reordering

content/read/041.md

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 # Ioan Bălan --- 2346
 
-> *Convergence T-plus 30 days, 15 hours, 47 minutes*  
+> *Convergence T-plus 33 days, 15 hours, 39 minutes*  
 > *(Castor--Lagrange transmission delay: 30 days, 14 hours, 36 minutes)*
 
-Ioan#98ae38dc arrived at the appointed coffee shop a good hour in advance. The meeting had been eir idea, but it had also been eir primary source of stress during the day prior to it.
+Depression, Ioan had long known but struggled to internalize, was fundamentally different from sadness, just as it was different from May's overwhelming waves of emotions.
 
-The idea of meeting up with True Name in a neutral setting had not gone over as poorly as feared with May. She hadn't been pleased, to be sure, but given the news from Castor, she had accepted that the chance of further contact with her down-tree instance was likely anyway, and had stated that she was unwilling to engage with her further on the point so ey might as well.
+Ey was confronted with it now, forced to see the way the emotion --- or non-emotion, as May put it --- affected one on a more fundamental level than anything so simple as sadness could hope to. Those overwhelming waves, as the one she'd just recovered from, were fundamental in their own way, but far, far less existential.
 
-So, ey had forked, given her double kisses on the cheeks along with #Tasker, and stepped away to sit and fret somewhere where ey'd not be a bother.
+It was bound by the cycle of the day, and so Ioan and May would spend their mornings strategizing their evenings, ensuring that they were able to have as pleasant a time as that ashen feeling May described would allow, to work as well as they could manage through that fog.
 
-The coffee shop was quite comfortable, familiar from when ey'd first met Dear so many years ago. A cozy affair set in a simulacrum of a small town. Cute shops, gas lamps, brick-paved roads.
+"We are not unfamiliar with it, Ioan," A Finger Pointing had said when, after watching Death Itself and I Do Not Know quit, May's countenance grew duller and duller, and the skunk spoke less and less. "We know depression from the embodied world, and it comes up every now and then for each of us here, too."
 
-Inside, ey staked out an L-shaped couch for their meeting and sat, sipping eir way slowly through first a coffee and then a tea, figuring that eir nerves were jangly enough without the added caffeine.
+"Even True Name, I suppose," ey had said, describing the conversation ey'd had with her.
 
-True Name arrived fifteen minutes before their scheduled meeting, looking far more collected and confident, far more herself, than she had the last time ey'd seen her. She smiled brightly to em, ordered her drink, and then sat primly on the couch across from em, blinking a cone of silence into existence as she did so.
+She had nodded. "It will pass, and we will make the shows work, my dear. Keep her company and be good to her, and you need not worry."
 
-"Mx. Bălan, thank you for meeting with me. I was surprised --- pleasantly so --- to have received your invitation."
+Some dark look must have crossed eir face at which the director had shaken her head and hugged em. "Do not worry about that, Ioan. There is no death in her, I am sure of that. I am sorry that there are no easy ways to explain it, but I promise that what I expect she is feeling is separate from what our cocladists felt."
 
-Ey nodded. "Thank you for accepting. I figured it might be nice to have a calmer conversation than our last one. I want to make sure that we stay on at least polite terms as...in-laws of a sort."
+When presented with this along with eir anxious expression, the skunk had laughed and tousled eir hair. "She is right, my dear. It feels uncomfortable at best, bad at worst, but only ever bad. I am simply a bit crashy after a little too much all at once."
 
-There was no shift in the skunk's attentive expression, nor in her posture. She simply nodded and took a few laps of her drink, wiping a dollop of whipped cream from her nose after. "I appreciate that. I understand that our dynamic is complex and that of May Then My Name and I all the more so. We will never be close, you and I, but I can accept that."
+So for the last few days, they'd strategized in the mornings and then done what they could in the evenings. Scenes in plays were reworked for understudies, dinner menus shifted towards comfort foods, temperatures and weather adjusted, old comfort-hobbies dredged up from the past --- the skunk had been littering the house with origami figures. Ey'd even tried reading aloud to her, her with her head parked on eir chest and em with a book held above them. This had gone over well, and ey had that on the menu for later in the evening after dinner.
 
-"Right, and I don't want all of our interactions to be stressful."
+Today still held the first meeting with Sarah Genet, however, so ey focused on making a good breakfast, and spending a bit of time relaxing on the porch swing with May, giving her pets and quiet company.
 
-"If you will forgive a bit of small talk, may I ask after your partner's well-being, at least? I understand through intraclade communications that she had...that there was..."
+"How are you feeling about this?" ey asked, voice muffled. May had requested a brushing of her tail, which meant a face full of fluff.
 
-"She wound up overflowing, yeah. She's bounced back well enough for the most part, and we've been back at work."
+"I do not know. I am anxious. I am trying to keep up that sense of hopefulness that I had when we began planning this, but the anxiety is getting in the way."
 
-True Name nodded, a hint of a bow. "Thank you, Ioan. It is encouraging to hear. And you are working on a play regarding our visitors on Castor?"
+Ey tamped down the urge to ask what the anxiety was over, knowing that the answer would likely be *I do not know* or *nothing* --- rightly so, for eir own anxiety often seemed to have no basis in reality. Instead, ey asked, "Do you want me to be there with you?"
 
-"Bit by bit," ey said. "I add to it every time we get a bit of news. That was another reason I wanted to meet up."
+May scooted down a little on the swing, enough to get her arms around eir middle. "Please. It is just an initial meeting, I do not imagine there will be any need for privacy."
 
-The calm smile that the skunk had been wearing slipped down into something more businesslike. "Yes. May I ask what information you have received?"
+"No deep, dark secrets, then?"
 
-Ioan pulled the few sheets of folded paper from eir pocket and unfolded them, skimming through the notes. "The talks have begun and sound like they're going well enough on Castor, but that True Name and Why Ask Questions on Artemis are struggling, though they've been working through it as best they can. That's the last I've heard."
+There was a muffled laugh from where the skunk had planted her face against eir belly. "I do not know that I have any of those from you, my dear."
 
-Ey handed over the letters, already trimmed of clade-eyes-only and other personal information. True Name read through them quickly, nodding.
+"Other than the obvious."
 
-"We have heard much the same. It was a calculated risk, sending myself and Why Ask Questions rather than a Jonas or someone else less affected by this time skew that they have mentioned."
+May stayed quiet, shifting the rest of the way so that she could lay her head on eir lap, looking off into the yard. Finally, she murmured, "We will need to talk about that at some point, Sarah and I. The pressure surrounding it is building."
 
-"It sounds reminiscent of what I saw of Michelle. Certainly unpleasant."
+This did not seem to be an open conversation, so ey nodded, settling into silence with eir partner.
 
-She sat in silence for a few long seconds, both paws wrapped around her wide-brimmed mug of coffee. Her face was impassive and posture unreadable. Even her eyes remained fixed on some spot over eir shoulder, unmoving. She seemed frozen.
+Sarah arrived an hour later, a quiet knock at the door accompanying the sensorium ping of her arrival.
 
-"True Name?"
+May had melted into a beanbag when they'd come back inside and was folding paper crane after paper crane from a bottomless stack of origami paper, so Ioan capped eir pen and slid eir project into a drawer of eir desk. The skunk studiously avoided eir gaze, the tightness of her expression showing anxiety with tears near at hand.
 
-"No," she said at last, her shoulders sagging a fraction of an inch, enough to show some level of exhaustion that had previously been hidden. "It does not sound pleasant."
+"Mx. Bălan?" the psychologist said, bowing. "Nice to meet you."
 
-"End Waking put it, "when presented with the fragility of eternity once more, I cannot imagine that I would remain sane". None of the Odists I've talked to sound happy about this."
+"And you, Ms. Genet." Ey stood aside, gesturing toward the hall. "Please, come inside."
 
-"We are not," she said. "Ioan, may I ask that we talk about--"
+"Just Sarah is fine." Smiling kindly to em, she nodded and stepped inside. She seemed to be taking the sight of their home in with some deeper understanding than ey could grasp. Ey wondered just how much she could tell by how clean or messy a place might be, and thanked past-Ioan for cleaning up quite well after breakfast. 
 
-"In a moment, True Name, I promise." Ey took a deep breath, setting eir tea down on the table in front of the couch, turning to face the skunk. "Again, I don't want to leave the air clouded between us, but this is important to me, too. I'm sure you understand."
+The skunk had finished her crane and levered herself out of her beanbag by the time they made it to the den. She was standing by the kitchen table, paws folded before her and ears perked up, looking polite and attentive, though Ioan could still read the exhaustion in her face.
 
-She nodded, straightening up as though steeling herself for a coming blow. "I imagine it is. Then yes, it is unpleasant. I do not think that either of my cocladists aboard Artemis are in any imminent danger, but it is bringing uncomfortable memories to the fore."
+"May Then My Name Die With Me," Sarah said, bowing once more. "A pleasure to meet you at last. Thank you for helping to organize this project."
 
-"End Waking said that, too. I have my concerns for your cocladists aboard Artemis, but I'm more worried about these uncomfortable memories cropping up across the clade."
+"Please, just May Then My Name." She returned the bow, cleared her throat. "Thank you for going along with it. It will be a large one, and I-- *we* appreciate all the help we can get."
 
-"This is about Death Itself and I Do Not Know, is it not?" she asked, voice quiet, tightly controlled.
+They sat down around three sides of the dining table. The skunk surprised em by ensuring that ey, rather than her, sat across from the woman.
+
+"So, there's no real agenda today other than to just get to know each other. No hard topics or anything, just chatting. Stuff like that helps me get used to how you communicate." Sarah nodded toward May. "Though I would like to know how you're feeling."
+
+"Tired." The skunk looked down at the table where her claw-tips traced wood-grain. "Quite tired. I am not feeling myself currently, forgive me."
+
+"That's alright. There's been an awful lot going on, from the sounds of it." Sarah shifted gears smoothly away from the topic of current events, asking instead, "I know you two are in theatre, from what you've said. What all does that entail, though? I haven't been to a play or anything since university before uploading."
+
+May smiled weakly. "Lots of work. We share jobs from start to finish. There are more of us working as stage hands and crew than there are working as actors. Ioan even writes many of our plays."
+
+"I guess that means you both know your way around the craft better than most, since you have to keep all of that in your heads. I'm curious, though; what all goes into the crew side? Are you also...what's the term. Stage managers? Techs?" Sarah shrugged, looking almost embarrassed at her lack of knowledge. "Lights? Sound?"
+
+At the word 'sound', a stricken look washed over the skunk's face. She sat, rigid, in her chair for a moment before shaking her head, the movement jerky and uneven. "I...I will leave...I will leave Ioan to answer that."
+
+Alarmed at the sudden change in her demeanor, Ioan looked between May and Sarah, the latter's face set in an expression of concern.
+
+"May?" ey asked quietly.
+
+"You must...you must forgive me. I have to...lay down. Or something." She swallowed several times in a row, as she always seemed to do when holding back tears.
+
+The skunk stood and swayed, clutching at the edge of the table hard enough for claws to dent the wood.
+
+"Of course, May Then My Name. Would you like to meet another--"
+
+"Please discuss with Ioan," she whispered, eyes clenched shut.
+
+Ioan forked quickly, the new instance taking May by the elbow and guiding her carefully toward the bedroom, leaving #Tracker and Sarah to sit in stunned silence, watching them leave.
+
+There was a brief sensorium message, a few quiet words from eir fork, and ey nodded. "She panicked for a moment but is just going to disengage for a bit. She says to carry on since you and I might as well get to know each other, too. She'll reschedule for the near future."
+
+"Alright," Sarah said, still frowning. "I know I said just chat, but I don't think I can just let that go. Can you explain what just happened?"
+
+Ey sighed, nodded, and rubbed eir palms against eir slacks. "She will wind up getting overwhelmed by emotion sometimes, once every six months or so. It'll take her out for a few days then pass. She just got through one not too long ago --- I think she contacted you the day after she got back."
+
+"So this is another bout?"
+
+"No, I don't think so. She's been kind of depressed over the last few days, which is different than when she overflows. She says it's not uncommon for her to 'crash' after really big events. She slows down and has a hard time enjoying things, which I suspect is common with depression. But also, little things will trigger large emotional reactions."
+
+Sarah nodded. "That makes sense, at least. 'Trigger' is probably the right word, there. That certainly looked like a trauma response. One she was trying very hard to control, of course, but I could almost see the adrenaline rush through her."
+
+"There's been quite a bit of trauma of late, with her cocladists quitting."
+
+"Very much so, yes."
+
+Ey rubbed at eir eyes. They were burning, though whether from exhaustion or eir own emotions, ey couldn't tell. "I have no clue what was the trigger there, though."
+
+Sarah waved her hand. "She and I will talk that through, it's alright. How are you doing, though?"
+
+"Me?" Ey frowned. Talking with a therapist had never been on the table for em through this whole endeavor, but ey was so wrapped up in it now... "I'm stressed. I'm tired and stressed and feeling like I'm just fumbling in the dark to find something that will keep May safe."
+
+"I'd be surprised if you weren't stressed, honestly," she said. A blink, a cone of silence fell around them. "Aliens visit one of the LVs and both your clades get wrapped up in it almost immediately, and then her cocladists quit in the midst of all those overwhelming emotions. There's a lot on the table here. Do you worry she won't be safe?"
+
+Ioan shrugged helplessly. "I trust her when she says she's not in any danger of anything like that and that she's doing her best to stay grounded, but that doesn't stop me from worrying."
+
+"That's part of being in love, I think."
+
+A pang of that love tugged at em. Sarah must have seen it on eir face, as she smiled sympathetically to em.
+
+"I don't do well with loss. That's why I'm here, really. On the System, I mean," ey said, then recounted eir and May's previous conversations about the death of eir parents and how that factored into eir anxieties.
+
+The conversation wound around from there. Ey could tell that Sarah was guiding it gently, giving careful nudges toward positive topics when the heavier ones began to loom too near, but always keeping it productive, substantive. It was, ey realized, the sort of mirror image of what ey'd seen from much of May's clade. Subtle influencing borne out of years of reading and responding to the actions, words, and expressions of another. Rather than aiming to control, however, Sarah seemed to be doing all she could to keep the control in eir hands, acting almost as a tool for em to use to examine emself, though far more human that that made it sound.
+
+It was refreshing. Too many Odists over the last twenty years, perhaps.
+
+"Well," Sarah said when they'd reached a lull in the conversation. "I should probably get going so that I can give you guys some space. I'll be in touch though, okay? I'll make sure to catch up with May Then My Name when she's feeling a bit better."
+
+Ey nodded gratefully. "Thank you. This has been good for me, as well, so hopefully we can have the chance to talk again, too."
+
+"Of course. Some of my appointments with her will involve you as well, but I'm also happy working with just you, too. Scheduling is certainly less of a constraint here on the System." She hesitated before adding, "Though for that, I may keep a separate fork for privacy's sake."
+
+"Right, of course." Ey stood when she did, walking with her down the hall to the door. "By the way, have you been in touch with True Name? The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream?"
+
+"Yes. She got in touch with me yesterday, and we have our own appointment scheduled. Why do you ask?"
+
+Ey hesitated a moment, unsure of whether to divulge the fact that In Dreams seemed to have decided not to connect the two. "I'm worried about her," ey said eventually. "I just wanted to make sure she's also working with someone."
+
+Sarah turned in the entryway, looking at em searchingly. "You know, back phys-side, I was your cocladist's partner's therapist, and we've stayed friends since uploading. They all but forced me to read the *History*. From what I could tell, your relationship with True Name did not seem to be one that included you worrying about her."
+
+"She's changed a lot," ey said, speaking slowly as ey tried to puzzle out eir growing empathy for the other skunk --- along with the fact that this was a thing that needed puzzling out. "She's been looking rough, lately, and even for someone I have a complicated relationship with, it's tough to watch."
+
+"That I can understand. Does she look like May Then My Name? A furry?"
 
 Ey nodded.
 
-The skunk clutched her coffee closer to her chest, as though that might serve to shield her. It certainly felt as though she was struggling not to close herself off from the topic entirely. "We are very old, Ioan, and the implication of eternity has affected us all differently. I am beginning to think that it has less to do with memory than we had all originally suspected, but all the same, we have all begun to struggle through the centuries."
+"That probably helps, too." She shook her head. "Anyway, I should be going for real, now. I'll be in touch to see about talking with you more soon, alright?"
 
-Ey nodded, but remained silent. She was speaking slowly, and did not appear to have finished.
+"Of course," ey said, bowing. "Thanks again. I think I needed that more than I knew."
 
-"I did not talk with Death Itself much, and I was never able to speak with I Do Not Know. I did not know them except through observation. I am sorry-- no." She shook her head, frowning. "I was going to say that I am sorry that they are no longer with us, but you know as well as I that this is not some small loss for us to be brushed away with thoughts and prayers, even for those of us who did not speak with them. Sad is not the correct term. I am anxious."
+Back in their room, May and eir other instance were sitting cross-legged on the bed, the skunk trying for the dozenth time to teach em how to fold a paper crane.
 
-"Anxious of how this madness, as End Waking called it, might affect you and yours?"
+Both looked up when ey entered and, though her cheeks still showed the marks of tears, ey was pleased to see May smiling.
 
-She nodded, averting her eyes. "I am fucking terrified, Ioan. What am I to do in the face of such enormity?"
+Eir fork quit and as ey let the memories of the last hour settle into place, ey climbed into bed to take eir spot.
 
-Ey blinked, taken aback. This was not how ey'd imagined the conversation would go. Ey'd pictured her providing some glib explanation for what was happening and perhaps outlining the steps that she and her close cocladists were taking to control the situation. Ey was expecting her to steer em towards confidence in her, and hopefully even to soothe eir fears about May through doing so.
+"I am sorry, my dear," the skunk said, leaning forward to dot her nose against eirs. "Thank you for all of your help through that, both in here and out there."
 
-This wasn't the True Name ey remembered. Were these her own cracks showing?
+"Of course, May. Feeling better?"
 
-Ey prowled through memories of the conversations ey'd had with her over the years --- several, during those first few years after launch, then the rapid decrease after the publication of the *History* --- and tallied up each against the next.
+She nodded, held up her paper crane, the bottom pinched between fingers, and tugged at its tail, making the wings flap. "I have been making things."
 
-"You've changed quite a bit, True Name," ey said. "I don't know what you're supposed to do, that's out of my league. All I can say is that you've changed. It looks like it takes you a lot of effort to keep the confidence that used to be so integral to your personality."
+"Other than a mess, you mean?"
 
-Ey watched as she bridled, subsided, and nodded. "I am not what I was."
+Ey winced and laughed as the origami bird hit em in the face.
 
-"What changed?"
+"I will have you know that all of the messy ones are your doing, Mx. Ioan Bălan," she said primly. "Mine are perfectly neat and orderly."
 
-She shrugged helplessly. "If I knew, perhaps I could fix it, bring back that easy confidence."
+Still grinning, ey ruffled a hand through her headfur, tugging affectionately at an ear. "Right, right. Just like you."
 
-The conversation was veering further off-script. The skunk herself was veering far afield from the one ey'd pictured in eir head. "Your counterpart on Castor sounds much the same as I remember. The True Name on Pollux has, from what I hear, wound up in a relationship and started to guide more openly over the last few years."
+She chirped and tilted her head toward eir hand. "Did you have a good therapy session, my dear?"
 
-Looking down to where she held her mug against her front, True Name blinked rapidly, nodding.
+Ey nodded. "I did. I wasn't expecting it, but it was helpful. Sarah says she'll be in touch to meet again soon."
 
-*Tears? Really?* Ey frowned, searching her face and posture for any hint that this was some calculated display of emotion, then chided emself for such cynicism. 
+"Alright. I will not apologize again, but I do still feel bad for how I acted."
 
-"Is it something about the Lagrange System?" ey asked, hunting for something to fix, helpless to stop emself from doing so. Some anxiety over that lack of control drove em to try and smooth out the situation *somehow*. "Is the culture that different here? Maybe something about the System itself? I'm trying to think of what might be different."
+"Shush, you're fine. I think she, of all people, understands a reaction like that." Ey picked up another square of paper from the stack and began trying to fold again. "But that's enough talk of that for now. If you want dinner, you have to help me get at least one of these made."
 
-"I do not know, Ioan." She sniffed, sat up straighter, and smiled tiredly at em. "Again, if I did, perhaps there might be something that I could do to address it. I know what I am --- what I have become --- in comparison to my peers. While I am trying not to view that as a failing, it is...difficult."
-
-"Something with Jonas, perhaps?"
-
-She winced and looked away, ears pinned flat.
-
-Ey had to resist the urge to reach out and offer her eir hand to hold for comfort as ey did so often with May. They looked so similar, even still, even after centuries of divergence, and all the more so when struggling with overwhelming emotions.
-
-She must have caught some slight movement or hint of this on eir face or in eir posture, as she chuckled. "If I were built more like your May Then My Name, then perhaps I could more easily accept comfort, but I am not. Thank you for listening, though. I cannot talk about these things with Jonas."
-
-Ey laughed, shrugging sheepishly. "Sorry, True Name. Long habit. Still, I'm happy to listen. I know that my relationship puts us in a precarious position relative to each other and there are still some aspects about our history that are...difficult to internalize, but, well--" Ey sat up straighter at a sudden memory. "Hey, have you talked with In Dreams yet? Or this Sarah Genet?"
-
-"I have spoken with In Dreams, yes," she said, tilting her head. "Though I am not sure in what capacity you mean. She has kept me up to date on the cross-clade issues. I only know the name Sarah Genet from the communications from Castor."
-
-"Really? I thought that they had been in contact with all of the clade they could," ey said, frowning. "But perhaps that's still in progress. Either way, you mentioned having someone to talk to, and In Dreams has suggested taking a therapeutic approach to this. She and Ms. Genet have been working on setting up a course of therapy sessions for Odists and a few of the other old clades that are struggling. Perhaps that's something that could help. May has an appointment in a few days." Ey hastened to add, "I'm still happy to listen, but I'm hardly trained in that."
-
-The skunk laughed, and it was difficult to miss the bitter tone in her voice. "I spoke with In Dreams this morning, and had not heard this. Perhaps it is an issue of priority."
-
-Eir frown deepened.
-
-She made a setting-aside gesture that ey'd grown used to from May, as though the topic were unimportant, not worth discussing. "I will contact them. Thank you for suggesting that, Mx. Bălan. Even if they are unwilling to help, it is probably a good idea that I seek out therapy. Lord knows I need it."
-
-Ey nodded, wary to continue. As the silence that followed stretched out, ey retrieved eir tea and sipped it before it grew too cold.
-
-"Why are you happy to listen to me, Ioan?"
-
-Ey shook emself from eir own rumination and back to the present. "I'm sorry?"
-
-True Name smiled. "You said that you were happy to listen to me. Your partner hates me --- let us not mince words: she hates me and I have grown to accept that as best I can. You are close, as partners should be, and you have as much reason to hate me as anyone, and yet you met me here --- asked to meet me here, even --- and say that you are happy to listen. Why?"
-
-"Oh. Well," ey began, then stalled out. Ey raced through eir memories for a reason ey could articulate. "It was something that Codrin#Castor said. Em and Dear both, actually. Codrin passed on a letter that Codrin#Artemis sent, saying that it has been difficult emotionally to watch what ey remembers from Michelle in your cocladists. When ey mentioned the time skew to it, Dear said to be watchful around your counterpart, saying, 'remember what I said: even True Name has emotions, even she will be affected'."
-
-The skunk sat back, looking stunned, then choked out a half-laugh-half-sob, setting her mug down on the table so that she could rub her paws firmly over her face, leaving them to cover it. "Even I have emotions. Even I!" she said between deep breaths. "I know that your cocladist and Dear meant well by this, but how damning an indictment. *Even I.*"
-
-"I'm sorry, True Name."
-
-She shook her head, took a moment to regain her composure, and said, "No, I suppose I do, at that. It is difficult to remember even from the inside, my dear. Thank you for reminding me, and thank you for listening."
-
-The skunk reached out a paw toward em and, after a moment's hesitation, ey took it and gave it what ey hoped was a comforting squeeze. Ey was once more startled by the similarity of her to May: the softness of her fur, the satiny feel of her pads, those well-kept claws.
-
-She laughed and shook her head, pulling her paw back. "How silly. I believe I stand by my assessment that comfort through physicality is not for me, but thank you all the same. That you have the capacity to comfort...well, even me does mean a lot, Mx. Bălan. I appreciate your empathy."
-
-Ey smiled cautiously. "Worth a try, I suppose."
-
-"Yes. Worth a try." She stood slowly and gave a hint of a bow. "I have much to think about, Mx. Bălan, and a message to send to Ms. Genet. Please spend some quality time with your partner tonight, and I hope to see you in the future."
-
-"Of course. Until next time."
-
-She bowed again and stepped from the sim, leaving em to sit on the couch and finish eir tea, mulling over the differences between changing and forgetting. Without forgetting, all True Name had, all they *all* had, was the ability to change, and all they could do was hope that this would be enough to keep them all sane.