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Madison Scott-Clary
2021-09-03 14:26:31 -07:00
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@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ For posterity (and an admittedly uneasy sense that I ought to attach just about
>
> My advisor at St. John's told me that one could think of it like dating. The process of discernment is one of figuring out the relationship between yourself and a potential outcome of that decision before committing to what may be a mistake.
>
> That can even be very literal. My parents dated for about two years before they decided to get married. In the context of their social lives and their families, this was an absurdly long period of time, but something about each other just made them want to be extra, extra sure that they were ready to be together forever. It's not that they were at each other's throats or constantly frustrated with each other, either. They were some of the most in-love people I've ever known. This year would have been their fortieth anniversary, and until the day they died, they were still holding hands and giving each other these little fawning glances.
> That can even be very literal. My parents dated for about two years before they decided to get married. In the context of their social lives and their families, this was an absurdly long period of time, but something about each other just made them want to be extra, extra sure that they were ready to be together forever. It's not that they were at each other's throats or constantly frustrated with each other, either. They were some of the most in-love people I've ever known. This year would have been their fortieth anniversary, and until the day they died, they were still holding paws and giving each other these little fawning glances.
>
> Where my decision to join the clergy failed, that's an example of a decision that worked out well in the end. Extremely well.
>
@ -35,61 +35,61 @@ Again, corporate nonsense.
I shared a bit of this with Kay and she sent me an eye-roll emoji, followed by
*6:03 PM Kay>* It's bullshit like this that has me glad I'm still in academia. Not that libraries are immune or anything, but they're strange in that you're either a page or assistant like me or you had at least a masters degree.
> *6:03 PM Kay>* It's bullshit like this that has me glad I'm still in academia. Not that libraries are immune or anything, but they're strange in that you're either a page or assistant like me or you had at least a masters degree.
*6:03 PM Dee>* I have a masters.
> *6:03 PM Dee>* I have a masters.
*6:06 PM Kay>* Well, fair enough. Still, I think libraries have this ivory tower nonsense going on in ways that places like you work don't. Reference librarians stick to their subjects, book binders stay in the bindery, book purchasers buy books, assistive tech people deal with assistive tech, etc etc. There's no real effort to bUiLd a TeAm in the same way as it sounds like is happening with you and every other office drone I know.
> *6:06 PM Kay>* Well, fair enough. Still, I think libraries have this ivory tower nonsense going on in ways that places like you work don't. Reference librarians stick to their subjects, book binders stay in the bindery, book purchasers buy books, assistive tech people deal with assistive tech, etc etc. There's no real effort to bUiLd a TeAm in the same way as it sounds like is happening with you and every other office drone I know.
*6:06 PM Dee>* I'd shake my fist at you for calling me an office drone, but you're not wrong.
> *6:06 PM Dee>* I'd shake my fist at you for calling me an office drone, but you're not wrong.
*6:06 PM Kay>* I bet you dress in business casual.
> *6:06 PM Kay>* I bet you dress in business casual.
I laughed and typed back:
*6:07 PM Dee>* Of course I do! Have to look professional after all.
> *6:07 PM Dee>* Of course I do! Have to look professional after all.
*6:07 PM Kay>* Do you call it "biz cas"? If you do, I will block you immediately.
> *6:07 PM Kay>* Do you call it "biz cas"? If you do, I will block you immediately.
*6:07 PM Dee>* I do not, thank goodness. I call it a button up shirt and slacks like a normal person.
> *6:07 PM Dee>* I do not, thank goodness. I call it a button up shirt and slacks like a normal person.
*6:08 PM Kay>* You are absolutely in no way a normal person.
> *6:08 PM Kay>* You are absolutely in no way a normal person.
*6:08 PM Kay>* What did you wind up talking about anyway?
> *6:08 PM Kay>* What did you wind up talking about anyway?
I sent her the essay and then waited for her to read, feeling anxious, as I always seem to when sharing anything related to religion with Kay. She's never been anything but kind-but-disinterested when the topic has come up before.
Finally:
*6:12 PM Kay>* I mean, it sounds like a fluff presentation.
> *6:12 PM Kay>* I mean, it sounds like a fluff presentation.
*6:12 PM Dee>* It was hardly an academic conference.
> *6:12 PM Dee>* It was hardly an academic conference.
*6:13 PM Kay>* Yeah, but it's not really -about- anything, I guess.
> *6:13 PM Kay>* Yeah, but it's not really -about- anything, I guess.
*6:14 PM Dee>* I guess, yeah. Just a loose compilation of thoughts. I wanted to be the first so I don't have to worry about any presentations for a while.
> *6:14 PM Dee>* I guess, yeah. Just a loose compilation of thoughts. I wanted to be the first so I don't have to worry about any presentations for a while.
*6:14 PM Kay>* Hahaha! So cynical, Dee! Never knew you had it in you.
> *6:14 PM Kay>* Hahaha! So cynical, Dee! Never knew you had it in you.
*6:14 PM Kay>* Especially given this apparently pretty earnest speech.
> *6:14 PM Kay>* Especially given this apparently pretty earnest speech.
*6:15 PM Dee>* It was earnest! I am cynical! I contain multitudes.
> *6:15 PM Dee>* It was earnest! I am cynical! I contain multitudes.
*6:15 PM Kay>* Now I'm just picturing you as a priest.
> *6:15 PM Kay>* Now I'm just picturing you as a priest.
*6:16 PM Dee>* Black cassock and Roman collar? Or all the vestments for mass?
> *6:16 PM Dee>* Black cassock and Roman collar? Or all the vestments for mass?
*6:16 PM Kay>* Oh, the black one. Total hot priest vibes. You just have to wear that and call everyone "my child" or whatever and the girls will be all over you.
> *6:16 PM Kay>* Oh, the black one. Total hot priest vibes. You just have to wear that and call everyone "my child" or whatever and the girls will be all over you.
Gears crunched to a halt in my mind. I must have sat there, staring at that message, for several minutes, trying to parse out just how much of it might have been serious.
*6:21 PM Kay>* Sorry, that was probably pretty insensitive...
> *6:21 PM Kay>* Sorry, that was probably pretty insensitive...
I rubbed my hands over my snout before replying:
I rubbed my paws over my snout before replying:
*6:25 PM Dee>* No no! Just never really thought about "hot priest" being a thing.
> *6:25 PM Dee>* No no! Just never really thought about "hot priest" being a thing.
*6:25 PM Kay>* You're just not on the right parts of the internet.
> *6:25 PM Kay>* You're just not on the right parts of the internet.
The conversation wound down from there, so now I'm writing up my journal and turning Kay's words over and over in my head. They fit strangely into my image of myself. 'Hot priest'? 'Girls all over me'? There isn't a universe in which either of these things is true. I am no judge of how attractive I am and have never bothered to ask, but the idea of a priest being sexy makes my head ache. They are two completely separate concepts in my mind, a Venn diagram with no overlap.