Edits

content/read/041.md

@@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ End Waking immediately flinched, crouched. They found themselves in a boardroom.
 
 And yet it still felt too small --- even to Ioan, who spent more of eir life inside than unbound in a forest, the ceiling was just a few inches too low, the chairs just a few inches too close to the walls. Too small, and yet too long. There was room for a table half again as long, and yet the table was set in one end of the room, leaving the other end unbalanced, empty other than a wheeled whiteboard. End Waking, who hadn't been indoors, never mind in a room too small, in nigh on a century, looked on the verge of panic. His eyes were wide, tail hiked and bristled, paws clenched in a way that reminded em of May.
 
-"I do not know if I can--"
+"I do not know if I am able--"
 
 May squeezed his paw tightly. "You do not need to keep these memories, skunk, but you cannot leave." She added in a near whisper, "Please do not leave me."
 
@@ -100,9 +100,9 @@ To Know One's True Name Is To Know God had settled comfortably into data analysi
 
 To Know God Is To Answer Unasked Questions had done her best to specialize in the fields of information and game theory, but this had more often come down to simple information security and hygiene. She decided where and how far information traveled.
 
-Do I Know God When I Do Not Remember Myself and Do I Know God When I Do Not Dream worked as a mismatched pair. When I Do Not Remember worked as a propagandist while When I Do Not Dream worked almost entirely on the perisystem, translating back and forth for her cocladists and finding the best way to worm her way through the inter- and intrasystem text channels.
+Do I Know God When I Do Not Remember Myself and Do I Know God When I Dream worked as a mismatched pair. When I Do Not Remember worked as a propagandist while When I Dream worked almost entirely on the perisystem, translating back and forth for her cocladists and finding the best way to worm eir way through the inter- and intrasystem text channels.
 
-Were ey pressed to name each of them without knowing this information, ey didn't think ey'd be able to. Ey knew the three skunks of the stanza and could readily tell them apart, but the rest simply looked like a gaggle of the very same woman: short, soft, round face and curly black hair. However, there were indeed differences there to be seen. Why Ask Questions was just a centimeter or two taller and more open of expression. When I Do Not Remember and When I Do Not Dream both had a hunch to their shoulders that ey could not quite explain; perhaps a posture that stuck after too much writing.
+Were ey pressed to name each of them without knowing this information, ey didn't think ey'd be able to. Ey knew the three skunks of the stanza and could readily tell them apart, but the rest simply looked like a gaggle of the very same woman: short, soft, round face and curly black hair. However, there were indeed differences there to be seen. Why Ask Questions was just a centimeter or two taller and more open of expression. When I Do Not Remember and When I Dream both had a fixedness to their expression that ey could not quite explain; perhaps something that lingered from decades and centuries spent interacting with the abstract.
 
 As it was, ey did eir best to guess, and when introductions made their way around the table, ey found eir guesses to be correct in each case. 
 
@@ -298,11 +298,11 @@ All of the rest of the Odists, however, were shouting. None of them looked pleas
 
 "As do I," End Waking said, getting a smile from Sasha.
 
-"*That* name is unacceptable!" When I Do Not Dream hollered. "No. You will pick something else."
+"*That* name is unacceptable!" When I Do Not Remember hollered. "No. You will pick something else!"
 
 "No, I will not."
 
-"Shut the fuck up, When I Do Not Dream," Jonas shouted. "All of you, shut the fuck up." He turned to Sasha and grinned icily, eyes now burning overbright. "You always were a little snot. You want to be Sasha? You want to dive back into mediocrity and wear your weakness like a badge? Please, by all means, be my guest. Beg for pity again. Hunt down all your little friends who kept you feeling just bad enough that they could baby you without letting you think you were their plaything."
+"Shut the fuck up, When I Do Not Remember," Jonas shouted. "All of you, shut the fuck up." He turned to Sasha and grinned icily, eyes now burning overbright. "You always were a little snot. You want to be Sasha? You want to dive back into mediocrity and wear your weakness like a badge? Please, by all means, be my guest. Beg for pity again. Hunt down all your little friends who kept you feeling just bad enough that they could baby you without letting you think you were their plaything."
 
 At this, most of the stanza bridled, and there were a few louder murmurings.
 
@@ -350,7 +350,7 @@ Ioan shook eir head, dizzy. "This is what you looked like before uploading?"
 
 "What my --- *our* --- av looked like, yes, all except the change to a spotted skunk. They always felt too flashy, back then, and I just wanted to look like myself offline except a furry. Completely unremarkable and a species no one likes."
 
-"The outfit was my suggestion," End Waking said. "It always was our favorite, but for some reason, we never brought it with us to the System, and I knew the rest of the stanza would pick up on that quite easily."
+"The outfit was my suggestion," End Waking said. "It always was our favorite, but for some reason, we never brought it with us to the System, and I knew the rest of the stanza would pick up on that quite easily. I suspect they are driving Jonas as much as he believes he is driving them."
 
 Sasha nodded.
 
@@ -362,7 +362,7 @@ The three skunks laughed.
 
 "Why didn't you tell me?"
 
-"For your story," Sasha said. "You had to go in there with an untainted view in order to write a more earnest story at the end."
+"For your story," Sasha said. "You had to go in there with an untainted view in order to write a more earnest story at the end. That is how you work, dear."
 
 "So," ey said, organizing eir thoughts out loud. "May and End Waking--"
 
@@ -432,7 +432,7 @@ She nodded.
 
 "I...well, yeah. Not from you." He hesitated, eyes averted, and added, "Please."
 
-"Of course.
+"Of course."
 
 "So tell me how this gets you anything."