Ask, VA stuff, edits

motes/content/002.tex

@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ Tonight, she let him take her home. Tonight she let him pin her to the bed, paw
 
 And then it was a night for sitting on his balcony and talking while the waves of whatever drug he'd given her continued to roll through her in languid pulses. ``It is like someone is brushing the underside of my skin with satin in the best possible way,'' she said, and he laughed.
 
-They sat and talked, legs dangling through the bars of the balcony's railing over an impossibly high drop, her ears filled with the chatter of an impossible myriad of monkeys some balconies over, startled from slumber by their arrival, her eyes filled with the black and gold of an impossible city built into a cylinder. He pointed to a building in the distance down the length of the cylinder, told her how that one was filled all with gardens, all flowers like those in her hair, now crushed lopsidedly from her forgetting to remove the crown when they would fucked. He pointed up to the gentle glow in the sky, golden stars made of lights from so many buildings just like this one, told her that the sun here was in a long, thin line, that it turned on from one end to the other so that one could see dawn coming from down the tube, could hear birdsong come on like a wave, and then turned off in the same direction in a linear sunset. He pointed from one end of the cylinder to another, the bounding walls marked by arcane symbols in neon, and explained that nearly a quarter billion people called this home, then laughed as she asked, ``How many do you think are fucking right now?''
+They sat and talked, legs dangling through the bars of the balcony's railing over an impossibly high drop, her ears filled with the chatter of an impossible myriad of monkeys some balconies over, startled from slumber by their arrival, her eyes filled with the black and gold of an impossible city built into a cylinder. He pointed to a building in the distance down the length of the cylinder, told her how that one was filled all with gardens, all flowers like those in her hair, now crushed lopsidedly from her forgetting to remove the crown when they fucked. He pointed up to the gentle glow in the sky, golden stars made of lights from so many buildings just like this one, told her that the sun here was in a long, thin line, that it turned on from one end to the other so that one could see dawn coming from down the tube, could hear birdsong come on like a wave, and then turned off in the same direction in a linear sunset. He pointed from one end of the cylinder to another, the bounding walls marked by arcane symbols in neon, and explained that nearly a quarter billion people called this home, then laughed as she asked, ``How many do you think are fucking right now?''
 
 They added one more to that number before they slept.
 
@@ -108,7 +108,7 @@ Pushing herself to hands and knees and crawling around the piles of script, she
 
 ``Me,'' she said, shrugging. ``Or, well, she also hates me, but the biggest bit was that I call A Finger Pointing `Ma', and that she is with Beholden.''
 
-After nearly a minute of silence, Sasha said, ``Years back, centuries ago, Jonas started a project of making intraclade relationships taboo. It was a measured process intended to keep \emph{something} taboo while the rest of the System settled into a comfortable non-normativity—or even queer-normativity—on most other relationship and identity fronts.'' Another pause, and then, ``Well, and because he was setting me up with May in the form of Zacharias to gain leverage.''
+After nearly a minute of silence, Sasha said, ``Years back, centuries ago, Jonas started a project of making intraclade relationships taboo. It was a measured process intended to keep \emph{something} taboo while the rest of the System settled into a comfortable non-normativity—or even queer-normativity—on most other relationship and identity fronts. It was a bit of discomfort to strive against.'' Another pause, and then, ``Well, and because he was setting me up with May in the form of Zacharias to gain leverage.''
 
 ``Gross.''
 
@@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ She scoffed. ``Probably the second.''
 
 Sasha laughed and turned the ruffling into a noogie. ``This is not a competition, Motes,'' she chided. ``But if it were, then yes, you would win. She has cut off even A Finger Pointing.''
 
-Squeaking and giggling, pulling herself away from the knuckles grinding against her scalp, the skunk sat up. ``I thought they were on better terms, though. Ma met with her once a month, even.''
+Squeaking and laughing, the skunk sat up, pulling herself away from the knuckles grinding against her scalp. ``I thought they were on better terms, though. Ma met with her once a month, even.''
 
 ``When she found out that I had joined Au Lieu Du Rêve, Hammered silver cut all contact with the fifth, yes?''
 
@@ -148,7 +148,7 @@ The smaller skunk giggled helplessly, slouching down until she was able to use S
 
 ``So Hammered Silver is upset that Ma has principles,'' Motes said flatly. ``Okay. Got it. Good good, good good good good. Wonderful.''
 
-She laughed. ``Yes, apparently. A Finger Pointing had some tense meetings with her early on when it became clear—at least within the clade—that she and Beholden were in a relationship, but that tenseness became the norm when you started to poke your little snout--'' She tapped at Motes's nose-tip, getting a giggle. ``--out into the world, which led to a tacit agreement that they were essentially just meeting up to collect data on their respective stanzas, and then only when A Finger Pointing agreed not to talk about you.''
+She laughed. ``Yes, apparently. A Finger Pointing had some tense meetings with her early on when it became clear—at least within the clade—that she and Beholden were in a relationship, but that tenseness became the norm when you started to poke your little snout--'' She tapped at Motes's nose-tip, getting a smile and a chirp. ``--out into the world, which led to a tacit agreement that they were essentially just meeting up to collect data on their respective stanzas, and then only when A Finger Pointing agreed not to talk about you.''
 
 Motes fell silent for a long minute, then two, and eventually rolled onto the other side so that she could bury her face against Sasha's side. ``Well, that makes me feel like garbage,'' she mumbled.