diff --git a/.gitignore b/.gitignore index f373998..5c7df9e 100644 --- a/.gitignore +++ b/.gitignore @@ -10,3 +10,4 @@ _site/* .bundle /public /resources +/content/sex/kink/unspeakable.md diff --git a/content/ally/001.md b/content/ally/001.md index 6e302f2..24590a4 100644 --- a/content/ally/001.md +++ b/content/ally/001.md @@ -9,11 +9,11 @@ categories: - meta --- -What if I tried to write a magical-realistic memoir? +What if I tried to write a memoir? Like. -It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of manic notes or bits of Manifesto Project, and maybe I just own the hypertextuality of the medium, but it's generally autobiographical. +It doesn't need to be totally true, and maybe some stuff gets pretty floaty, and maybe some stuff winds up as poetry, and maybe some of it is ergodic with scans of notes or bits of other projects scattered throughout, and maybe I just own the hypertextuality of the medium, but it's generally autobiographical. That might be neat diff --git a/content/ally/025.md b/content/ally/025.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a5188c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/ally/025.md @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-23 +--- + +> You were gone. + +I was out of town, yes. Out of town and cramming in as much work as I can during these last few weeks at the Archive. + +> You were gone. Not just from writing, but from home, from ritual, from reality. You were someone else. Your head was elsewhere. + +That's a bit dramatic, isn't it? + +> Are you not a different person at conventions? Are you not a different person when living in a different home with someone else? + +Maybe. I like to think of it as postprocessing. The picture you take is fixed and largely unchanging, but you can process it into different things with different filters. The person I am is fixed and largely unchanging, but some people and some places bring out, say, artsy black-and-whites, while others bring out glossy, oversaturated colors + +> And yet when you were out, you weren't engaging with some parts of your life. Ones you might otherwise consider integral. No for-fun software, no music, no chat, no writing. + +Were you lonely? + +> Not my department. + +I suppose I was. Even at the convention, even seeing two different partners, I was lonely. Or, if it could be said of things rather than people, I was lonely for not having those fulfilling aspects about. I missed writing, I missed you. + +> I wasn't gone. + +I know. It's not even like when we don't talk. You were there. I just wasn't able to engage, and that's an integral part of our relationship. It happens from moment to moment. It is not something that exists in any sense of permanence or stasis. It is defined by movement and momentum. diff --git a/content/ally/026.md b/content/ally/026.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2118242 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/ally/026.md @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-23 +--- + +Apophenia + +> What? + +Apophenia. Connections. Imaginary lines traced from topic to topic in cheap butcher's twine. + +> And the topics? + +Imaginary. Or real, but only half remembered. I'm spinning a web. + +> Are you catching something? + +You? + +> Are you answering with a question? + +I'm unsure. + +> You're not catching me in that. + +You sound so final. + +> Not my department. + +Right. Is that a fact, then? I'm not catching you in this web. Are you the web? + +> Not my department. + +The spaces between, then. The negative spaces outlined by twine wrapped around pins. There are connections-- + +> Or not. + +--or not, and there are topics, imaginary or not, and then there's you, there, in the place between. You, the liminal creature. You, defined by absence. + +> Presence and absence are not my department, either. + +Are you some cousin to apophenia, then? Some relative to that *unmotivated seeing of connections accompanied by a specific feeling of abnormal meaningfulness*? Are you that numinous, abnormal meaningfulness? + +> I am easier to define in negatives. I am not presence and absence, but between them. Beyond them. Your ally, but not your friend. Real enough to impinge on your reality, but totally imaginary. **Not** here. **Not** doing. **Not** thinking, feeling, acting. + +So, are you? + +> Anything else is just pareidolia. diff --git a/content/chronology/_index.md b/content/chronology/_index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c2a8de6 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/chronology/_index.md @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +--- +type: chronological +--- + +
Viewing in chronological order
diff --git a/content/transition/index.html b/content/gender/index.html similarity index 100% rename from content/transition/index.html rename to content/gender/index.html diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/01.md b/content/gender/surgery/01.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3f4b5b7 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/01.md @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +--- +--- + +
Saturday is for mechanics. +Sunday is for terror. +Monday is for acceptance. +Tuesday is for purging. +Wednesday is for anxiety. +Thursday is for sleep.
diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/02.md b/content/gender/surgery/02.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..39e4abc --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/02.md @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +--- +--- + +The oh-god-it's-happening feeling diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/03.md b/content/gender/surgery/03.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..453e2b4 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/03.md @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ +--- +--- + +
When I am asleep +The world changes around me. +In spring, I am changed.
diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/04.md b/content/gender/surgery/04.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b5c1f75 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/04.md @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +--- +--- + +The surgery diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/05.md b/content/gender/surgery/05.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b17b373 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/05.md @@ -0,0 +1,58 @@ +--- +--- + +
I'm no good at images, only words, +and yet for days after surgery, +as anesthesia and countless + milligrams, milliliters, millions of +drugs leave my system, +I'm lousy with visions, +each lousy with meaning. + +I lay in bed, unable to move, +struggling to keep my eyes open; +I know that if I close them, + I'll be lost, I'll be lost, I'll be +mired in waking dreams, +coherent visions with all the logic +of that paler side of consciousness. + +Perhaps the veil here +is still too thin and vague, +the pool too clear, the monsters too scary + too lean, too mean, too hungry, or +perhaps I was too close to death +to come away totally unscathed, +too close to completely survive. + + It's as though, laying here, + stinking of hospital, + I'm seeing emotions play out, + Scene after scene, scene after scene, + anxiety shown in heaps of discarded entrails, + hope in the ceaseless ratcheting of gears, + determination in the marching of feet. + +If I were an artist, perhaps +I could hope to touch these images, +but as it is, every word falls short, + too vague, too inexact, too tight to +hope to explain something so vast +by the very act of attempting to reproduce; +I can only hint from the margins. + +That poetry can accomplish what prose cannot +in its economy of motion +is attractive to me, here in recovery - + so tired, so tired, so tired - so +maybe I can hope to express the dire import +of these visions dancing behind closed lids, +or at least remind myself on rereading. + +Even now, a week out, +I'm starting to lose touch with the visions, +I can almost touch them if I squint, + lie real still, don't move now, but +even then, a shadow of the substance... +I'm starting to consign to memory +that which was probably memory to begin with.
diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/06.md b/content/gender/surgery/06.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8fd02f --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/06.md @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +--- +--- + +The hospital and airbnb diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/07.md b/content/gender/surgery/07.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ad79e81 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/07.md @@ -0,0 +1,15 @@ +
It is two hundred miles between what I expect and what I want. +Two hundred long strides that seem impassible from one direction, + and from the other a day's short drive. + +It is nine and a half hours between question and answer. +A half hour of jazz, nine hours of sleep, a scant second of perspective, + and I can only traverse in one direction + +It is eleven inches between who I was and who I am. +Ten of those inches are pain, the eleventh is numb, + There's pleasure to be had in there, I'm promised. + +It is twelve years between what I want and what I get: +Ten years of remembering who I will become, two years running, + Eight days dreaming.
diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/08.md b/content/gender/surgery/08.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..83daa06 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/08.md @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +--- +--- + +the drive home mixed with retrospection diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/09.md b/content/gender/surgery/09.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dc937b5 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/09.md @@ -0,0 +1,51 @@ +--- +--- + +
What have you changed? + My mind +What changed you? + Nothing +What became of it? + I am not who I was + +What have you changed? + My name +What changed you? + The word +What became of it? + I am called who I am + +What have you changed? + My looks +What changed you? + The light +What became of it? + I am seen as I am + +What have you changed? + My chemistry +What changed you? + The substance +What became of it? + My form is my own + +What have you changed? + My body +What changed you? + The knife +What became of it? + I am shaped how I am + +What have you changed? + Nothing +What changed you? + I was accepted +What became of it? + I accepted myself + +What have you changed? + Everything +What changed you? + Everything +What became of it? + I became who I am
diff --git a/content/gender/surgery/_index.md b/content/gender/surgery/_index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a547b8b --- /dev/null +++ b/content/gender/surgery/_index.md @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +--- +type: serial +--- + + diff --git a/content/koan/01.md b/content/koan/01.md index 8f82b9d..c8b5bd4 100644 --- a/content/koan/01.md +++ b/content/koan/01.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -date: 2017-10-19 +date: 2019-08-14 weight: 1 --- diff --git a/content/koan/02.md b/content/koan/02.md index ba424f4..84caa2e 100644 --- a/content/koan/02.md +++ b/content/koan/02.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -date: 2017-10-19 +date: 2019-08-14 weight: 2 --- diff --git a/content/koan/03.md b/content/koan/03.md index a08caff..9dcaa17 100644 --- a/content/koan/03.md +++ b/content/koan/03.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -date: 2017-10-19 +date: 2019-08-14 weight: 3 --- diff --git a/content/koan/04.md b/content/koan/04.md index b800a80..ea03eed 100644 --- a/content/koan/04.md +++ b/content/koan/04.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -date: 2017-10-19 +date: 2019-08-14 weight: 4 --- diff --git a/content/koan/05.md b/content/koan/05.md index 6e05106..ca44a50 100644 --- a/content/koan/05.md +++ b/content/koan/05.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -date: 2017-10-19 +date: 2019-08-14 weight: 5 --- diff --git a/content/manifesto-project/007.md b/content/manifesto-project/007.md index b232908..7d081fa 100644 --- a/content/manifesto-project/007.md +++ b/content/manifesto-project/007.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -date: 2019-08-09 +date: 2019-08-28 weight: 7 --- diff --git a/content/map.html b/content/map.html index d34abc6..a755904 100644 --- a/content/map.html +++ b/content/map.html @@ -4,2457 +4,2652 @@ - + Map - - - -ally 1 - - -ally 1 - - - - - -ally 2 - - -ally 2 - - - - - -ally 1->ally 2 - - - - - -ally 3 - - -ally 3 - - - - - -ally 2->ally 3 - - - - - -ally 4 - - -ally 4 - - - - - -ally 3->ally 4 - - - - - -ally 5 - - -ally 5 - - - - - -ally 4->ally 5 - - - - - -ally 6 - - -ally 6 - - - - - -ally 5->ally 6 - - - - - -ally 7 - - -ally 7 - - 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3->Movement 4 - - + + - + Movement 5 - - -Movement 5 + + +Movement 5 - + Movement 4->Movement 5 - - + + - + Movement 6 - - -Movement 6 + + +Movement 6 - + Movement 5->Movement 6 - - + + - + Movement 7 - - -Movement 7 + + +Movement 7 - + Movement 6->Movement 7 - - + + - + Movement 8 - - -Movement 8 + + +Movement 8 - + Movement 7->Movement 8 - - + + - + Movement 9 - - -Movement 9 + + +Movement 9 - + Movement 8->Movement 9 - - + + diff --git a/content/news/2019-09-24-coping-mechanisms.md b/content/news/2019-09-24-coping-mechanisms.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..777674a --- /dev/null +++ b/content/news/2019-09-24-coping-mechanisms.md @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +--- +title: Coping mechanisms +date: 2019-09-24 +--- + +The upside to a complicated two-and-a-half week visit following shortly after a complicated two-and-a-half week visit is that I have rather a lot to talk about. The downside is that getting back into the rhythm is difficult. + + + +> No one ever said this would be easy. + +Well, sure, but that phrase is usually applied to something more emotional than the sheer mechanics of getting back into the writing flow. + +> It's all work. None of the work will be easy, emotional or mechanical. + +Fair enough. + +> Besides, is what you wrote about easy stuff? + +### New content + +* [ally 25](/25) through 27 +* [Polyamory 4](/poly/4) through 6 +* [Sex](/sex) and [kink](/sex/kink) +* You can now view content posted [chronologically](/chronological) + +### Updated content + +* Some tuning on [the front page](/). diff --git a/content/poly/02.md b/content/poly/02.md index cda7a01..0c6302b 100644 --- a/content/poly/02.md +++ b/content/poly/02.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -date: 2018-08-13 +date: 2019-08-13 weight: 2 tags: - snarky diff --git a/content/poly/04.md b/content/poly/04.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..646da30 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/poly/04.md @@ -0,0 +1,65 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-23 +weight: 4 +--- + +Relationship anarchy, as a topic, seems to draw heavily from both poly folks and queer folks. In fact, the three ideas are so heavily intertwined that it's difficult to have one without the others. Poly? Well, there's a good chance that there are some queer aspects to your relationship. + +And if you're queer and at least of a certain age, relationship anarchy is baked into your soul. If your society sets up a "natural" relationship progression and then bars an entire class from entry to that progression, subversive and transgressive relationship structures form as a matter of course. + +> Queer people, queer relationships. + +Yes. June, 2004: + +
Queer hair, queer mouth, queer brain, +queer sleeves, queer shoes, +queer toes, queer nails, +queer fingers, queer palms, hairy palms, +queer wrists, limp wrists, +queer arms, +queer shoulders, arms around shoulders, +queer neck, sensitive neck, +queer hair, curly, +queer ears, sensitive ears, eargasmic, +queer cheek, blushing cheek, +queer nose, got it from my dad, +queer eyes, queer colors, got them from my grandpa, +queer eyebrows, but not as queer as some, +queer face, too long, +queer chest, too skinny, +queer belly, padded, +queer crotch, go figure, +queer thighs, better believe it, +queer knees, queer calfs, queer ankles, queer legs, flexible, +queer feet, still smell, +queer guy, no surprise.
+ +When you're queer, *being queer* is baked into just about everything about you, but most especially in your relationships. "Minority identity acts as a force multiplier on social dynamics," as Orrery put it. + +> And so? + +And so, being hopelessly queer, I wind up in relationships that are hopelessly queer. + +> Except when you don't. + +Yes. And when I don't, there's such a fundamental mismatch of understanding that I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. + +Something that queer relationships miss, or at least reconfigure to their own ends, is the relationship escalator, that heteronormative idea that one gets on at the ground floor of friendship and gets off at the top with marriage, or one can stop off at any of the other floors to stop for a while, or to step off entirely when the relationship ends. + +It's not a bad idea, either. It's not as old as some would have you think, but in today's society, it works quite well. + +> Does the divorce rate agree with you there? + +Is that just another step on the escalator? + +> Touché. + +In nonheteronormaitve relationships, the idea is muddied. The friends-dating-marriage-children set of steps, originally shattered whe marriage was made illegal and adoption banned for large swaths of queer folks, just doesn't fit. The barrier between friends and dating, as well as between dating and permanent relationship, is thin, osmotic. + +> Suddenly, you're in a relationship. Suddenly, you're saying "I love you." + +Yes. Suddenly, organically, though not for lack of deliberation. There's much talking, if everything goes right, much working out of boundaries. It's just that there are fewer milestones. + +> Why do you bring this up? You're not writing an article. Out with it. + +Right. diff --git a/content/poly/05.md b/content/poly/05.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eda6cdc --- /dev/null +++ b/content/poly/05.md @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-23 +weight: 5 +--- + +If poly is queer, in that it's not relationship-normative, then I'm queer. If being trans is queer because it's not gender-normative, then I'm queer. If my identity blurs lines, then I'm queer. + +If I'm in a relationship with someone, then, is that a queer relationship? Is my partner queer? + +> What would they say? + +I don't know. I haven't gotten to the point of talking to myself about this yet, much less talking with them. That's what this process is, isn't it? + +> So what would you say, then? + +My gut instinct says that, since I'm trans, I've transgressed the lines of gender-normative relationships; since I'm poly, I've transgressed the lines of relationship-normative relationships. That, since I am queer, the relationship must be as well. + +> But? + +But it doesn't really feel like it. I feel like a girlfriend. Barac feels like a boyfriend. I feel like I've stepped onto an escalator, here. + +> There is an error in your gut instinct: it does not take into account that, in a relationship between two people, there are more than just two actors. There is you, there is your past, there is Barac and his, and there is society, influencing all four of you. That you are queer and that Barac does not consider himself to be is beside the point. Society, Barac, and Barac's past all think of this as a straight relationship --- or a take on one, at least --- and that's overwhelming your gut instinct, which only has access to you, and limited access to your past. + +Is that why I feel contention, then? Is that why there are an odd number of actors in this situation? + +> Perhaps. Perhaps you are feeling contention because you are having to work, for once, rather than slot smoothly into a relationship. + +My other relationships have taken work, though. + +> Your other partners have spoken the same language as you. It was easier to coordinate that work. You and Barac are having to learn each other's language as you go along. + +Robin and I had to learn the language of poly when we were starting out together. Judith and I and Colton and I both had our own things to learn as our relationships grew. + +> Yes, but you all spoke queer. None of you really spoke normative, a skill you're having to learn late in life. diff --git a/content/poly/06.md b/content/poly/06.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cba077a --- /dev/null +++ b/content/poly/06.md @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-23 +weight: 6 +--- + +I've been married for seven years. Robin and I have been together for more than five. My polycule has grown steadily over the years, and I have to wonder: how much of my polyamory, my relationship anarchy is a coping mechanism for how I was raised? + +> Does it matter? + +Yes, I think it does. *Early on, I promised myself that I would do anything to not become my dad,* I said. I wanted to stay away from serial monogamy. I wanted to talk more and perform less within my relationships. I wanted to be an improvement upon what I saw growing up. + +If I'm poly because I'm coping for my past once again, have I really grown? Or have I fallen into the trap just on the other side of the path? + +If I'm coping for my childhood, what would I leave my children coping with? + +> Again, does it matter? You must walk a fine line between the selfish and selfless when working with reality. In order to be happy, you need to not repeat the past, as you've said --- a selfish act. But worrying about counterfactuals with non-existent entities, being **too** selfless in this, will only set you back in your own growth. + +Perhaps I'm worried that if poly and such are just coping mechanisms, my relationships might be somehow less real, less earnest than if they weren't. Perhaps I'm worried that I'm doing a disservice to my partners by using them to overcome my own failings. + +> This is impostor syndrome, not using people. No relationship is perfect, all that matters is that you're approaching these honestly, earnestly, and with your whole heart. Even then, there will be friction occasionally. Your parents gave you stuff to cope with, and you would give your children stuff to cope with too. + +Guess it's a good thing I don't have kids. + +> Let's talk about kink. + +Oh my *god*. + +> Alas, had I a face, I would be able to smirk. Imagine that for me, will you? + +You know what? Now's as good a time as any. diff --git a/content/self-harm/suicide/.keep b/content/self-harm/suicide/.keep new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e69de29 diff --git a/content/sex/001.md b/content/sex/001.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..14a9fba --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/001.md @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-24 +weight: 1 +--- + +Cathleen Schine writes in *The Evolution of Jane*: + +
I resented the state of childhood wonder. It was insatiable, yet it seemed to me to be no more than a puerile affliction, like baby teeth. My ignorance struck me as a bizarre anomaly, for I felt, with utter certainty, that I was --- how can I say this? --- that I was *sufficient*. Evidence to the contrary forced itself on me every hour of every day, but that seemed to me some preposterous misunderstanding.
+ +And while I don't necessarily have fond memories of childhood-- + +> Clearly not + +--some part of me does rather miss the childlike curiosity with which I was able to approach sexuality early in puberty. It was all so abstract and confusing. Every time I'd try something new, there would be this thrill of danger, this rush of excitement. The lone copy of *Joy of Sex*'s assurances aside, was each burst of pleasure actually something going *horribly wrong*? + +> Ah, to be young and anxious. + +And I really was. Like many kids, I suspect, my first orgasm was terrifying. I thought I'd broken myself. + +> You got over it. + +Boy did I. I soon learned to love masturbation. + +But still, the bit I yearn for was the utter simplicity of my explorations. There was a lot of *does this feel good* and *let's try this* and so on, as I spent hours just trying to figure out what the hell bodies even are. + +> And the best part of it all is that it didn't involve anyone else. Your fantasies were about feeling good, or perhaps about some vague idea of sex as a concept, but it was all so abstract. The orgasm --- later, the delaying of such --- became the highest goal, the purest art. Other people just got in the way. + +It was a bit telling, wasn't it? diff --git a/content/sex/002.md b/content/sex/002.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a1ce62e --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/002.md @@ -0,0 +1,49 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-24 +--- + +How can one be sexual when the act of engaging in sex is so confusing, so anxiety-inducing as to be not worth it no matter how barked up one is? + +> You're getting ahead of yourself. The solutions arrived before the problem made itself known. + +I suppose so. + +My first sexual experiences took place over the phone and over text. Late night, parked in front of my computer with the cordless pinned between my cheek and shoulder, Danny and I masturbated together 1,800 miles apart. There was only the soft sounds of breathing, the quiet monosyllables, and the rushed reassurances that, yes, we were close, and then a shaky sigh from both of us. + +> You can still hear his voice saying two things: "Mattie", his pet name for you, and the sleepy, giddy kind of "I love you" that comes after an orgasm when you've both stayed up far too late. + +I only met him once. We just smoked weed together in a hotel bathroom, hung out, cuddled. Sex would be too complicated for us, by then. We had gone our different ways. We had become different people. + +> And by then, you'd started encountering the aforementioned problem. + +Yes. + +Another easy solution I latched onto was erotic roleplay. TS. Typefucking. Co-authoring erotica. + +I latched on and wouldn't let go. Still haven't. Beyond even myself, it shows up in my writing: + +
And it was there where I found love. There where I found love and lust and romance and flings. I dated. I TSed (we were, of course, too cool to use so vulgar a word as ‘cyber’). I set up relationships for characters in our games, and I set up relationships that transcended that, two hearts touching through only those white words on a black screen. + +Merlin and Marusin, The_Prof and rranger386, people I would dream about and likely never meet. We were all young. We were in love with each other in our own little worlds, serially and in parallel. + +And while sometimes I would think about who they were beyond the screen, it was rarely for long. I was in love with Merlin the fighter who hated magic. I was in love with The_Prof the student who desperately wanted to be a professor when he grew up, and didn’t care which subject. + +Sometimes I would think about who they were when we TSed, would wonder what it would be like to have their paw instead of my own around my erection, but never for long. It was easier. It was safer to not bother with it. + +But our relationships were as real as any collocated flings. More so, we told ourselves, for the purity of essence that came with no flesh to get in the way. + +I’m sure we all hungered for touch.
+ +> Did you? + +Did I what? Write bits of my life into furry fiction? + +> Hunger for touch. + +In some cases, sure. I wanted nothing more than to hold, to be held. I wanted nothing more than to experience arousal and climax with these people I loved. + +> And that was the problem. + +Yes. The problem was that I wanted to experience arousal and climax, but not really the whole sex part. Or perhaps I wanted that frictionless sex that can be accomplished in typefucking. I wanted that consequence-free, painless, perfectly-lubricated and utterly mess-less sex. + +Even then, I'm not so sure. diff --git a/content/sex/003.md b/content/sex/003.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f12016d --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/003.md @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-25 +weight: 3 +--- + +The problem was that I didn't really want sex. I loved the idea of it, loved reading and writing about it, loved ERP, loved consuming art, loved thinking about it, loved masturbating. I just didn't really love sex itself. + +Not for lack of trying, mind. I played around with my partners, tamping down my anxiety and squeamishness in order to try and just enjoy myself, enjoy our times together. Often, I was at least reasonably successful, too. I still have fond memories of some fun romps. + +> What rankled? + +It was a few things, I think. The most obvious being the increasing dissonance between my body and my identity as 'male' started to fit less and less. When having a penis seems odd and discordant, engaging with it feels unsatisfactory at best, nauseating at worst. + +Another was simply the mess of it all. Water-based lube gets sticky. Condoms are finicky. Fluid-bonding is great, but then the mess is magnified. Foreskin is complicated --- a rough weekend left me scarred, the resulting phimosis making sex something of an adventure. + +I think, most often, it was just that it was a lot of work. You had to set aside time. You had to negotiate. You had to have the condoms handy. You had to have the lube handy. You had to both be willing and on the same page. All perfectly doable, but whether or not it was worth it was something that seemed to vary from day to day. + +> And the shame. + +Yes, there was plenty of that. The unswerving sense that I had messed up. That I was doing something wrong. That this was all so disgusting. That this baffling act of smashing meat together was somehow a positive thing, but I just couldn't see how. + +> You tried to cleanse yourself of that with TIASAP. You also tried going the other way. You went to the Underground parties. You gathered around you a core group of people you trusted and played with them. You worked to extract that shame from yourself so that you could live without it. + +Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it was a matter of the stars aligning. + +Of those fond memories I mentioned, most of them surround lazy, comfortable sex, where everything was just aligned. Giving a cozy blowjob on a couch with no time pressure. Putting my hair up with a chopstick. That Underground party with lube and condoms readily available, and us two incidentally parked near enough that getting started was no stress. Sneaky fingers slipping past elastic waistbands. Tentative touches. + +> Sex that you had for fun. Sex with people you were close to. Sex with no expectations. + +Which I suppose is how it should be, but that rarely seems to be the case. Even when JD and I had moved in together and were sexually active, it was often more stress than it was worth. + +> And then you gave up trying to conquer shame. + +Yes. And since, by that point, every sexual act I engaged with left me feeling awful, I effectively gave up on sex. diff --git a/content/sex/004.md b/content/sex/004.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8e02d74 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/004.md @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-25 +weight: 4 +--- + +> Where did the shame come from? + +I'm not sure. I've got a few ideas, though. + +The first is likely that, as a queer person, societal shame is just part of our lives. We're not normal, after all. The sex we have doesn't line up with the sex we *should* have. + +I certainly bought into that, despite all of my efforts. Homosexual stuff was fine online, of course, because it was all so idyllic and perfect. No muss, no fuss. To be confronted with just how much of a mess sex can be offline, especially between two bepenised individuals, left me feeling like somehow I was falling short of that ideal. + +> Perhaps that is the crux of the shame: sex should be easy, and you should be good at it, if your online sex life was anything to go by. That it isn't and that you aren't felt like an indictment. + +Yes. The second idea that I have is that there was that misalignment between body and mind that started in 2005 and just grew wider over time. This put that indictment in very stark terms: sex should be easy, I should be good at it, and I should be a girl, if my online sex life was anything to go by, and I was none of those things. + +> Has the shame lessened since transition? Since surgery? + +Oh, quite a bit. I still feel like I'm not very good at it, that it's not easy, but I no longer have that overwhelming sense that I'm lying to everyone I lay with. + +> Your other ideas? + +Two. The first is subtler, and more of a subset of stuff already mentioned. To be raised a boy in America in the 90s is to be raised with the competing ideas that women are people and that women are sexual objects. Having sex is a balancing act between claiming what is rightfully yours as a man and treating a woman right. + +To then be gay, and especially then to bottom, is to turn every bit of that on its head. You become the sexual object. You become the person who should be treated right. You fulfill all these obligations placed on sex, but somehow manage to do so completely wrong. You fuck it all up. + +> The other? + +Getting raped just kind of messes you up. + +> Ah. + +So, let's talk about kink. diff --git a/content/sex/_index.md b/content/sex/_index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..15b2419 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/_index.md @@ -0,0 +1,20 @@ +--- +type: serial +back: /poly/6 +background: '#eeeef8' +color: '#111111' +quote: '#333333' +--- + +
Frank discussions of sex and sexuality
+ + diff --git a/content/sex/kink/001.md b/content/sex/kink/001.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..10ad341 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/kink/001.md @@ -0,0 +1,18 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-25 +weight: 1 +--- + +What do you do when you've got a libido and relatively little will to act upon it? Delve into kink. + +> Well, and fuck around on Taps a lot. + +The two go hand in hand. When sex makes you intensely anxious, it turns out that getting tied up and blindfolded just sort of multiplies that anxiety. + +> So you removed yourself from the equation. + +Close enough, yes. I let my characters bear the weight of kink and sexual interaction. Textually, there's a vast divide between what's on the screen and what's going on in person. I can get all I need from kink without actually needing to interact with it. + +> And what do you need from kink? + +Beyond just fantasy fulfillment? A way to cope, I suppose. diff --git a/content/sex/kink/002.md b/content/sex/kink/002.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d2f1b0a --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/kink/002.md @@ -0,0 +1,48 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-25 +weight: 2 +--- + +[![Kink bingo](/sex/kink/bingo.svg)](https://bbbingo.me/preparations-squadrons-voices-spans) + +> I'm not really sure what to make of the fact that you made a bingo card for your kinks. + +Well, hey, hit bingo, and maybe I explode or something. Besides, [bbbingo](https://bbbingo.me) was for a game jam. + +> So tell me about your free space. + +Actually, I think many of them come from a similar space: recasting bad or uncomfortable experiences from childhood into some positive light. A way to reclaim them and make them positive again. + +> How is humiliation positive? + +Okay, maybe some of them are not so much 'again'. + +> I don't imagine non-consensual sex ever was, no. + +Not really, but using kink as a coping mechanism for anxieties around rape is at least a way forward for me. + +Ditto humiliation. Being made to feel inadequate, often by people I was supposed to look up to, was such a negative force in my life --- in Matthew's life --- that it left me with quite a bit of baggage. This is just a way to sort through it. + +> Sexily. + +I suppose. It's something of a metakink. Many of the others stem from that, or from a similar core interest. + +Scent-play as a means of degradation: why would a snow leopard smell of canine? Fits in nicely with knotting. Why not toss in some species denial, too; no more kitty, you say 'arf' now. + +Scruffing, in the context of furry, especially with felines, is a means of rendering one helpless. Coercion and weakened mental states fit as well. Those all sort of tag along with the non-consensual core kink + +> So, pain and blood? Breathplay? + +Yes. Abuse. Damage. Bad ends. + +> Where do those come from? + +Self hatred. Self harm. Destroy me before I destroy myself. + +> Really? + +No, of course not. + +> But some part of you actively believes that? Some part of you actively craves someone destroying you? Beating you bloody? Choking you? Leaving you for dead with casual nonchalance? + +Yes. diff --git a/content/sex/kink/003.html b/content/sex/kink/003.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1edfed --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/kink/003.html @@ -0,0 +1,47 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-25 +weight: 3 +--- + +
Why are you doing this?
+ +

It's sensitive. It's difficult to talk about. It's my life, it's my site, it's my art. Why would I not?

+ +
Because this is supposed to be honest. This is supposed to be you baring your soul to the world. This is supposed to be your memoir.
+ +

I suppose. But still, it is mine, first and foremost.

+ +
+ + +
+ +
+ + + + diff --git a/content/sex/kink/004.md b/content/sex/kink/004.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ccf7991 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/kink/004.md @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +--- +date: 2019-09-25 +weight: 4 +--- + +> Do you enjoy vanilla sex, then? + +Perhaps. I suppose I must. So much of what I did for so long, online and off, was vanilla. Even now, much of it is. + +> Yet "sneps are for abusing". + +Yes. + +> Why? + +I enjoy vanilla sex. It feels good. All this kink, though, helps me grow. It's exposure therapy. + +It was exposure therapy when a TS partner on Taps laughed in my face as he raped me and left me to clean myself up. It is exposure therapy because I can say no, because I can enjoy being tied up now. + +It was exposure therapy when I was ordered to describe what I wanted in lurid detail. It's exposure therapy because I can talk about sex now. + +It was exposure therapy when I entered into a few master/pet relationships. It's exposure therapy because at some point I was able to handle a power-dynamic in my relationships. + +It was exposure therapy when I spent scene after scene toying with fertility. It's exposure therapy because at some point I was able to deal with the idea of not being cis, of motherhood being unattainable. + +It was exposure therapy when I made my character a pudgy nerd and still able to engage with her sexually. It's exposure therapy because I've been able to come to terms with my body. + +> It's exposure therapy because at some point, you started enjoying sex and the thought of sharing that with someone. + +Yes. diff --git a/content/sex/kink/_index.md b/content/sex/kink/_index.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d2052d4 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/sex/kink/_index.md @@ -0,0 +1,21 @@ +--- +type: serial +back: /sex/4 +background: '#17111a' +color: '#ffffff' +quote: '#ffffff' +--- + +
Frank discussions of sexuality and kink (along with some problematic ones)
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"+src.charCodeAt(0))}}return out};InlineLexer.prototype.outputLink=function(cap,link){var href=escape(link.href),title=link.title?escape(link.title):null;return cap[0].charAt(0)!=="!"?this.renderer.link(href,title,this.output(cap[1])):this.renderer.image(href,title,escape(cap[1]))};InlineLexer.prototype.smartypants=function(text){if(!this.options.smartypants)return text;return text.replace(/---/g,"—").replace(/--/g,"–").replace(/(^|[-\u2014/(\[{"\s])'/g,"$1‘").replace(/'/g,"’").replace(/(^|[-\u2014/(\[{\u2018\s])"/g,"$1“").replace(/"/g,"”").replace(/\.{3}/g,"…")};InlineLexer.prototype.mangle=function(text){if(!this.options.mangle)return text;var out="",l=text.length,i=0,ch;for(;i.5){ch="x"+ch.toString(16)}out+="&#"+ch+";"}return out};function Renderer(options){this.options=options||{}}Renderer.prototype.code=function(code,lang,escaped){if(this.options.highlight){var out=this.options.highlight(code,lang);if(out!=null&&out!==code){escaped=true;code=out}}if(!lang){return"
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    "};Renderer.prototype.del=function(text){return""+text+""};Renderer.prototype.link=function(href,title,text){if(this.options.sanitize){try{var prot=decodeURIComponent(unescape(href)).replace(/[^\w:]/g,"").toLowerCase()}catch(e){return""}if(prot.indexOf("javascript:")===0||prot.indexOf("vbscript:")===0){return""}}var out='    ";return out};Renderer.prototype.image=function(href,title,text){var out=''+text+'":">";return out};Renderer.prototype.text=function(text){return text};function Parser(options){this.tokens=[];this.token=null;this.options=options||marked.defaults;this.options.renderer=this.options.renderer||new Renderer;this.renderer=this.options.renderer;this.renderer.options=this.options}Parser.parse=function(src,options,renderer){var parser=new Parser(options,renderer);return parser.parse(src)};Parser.prototype.parse=function(src){this.inline=new InlineLexer(src.links,this.options,this.renderer);this.tokens=src.reverse();var out="";while(this.next()){out+=this.tok()}return out};Parser.prototype.next=function(){return this.token=this.tokens.pop()};Parser.prototype.peek=function(){return this.tokens[this.tokens.length-1]||0};Parser.prototype.parseText=function(){var body=this.token.text;while(this.peek().type==="text"){body+="\n"+this.next().text}return this.inline.output(body)};Parser.prototype.tok=function(){switch(this.token.type){case"space":{return""}case"hr":{return this.renderer.hr()}case"heading":{return this.renderer.heading(this.inline.output(this.token.text),this.token.depth,this.token.text)}case"code":{return this.renderer.code(this.token.text,this.token.lang,this.token.escaped)}case"table":{var header="",body="",i,row,cell,flags,j;cell="";for(i=0;i/g,">").replace(/"/g,""").replace(/'/g,"'")}function unescape(html){return html.replace(/&([#\w]+);/g,function(_,n){n=n.toLowerCase();if(n==="colon")return":";if(n.charAt(0)==="#"){return n.charAt(1)==="x"?String.fromCharCode(parseInt(n.substring(2),16)):String.fromCharCode(+n.substring(1))}return""})}function replace(regex,opt){regex=regex.source;opt=opt||"";return function self(name,val){if(!name)return new RegExp(regex,opt);val=val.source||val;val=val.replace(/(^|[^\[])\^/g,"$1");regex=regex.replace(name,val);return self}}function noop(){}noop.exec=noop;function merge(obj){var i=1,target,key;for(;iAn error occured:

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b/static/js/sjcl-1.0.6/sjcl.js @@ -0,0 +1,60 @@ +"use strict";var sjcl={cipher:{},hash:{},keyexchange:{},mode:{},misc:{},codec:{},exception:{corrupt:function(a){this.toString=function(){return"CORRUPT: "+this.message};this.message=a},invalid:function(a){this.toString=function(){return"INVALID: "+this.message};this.message=a},bug:function(a){this.toString=function(){return"BUG: "+this.message};this.message=a},notReady:function(a){this.toString=function(){return"NOT READY: "+this.message};this.message=a}}}; +sjcl.cipher.aes=function(a){this.s[0][0][0]||this.O();var b,c,d,e,f=this.s[0][4],g=this.s[1];b=a.length;var h=1;if(4!==b&&6!==b&&8!==b)throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("invalid aes key size");this.b=[d=a.slice(0),e=[]];for(a=b;a<4*b+28;a++){c=d[a-1];if(0===a%b||8===b&&4===a%b)c=f[c>>>24]<<24^f[c>>16&255]<<16^f[c>>8&255]<<8^f[c&255],0===a%b&&(c=c<<8^c>>>24^h<<24,h=h<<1^283*(h>>7));d[a]=d[a-b]^c}for(b=0;a;b++,a--)c=d[b&3?a:a-4],e[b]=4>=a||4>b?c:g[0][f[c>>>24]]^g[1][f[c>>16&255]]^g[2][f[c>>8&255]]^g[3][f[c& +255]]}; +sjcl.cipher.aes.prototype={encrypt:function(a){return t(this,a,0)},decrypt:function(a){return t(this,a,1)},s:[[[],[],[],[],[]],[[],[],[],[],[]]],O:function(){var a=this.s[0],b=this.s[1],c=a[4],d=b[4],e,f,g,h=[],k=[],l,n,m,p;for(e=0;0x100>e;e++)k[(h[e]=e<<1^283*(e>>7))^e]=e;for(f=g=0;!c[f];f^=l||1,g=k[g]||1)for(m=g^g<<1^g<<2^g<<3^g<<4,m=m>>8^m&255^99,c[f]=m,d[m]=f,n=h[e=h[l=h[f]]],p=0x1010101*n^0x10001*e^0x101*l^0x1010100*f,n=0x101*h[m]^0x1010100*m,e=0;4>e;e++)a[e][f]=n=n<<24^n>>>8,b[e][m]=p=p<<24^p>>>8;for(e= +0;5>e;e++)a[e]=a[e].slice(0),b[e]=b[e].slice(0)}}; +function t(a,b,c){if(4!==b.length)throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("invalid aes block size");var d=a.b[c],e=b[0]^d[0],f=b[c?3:1]^d[1],g=b[2]^d[2];b=b[c?1:3]^d[3];var h,k,l,n=d.length/4-2,m,p=4,r=[0,0,0,0];h=a.s[c];a=h[0];var q=h[1],v=h[2],w=h[3],x=h[4];for(m=0;m>>24]^q[f>>16&255]^v[g>>8&255]^w[b&255]^d[p],k=a[f>>>24]^q[g>>16&255]^v[b>>8&255]^w[e&255]^d[p+1],l=a[g>>>24]^q[b>>16&255]^v[e>>8&255]^w[f&255]^d[p+2],b=a[b>>>24]^q[e>>16&255]^v[f>>8&255]^w[g&255]^d[p+3],p+=4,e=h,f=k,g=l;for(m= +0;4>m;m++)r[c?3&-m:m]=x[e>>>24]<<24^x[f>>16&255]<<16^x[g>>8&255]<<8^x[b&255]^d[p++],h=e,e=f,f=g,g=b,b=h;return r} +sjcl.bitArray={bitSlice:function(a,b,c){a=sjcl.bitArray.$(a.slice(b/32),32-(b&31)).slice(1);return void 0===c?a:sjcl.bitArray.clamp(a,c-b)},extract:function(a,b,c){var d=Math.floor(-b-c&31);return((b+c-1^b)&-32?a[b/32|0]<<32-d^a[b/32+1|0]>>>d:a[b/32|0]>>>d)&(1<>b-1,1));return a},partial:function(a,b,c){return 32===a?b:(c?b|0:b<<32-a)+0x10000000000*a},getPartial:function(a){return Math.round(a/0x10000000000)||32},equal:function(a,b){if(sjcl.bitArray.bitLength(a)!==sjcl.bitArray.bitLength(b))return!1;var c=0,d;for(d=0;d>>b),c=a[e]<<32-b;e=a.length?a[a.length-1]:0;a=sjcl.bitArray.getPartial(e);d.push(sjcl.bitArray.partial(b+a&31,32>>24|c>>>8&0xff00|(c&0xff00)<<8|c<<24;return a}}; +sjcl.codec.utf8String={fromBits:function(a){var b="",c=sjcl.bitArray.bitLength(a),d,e;for(d=0;d>>24),e<<=8;return decodeURIComponent(escape(b))},toBits:function(a){a=unescape(encodeURIComponent(a));var b=[],c,d=0;for(c=0;c>>g)>>>e),gn){if(!b)try{return sjcl.codec.base32hex.toBits(a)}catch(p){}throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("this isn't "+m+"!");}h>e?(h-=e,f.push(l^n>>>h),l=n<>>e)>>>26),6>e?(g=a[c]<<6-e,e+=26,c++):(g<<=6,e-=6);for(;d.length&3&&!b;)d+="=";return d},toBits:function(a,b){a=a.replace(/\s|=/g,"");var c=[],d,e=0,f=sjcl.codec.base64.B,g=0,h;b&&(f=f.substr(0,62)+"-_");for(d=0;dh)throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("this isn't base64!");26>>e),g=h<<32-e):(e+=6,g^=h<<32-e)}e&56&&c.push(sjcl.bitArray.partial(e&56,g,1));return c}};sjcl.codec.base64url={fromBits:function(a){return sjcl.codec.base64.fromBits(a,1,1)},toBits:function(a){return sjcl.codec.base64.toBits(a,1)}};sjcl.hash.sha256=function(a){this.b[0]||this.O();a?(this.F=a.F.slice(0),this.A=a.A.slice(0),this.l=a.l):this.reset()};sjcl.hash.sha256.hash=function(a){return(new sjcl.hash.sha256).update(a).finalize()}; +sjcl.hash.sha256.prototype={blockSize:512,reset:function(){this.F=this.Y.slice(0);this.A=[];this.l=0;return this},update:function(a){"string"===typeof a&&(a=sjcl.codec.utf8String.toBits(a));var b,c=this.A=sjcl.bitArray.concat(this.A,a);b=this.l;a=this.l=b+sjcl.bitArray.bitLength(a);if(0x1fffffffffffffb;c++){e=!0;for(d=2;d*d<=c;d++)if(0===c%d){e= +!1;break}e&&(8>b&&(this.Y[b]=a(Math.pow(c,.5))),this.b[b]=a(Math.pow(c,1/3)),b++)}}}; +function u(a,b){var c,d,e,f=a.F,g=a.b,h=f[0],k=f[1],l=f[2],n=f[3],m=f[4],p=f[5],r=f[6],q=f[7];for(c=0;64>c;c++)16>c?d=b[c]:(d=b[c+1&15],e=b[c+14&15],d=b[c&15]=(d>>>7^d>>>18^d>>>3^d<<25^d<<14)+(e>>>17^e>>>19^e>>>10^e<<15^e<<13)+b[c&15]+b[c+9&15]|0),d=d+q+(m>>>6^m>>>11^m>>>25^m<<26^m<<21^m<<7)+(r^m&(p^r))+g[c],q=r,r=p,p=m,m=n+d|0,n=l,l=k,k=h,h=d+(k&l^n&(k^l))+(k>>>2^k>>>13^k>>>22^k<<30^k<<19^k<<10)|0;f[0]=f[0]+h|0;f[1]=f[1]+k|0;f[2]=f[2]+l|0;f[3]=f[3]+n|0;f[4]=f[4]+m|0;f[5]=f[5]+p|0;f[6]=f[6]+r|0;f[7]= +f[7]+q|0} +sjcl.mode.ccm={name:"ccm",G:[],listenProgress:function(a){sjcl.mode.ccm.G.push(a)},unListenProgress:function(a){a=sjcl.mode.ccm.G.indexOf(a);-1k)throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("ccm: iv must be at least 7 bytes");for(f=2;4>f&&l>>>8*f;f++);f<15-k&&(f=15-k);c=h.clamp(c, +8*(15-f));b=sjcl.mode.ccm.V(a,b,c,d,e,f);g=sjcl.mode.ccm.C(a,g,c,b,e,f);return h.concat(g.data,g.tag)},decrypt:function(a,b,c,d,e){e=e||64;d=d||[];var f=sjcl.bitArray,g=f.bitLength(c)/8,h=f.bitLength(b),k=f.clamp(b,h-e),l=f.bitSlice(b,h-e),h=(h-e)/8;if(7>g)throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("ccm: iv must be at least 7 bytes");for(b=2;4>b&&h>>>8*b;b++);b<15-g&&(b=15-g);c=f.clamp(c,8*(15-b));k=sjcl.mode.ccm.C(a,k,c,l,e,b);a=sjcl.mode.ccm.V(a,k.data,c,d,e,b);if(!f.equal(k.tag,a))throw new sjcl.exception.corrupt("ccm: tag doesn't match"); +return k.data},na:function(a,b,c,d,e,f){var g=[],h=sjcl.bitArray,k=h.i;d=[h.partial(8,(b.length?64:0)|d-2<<2|f-1)];d=h.concat(d,c);d[3]|=e;d=a.encrypt(d);if(b.length)for(c=h.bitLength(b)/8,65279>=c?g=[h.partial(16,c)]:0xffffffff>=c&&(g=h.concat([h.partial(16,65534)],[c])),g=h.concat(g,b),b=0;be||16n&&(sjcl.mode.ccm.fa(g/ +k),n+=m),c[3]++,e=a.encrypt(c),b[g]^=e[0],b[g+1]^=e[1],b[g+2]^=e[2],b[g+3]^=e[3];return{tag:d,data:h.clamp(b,l)}}}; +sjcl.mode.ocb2={name:"ocb2",encrypt:function(a,b,c,d,e,f){if(128!==sjcl.bitArray.bitLength(c))throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("ocb iv must be 128 bits");var g,h=sjcl.mode.ocb2.S,k=sjcl.bitArray,l=k.i,n=[0,0,0,0];c=h(a.encrypt(c));var m,p=[];d=d||[];e=e||64;for(g=0;g+4e.bitLength(c)&&(h=f(h,d(h)),c=e.concat(c,[-2147483648,0,0,0]));g=f(g,c); +return a.encrypt(f(d(f(h,d(h))),g))},S:function(a){return[a[0]<<1^a[1]>>>31,a[1]<<1^a[2]>>>31,a[2]<<1^a[3]>>>31,a[3]<<1^135*(a[0]>>>31)]}}; +sjcl.mode.gcm={name:"gcm",encrypt:function(a,b,c,d,e){var f=b.slice(0);b=sjcl.bitArray;d=d||[];a=sjcl.mode.gcm.C(!0,a,f,d,c,e||128);return b.concat(a.data,a.tag)},decrypt:function(a,b,c,d,e){var f=b.slice(0),g=sjcl.bitArray,h=g.bitLength(f);e=e||128;d=d||[];e<=h?(b=g.bitSlice(f,h-e),f=g.bitSlice(f,0,h-e)):(b=f,f=[]);a=sjcl.mode.gcm.C(!1,a,f,d,c,e);if(!g.equal(a.tag,b))throw new sjcl.exception.corrupt("gcm: tag doesn't match");return a.data},ka:function(a,b){var c,d,e,f,g,h=sjcl.bitArray.i;e=[0,0, +0,0];f=b.slice(0);for(c=0;128>c;c++){(d=0!==(a[Math.floor(c/32)]&1<<31-c%32))&&(e=h(e,f));g=0!==(f[3]&1);for(d=3;0>>1|(f[d-1]&1)<<31;f[0]>>>=1;g&&(f[0]^=-0x1f000000)}return e},j:function(a,b,c){var d,e=c.length;b=b.slice(0);for(d=0;de&&(a=b.hash(a));for(d=0;dd||0>c)throw new sjcl.exception.invalid("invalid params to pbkdf2");"string"===typeof a&&(a=sjcl.codec.utf8String.toBits(a));"string"===typeof b&&(b=sjcl.codec.utf8String.toBits(b));e=e||sjcl.misc.hmac;a=new e(a);var f,g,h,k,l=[],n=sjcl.bitArray;for(k=1;32*l.length<(d||1);k++){e=f=a.encrypt(n.concat(b,[k]));for(g=1;gg;g++)e.push(0x100000000*Math.random()|0);for(g=0;g=1<this.o&&(this.o= +f);this.P++;this.b=sjcl.hash.sha256.hash(this.b.concat(e));this.L=new sjcl.cipher.aes(this.b);for(d=0;4>d&&(this.h[d]=this.h[d]+1|0,!this.h[d]);d++);}for(d=0;d>>1;this.c[g].update([d,this.N++,2,b,f,a.length].concat(a))}break;case "string":void 0===b&&(b=a.length);this.c[g].update([d,this.N++,3,b,f,a.length]);this.c[g].update(a);break;default:k=1}if(k)throw new sjcl.exception.bug("random: addEntropy only supports number, array of numbers or string");this.m[g]+=b;this.f+=b;h===this.u&&(this.isReady()!==this.u&&A("seeded",Math.max(this.o,this.f)),A("progress",this.getProgress()))}, +isReady:function(a){a=this.T[void 0!==a?a:this.M];return this.o&&this.o>=a?this.m[0]>this.ba&&(new Date).valueOf()>this.Z?this.J|this.I:this.I:this.f>=a?this.J|this.u:this.u},getProgress:function(a){a=this.T[a?a:this.M];return this.o>=a?1:this.f>a?1:this.f/a},startCollectors:function(){if(!this.D){this.a={loadTimeCollector:B(this,this.ma),mouseCollector:B(this,this.oa),keyboardCollector:B(this,this.la),accelerometerCollector:B(this,this.ea),touchCollector:B(this,this.qa)};if(window.addEventListener)window.addEventListener("load", +this.a.loadTimeCollector,!1),window.addEventListener("mousemove",this.a.mouseCollector,!1),window.addEventListener("keypress",this.a.keyboardCollector,!1),window.addEventListener("devicemotion",this.a.accelerometerCollector,!1),window.addEventListener("touchmove",this.a.touchCollector,!1);else if(document.attachEvent)document.attachEvent("onload",this.a.loadTimeCollector),document.attachEvent("onmousemove",this.a.mouseCollector),document.attachEvent("keypress",this.a.keyboardCollector);else throw new sjcl.exception.bug("can't attach event"); +this.D=!0}},stopCollectors:function(){this.D&&(window.removeEventListener?(window.removeEventListener("load",this.a.loadTimeCollector,!1),window.removeEventListener("mousemove",this.a.mouseCollector,!1),window.removeEventListener("keypress",this.a.keyboardCollector,!1),window.removeEventListener("devicemotion",this.a.accelerometerCollector,!1),window.removeEventListener("touchmove",this.a.touchCollector,!1)):document.detachEvent&&(document.detachEvent("onload",this.a.loadTimeCollector),document.detachEvent("onmousemove", +this.a.mouseCollector),document.detachEvent("keypress",this.a.keyboardCollector)),this.D=!1)},addEventListener:function(a,b){this.K[a][this.ga++]=b},removeEventListener:function(a,b){var c,d,e=this.K[a],f=[];for(d in e)e.hasOwnProperty(d)&&e[d]===b&&f.push(d);for(c=0;cb&&(a.h[b]=a.h[b]+1|0,!a.h[b]);b++);return a.L.encrypt(a.h)} +function B(a,b){return function(){b.apply(a,arguments)}}sjcl.random=new sjcl.prng(6); +a:try{var D,E,F,G;if(G="undefined"!==typeof module&&module.exports){var H;try{H=require("crypto")}catch(a){H=null}G=E=H}if(G&&E.randomBytes)D=E.randomBytes(128),D=new Uint32Array((new Uint8Array(D)).buffer),sjcl.random.addEntropy(D,1024,"crypto['randomBytes']");else if("undefined"!==typeof window&&"undefined"!==typeof Uint32Array){F=new Uint32Array(32);if(window.crypto&&window.crypto.getRandomValues)window.crypto.getRandomValues(F);else if(window.msCrypto&&window.msCrypto.getRandomValues)window.msCrypto.getRandomValues(F); +else break a;sjcl.random.addEntropy(F,1024,"crypto['getRandomValues']")}}catch(a){"undefined"!==typeof window&&window.console&&(console.log("There was an error collecting entropy from the browser:"),console.log(a))} +sjcl.json={defaults:{v:1,iter:1E4,ks:128,ts:64,mode:"ccm",adata:"",cipher:"aes"},ja:function(a,b,c,d){c=c||{};d=d||{};var e=sjcl.json,f=e.g({iv:sjcl.random.randomWords(4,0)},e.defaults),g;e.g(f,c);c=f.adata;"string"===typeof f.salt&&(f.salt=sjcl.codec.base64.toBits(f.salt));"string"===typeof f.iv&&(f.iv=sjcl.codec.base64.toBits(f.iv));if(!sjcl.mode[f.mode]||!sjcl.cipher[f.cipher]||"string"===typeof a&&100>=f.iter||64!==f.ts&&96!==f.ts&&128!==f.ts||128!==f.ks&&192!==f.ks&&0x100!==f.ks||2>f.iv.length|| +4=b.iter||64!==b.ts&&96!==b.ts&&128!==b.ts||128!==b.ks&&192!==b.ks&&0x100!==b.ks||!b.iv||2>b.iv.length||4 "ally 2" -> "ally 3" -> "ally 4" -> "ally 5" -> - "ally 6" -> "ally 7" -> "ally 8" -> "ally 9" -> "ally 10" -> - "ally 11" -> "ally 12" -> "ally 13" -> "ally 14" -> "ally 15" -> - "ally 16" -> "ally 17" -> "ally 18" -> "ally 19" -> "ally 20" -> "ally 21" -> "ally 22" -> "ally 23" -> "ally 24" -> "To be continued..." - + // The following must appear before the ally group in order to position them + // on the left side. node[group="aside",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] "Aside 1" [href="/aside/1"] "Aside 2" [href="/aside/2"] "Aside 3" [href="/aside/3"] - node[group="birds",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] - "Birds 1" [href="/birds"] - "Birds 2" [href="/birds/2"] - "Birds 3" [href="/birds/3"] - "Birds 4" [href="/birds/4"] - "Birds 5" [href="/birds/5"] - "Birds 1" -> "Birds 2" -> "Birds 3" -> "Birds 4" -> "Birds 5" - node[group="dad",style="filled",fillcolor="#cccccc",fontcolor="#222222"] "Dad 1" [href="/dad/1"] "Dad 2" [href="/dad/2"] @@ -72,6 +35,112 @@ digraph Map { "From within 1" -> "From within 2" -> "From within 3" -> "From within 4" -> "From within 5" -> "From within 6" + node[group="jay",style="filled",fillcolor="#eeddff",fontcolor="#222288"] + "Jay 1" [href="/jay/"] + "Jay 2" [href="/jay/2"] + "Jay 3" [href="/jay/3"] + "Jay 4" [href="/jay/4"] + "Jay 5" [href="/jay/5"] + "Jay 6" [href="/jay/6"] + "Jay 1" -> "Jay 2" -> "Jay 3" -> "Jay 4" -> "Jay 5" -> "Jay 6" + + node[group="liminal",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] + "Liminal 1" [href="/liminal"] + "Liminal 2" [href="/liminal/2"] + "Liminal 3" [href="/liminal/3"] + "Liminal 4" [href="/liminal/4"] + "Liminal 5" [href="/liminal/5"] + "Liminal 6" [href="/liminal/6"] + "Liminal 7" [href="/liminal/7"] + "Liminal 8" [href="/liminal/8"] + "Liminal 1" -> "Liminal 2" -> "Liminal 3" -> "Liminal 4" -> + "Liminal 5" -> "Liminal 6" -> "Liminal 7" -> "Liminal 8" + + node[group="poly",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] + "Poly 1" [href="/poly"] + "Poly 2" [href="/poly/2"] + "Poly 3" [href="/poly/3"] + "Poly 4" [href="/poly/4"] + "Poly 5" [href="/poly/5"] + "Poly 6" [href="/poly/6"] + "Poly 1" -> "Poly 2" -> "Poly 3" -> "Poly 4" -> "Poly 5" -> "Poly 6" + + node[group="sex",style="filled",fillcolor="#eeeef8",fontcolor="#111111"] + "Sex 1" [href="/sex"] + "Sex 2" [href="/sex/2"] + "Sex 3" [href="/sex/3"] + "Sex 4" [href="/sex/4"] + "Sex 1" -> "Sex 2" -> "Sex 3" -> "Sex 4" + + node[group="kink",style="filled",fillcolor="#17111a",fontcolor="#ffffff"] + "Kink 1" [href="/sex/kink"] + "Kink 2" [href="/sex/kink/2"] + "Kink 3" [href="/sex/kink/3"] + "Kink 4" [href="/sex/kink/4"] + "Kink 1" -> "Kink 2" -> "Kink 3" -> "Kink 4" + + node[group="software",style="filled",fillcolor="#eaf5ff",fontcolor="#05264c"] + "Software 1" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/c7d73fc7a727d34728b353a2c428b0da71788bf0"] + "Software 2" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/04b7300615386bccbb331caebcf396077f6fc9ea"] + "Software 3" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/d73e63f3fdc0bce89f06334959ade28888a2f7b2"] + "Software 4" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/90acc199cd80944f6c5eb6834a2fa67783db4d7d"] + "Software 5" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/49f83b2148f70151c43f8ef77a061e7252d9b1d4"] + "Software 6" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/ab8302ca2f6ca00c0a5bdfebcb4b2f2291ec9833"] + "Software 1" -> "Software 2" -> "Software 3" -> "Software 4" -> + "Software 5" -> "Software 6" + + // This is the central axis + node[group="ally",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] // `core` folder + "ally 1" [href="/"] + "ally 2" [href="/2"] + "ally 3" [href="/3"] + "ally 4" [href="/4"] + "ally 5" [href="/5"] + "ally 6" [href="/6"] + "ally 7" [href="/7"] + "ally 8" [href="/8"] + "ally 9" [href="/9"] + "ally 10" [href="/10"] + "ally 11" [href="/11"] + "ally 12" [href="/12"] + "ally 13" [href="/13"] + "ally 14" [href="/14"] + "ally 15" [href="/15"] + "ally 16" [href="/16"] + "ally 17" [href="/17"] + "ally 18" [href="/18"] + "ally 19" [href="/19"] + "ally 20" [href="/20"] + "ally 21" [href="/21"] + "ally 22" [href="/22"] + "ally 23" [href="/23"] + "ally 24" [href="/24"] + "ally 25" [href="/25"] + "ally 26" [href="/26"] + "To be continued..." [shape="none"] + "ally 1" -> "ally 2" -> "ally 3" -> "ally 4" -> "ally 5" -> + "ally 6" -> "ally 7" -> "ally 8" -> "ally 9" -> "ally 10" -> + "ally 11" -> "ally 12" -> "ally 13" -> "ally 14" -> "ally 15" -> + "ally 16" -> "ally 17" -> "ally 18" -> "ally 19" -> "ally 20" -> "ally 21" -> "ally 22" -> "ally 23" -> "ally 24" -> "ally 25" -> "ally 26" -> "To be continued..." + + node[group="birds",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] + "Birds 1" [href="/birds"] + "Birds 2" [href="/birds/2"] + "Birds 3" [href="/birds/3"] + "Birds 4" [href="/birds/4"] + "Birds 5" [href="/birds/5"] + "Birds 1" -> "Birds 2" -> "Birds 3" -> "Birds 4" -> "Birds 5" + + // Must come before Furry to position it to the left. + node[group="koan",style="filled",fillcolor="#1f183a",fontcolor="#ccccdd"] + "Koan 1" [href="/koan/"] + "Koan 2" [href="/koan/2"] + "Koan 3" [href="/koan/3"] + "Koan 4" [href="/koan/4"] + "Koan 5" [href="/koan/5"] + "Koan 6" [href="/koan/6"] + "Koan 1" -> "Koan 2" -> "Koan 3" -> "Koan 4" -> "Koan 5" -> "Koan 6" + node[group="furry",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] "Furry 1" [href="/furry"] "Furry 2" [href="/furry/2"] @@ -111,36 +180,6 @@ digraph Map { "Younes 3" [href="/furry/younes/3"] "Younes 1" -> "Younes 2" -> "Younes 3" - node[group="jay",style="filled",fillcolor="#eeddff",fontcolor="#222288"] - "Jay 1" [href="/jay/"] - "Jay 2" [href="/jay/2"] - "Jay 3" [href="/jay/3"] - "Jay 4" [href="/jay/4"] - "Jay 5" [href="/jay/5"] - "Jay 6" [href="/jay/6"] - "Jay 1" -> "Jay 2" -> "Jay 3" -> "Jay 4" -> "Jay 5" -> "Jay 6" - - node[group="koan",style="filled",fillcolor="#1f183a",fontcolor="#ccccdd"] - "Koan 1" [href="/koan/"] - "Koan 2" [href="/koan/2"] - "Koan 3" [href="/koan/3"] - "Koan 4" [href="/koan/4"] - "Koan 5" [href="/koan/5"] - "Koan 6" [href="/koan/6"] - "Koan 1" -> "Koan 2" -> "Koan 3" -> "Koan 4" -> "Koan 5" -> "Koan 6" - - node[group="liminal",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] - "Liminal 1" [href="/liminal"] - "Liminal 2" [href="/liminal/2"] - "Liminal 3" [href="/liminal/3"] - "Liminal 4" [href="/liminal/4"] - "Liminal 5" [href="/liminal/5"] - "Liminal 6" [href="/liminal/6"] - "Liminal 7" [href="/liminal/7"] - "Liminal 8" [href="/liminal/8"] - "Liminal 1" -> "Liminal 2" -> "Liminal 3" -> "Liminal 4" -> - "Liminal 5" -> "Liminal 6" -> "Liminal 7" -> "Liminal 8" - node[group="mania",style="filled",fillcolor="#000000",fontcolor="#dddddd"] "Manic notes 1" [href="/mania/"] "Manic notes 2" [href="/mania/2"] @@ -201,28 +240,12 @@ digraph Map { "Agony and Ecstasy" -> "Video" "Agony and Ecstasy" -> "Text" - node[group="poly",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] - "Poly 1" [href="/poly"] - "Poly 2" [href="/poly/2"] - "Poly 3" [href="/poly/3"] - "Poly 1" -> "Poly 2" -> "Poly 3" - node[group="sh",style="filled",fillcolor="#222228",fontcolor="#dddddd"] "Self-harm 1" [href="/self-harm"] "Self-harm 2" [href="/self-harm/2"] "Self-harm 3" [href="/self-harm/3"] "Self-harm 1" -> "Self-harm 2" -> "Self-harm 3" - node[group="software",style="filled",fillcolor="#eaf5ff",fontcolor="#05264c"] - "Software 1" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/c7d73fc7a727d34728b353a2c428b0da71788bf0"] - "Software 2" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/04b7300615386bccbb331caebcf396077f6fc9ea"] - "Software 3" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/d73e63f3fdc0bce89f06334959ade28888a2f7b2"] - "Software 4" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/90acc199cd80944f6c5eb6834a2fa67783db4d7d"] - "Software 5" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/49f83b2148f70151c43f8ef77a061e7252d9b1d4"] - "Software 6" [href="https://github.com/makyo/ally/pull/4/commits/ab8302ca2f6ca00c0a5bdfebcb4b2f2291ec9833"] - "Software 1" -> "Software 2" -> "Software 3" -> "Software 4" -> - "Software 5" -> "Software 6" - node[group="transition"] node[group="writing",style="",fontcolor="#111111"] @@ -330,10 +353,14 @@ digraph Map { // Poly "Poly 1" -> "Jay 1" + "Poly 6" -> "Sex 1" // Self-harm /*"Self-harm 1" -> "Margaras 1"*/ + // Sex + "Sex 4" -> "Kink 1" + // Writing /*"Writing 2" -> "Koans 1" "Writing 2" -> "Birds 1" diff --git a/static/map.svg b/static/map.svg index 8c4d369..6c06f1e 100644 --- a/static/map.svg +++ b/static/map.svg @@ -4,2457 +4,2652 @@ - + Map - - - -ally 1 - - -ally 1 - - - - - -ally 2 - - -ally 2 - - - - - -ally 1->ally 2 - - - - - -ally 3 - - -ally 3 - - - - - -ally 2->ally 3 - - - - - -ally 4 - - -ally 4 - - - - - -ally 3->ally 4 - - - - - -ally 5 - - -ally 5 - - - - - -ally 4->ally 5 - - - - - -ally 6 - - -ally 6 - - - - - -ally 5->ally 6 - - - - - -ally 7 - - -ally 7 - - - - - -ally 6->ally 7 - - - - - -ally 8 - - -ally 8 - - - - - -ally 7->ally 8 - - - - - -ally 9 - - -ally 9 - - - - - -ally 8->ally 9 - - - - - -Manic notes 1 - - -Manic notes 1 - - - - - -ally 8->Manic notes 1 - - - - - -ally 10 - - -ally 10 - - - - - -ally 9->ally 10 - - - - - -Birds 1 - - -Birds 1 - - - - - -ally 9->Birds 1 - - - - - -ally 11 - - -ally 11 - - - - - -ally 10->ally 11 - - - - - -Poly 1 - - -Poly 1 - - - - - -ally 10->Poly 1 - - - - - -ally 12 - - -ally 12 - - - - - -ally 11->ally 12 - - - - - -From within 1 - - -From within 1 - - - - - -ally 11->From within 1 - - - - - -ally 13 - - -ally 13 - - - - - -ally 12->ally 13 - - - - - -ally 14 - - -ally 14 - - - - - -ally 13->ally 14 - - - - - -Furry 1 - - -Furry 1 - - - - - -ally 13->Furry 1 - - - - - -ally 15 - - -ally 15 - - - - - -ally 14->ally 15 - - - + - + Aside 1 - - -Aside 1 + + +Aside 1 - - -ally 14->Aside 1 - - - - - -ally 16 - - -ally 16 - - - - - -ally 15->ally 16 - - - - - -Liminal 1 - - -Liminal 1 - - - - - -ally 15->Liminal 1 - - - - - -ally 17 - - -ally 17 - - - - - -ally 16->ally 17 - - - - - -Poet and Mystic 1 - - -Poet and Mystic 1 - - - - - -ally 16->Poet and Mystic 1 - - - - - -ally 18 - - -ally 18 - - - - - -ally 17->ally 18 - - - - - -Writing 1 - - -Writing 1 - - - - - -ally 17->Writing 1 - - - - - -ally 19 - - -ally 19 - - - - - -ally 18->ally 19 - - - - - -Software 1 - - -Software 1 - - - - - -ally 18->Software 1 - - - - - -ally 20 - - -ally 20 - - - - - -ally 19->ally 20 - - - - - -ally 21 - - -ally 21 - - - - - -ally 20->ally 21 - - - - - -ally 22 - - -ally 22 - - - - - -ally 21->ally 22 - - - - - -ally 23 - - -ally 23 - - - - - -ally 22->ally 23 - - - - - -ally 24 - - -ally 24 - - - - - -ally 23->ally 24 - - - - - -Movement 1 - - -Movement 1 - - - - - -ally 23->Movement 1 - - - - - -To be continued... -To be continued... - - - -ally 24->To be continued... - - - - + Aside 2 - - -Aside 2 + + +Aside 2 - + Aside 3 - - -Aside 3 + + +Aside 3 - - -Birds 2 - - -Birds 2 - - - - - -Birds 1->Birds 2 - - - - - -Birds 3 - - -Birds 3 - - - - - -Birds 2->Birds 3 - - - - - -Birds 4 - - -Birds 4 - - - - - -Birds 3->Birds 4 - - - - - -Birds 5 - - -Birds 5 - - - - - -Birds 4->Birds 5 - - - - + Dad 1 - - -Dad 1 + + +Dad 1 - + Dad 2 - - -Dad 2 + + +Dad 2 - + Dad 1->Dad 2 - - + + - + Dad 3 - - -Dad 3 + + +Dad 3 - + Dad 2->Dad 3 - - + + - + Dad 4 - - -Dad 4 + + +Dad 4 - + Dad 3->Dad 4 - - + + - + Dad 5 - - -Dad 5 + + +Dad 5 - + Dad 4->Dad 5 - - + + - + Dad 6 - - -Dad 6 + + +Dad 6 - + Dad 5->Dad 6 - - + + - + Dad 7 - - -Dad 7 + + +Dad 7 - + Dad 6->Dad 7 - - + + - + Dad 8 - - -Dad 8 + + +Dad 8 - + Dad 7->Dad 8 - - + + - + Dad 9 - - -Dad 9 + + +Dad 9 - + Dad 8->Dad 9 - - + + - + Dad 10 - - -Dad 10 + + +Dad 10 - + Dad 9->Dad 10 - - + + - + Dad 11 - - -Dad 11 + + +Dad 11 - + Dad 10->Dad 11 - - + + + + + +ally 16 + + +ally 16 + + - + Dad 11->ally 16 - - + + + + + +From within 1 + + +From within 1 + + - + From within 2 - - -From within 2 + + +From within 2 - + From within 1->From within 2 - - + + - + From within 3 - - -From within 3 + + +From within 3 - + From within 2->From within 3 - - + + - + From within 4 - - -From within 4 + + +From within 4 - + From within 3->From within 4 - - + + - + From within 5 - - -From within 5 + + +From within 5 - + From within 4->From within 5 - - + + - + From within 6 - - -From within 6 + + +From within 6 - + From within 5->From within 6 - - + + + + + +ally 12 + + +ally 12 + + - + From within 6->ally 12 - - - - - -Furry 2 - - -Furry 2 - - - - - -Furry 1->Furry 2 - - - - - -Koan 1 - - -Koan 1 - - - - - -Furry 1->Koan 1 - - - - - -Furry 3 - - -Furry 3 - - - - - -Furry 2->Furry 3 - - - - - -Fursoñas 1 - - -Fursoñas 1 - - - - - -Furry 2->Fursoñas 1 - - - - - -Furry 4 - - -Furry 4 - - - - - -Furry 3->Furry 4 - - - - - -Furry 5 - - -Furry 5 - - - - - -Furry 4->Furry 5 - - - - - -Furry 6 - - -Furry 6 - - - - - -Furry 5->Furry 6 - - - - - -Furry 7 - - -Furry 7 - - - - - -Furry 6->Furry 7 - - - - - -Margaras 1 - - -Margaras 1 - - - - - -Furry 6->Margaras 1 - - - - - -Younes 1 - - -Younes 1 - - - - - -Furry 7->Younes 1 - - - - - -Fursoñas 2 - - -Fursoñas 2 - - - - - -Fursoñas 1->Fursoñas 2 - - - - - -Fursoñas 3 - - -Fursoñas 3 - - - - - -Fursoñas 2->Fursoñas 3 - - - - - -Fursoñas 4 - - -Fursoñas 4 - - - - - -Fursoñas 3->Fursoñas 4 - - - - - -Fursoñas 5 - - -Fursoñas 5 - - - - - -Fursoñas 4->Fursoñas 5 - - - - - -Fursoñas 6 - - -Fursoñas 6 - - - - - -Fursoñas 5->Fursoñas 6 - - - - - -Fursoñas 7 - - -Fursoñas 7 - - - - - -Fursoñas 6->Fursoñas 7 - - - - - -Fursoñas 8 - - -Fursoñas 8 - - - - - -Fursoñas 7->Fursoñas 8 - - - - - -Margaras 2 - - -Margaras 2 - - - - - -Margaras 1->Margaras 2 - - - - - -Margaras 3 - - -Margaras 3 - - - - - -Margaras 2->Margaras 3 - - - - - -Margaras 4 - - -Margaras 4 - - - - - -Margaras 3->Margaras 4 - - - - - -Margaras 5 - - -Margaras 5 - - - - - -Margaras 4->Margaras 5 - - - - - -Margaras 6 - - -Margaras 6 - - - - - -Margaras 5->Margaras 6 - - - - - -Younes 2 - - -Younes 2 - - - - - -Younes 1->Younes 2 - - - - - -Younes 3 - - -Younes 3 - - - - - -Younes 2->Younes 3 - - - - - -Self-harm 1 - - -Self-harm 1 - - - - - -Younes 3->Self-harm 1 - - + + - + Jay 1 - - -Jay 1 + + +Jay 1 - + Jay 2 - - -Jay 2 + + +Jay 2 - + Jay 1->Jay 2 - - + + - + Jay 3 - - -Jay 3 + + +Jay 3 - + Jay 2->Jay 3 - - + + - + Jay 4 - - -Jay 4 + + +Jay 4 - + Jay 3->Jay 4 - - + + - + Jay 5 - - -Jay 5 + + +Jay 5 - + Jay 4->Jay 5 - - + + - + Jay 6 - - -Jay 6 + + +Jay 6 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--git a/static/sex/kink/bingo.svg b/static/sex/kink/bingo.svg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1e417b9 --- /dev/null +++ b/static/sex/kink/bingo.svg @@ -0,0 +1,248 @@ + + + + + + + b + b + b + i + n + g + o + + Kink Bingo (Maddy) (0) + by makyo + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + Free + + + + + Degradation + + + + + Scent marking + + + + + Breeding + + + + + Non-consensual + + + + + Risk ofpregnancy + + + + + + Scruff biting + + + + + Leash or collarpulling + + + + + Teasing + + + + + Exhibitionism(primarilypublic sex) + + + + + Identity(gender,species, etc)denial + + + + + + Heat/estrus + + + + + Breath control + + + + + Humiliation + + + + + Knotting/tying + + + + + Ear play(teasing,pulling,biting, etc) + + + + + + Disciplineorreinforcement + + + + + Weakened mentalstate (hypno,drugs, estrus,exhaustion,etc) + + + + + Master/pet + + + + + Humiliatinginstructions + + + + + Speechrestrictions + + + + + + Pain/blood(accidentalor intentional) + + + + + Orgasm orpleasure denial + + + + + Clothes(bulges, cumstains onclothes,clothed sex,etc) + + + + + Post-sexdegradation(publicparading,etc) + + + + + Coercion + + + + + + + + Free + + + + \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/_default/list.html b/themes/ally/layouts/_default/list.html index f2f4892..9ce46e8 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/_default/list.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/_default/list.html @@ -3,6 +3,7 @@ {{ .Content }} {{ $paginator := .Paginate (where .Pages.ByPublishDate.Reverse ".Params.date" "!=" nil) 1 }} {{ range $paginator.Pages.ByWeight }} +

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    {{ .Content }} {{ end }} {{ partial "pagination.html" . }} diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/_default/single.html b/themes/ally/layouts/_default/single.html index 9b49c8e..1ce3dfb 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/_default/single.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/_default/single.html @@ -1,5 +1,6 @@ {{ define "main" }}
    + {{ if (ge .Date.Year 2019) }}

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    {{ end }} {{ .Content }}
    {{end}} diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/chronological/list.html b/themes/ally/layouts/chronological/list.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e9de480 --- /dev/null +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/chronological/list.html @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +{{ define "main" }} +
    + {{ .Content }} + {{ $paginator := .Paginate (where (where .Site.RegularPages ".Type" "!=" "news") ".Date.Year" ">=" 2019).ByPublishDate 1 }} + {{ range $paginator.Pages.ByPublishDate }} +

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    + {{ .Content }} + {{ end }} + {{ partial "pagination.html" . }} +
    +{{end}} diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/core/list.html b/themes/ally/layouts/core/list.html index 5e35e40..d584826 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/core/list.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/core/list.html @@ -3,6 +3,7 @@ {{ .Content }} {{ $paginator := .Paginate (and (where .Pages ".Params.date" "!=" nil) (where .Pages ".Type" "==" "ally")) 1 }} {{ range $paginator.Pages.ByWeight }} +

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    {{ .Content }} {{ end }} {{ partial "pagination.html" . }} diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/news/list.html b/themes/ally/layouts/news/list.html index 63fc200..c6f7f48 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/news/list.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/news/list.html @@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ {{ $paginator := .Paginate (where .Pages.ByPublishDate.Reverse ".Params.date" "!=" nil) 10 }} {{ range $paginator.Pages.ByPublishDate.Reverse }}

    {{ .Params.title }}

    - {{ dateFormat "Monday, Jan 2, 2006" .Date }} + {{ if (ge .Date.Year 2019) }}

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    {{ end }}

    {{ .Summary }}

    {{ end }} {{ partial "pagination.html" . }} diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/news/single.html b/themes/ally/layouts/news/single.html index 0b8e66d..6359529 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/news/single.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/news/single.html @@ -1,7 +1,7 @@ {{ define "main" }}

    {{ .Params.title }}

    - {{ dateFormat "Monday, Jan 2, 2006" .Date }} + {{ if (ge .Date.Year 2019) }}

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    {{ end }} {{ .Content }}
    {{end}} diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html b/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html index 831a874..10c837f 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/partials/footer.html @@ -1,5 +1,9 @@ diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/partials/pagination.html b/themes/ally/layouts/partials/pagination.html index e54bf44..bfaded9 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/partials/pagination.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/partials/pagination.html @@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/serial/list.html b/themes/ally/layouts/serial/list.html index 6f9bdda..8eac24f 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/serial/list.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/serial/list.html @@ -3,6 +3,7 @@ {{ .Content }} {{ $paginator := .Paginate (where .Pages ".Params.date" "!=" nil) 1 }} {{ range $paginator.Pages.ByWeight }} +

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    {{ .Content }} {{ end }} {{ partial "pagination.html" . }} diff --git a/themes/ally/layouts/single/list.html b/themes/ally/layouts/single/list.html index 9b49c8e..1ce3dfb 100644 --- a/themes/ally/layouts/single/list.html +++ b/themes/ally/layouts/single/list.html @@ -1,5 +1,6 @@ {{ define "main" }}
    + {{ if (ge .Date.Year 2019) }}

    {{ .Date.Format "January 2, 2006" }}

    {{ end }} {{ .Content }}
    {{end}} diff --git a/themes/ally/static/css/main.css b/themes/ally/static/css/main.css index d0fc47e..2873eb2 100644 --- a/themes/ally/static/css/main.css +++ b/themes/ally/static/css/main.css @@ -76,6 +76,12 @@ main { padding: 1rem; font-family: 'Gentium Book Basic', serif; } +.date { + font-size: 10pt; + opacity: 0.3; + font-family: 'Merriweather Sans', sans-serif; + margin: 0; +} footer { color: #888; font-size: 12pt; @@ -110,6 +116,17 @@ blockquote em { font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Merriweather Sans', sans-serif; } +.info { + color: #008; + text-align: right; +} +.info:before { + content: 'ⓘ'; + display: block; + font-size: 32pt; + font-weight: bold; + font-family: 'Merriweather Sans', sans-serif; +} pre { border: 1px solid #eee; padding: 1em; @@ -177,13 +194,13 @@ ul.pagination li:first-of-type { } ul.pagination .page-item.too-many { - color: #666; + opacity: 0.5; margin: 0 14px 0 7px; font-style: italic; } ul.pagination .page-item.disabled a { - color: #666; + opacity: 0.4; border: none; cursor: text; }