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# Ioan Bălan --- 2350
Ioan had never been one for bars. Ey knew that there was an enormous variety of them, that doubtless some would play to eir aesthetic and likes --- the one at the base of the System Central Library came quite close --- and that not all of them subscribed to the "if it's louder, that means everyone's having more fun" school of design.
Of all that had happened over the past several weeks, Ioan was surprised to find that it had taken until now for literally anything to feel like it had been planned. Clearly none of them had planned on Jonas coming after True Name, but all of the decisions that had followed had been made on the spot. Snap decisions that had led to True Name moving into their house, to End Waking merging down, to the three of them all overflowing at once.
There was just something about the idea. Too much that took place in bars was, at best, confusing. At worst, it was distressing. Ey had no desire to be around the types of intoxication that bars seemed to attract. May had a list of types of drunkenness she'd gotten from somewhere, ey knew, and ey didn't like any of them.
All of those had been made under what felt like intolerable pressure, and it was only now that they had time enough to relax. There was an uneasy (and certainly temporary) truce between Jonas and True Name that had finally given them enough time to properly consider a decision instead of feeling compelled to make it right away.
Still, this is where Jonas had requested that they meet when ey messaged him.
Ey'd harbored a concern, one borne out of stress, that May might just merge down without talking further, but ey kept that to emself, doing eir level best to reason emself out of it. The last thing they needed at the moment was eir mind playing tricks on em.
The venue was of the sultry, dark, wood-paneled variety, with warm, dim lamps hanging pendant over each of the tables and a row of lights above the bar itself. Conversations were kept low by the dimness, with groups of three or four huddled in booths while those at the bar drank alone.
And she certainly didn't. In fact, she drew the negotiations that followed that first discussion out by nearly a week, putting lie to that concern. Much of these discussions took place between the two skunks as they walked out on True Name's prairie.
Doubtless Jonas knew of eir distaste. Doubtless this had factored into his decision on venue for this pre-meeting meeting.
At first, ey'd felt left out. After all, didn't ey also have boundaries to negotiate and concerns that needed addressing?
Ah well, at least it wasn't a club.
After bringing this up with May, however, she had laughed and poked em in the belly, explaining, "I do not mean to leave you out of anything, my dear. We are discussing elements of the past that kept me from merging down, and elements of the future of the relationship between me and her. You are not missing anything so important, but if you would like, I am happy to keep you apprised of the general content."
Ey stopped by the bar to get a cider of some sort --- something sweet, ey hoped; ey didn't know the first thing about ciders --- and hunted down an empty booth. The backs of the benches were straight and high, reaching up to the ceiling, leading to a secluded, if not particularly comfortable, space. There, ey sat and sipped eir way slowly through eir cider, waiting for Jonas.
"Given how anxious I've been, I'd appreciate that," ey had said. "But no need to share anything private."
Ey'd shown up, notebook in hand, half an hour early and was half expecting Jonas to be late, sauntering in lazily at quarter past, a way of pressing the dynamic between them, but he arrived right on time, picked up a drink from the bar, and hunted Ioan down. Ey stood to bow to Jonas, then froze. Zacharias stepped into the sim, as well, grinned widely at the sight of Ioan mid-bow. Before even making his way to the table, the fox gave an exaggerated curtsey.
And so now ey got updates on the conversations with sensitive or personal information held back.
"Ioan, wonderful to see you again," Jonas said, grinning. "My most foppish lackey decided to tag along, I trust you won't mind."
They spent much of their time discussing various parts of May's life and how comfortable she'd feel sharing those through a merge, and if not, why not. Surprisingly, they also talked with End Waking several times, the third skunk of the stanza coming out to visit her prairie so that they could discuss the ramifications of their merge and how to be more thoughtful with May's.
"Of course," ey said through gritted teeth. "The more the merrier."
That first meeting had been more silence than not, more walking and thinking and not looking at each other than anything. They paced back and forth along the bank of the river, then stared into the oxbow pond, each occasionally failing to start a conversation. They had greater success with subsequent meetings, but they were never comfortable.
"Precisely, precisely." Jonas raised his martini glass in a toast and gestured back to the booth and Ioan's half-finished drink. "Shall we?"
Ey nodded and slid back into the booth while Jonas scooted in on the other side of the table, leaving room for Zacharias.
This wasn't to say that ey didn't have a chance to sit with them at times and discuss eir thoughts on the matter, of course.
The fox was only a moment in arriving, showing up with some shockingly yellow drink in a coupe glass. "Ioan, my dear. Wonderful to see you again."
"Feelings are complex, Ioan," True Name explained as they sat around a low fire before her tent. "If they are created by memories, then there is little that I can do to completely control how I might feel about something beyond picking and choosing the memories carefully. However, one can never be sure which memories may lead to which feelings. If they come from something more intrinsic to one's personality and thought patterns, then it is even more difficult to attempt to control them."
"Please don't call me 'my dear'," ey said, setting up a cone of silence. There was anger, there, somewhere beneath the surface, but ey was somewhat surprised to feel it almost completely overridden by exhaustion, something ey hadn't felt before the two had arrived.
Ey nodded. "That much I can certainly understand. I trust that you'll be built up from your various histories rather than simply May's feelings tacked onto you."
"My love? My--" he began, voice mocking. There was a thump beneath the table and he quickly cut off with a loud yelp, jolting away from Jonas, eyes wide.
"Yes. I cannot predict how I will feel about anything after this, much less you. Your relationship and existing boundaries will take precedence over whatever happens, though. I will respect that."
"Shut up, Zacharias," Jonas said mildly, plucking the maraschino cherry out of his drink and dropping it in the fox's. "Business now, prattle later."
Ioan bowed eir thanks.
Zacharias sat, frozen, for a moment longer before wiping up some of his spilled drink with a bar napkin. His eyes were still wide, darting between Ioan and his boss. "Right."
"I have been wondering how your feelings toward Debarre have shifted," End Waking said.
*Another show of power, most likely,* ey thought. *Why else bring him with?*
"It is complex, not least of which because I accepted the whole of your merge so blithely. I will not be doing the same with May Then My Name's."
"So," ey said aloud. "As I said in the message, We'd like to meet in two days' time. Systime 251+139, 11:00."
He frowned.
Mid-sip, Jonas waved his hand vaguely. "Of course, of course," he said, setting his glass back down. "Whenever you're ready, like I said. But come, how are you Ioan? You look tired."
"I am sorry," True Name said, shrugging helplessly. "There is little that I could have done in the moment to avoid it, and there is certainly nothing that I can do now to fix it."
Ey stared at him, trying to piece together how worth it was to actually answer the question. Ey *was* tired, yes. The night before had been a stressful one once ey'd received the request for this additional meeting from Jonas. True Name stayed up late in conversation with both May and End Waking about some clade business ey'd not been privy to, leading to em pacing in the darkened yard for nearly an hour, spring lilacs leaving the air almost too thick to breathe. Ey'd eventually given up on waiting for the skunks. Ey knew if ey stayed up any later, ey'd simply wind up standing at the windows and watching their fire out on the plain.
May dipped her muzzle and apologized as well, saying, "I do feel bad about how that worked out, no matter how much you tell me it is okay."
*"I think I'm going to head to bed,"* ey had sent May. *"I'm just going to keep cycling if I stay up."*
"It is not okay," End Waking said, then hastened to add when his cocladist flinched away, "It is what we have to work with, and it is perhaps what the moment called for."
There was a hint of a whine to her reply. *"I am sorry, Ioan, I did not realize how late it had gotten. Do you want me to send a fork back?"*
May nodded, still cowed.
*"I don't know, will they be intolerable and antsy?"*
"I am of two minds," True Name said. "I remember having loved Debarre. I remember still loving him, and perhaps even I, even True Name, still love him in some roundabout way. However, I am what I am, and that is a being of two minds. That of me which is you, End Waking, loves him, and that of me which is True Name, respects him from a distance, respects his distaste for me, that feeling I engendered to minimize his impact within the council by making it purely emotional, as uncomfortable as it was to do so."
*"Oh, absolutely,"* she had replied, and ey could hear the grin in her voice. *"But I will still send one if you would like."*
"The same as you did with me and Codrin?" Ioan asked. "With the History, I mean."
*"No, it's alright. Just no sleeping out there, okay?"*
She nodded. "It was-- it felt like a necessity at the time. I am not some cold, unfeeling bitch, it is just that my drive and my abilities, such as they are, outweigh --- or at least outweighed --- those feelings. I worked to distance myself from them."
*"Of course. We will return soon."*
"I remember so little of that," May said.
It was nearly two hours later when the skunks had returned as promised. Two hours of tossing and turning in bed, fretting and fretting and fretting. Eventually, they had fallen into their usual positions, though despite the added rest that this usually brought True Name, none of them had slept well.
True Name shrugged. "As you intentionally moved towards feeling, I worked to contain and compartmentalize it within myself after you came into being. I became a being of negative commandments. I lived the 'shalt not's while you performed your *mitzvot* of loving and caring."
When there was no wink and smile from Jonas, ey let eir shoulders sag and nodded. "Tired, yeah. We're all tired. Just want this over with."
May sighed.
"And True Name? How's she?" he asked, still apparently sincere.
"I will not say that I am proud of it, my dear, but neither will I say that I regret it. It is what it is specifically because I was what I was."
"Look, Jonas, what are you after? We're tired. She's upset. We just want to get on with our lives, and it's all on you."
"Perhaps you will learn from your merge," End Waking said.
"Well, sure, but now my workload's doubled," he said, and there at last was the wink. "Though in all seriousness, I'm just trying to gauge what to expect. May Then My Name and End Waking will be there, too, right?"
"Perhaps. Perhaps it will become a part of me, perhaps it will live within me alongside that of you and that of True Name."
"Yes," ey said coolly, adding to Zacharias, "Will you?"
"Still feeling fractured?" Ioan asked.
"Would not miss it for the world," the fox said. His ebullience was notably restrained, still, but the grin had returned. He tapped the side of his snout, "Cartoonishly evil, remember?"
"I am of two minds, Ioan. I do not know if I will feel...I do not know. I am not comfortable speaking further on this just yet."
*I liked you better when Jonas was stomping on your toes,* ey thought.
They spent the rest of the night in quiet, May leaning against eir side while True Name and End Waking spoke quietly about the plain and the forest.
"So you said," ey said aloud.
Finally, though, a week to the day after the decision had been made, Ioan awoke to find May and True Name already sitting at the table, speaking earnestly in a cone of silence. Once they noticed em, True Name waved it away and May grinned, saying, "Sorry, my dear. We did not want to wake you."
"And how is May Then My Name?" Zacharias asked. "I know precious little about my down-tree instance, you know. I trust that she is well?"
Ey poured emself a cup of coffee before joining them. "Appreciate it. Hope I'm not interrupting."
"She is also upset."
True Name shook her head. "We are discussing our plan for the day."
The fox gasped, mock-effrontery filling his voice. "Not because of me!"
Ey bought emself a moment by taking a sip of coffee. "Is today the day, then?"
"It has been a stressful few months. She doesn't want True Name coming to any harm, either."
"May Then My Name thinks so, but we were also waiting for you to join us to make sure."
Zacharias scoffed.
"Well, if it were solely up to me, I'd just spin my wheels worrying about it until we ran out of time, so I suppose I'm alright with it. What all will go into it?"
Ey put on eir best smile. "Though yes, she told me that she knew there were still old forks around, but that she'd left them to their own devices and knew nothing about them, so she's surprised to have met you."
"Well," True Name began, a fork appearing next to her. "First I fork and she will head to the tent."
"How very diplomatic," he replied, grinning. "Well, I can assure you that the pleasure was all mine."
The new instance of True Name bowed. "Then the perilous path was planted, And a river and a spring On every cliff and tomb," she said before waving goodbye and padding back out through her room.
"So why am I here?"
Ioan stared after the departing skunk and shook eir head. "You guys are so weird."
Jonas shrugged. "You mean aside from the fact that I get to see your face when you talk about your skunks? It's fun dragging people around."
They both laughed.
Restraining the urge to bridle at 'your skunks', ey gave a hint of a bow. "And what can you tell me about this meeting? I imagine you've got some grand plans about surprising True Name with your ideas for the future, but if nothing else, it'd help me to know what I'm getting into before I get into it."
"Then we will set up a space for me to rest in the meantime," True Name continued. "And then I suppose that is all there is to it. May Then My Name will fork and quit and I will process the merge."
"Oh, excellent question!"
"And your fork is just there in case something goes wrong?"
Ey posted the cap of eir pen and nodded for Jonas to continue.
"Or if the result is not acceptable."
"I said it was an excellent question, not that I'd answer you, Ioan."
"'Not acceptable'?"
"I think you will."
"If the merge does not go well or if I wind up being unable to work as I would like."
"And why's that?"
"Or if all of my emotions get overwhelming," May added. "Since I do rather have a surfeit."
"Because you love to hear yourself talk," ey said. "And because Zacharias is right. This is almost cartoonishly evil, and villains love talking about their grand schemes. I'm ready for your monologue."
Ioan leaned over and ruffled a hand over the skunk's ears. "Yeah, you definitely do."
Jonas raised his eyebrows and a slow grin spread over his features. That feverish glint ey'd seen last time shone through for a moment before it was suppressed again. The idea that Jonas might be losing it made em anxious. *Stretched too thin, maybe?*
"Yes, yes, and you love me for it." She laughed and pushed eir hand away, straightening the mussed up fur. "Breakfast first, though, and then we can work from there."
"You see, this is why I like you, Ioan," Jonas said. "The whole Bălan clade, that is. You hit that sweet spot between patient and impatient where you can stay calm, but you don't just wait forever."
After another Scandinavian-style breakfast, the three of them re-organized True Name's room. The bed was set in a corner instead of up against one wall, allowing a collection of pillows to be placed against the walls in case she wanted to lean against them or organize them into a nest.
Ey waited.
"Are you sure you don't want to set up something out in the prairie?"
"Alright then, a bit of a preview." He finished half of his drink in a few swallows. "There's a bunch of changes coming in the pipeline--"
"I did consider it, but May Then My Name talked me out of it, stating that she would like to be at hand without having to spend all of her time out there, herself. Besides, if I learned one thing from End Waking merging down, it was that the less I have to think about my body, the easier it is to focus on my mind. Comfort will only ever help."
"This AVEC?"
They also supplied her with ready water, juice, and a few comforting snacks on one of the bedside tables so that she wouldn't have to get up just to go to the kitchen.
Zacharias frowned, but Jonas was already nodding, "Got it in one. That's right at the top of the list. See, the LVs are too far away to communicate effectively with phys-side, getting further every day, and that puts us in a unique position, here. Suddenly, we differ from the LVs in a fundamental way. I really can't overstate how big of a deal this is, Ioan."
Another beanbag was added by the bed, in case she requested that they stay in there for any length of time, and a more comfortable bench-swing was added to the balcony in case she needed to go outside but wasn't feeling up to walking down to the prairie itself.
"Suddenly we have to prove our greener grass to those phys-side."
It felt like rather a lot of preparations to make just for a merge, but then May had last merged down 83 years before ey had uploaded --- nearly 64 before ey'd even been born --- and after seeing how intense End Waking's merge had been, none of them felt up to cutting any corners and having to rush comfort after the fact.
"Right. The direction that we need to take with Lagrange can't just be the same old one we've been taking before. In this, True Name and I differ." He shrugged, rocking his glass gently back and forth on the table before taking another sip. "She wanted to continue on her path of subtlety, I disagreed."
Finally, though, there was nothing left to do, no further preparations to be made that weren't just stalling, so May took eir hand to hold em still so that ey'd quit pacing.
Ey snorted. "Disagreed? You tried to assassinate her, Jonas."
"I don't even know why I'm fretting so much, I'm not even the one merging."
"What are bullets but a disagreement?"
True Name smiled faintly and shrugged. "I am fretting too, do not worry."
Ioan rolled eir eyes.
"It is a big event," May added. "It will be an even bigger merge and, while it may be more comfortable than End Waking merging down as she has said, it will be no less complex."
"You and I disagree, then. It's like I said, though, sometimes mommies and daddies fight, Ioan. We've spent the past few years trying to hash it out. For all her focus on subtlety in guiding the System, she can be a real bitch when it comes to trying to get her point across."
Ey sighed and nodded, squeezing her paw before tugging eir hand free. "Right. I'll relax and leave you to the rest of it."
"Bullshit," ey said flatly.
"Please stay, Ioan," True Name said quietly.
Jonas laughed. "Oh?"
"Stay?"
"Yeah. A few reasons." Ey started ticking off points on eir fingers as ey spoke. "First, True Name didn't start down this path in the last few years that we've been learning from Artemis; she was a mess when she first got in touch with us with Codrin#Castor's first letter during convergence, so things were already in motion then. Second, The Guiding Council on Pollux is almost two decades old now, predating the arrival of the Artemisians by years, and I think that's because third, you--" Ey nodded to Zacharias. "--apparently dropped everything on her across all three Systems at the same time not that long after the launch. You two got more openly together on Pollux, and as far as Codrin#Castor can find in the perisystem, you quit shortly after telling her there. End Waking thinks --- and I agree --- you're trying to push each of the Systems in a different direction politically. Maybe you think having different political environments is more stable across societies separated by distance and time. Maybe it's some giant experiment. Who knows. It's your long game."
"Yes. Please stay. I do not think it will be dramatic, but, well..." She hesitated and frowned. "You are a grounding person. Is that not what my counterpart on Castor said about Codrin? I appreciate your presence."
The longer ey spoke, the more serious Jonas's expression grew, and by the time ey finished, he'd leaned back in his seat. "Well then," he said. "I suppose I don't have much more to add, then, do I? I have my conversation with True Name cut out for me."
Ey considered any number of responses ey could give before just nodding. If nothing else, ey didn't want to hold either of the skunks up from what would most certainly affect both of them more than it would em.
"And what conversation is that?"
May forked and the new instance climbed up onto the bed with True Name, the two skunks kneeling, facing each other, amid all the blankets and pillows.
Jonas was back to grinning. "Oh, fuck off, Ioan. I'm not going to tell you all of my secrets! We have our shit to work through and you have to be a good little clerk and take all of your notes so that you can come back to me with a story to publish. That'll seal the deal, and we'll be ready to go our separate ways."
Both Ioan and True Name watched as the down-tree instance of May scrubbed her paws over her face vigorously for a moment, gave a shaky wave, and then quit. True Name winced and screwed her eyes shut, and the May who had knelt with her on the bed reached out and took the skunk's paws in her own.
Ey gave a hint of a bow. "As you say. It's settled, then, right? Two days, 11:00?"
"Go ahead."
"That it is. Bring your pen and paper," Jonas said, lifting his glass in a final toast before downing his drink in one go.
It was still another ten seconds or so before True Name managed to relax enough to permit the merge to progress, and even then the only visual indication was a slow slump of her shoulders and a relaxing of the muscles of her face.
"Right."
Ioan stuffed eir hands in eir pockets and did eir best to feel rooted to where ey stood, hoping against hope that ey could keep from pacing. May watched True Name carefully, eyes searching her features for what ey could not tell. She seemed almost frozen, breathing shallowly despite the relaxed set of her features.
Ey didn't hear if there was a reply or not. Ey simply quit. #Tracker could take care of the rest.
And ey stood and watched them both.
Ioan#Tracker set eir pen down with exaggerated care, closing eir notebook, then eir eyes. This was anger in so many ways, though it differed from that hot, spiky shape spinning within em that came with Zacharias's bullshit. It was a pressure within eir chest, a tension in eir shoulders, a pounding in eir head.
The three of them stayed like that for nearly five minutes --- two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it --- before True Name moved again.
"*Fuck!*" ey shouted. Ey fell back into the paced breathing exercises that Sarah had showed em years ago. It had originally been in the context of helping May, at the time, but ey needed anything ey could get, now.
"Oh...oh, I cannot..." she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.
"*I take it you are back, then?*" May's words over the sensorium message were tentative, anxious. Clearly tension was still high.
May shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.
"*Yes. I'm coming outside,*" ey replied.
Ey stood and watched. Then ey sat on the beanbag and watched. Watched and waited, though ey wasn't sure what for.
Ey didn't wait for the ping of acknowledgement. Even if they weren't ready for em to be out there, ey needed to talk at least a little, get some of the weight of the conversation off eir shoulders. Ey needed to be around eir partner and friends. Ey needed to be out of that context, away from pens and paper and books and work.
It was more than an hour before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay at one point and the other skunk shaking her head.
The afternoon was settling into evening, and the plain was littered with dozens of skunks. As ey walked toward True Name's tent, though, they began to quit in small groups until it was just the three root instances kneeling around a small fire, over which they were roasting sausages.
Once the door was shut behind them, May let out a shaky sigh and padded over to the kitchen. "That was very hard."
After bowing to End Waking and getting eir hug and skunk-kiss from both May and True Name, ey sat cross-legged between them. Once ey'd gathered emself, ey said, "That was a whole lot of bullshit. How far off is food?"
"Why, do you think?" ey asked.
End Waking used the tip of his knife to nudge at a few of the sausages, turning them over on the grill cantilevered over the fire. "Not long. Would you prefer to wait to share, then?"
She took a moment to pour herself a glass of water before replying. "I want to be here with you, and I also want to be in there with her, and I also want to go back in time and tell her I do not want to merge, and I also want to go back in time and merge instead of End Waking, and...a-and..."
"Yeah. Maybe if I have food in me, I won't shout."
"Come here, May."
"That was quite loud, my dear," May said, claiming one of eir hands to hold. "I am glad you did not die."
She clutched the water to her chest with both paws, stumbling blindly around the kitchen counter so that ey could guide her to the beanbag.
Dinner was quiet, but not unpleasant. Gentle wind through the grass, the crackling of the fire and the spit of grease from the sausages, the gamy tang of ground venison tempered with barley and herbs.
She sat down and let Ioan rub her back. Only once she could manage a sip or two of water, she said, voice hoarse, "Did I fuck up, Ioan?"
"Did he wind you up that badly?" May asked once they'd finished.
Ey was still teasing apart the day --- or perhaps the last month --- but all the same, ey did eir best to respond to what ey suspected lay beneath the surface of the question. "Do you think she resents you for not just letting her be True Name?"
"Well, yes and no. He and Zacharias were both there."
May whined and set the water glass aside, shifting on the beanbag until she could rest her head on eir thigh. "I worry that the real reason she wanted to do this was because there is no going back to who she was. One of those 'fuck it, burn it all down' situations."
Both May and True Name flinched at the name, True Name's shoulders slumping. "So, yes. Winding you up."
"There could be some of that, but is that so bad?"
Ey nodded. "I'd guessed that much, at least. I think the whole meeting was a form of that. He even admitted such, saying that he set it up mostly so that he could 'drag me around'. I called him on it."
"I do not know," she mumbled.
"I do not imagine that did any good," End Waking mumbled.
"Can you imagine her being okay staying as True Name and being all cooped up for the rest of eternity?"
"Oh, not at all. The thing is, it wasn't just winding me up, though. I also think he just wanted to hear himself talk. I think he wanted to talk about all his plans because he knows his words are going to wind up in whatever I write, so he wants to get all that he can in there."
She snorted. "God, no. I think she would lose it."
"And worded as he would like," True Name said, nodding. "No matter what we manage to come up with, he wants to ensure that the narrative has him coming out on top."
"Same, yeah. She'd probably try to pull a Dear or something."
"I still don't understand, though," ey said. "Why be so transparently villainous if he's specifically having me write something to be read by the public?"
"And hate every minute of it. You heard her, she likes who she was and all that she did. I cannot imagine her letting that go."
"The same reason I wound you and Codrin up. If it is just a little too sensational to be real, then he can get away with more than he might otherwise. Jonas assassinating True Name? True Name who probably assassinated Qoheleth? It is just too much to be real, but it sure is good reading, is it not?"
Ey nodded and combed eir fingers through the fur on the nape of her neck. "So she'll be left with a complex view of that --- or, well, a couple of them, I guess --- maybe enough for her to change how she moves through the world. Think it'll be enough for Jonas?"
"Makes me feel like something of a punching bag," ey said, then sighed. "I think I'm starting to understand what Codrin#Castor was talking about in terms of getting yanked around a bit better."
True Name winced and averted her gaze. "I am sorry, Mx. Bălan."
"Shit, I'm sorry." Ey reached over to give the skunk's paw a squeeze. "That was a different time, I'm not trying to put that on you now."
She patted the back of eir hand with her other paw, a somewhat stiff gesture, and, as always when the topic of strife in the past came up, ey could sense more of End Waking in her than True Name or May. "Thank you, Ioan. I do appreciate it. It is an unfortunate reality that politics is the science of yanking people around. Add in being an actor, and, well," she said, then shrugged.
"I understand, yeah." Ey retrieved eir hand, choosing instead to gently tug May closer. She leaned against eir side gratefully. "Do you have a plan you think might work out, then? You don't have to tell me, I know you're keeping it amongst yourselves."
End Waking nodded. "There is a good chance of it working, yes. Not a perfect chance, and there are many possible holes that he may exploit in the moment."
True Name nodded. "If nothing else, I think that it will buy me a quiet retirement."
"A quiet retirement alive is still good, right? It'll be a life," ey said.
"It may not be an ideal life, but it will be a life, yes."
"And hopefully still a good one, in the end," May added.
"Yes. If I am honest, a less than ideal but still good life is far more than I had in front of me even before all of this nonsense." She smiled wryly. "Perhaps I ought to thank him for that. I am not unhappy with what I have now, even."
The conversation wound down from there, and as evening dimmed into night, they fell into silence. The fire was kept low, only enough light and warmth to keep the dark at bay.
Eventually, with eir lower back hurting and May starting to nod off, they made their goodnights. True Name gave em and May each a hug around the shoulders and a nose-dot to the cheek --- something they'd all grown more comfortable with over the last few weeks --- and padded off to her tent. End Waking stated that he was going to watch the fire for a while longer and then head to bed himself --- he'd set up a tent of his own a ways off from True Name's for this fork to sleep in --- leaving May and Ioan to walk back to the house together in the dark.
"I'm happy to hear her talking about a future," Ioan said, once they'd cleaned up and made their way to bed, em slouched against the headboard and May in eir lap, slouched against eir front in turn.
"I am too, yes. I am pleased that other than a few short fits, she has been at worst determined, and at best hopeful."
Ey nodded and tucked eir chin up over the skunk's head. "I think that's where I am, yeah. I want this over with, and sometimes it even feels like this might even be the best outcome for everyone."
"For everyone?"
"Well, Jonas gets what he wants and he can go play his games elsewhere, End Waking gets his feelings understood, and True Name gets to go live a life doing whatever it is she wants, right?"
She nodded. "And what of us?"
Ey chuckled, the sound somewhat muffled by the position. "Well, I'll be happy for her, and you and I will continue being disgustingly adorable or whatever it is she accuses us of being."
May laughed. "Well, yes. I will be happy for her and will continue loving you."
"Love you too, May."
"See? Gross." She giggled and hugged tighter around eir middle. "Will you let her continue to live here?"
Shrugging carefully, ey murmured, "It'll be a conversation between the three of us. I've gotten used to it, so I'm happy to have her stick around if she wants."
"Same," the skunk said. "It is not perfect, but nothing that cannot be fixed by modifying the sim and nailing down some boundaries."
"I'm looking forward to getting in touch with Serene, yeah." Ey hesitated, then asked gently, "Are there boundaries she's crossed?"
"No, I do not think so, but it might be nice to understand the shape of our friendships when we are not waiting on some potentially life-or-death event."
"I still get tripped up over you even calling her a friend," ey said, grinning. "If she'd needed to move in even a year ago, I think you would've ripped her head off two days in."
May laughed and lifted her snout to nudge at eir chin firmly. "Would not. I would have been impossible to live with, though. Whining and bitching and stress-shedding everywhere."
"Oh, so like normal, then."
She sat up in eir lap and poked em in the chest with a dull claw. "Rude."
Ey grinned. "Well, okay, not stress-shedding, just normal shedding."
She scrubbed a paw at her flank until she came up with a little bit of shed fur to sprinkle over eir front. "Yes, yes. But I can say the same for you, my dear. A year ago, I do not think I could have pictured her giving you a goodnight kiss."
Covering for the heat rising to eir cheeks by brushing the errant fur off eir front, ey shrugged. "That's on you. I'm used to skunks being all touchy."
"Yes, but True Name?"
"I'm not sure she's that anymore," ey said carefully. "So I guess you're right. I couldn't imagine the True Name of a year ago giving goodnight kisses to anyone, much less you and me."
She grinned, nodding. "Agreed, yes. And you are okay with it?"
Ey shrugged. "Like I said, I'm used to it. It occasionally strikes me as incredibly strange. Even just talking about it now feels weird. There's this whole, dramatic plot to take out one of the most prominent people on the System, and here we are, talking about goodnight kisses."
"It is not that weird. It is an artifact of our lives. Death has a different flavor to it when we fork and quit on a whim, living for centuries at a time." She set to work brushing her fingers through eir hair. Weird to be petted, but it felt good, so ey never stopped her. She continued, "Which is not to say that it is not important and anxiety inducing to have almost lost one's life, just that, with a modicum of care, she *can* continue living, if in a restricted fashion, even if she were to miss the deadline. With less fear of death comes greater love."
Eyes closed and chin tucked nearly to eir chest, ey hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose, yeah. I didn't have much life outside the System that I can compare, never mind love."
May giggled. "I was not speaking of romance, my dear."
Ey snorted, shaking eir head. "Neither was I, you nut. I just meant Rareș and my parents."
"Well, touché. We do not have very good language around love, in my defense." She ruffled eir hair and ey could hear the smirk in her voice as she said, "Not that that will ever stop me from teasing you about falling in love with her."
Ey laughed and poked at her side a few times, hunting for that ticklish spot. "Who's rude now, hmm?"
Giggling helplessly, May squirmed until she tipped off eir lap, curling protectively into a ball. "It is just so easy, Ionuț, do not blame me!"
"I know, I know, and it's your job as an Odist to fuck with me, *et cetera, et cetera*," ey said, slipping down into bed alongside the skunk, getting eir arms around her. "I like her, but...well, whatever. It's complicated."
She twisted in eir arms and wormed her way back against em, shaking her head. "No, you cannot just leave it at that. You have further thoughts and I want to hear."
"Further ammo for teasing, you mean."
"Well, yes, but I do still want to hear."
Ey sighed. "Fine. I just...well, I guess I'm sort of in the same boat as her, in that it's something I can picture, even if I can't understand it. She's so much like you --- in terms of looks and voice and now personality from the merge --- that I can imagine what that'd be like, and both she and End Waking are my friends, so there's that, too. But the context of her being True Name makes it hard to picture the...I don't know. Process?"
"The concept versus the mechanics, maybe?"
"Yeah, I think so." Ey grinned and kissed the back of one of her ears. "But that's about as far as I get thinking about it before I'm distracted by this or that."
"Organizing your pen collection is usually what I accuse you of," she said.
"Mmhm. I guess it's the same as when you and I got together. I could kind of picture it, but had no clue beyond that."
She hugged eir arm to her front and nodded. "Well, whatever happens, happens. We will talk about it."
"Another time," ey mumbled, pushing eir face into her soft fur, coarser guard hairs tickling eir cheeks. "I can't imagine I'm going to be able to sleep tomorrow night, so we might as well get some tonight."
The skunk rolled until her face was nearly pressed against eir belly to let em pet. "I do not know," she mumbled. "I do not think even she knows."