Marsh

marsh/content/006.tex

@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-The rest of the day was largely spent hunting for friends and tallying losses. The Marshans and a few of their assorted partners --- minus Dry Grass --- set up camp in Marsh's study, widened slightly by Pierre, who also held ownership permissions over the sim.
+The rest of the day was largely spent hunting for friends and tallying losses. The Marshans and a few of their assorted partners—minus Dry Grass—set up camp in Marsh's study, widened slightly by Pierre, who also held ownership permissions over the sim.
 
 It raised a question that dogged me for a few minutes, cropping up now and again as I got in touch with more of our friends. What happened to objects and sims owned by individuals who had disappeared? If what Serene had said about her up-tree instance held true, the sim that she'd been working on remained. ``When an instance quits, all of their items disappear,'' she explained. ``But should an instance crash, that is not considered quitting. They remain in a core dump somewhere. That the sim remains indicates that she did not quit, but the ownership record is now invalid. I will need to file to have it revert to me.''
 
@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ This new study was expanded to include a few more desks and tables. Hanne and I
 
 For each person we managed to contact, we asked them a set of questions that Sedge and Dry Grass had come up with. Finding out how many of their cocladists had gone missing, as well as any friends or loved ones that were now unreachable. We collected some of that information for ourselves, building a better picture of how our friends group had been impacted, but all were directed to the official survey that had been set up by the Odists.
 
-Truly official, as well. Dry Grass had had her systech privileges restored --- as was evidenced by a floppy, felt witch hat she would occasionally summon, a physical token of her official capacity --- but she had also taken on a leadership role in this project beyond simply being a tech. She had pulled some strings to leave their post pinned to the top of several of the largest central feeds. Responses were already pouring in as more and more people woke to the realization that missing friends and family. While Dry Grass assured us that such had been done in the past, none of us had ever seen such a thing before.
+Truly official, as well. Dry Grass had had her systech privileges restored—as was evidenced by a floppy, felt witch hat she would occasionally summon, a physical token of her official capacity—but she had also taken on a leadership role in this project beyond simply being a tech. She had pulled some strings to leave their post pinned to the top of several of the largest central feeds. Responses were already pouring in as more and more people woke to the realization that missing friends and family. While Dry Grass assured us that such had been done in the past, none of us had ever seen such a thing before.
 
 ``It is a part of the long peace that your lives are so boring,'' she had said with a sigh. ``Or at least were.''
 
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ I nodded, quiet.
 
 ``Well, alright,'' I said after a moment's silence, gently disentangling myself from the embrace. ``Let's at least focus on something else for a bit. What sorts of things can we take care of from start to finish that have nothing to do with\ldots all this?''
 
-She laughed. ``\,`All this' is a hell of a way to put it.'' She shook her head as though to dislodge the thought. ``But you're right. Uh\ldots well, I've had too much coffee, I think. It's a bit early, but maybe we can make a drink or something? I also wouldn't mind inviting some others over just for some noise, otherwise I'm going to sit and stew up in my head.''
+She laughed. ``\hspace{1pt}`All this' is a hell of a way to put it.'' She shook her head as though to dislodge the thought. ``But you're right. Uh\ldots well, I've had too much coffee, I think. It's a bit early, but maybe we can make a drink or something? I also wouldn't mind inviting some others over just for some noise, otherwise I'm going to sit and stew up in my head.''
 
 ``What, am I not enough to distract you from that?''
 
@@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ She snorted. ``No.~I love you, but you'll just wind up reminding me of it. Any f
 
 We both spent a few minutes puttering about, getting ourselves some water and poking through the exchange for a bottle of wine to have ready for when others arrived.
 
-\emph{If} others arrived, it turned out. There were a few maybes, with Sedge saying that she wanted to focus just on the work and not split her attention any. Both Pierre and Vos declined, saying they would rather stay together and focus on their own problems --- certainly understandable. Few of my friends sounded appealing to have over, which also held true for Hanne, who wound up only pinging Jess and Warmth In Fire out of her circle of construct artistry friends. Both gave a definite maybe.
+\emph{If} others arrived, it turned out. There were a few maybes, with Sedge saying that she wanted to focus just on the work and not split her attention any. Both Pierre and Vos declined, saying they would rather stay together and focus on their own problems—certainly understandable. Few of my friends sounded appealing to have over, which also held true for Hanne, who wound up only pinging Jess and Warmth In Fire out of her circle of construct artistry friends. Both gave a definite maybe.
 
 Of those I pinged who surprised me by saying yes, Lily was at the top of the list.
 
@@ -96,9 +96,9 @@ The next to arrive were Warmth In Fire and Jess, both of whom launched themselve
 
 I'd met Jess a few times before at dinner parties or the like, and she definitely shared Hanne and I's fondness for snarky banter, and was just as prone to falling into witty repartee as we were.
 
-For some reason, though, I'd yet to actually meet Warmth In Fire beyond the brief introduction we'd had in the field. Despite Dry Grass's average height and soft build, Warmth In Fire was quite short and wiry. Where Dry Grass was comfortable to move through life at a steady pace with measured speech, the skunk was spunky and energetic, speaking quickly and smiling readily, quick to hug --- I received my own after Hanne --- and quicker still to fork to accomplish such affection. They seemed to live in a pleasant sort of transgression, from the constantly shifting pronouns to the almost childlike performance that nonetheless seemed to be performed with a wink and a nudge, as though ey knew just how subversive such kid-like vibes could be.
+For some reason, though, I'd yet to actually meet Warmth In Fire beyond the brief introduction we'd had in the field. Despite Dry Grass's average height and soft build, Warmth In Fire was quite short and wiry. Where Dry Grass was comfortable to move through life at a steady pace with measured speech, the skunk was spunky and energetic, speaking quickly and smiling readily, quick to hug—I received my own after Hanne—and quicker still to fork to accomplish such affection. They seemed to live in a pleasant sort of transgression, from the constantly shifting pronouns to the almost childlike nature that nonetheless seemed to be performed with a wink and a nudge, as though ey knew just how subversive such kid-like vibes could be.
 
-Hold My Name, in contrast, stood tall and confident. She leaned more on Dry Grass's steady nature, though seemed perfectly content to keep up with Warmth In Fire's speedy intensity, at one point scruffing an instance of the skunk --- who was nearly a meter shorter than her --- to pull it into a bearhug. She was also visibly and effortlessly transfeminine in a way that I attempted to live into in my own trans identity. I liked her immediately.
+Hold My Name, in contrast, stood tall and confident. She leaned more on Dry Grass's steady nature, though seemed perfectly content to keep up with Warmth In Fire's speedy intensity, at one point scruffing an instance of the skunk—who was nearly a meter shorter than her—to pull it into a bearhug. She was also visibly and effortlessly transfeminine in a way that I attempted to live into in my own trans identity. I liked her immediately.
 
 Last of all, nearly an hour after we started, most of us a few drinks in, Lily stepped out onto the patio. She moved stiffly, awkwardly, and only nodded a greeting, wordlessly picking out a few of the \emph{hors d'oeuvres} and pouring herself an over-full glass of a sweet wine.
 
@@ -116,25 +116,25 @@ Dry Grass bowed. ``I assure you, it is appropriately atrocious. It comes straigh
 
 Lily rolled her eyes, nodded.
 
-``Alright. A horse walks into a bar, flumps down onto a stool, says to the bartender,''Whiskey and a beer.''\,''
+``Alright. A horse walks into a bar, flumps down onto a stool, says to the bartender, ``Whiskey and a beer.''\hspace{1pt}''
 
 ``A bar joke? Really, love?'' Cress asked.
 
 ``I told you it was awful,'' she said, laughing. ``Anyway, the bartender sighs, pours a shot, and sets that and a shitty beer down in front of the horse.
 
-````Might as well leave the bottle,'' the horse says.
+``\hspace{1pt}``Might as well leave the bottle,'' the horse says.
 
-``The bartender reluctantly sets the bottle down as well, saying,''Hey man, you are in here every day. Every day you mow through a few beers and a few shots. You alright?''
+``The bartender reluctantly sets the bottle down as well, saying, ``Hey man, you are in here every day. Every day you mow through a few beers and a few shots. You alright?''
 
-````Of course I am fucking alright,'' the horse grumbles, downing his shot and chasing it with a glug of beer.
+``\hspace{1pt}``Of course I am fucking alright,'' the horse grumbles, downing his shot and chasing it with a glug of beer.
 
-````I dunno, man. You think you might be an alcoholic?''
+``\hspace{1pt}``I dunno, man. You think you might be an alcoholic?''
 
-``The horse says,''I do not think I am,'' and then disappears with a \emph{poof!}''
+``The horse says, ``I do not think I am,'' and then disappears with a \emph{poof!}''
 
 There was a pause, during which a few of us smiled, vaguely confused at the apparent punchline.
 
-``You know, because''I think therefore I am''? And he did not think he\ldots oh, never mind.''
+``You know, because ``I think therefore I am''? And he did not think he\ldots oh, never mind.''
 
 At this, there were a few dry chuckles. ``You're right, that is atrocious,'' Lily said.
 
@@ -144,7 +144,7 @@ At that delayed payoff, the rest of us laughed in earnest. Warmth In Fire, halfw
 
 ``Okay, okay, I'll give you that one,'' Lily said, still grinning. ``That was pretty good. Still atrocious, but at least the good kind of atrocious. I'm sorry for the other night.''
 
-``That was only last night, my dear. We do seem to be living at a high skew, do we not?'' Dry Grass bowed to her. ``I appreciate it, Lily. I cannot apologize for my clade, but I will all the same do my best to live as a counterexample to the stories you have heard that rankle so much.''
+``That was only last night, my dear. We do seem to be living at a high skew, do we not?'' Dry Grass bowed to her. ``I appreciate it, Lily. I cannot and will not apologize for my clade, but I will all the same do my best to live as a counterexample to these stories you have heard that rankle so much.''
 
 ``Yeah, thanks,'' Lily said, more down to her glass of wine than to Dry Grass. ``I was thinking, actually, and part of the reason I wanted to come over and see you on\ldots uh, neutral ground, I guess, is that I had a question about your clade.''
 
@@ -164,7 +164,7 @@ I tightened my grip on my fork, leaving it stabbed into a pile of salad. ``I've
 
 Dry Grass nodded. ``Precisely that, yes.''
 
-``I got super angry,'' Hold My Name said, her comfortable alto dipping back into a tenor, as though the mood demanded less of her transfemininity. ``Like, \emph{really} angry. I had to move back into my own place for a while after, I was so mad. How could she do that? We --- the rest of the second stanza --- were already unmoored by Qoheleth's assassination only a year before, and now Michelle had quit, too. It stranded all the stanzas, leaving behind ten brand new clades.''
+``I got super angry,'' Hold My Name said, her comfortable alto dipping back into a tenor, as though the mood demanded less of her transfemininity. ``Like, \emph{really} angry. I had to move back into my own place for a while after, I was so mad. How could she do that? We—the rest of the second stanza—were already unmoored by Qoheleth's assassination only a year before, and now Michelle had quit, too. It stranded all the stanzas, leaving behind ten brand new clades.''
 
 The Marshans winced, suddenly understanding the same of ourselves.
 
@@ -174,21 +174,21 @@ I glanced surreptitiously at Lily, who was keeping herself still, tightly under
 
 Another glance at Dry Grass showed her watching Lily warily in turn.
 
-The moment of tension passed uneasily, as Warmth In Fire spoke up next. ``I will say as I always do, my dear: your anger is based around a memory that does not fit the reality of the situation. I have met Sasha through my friendship with the fifth stanza, who ever stood up for her, even when she was True Name. I have eaten dinner with her. I have watched the way she smiles. I have watched the distance at which she holds herself from time to time. I have seen the flashes of regret-tinted understanding when topics of the past crop up. She is not who she was, but neither was she who you say she must have been. I cannot even linger in discomfort around her.''
+The moment of tension passed uneasily, as Warmth In Fire spoke up next. ``I will say as I always do, my dear: your anger is based around a memory that does not fit the reality of the situation. I have met Sasha through my friendship with the fifth stanza, who ever stood up for her, even when she was True Name. I have eaten dinner with her. I have watched the way she smiles. I have watched the distance at which she holds herself from time to time. I have seen the flashes of regret-tinted understanding when topics of the past crop up. She is not who she was, but neither was she who you say she must have been. There was no wickedness in her, and I cannot even linger in discomfort around her.''
 
 Hold My Name sighed, tired gaze level on her partner. This carried the cadence of an old argument, one had dozens or hundreds of times before.
 
 Lily only gripped her glass tighter.
 
-``She is no murderer. Not of Qoheleth, and certainly not of Michelle,'' Warmth In Fire continued confidently, the gravity of their words held in tension with the ineffably childlike openness of her expression. ``Yes, you may hate her, and yet I cannot. Yes, my down-tree, Dear, loathes her, and yet I do not. Yes, my down-tree, Rye, has complicated thoughts, but on one thing she and I agree: she is no longer who she was. We are both suckers for character development. I am Dear. I am Rye. I am Praiseworthy, and Michelle too, but I am also my own person.''
+``She is no murderer. Not of Qoheleth, and certainly not of Michelle,'' Warmth In Fire continued confidently, the gravity of their words held in tension with the ineffably childlike openness of her expression. ``Yes, you may hate her, and yet I cannot. Yes, my up-tree, Dear, loathes her, and yet I do not. Yes, my down-tree, Rye, has had her complicated thoughts in the past, but on one thing she and I agree: she is no longer who she was, and even who she was is obscured by careful fictions. We are both suckers for character development. I am Dear. I am Rye. I am Praiseworthy, and Michelle too, but I am also my own person.''
 
-``I know, Bean,'' Hold My Name said, voice as tired as her gaze --- and, perhaps, the argument. ``You have said this countless times before, and I appreciate the balance that brings, but I am also my own person separate from you. I hate her, you do not. We are allowed to not be alike.''
+``I know, Bean,'' Hold My Name said, voice as tired as her gaze—and, perhaps, the argument. ``You have said this countless times before, and I appreciate the balance that brings, but I am also my own person separate from you. I mistrust her, you do not. We are allowed to not be alike.''
 
 The skunk nodded, waiting for her cocladist and partner to continue.
 
 ``I did not even like Qoheleth all that much. I thought he was a putz who had lost his marbles,'' she said, smirking. ``But Michelle--''
 
-Warmth In Fire waved its paw jerkily, a flash of despair washing over eir features. ``Michelle was murdered, yes, but the act of violence took place at the root of her trauma. Of \emph{our} trauma, My.'' The skunk was crying now, quietly and bitterly. ``The act of violence that led to us being so fucked up --- beautifully, wonderfully fucked up --- and which led to the creation of the System also destroyed someone centuries later because she was never given help. It was her right to quit as she did, leaving us ten clades and not one, but her murderers were all of us who did not help, not some wicked machinations of only one of us.''
+Warmth In Fire waved its paw jerkily, a flash of despair washing over eir features. ``Michelle was murdered, yes, but the act of violence took place at the root of her trauma. Of \emph{our} trauma, My.'' The skunk was crying, quietly and bitterly. ``The act of violence that led to us being so fucked up—beautifully, wonderfully fucked up—and which led to the creation of the System also destroyed someone centuries later because she was never given help. It was her right to quit as she did, leaving us ten clades and not one, but her murderers were all of us who did not help, not some wicked machinations of only one of us.''
 
 At the sudden force of their words, Hold My Name's expression shifted to one of alarm, and she reached out to take up one of her partner's paws. Dry Grass did much the same.
 
@@ -210,7 +210,7 @@ Sniffling, Cress nodded. ``I've been worried about the same. All of my friends,
 
 ``Few have,'' Dry Grass said. ``We almost did, back before the founding of the System, but the whole Lost saga interrupted that.''
 
-Jess, who had been fairly quiet up until that point, asked, ``\,`Lost saga'? Like, all that stuff about people being disappeared by the government? Didn't they all die?''
+Jess, who had been fairly quiet up until that point, asked, ``\hspace{1pt}`Lost saga'? Like, all that stuff about people being disappeared by the government? Didn't they all die?''
 
 ``Oh, heavens no,'' she said, chuckling. ``We were among the Lost. \emph{Michelle} was Lost. That is the trauma Warmth In Fire spoke about. That is part of why she was so fucked up.''