Final pass on motes, Marsh anthology

motes-played/content/009.tex

@@ -18,13 +18,13 @@ She shook her head to dispel the lingering thought, one based in overflow rather
 
 And so she pulled out a couple of eggs, a few links of chicken sausage, and a dish of frozen hash browns. On a whim, she also pulled out a few large tortillas and some green chili salsa that she—that much of the clade—remembered fondly from her time back phys-side, back when she lived in the central corridor. She may as well go all out, yes?
 
-The hash browns were the first to go in the pan, laid out in an even layer so that they could crisp up, while two more pans were dreamed up so that she could cook the sausage and eggs meanwhile.
+The hash browns were the first to go in the pan, laid out in an even layer so that they could crisp up. Two more pans were dreamed up so that she could cook the sausage and eggs meanwhile.
 
 Definitely a morning for a mimosa.
 
 The eggs were fried over easy and the sausage cooked to just this side of burnt so that they offered a pleasant mix of textures, crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside with an indulgent oiliness throughout. These were layered on top of a pile of even crispier hash browns—the kind that shatter beneath a fork when you try to stab them—before the eggs were laid on top and the yolks punctured so that they oozed out over the mess to add a sauce of their own.
 
-Her plate laden with two burritos in one hand and mimosa in the other, she made her way to the couch rather than the dining table and settled down with a long, worn-out sigh.
+A plate laden with two burritos in one hand and mimosa in the other, she made her way to the couch rather than the dining table and settled down with a long, worn-out sigh.
 
 What was missing\ldots? Ah! Coffee.
 
@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ Motes laughed and waited until each was finished before returning the cheek kiss
 
 ````Beholden, you \emph{know} that she will pull through,'' I kept saying. ``She \emph{always} does.'' You are stronger than your silly cocladist, Dot, are you not?''
 
-``She was so rude, cutting off a conversation with Sasha mid-sentence and rushing us back here, putting on her most nonchalant act.''
+``She was so rude, cutting off a conversation with Sasha mid-sentence and begging to rush us back here, then putting on her most nonchalant act.''
 
 Motes laughed as they both scoffed at each other, looping her arms through each of theirs and slouching down, settling into the comfort of touch and family. ``You are both nerds,'' she murmured. ``Thank you for keeping an eye on me.''
 
@@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ Motes shook her head gently so as not to dislodge crown or umbrella.
 
 ``Good. You are allowed to be Big Motes for a bit while you process this. You are allowed to hold back on all sorts of interactions. I have noticed a lack of `Ma' or `Bee'-- no, no. No need to explain, just an observation. These are things that we will miss and then rejoice when they return.''
 
-She slouched against A Finger Pointing and hugged around her middle, careful not to spill her drink. ``Thank you, my dear. I really do appreciate it. I will get there, too, for all of that. Just\ldots not yet. Not quite yet.''
+She slouched against A Finger Pointing and hugged around her middle, careful not to spill her drink. ``Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I will get there, too, for all of that. Just\ldots not yet. Not quite yet.''
 
 Beholden smiled, reached out to brush some of her curls away from her face, added, ``Yeah. And if you need us to lay off calling you `Dot', I am sure--''
 
@@ -144,7 +144,7 @@ She sat up straight, staring at her partner like she was some alien creature, so
 
 As A Finger Pointing and Beholden finally got around to whipping up lunch for themselves, the conversation once more fell into comfortable chatter, the sort of banter that so often filed the house, and while, by the time her appointment arrived, Motes had not yet felt comfortable enough to refer to them as\pagebreak\ `Ma' and `Bee', that welcoming sense of family had returned in force, and she felt once more in her comfortable role as their Dot, their \emph{dóttir}.
 
-As the afternoon threatened to slide right into evening, Motes took her leave and left A Finger Pointing and Beholden on the couch, canoodling. Clearly that had taken precedence over whatever they had had planned at the auditorium for the rest of the day. That they had come home for her, for Motes, was the base of that warmth that had grown within her.
+When the afternoon threatened to slide right into evening, Motes slipped away and left A Finger Pointing and Beholden on the couch, canoodling. Clearly that had taken precedence over whatever they had had planned at the auditorium for the rest of the day. That they had come home for her, for Motes, was the base of that warmth that had grown within her.
 
 She made her way out of the house and wandered to the center of the neighborhood. She left the automatic chalk lines going, letting them be the fuel that propelled her forward, let their flowering shapes fit into this perception of herself as a flower child rather than simply a child, a careful reframing that allowed her to have this thing, this gentle goodness.
 
@@ -168,7 +168,7 @@ Motes held onto the chains of the swing and gave herself a push with her feet, t
 
 ``Motes?''
 
-``Yeah, actually, I think I would like Big Sarah today.''
+``Yeah, actually. I think I would like Big Sarah today.''
 
 Nodding, Sarah Genet stepped off the swing and summarily disappeared, leaving behind a fork still sitting down. This new instance was far older, looking to be sixty or so years old with salt-and-pepper hair in a much neater ponytail, her skin just as brown and yet fraught with wrinkles, her smile kind and gaze always attentive.
 
@@ -196,7 +196,7 @@ Sarah smiled in turn, far more gently. ``Tell me about this letter, then. Tell m
 
 And so she did. She summarized portions of it, then pulled it up to read the most impactful bits. She talked about the feelings of the month leading up to this, the conversations and the dream. She talked about how she had stopped playing, how it hurt to think of reengaging, how she knew she would but there was work to be done first.
 
-And then, on Sarah's gentle urging, she worked her way backwards. She worked her way back through the months and years before, the feelings that lingered, the various comings-to-terms that she had had over the years. She talked through and made her own connections, letting Sarah suggest when her voice stumbled to a halt.
+And then, on Sarah's gentle urging, she worked her way backwards. She worked her way back through the months and years before, the feelings that lingered, the various comings-to-terms that she had had over the decades. She talked through and made her own connections, letting Sarah suggest when her voice stumbled to a halt.
 
 ``Motes,'' Sarah said gently. ``Tell me why Hammered Silver's opinion matters to you.''