Marsh updates

marsh/content/012.tex

@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ In our world.
 
 In \emph{my} world.
 
-There was some part of me that had hoped, however foolishly, that Marsh was simply locked in some enhanced cone of silence somewhere, working on this or that, rejecting all incoming sensorium data. Dry Grass, however, assured us that this was not the case, though, that eir name had been all but wiped from the System along with all of the rest of their existence, and then offered to bring us to their core dump.
+There was some part of me that had hoped, however foolishly, that Marsh was simply locked in some enhanced cone of silence somewhere, working on this or that, rejecting all incoming sensorium data. Dry Grass, however, assured us that this was not the case, though, that eir name had been all but wiped from the System along with all of the rest of their existence, and then she offered to bring us to their core dump.
 
 The room in which the cores were stored was beyond vast. It was an unending space, a three dimensional grid with the cores stored at one meter intervals in all directions. The default spawn point was a floating platform in the middle of a vast sphere, devoid of cores, right in the center of it all.
 
@@ -22,7 +22,7 @@ None of us spoke.
 
 Dry Grass gestured to a faint circle embossed in the floor, then stepped within its bounds. ``Marsh of the Marsh clade,'' she said. ``Dry Grass of the Ode clade on behalf of the Marsh clade, systech ID \#338d84bb.''
 
-There was a quiet chime of acknowledgment and, in the direction that Dry Grass faced, a black ring formed opening out onto some other part of the sim, hundreds of the 23-odd billion cores filling the view. The platform drifted slowly towards the portal, and then through.
+There was a quiet chime of acknowledgment and, in the direction that Dry Grass faced, an indigo-limned black ring formed opening out onto some other part of the sim, hundreds of the 23-odd billion cores filling the view. The platform drifted slowly towards the portal, and then through.
 
 The cores were insubstantial spheres, ghostly, translucent. Little double handfuls of whispy lives cut short.
 
@@ -84,7 +84,7 @@ I started to step forward next, eyes locked on Lily.
 
 ``Shut up. Vos first.''
 
-I glanced over to Vos, who was glaring at Lily. ``What are you doing, Lily?''
+I glanced over to Vos, who was glaring at her. ``What are you doing, Lily?'' she growled.
 
 ``Go,'' she said hoarsely.
 
@@ -112,7 +112,7 @@ My guess was correct, as there she was, already whirling on me at the notificati
 
 ``Fucking \emph{watch me.}''
 
-Although I immediately regretted it, I slapped her across the cheek. Hard.
+I slapped her across the cheek. Hard.
 
 I think I regretted it even in the moment. I regretted it as soon as I felt my hand move. As soon as I felt that reaction bubble past any boundaries within me and take control of my body, I knew that it would cause nothing but pain — physical, yes, but also emotional and personal pain.
 
@@ -178,11 +178,11 @@ I merged the memories of the fight with Lily wholesale, letting them mingle with
 
 Pierre declined to speak.
 
-That left just Cress, Tule, and I. Cress went first, stepping forward to rest her hands against the core, and then resting her forehead against the back of its hands. ``There's too much bullshit going on, so here's a story.
+That left just Cress, Tule, and I. Cress went first, stepping forward to rest its hands against the core, and then resting its forehead against the back of its hands. ``There's too much bullshit going on, so here's a story.
 
 ``Back when Reed, Lily, and I were forked, Marsh was still presenting cis male, and so the three of us were to be the aspects of them that went in different directions. Lily headed back cis fem, Reed went back to the trans masc presentation we had phys-side, and I went somewhere neutral.
 
-``I started out with they/them pronouns, leaning into androgyny as I'd always pictured it, something more tomboyish than anything, but over time, that began to drift, and I decided that `neutral' was the wrong answer to the question of gender. Gender was the wrong question. Fuck it, I say. I opt out.'' It laughed. ``The next time I merged down, Marsh sent me a message that was just them laughing, then requested that we use they/them for them.''
+``I started out with they/them, leaning into androgyny as I'd always pictured it, something more tomboyish than anything, but over time, that began to drift, and I decided that `neutral' was the wrong answer to the question of gender. Gender was the wrong question. Fuck it, I say. I opt out.'' It laughed. ``The next time I merged down, Marsh sent me a message that was just them laughing, then requested that we use they/them for them.''
 
 It straightened up again, smiling. ``So you see? It's all my fault they wound up how they did.''
 
@@ -190,7 +190,7 @@ The rest of the clade grinned. Both Vos and Pierre laughed.
 
 After Cress, Tule stepped forward and stood for nearly five minutes in silence. The wait began expectant, but before long, everyone gathered around the core bowed their heads one by one, settling into something more contemplative. The silence spoke as much as Sedge and Rush's sorrow, Lily's anger, Cress's humor.
 
-When he stepped back, I sighed. ``Guess that leaves me,'' I said. I could feel exhaustion pulling at my cheeks, pressing against my temples. When I touched the core, I was surprised to find it cool to the touch, dry, almost dusty. ``I don't want to say anything, but Tule already covered that base. I guess you've all talked a lot about the past, so I'm not sure I have much to add. I guess I'll just say that I hope we can find a way forward that doesn't lead to us feeling terrible forever.''
+When he stepped back, I sighed. ``Guess that leaves me,'' I said. I could feel exhaustion pulling at my cheeks, pressing against my temples. When I touched the core, I was surprised to find it cool to the touch, dry, almost dusty, as though it would absorbe all moisture, accept all tears and still never be slaked. ``I don't want to say anything, but Tule already covered that base. I guess you've all talked a lot about the past, so I'm not sure I have much to add. I guess I'll just say that I hope we can find a way forward that doesn't lead to us feeling terrible forever.''
 
 There were a few nods around the circle, though Pierre only buried his forehead against Vos's shoulder.
 
@@ -200,9 +200,9 @@ Sedge, Tule, and Rush, my up-tree instances, all leaned forward to rest their ha
 
 ``It's incredibly you to just think about how to manage stuff going forward,'' Lily said, no ire in her voice. ``That's just kind of your role in this whole thing, huh?''
 
-I laughed, feeling some of the pressure in my chest fade. ``Right, yeah. Manager of the enterprise.''
+I chuckled, feeling some of the pressure in my chest fade. ``Right, yeah. Manager of the enterprise.''
 
-``Pretty sure that's me, actually,'' Sedge said. ``Though I guess I got it from somewhere.''
+``Pretty sure that makes me an employee,'' Sedge said. ``Though I guess I got it from somewhere.''
 
 We all laughed.
 
@@ -216,7 +216,7 @@ I thought of the stages of grief, of Lily's anger, of the sadness so many of us
 
 I blinked, standing up straighter. ``Me?''
 
-She nodded. ``If you will have me,'' she repeated.
+She nodded. ``If you will have me,'' she repeated, voice small.
 
 I thought of so many complex emotions that had plagued me over the last few days — the memories of love, the way they clashed with my memories of distance, the memories of Lily burning up with hatred — and, finally, nodded. ``Yeah. Let's see In The Wind's core, and then get out of here. Anything to help out after all this will be good.''