
||||||
"Jay 2" [href="/jay/page/2"]
|
"Jay 2" [href="/jay/2"]
|
||||||
"Jay 3" [href="/jay/page/3"]
|
"Jay 3" [href="/jay/3"]
|
||||||
"Jay 4" [href="/jay/page/4"]
|
"Jay 4" [href="/jay/4"]
|
||||||
"Jay 5" [href="/jay/page/5"]
|
"Jay 5" [href="/jay/5"]
|
||||||
"Jay 6" [href="/jay/page/6"]
|
"Jay 6" [href="/jay/6"]
|
||||||
node[group=""]
|
node[group=""]
|
||||||
"Core 10" -- "Jay 1" -- "Jay 2" -- "Jay 3" -- "Jay 4" -- "Jay 5" -- "Jay 6"
|
"Core 11" -- "Jay 1" -- "Jay 2" -- "Jay 3" -- "Jay 4" -- "Jay 5" -- "Jay 6"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
node[group="from-within"]
|
node[group="from-within"]
|
||||||
"From within 1" [href="/from-within/"]
|
"From within 1" [href="/from-within/"]
|
||||||
@ -88,29 +89,29 @@ graph Map {
|
|||||||
"From within 5" [href="/from-within/5"]
|
"From within 5" [href="/from-within/5"]
|
||||||
"From within 6" [href="/from-within/i-guess.."]
|
"From within 6" [href="/from-within/i-guess.."]
|
||||||
node[group=""]
|
node[group=""]
|
||||||
"Core 13" -- "From within 1" -- "From within 2" -- "From within 3" -- "From within 4" -- "From within 5" -- "From within 6" -- "Core 14"
|
"Core 14" -- "From within 1" -- "From within 2" -- "From within 3" -- "From within 4" -- "From within 5" -- "From within 6" -- "Core 15"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
"Core 15" -- "Koan 1" [weight=1]
|
"Core 16" -- "Koan 1" -- "Koan 2" -- "Koan 3" -- "Koan 4" -- "Koan 5" -- "Koan 6"
|
||||||
"Koan 1" -- "Koan 2" -- "Koan 3" -- "Koan 4" -- "Koan 5" -- "Koan 6"
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
node[group="fursona"]
|
node[group="fursona"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 1" [href="/fursona/"]
|
"Fursoñas 1" [href="/fursona/"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 2" [href="/fursona/page/2"]
|
"Fursoñas 2" [href="/fursona/2"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 3" [href="/fursona/page/3"]
|
"Fursoñas 3" [href="/fursona/3"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 4" [href="/fursona/page/4"]
|
"Fursoñas 4" [href="/fursona/4"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 5" [href="/fursona/page/5"]
|
"Fursoñas 5" [href="/fursona/5"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 6" [href="/fursona/page/6"]
|
"Fursoñas 6" [href="/fursona/6"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 7" [href="/fursona/page/7"]
|
"Fursoñas 7" [href="/fursona/7"]
|
||||||
"Fursoñas 8" [href="/fursona/page/8"]
|
"Fursoñas 8" [href="/fursona/8"]
|
||||||
node[group=""]
|
node[group=""]
|
||||||
"Core 16" -- "Fursoñas 1" -- "Fursoñas 2" -- "Fursoñas 3" -- "Fursoñas 4" -- "Fursoñas 5" -- "Fursoñas 6" -- "Fursoñas 7" -- "Fursoñas 8"
|
"Core 17" -- "Fursoñas 1" -- "Fursoñas 2" -- "Fursoñas 3" -- "Fursoñas 4" -- "Fursoñas 5" -- "Fursoñas 6" -- "Fursoñas 7" -- "Fursoñas 8"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
node[group="margaras"]
|
node[group="margaras"]
|
||||||
"Margaras 1" [href="/margaras"]
|
"Margaras 1" [href="/margaras"]
|
||||||
"Margaras 2" [href="/margaras/page/2"]
|
"Margaras 2" [href="/margaras/2"]
|
||||||
"Margaras 3" [href="/margaras/page/3"]
|
"Margaras 3" [href="/margaras/3"]
|
||||||
"Margaras 4" [href="/margaras/page/4"]
|
"Margaras 4" [href="/margaras/4"]
|
||||||
"Margaras 5" [href="/margaras/page/5"]
|
"Margaras 5" [href="/margaras/5"]
|
||||||
|
"Margaras 6" [href="/margaras/6"]
|
||||||
node[group=""]
|
node[group=""]
|
||||||
"Core 20" -- "Margaras 1" -- "Margaras 2" -- "Margaras 3" -- "Margaras 4" -- "Margaras 5" -- "Core 21"
|
"Core 21" -- "Margaras 1" -- "Margaras 2" -- "Margaras 3" -- "Margaras 4" -- "Margaras 5" -- "Margaras 6" -- "Core 22"
|
||||||
}
|
}
|
||||||
|
|||||||
947
static/map.svg
947
static/map.svg
File diff suppressed because it is too large
Load Diff
|
Before Width: | Height: | Size: 45 KiB After Width: | Height: | Size: 46 KiB |
13
themes/ally/layouts/core/list.html
Normal file
13
themes/ally/layouts/core/list.html
Normal file
@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
|
|||||||
|
{{ define "main" }}
|
||||||
|
<main id="main">
|
||||||
|
{{ .Content }}
|
||||||
|
{{ $paginator := .Paginate (and (where .Pages ".Params.date" "!=" nil) (where .Pages ".Type" "==" "core")) 1 }}
|
||||||
|
{{ range $paginator.Pages.ByWeight }}
|
||||||
|
{{ .Content }}
|
||||||
|
{{ end }}
|
||||||
|
{{ template "_internal/pagination.html" . }}
|
||||||
|
{{ if (isset .Params "back") }}
|
||||||
|
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="{{ .Params.back }}" class="pulse">« back to where we left off</a></div>
|
||||||
|
{{ end }}
|
||||||
|
</main>
|
||||||
|
{{end}}
|
||||||
@ -150,7 +150,7 @@ code {
|
|||||||
|
|
||||||
@keyframes flash {
|
@keyframes flash {
|
||||||
from {
|
from {
|
||||||
background-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0.1);
|
background-color: rgba(128, 128, 128, 0);
|
||||||
}
|
}
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
to {
|
to {
|
||||||
|
|||||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user