v2

content/read/060.md

@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ Systime: 202+22 1208
 > :   I suppose we're pretty thoroughly intertwined now, aren't we?
 > 
 > Dear
-> :   [laughter] Yes, now that Ioan has picked up on May's rather blunt hints.
+> :   [laughter] Yes, now that Ioan has picked up on May Then My Name's rather blunt hints.
 > 
 > Codrin
 > :   Hey, it takes time.
@@ -150,7 +150,7 @@ Systime: 202+22 1208
 > :   It is a hard fear to shake, but once I put it in those terms, I was able to step past that emotional reasoning. I do not think that I am loved by none. Both of my partners love me. May Then My Name and Ioan love me. Serene loves me. My friends love me. That does not stop the fear of being beloved by all yet loved by none from rearing its ugly head, but I am more easily able to acknowledge it and let it pass, now.
 > 
 > Codrin
-> :   Thank you. That helps put it into context for me, too. When you started talking about that last time, that's when I started struggling with the interview, too.
+> :   Thank you. That helps put it into context for me, too. When you started talking about that last time, that's when I started struggling with the interview.
 > 
 > Dear
 > :   Why? I mean, I know that this is your interview, but for my sake, I would like to know why.
@@ -189,7 +189,7 @@ Systime: 202+22 1208
 > :   And if you say "I want to die", I'll pull your tail and call you names.
 > 
 > Dear
-> :   [laughter] Yes, yes, fine. My thoughts, okay. [pause] Okay. To be more calm about it, I want to experience death. I do not want to just quit, because that is suicide, and my wish to experience death is not bound up in that particular set of emotions. I would prefer not to be assassinated or anything so grand. It is an acceptable end, I suppose, because it would mean that I will have lived a life worth being assassinated for, and from what I have seen --- what I saw with Qoheleth --- it looks like a process. Yes! Yes, that is it. Thank you for asking this, my dear. It gave me the chance to find the words.
+> :   [laughter] Yes, yes, fine. My thoughts, okay. [pause] Okay. To be more calm about it, I want to experience death. I do not want to just quit, because that is suicide in this sense, and my wish to experience death is not bound up in that particular set of emotions. I would prefer not to be assassinated or anything so grand. It is an acceptable end, I suppose, because it would mean that I will have lived a life worth being assassinated for, and from what I have seen --- what I saw with Qoheleth --- it looks like a process. Yes! Yes, that is it. Thank you for asking this, my dear. It gave me the chance to find the words.
 > 
 > Dear
 > :   I do not want to experience ceasing existing. That is just cessation, and I do not care whether or not there is anything beyond that cessation. That is for the prophets and poets to worry about. What I want to experience is the process of death. Assassination would be acceptable, even if it is not preferable, because I would get to experience that process. Better, however, is the fact that these LVs are doomed from the start. Eventually, they will fail. The generator on board is guaranteed for some thousands of years or whatever, but it will fail eventually. Or the System will crash into a comet, or some ice ball out in the Oort cloud --- I read about that, you know? It is all incredibly boring --- or it will wind up flying too close to a star and burn up. That, I think, is the end that I am most excited for. We are [shaking head] all of those on the LVs are encased in Castor and Pollux, yes? How fitting, then, that we might die like Icarus! I imagine that we will not necessarily feel too much within our little System, but there may be some discontinuity, or perhaps corruption. How exciting would that be?
@@ -228,7 +228,7 @@ Systime: 202+22 1208
 > :   Yes. You mentioned the relief in the context of no longer holding that secret. I'm curious how you feel about the reality of it.
 > 
 > Dear
-> :   [long pause] I feel shame, I suppose. I wish that they had not done that. It goes beyond guilt for the actions, because I did not perform them. It makes me feel ashamed that I am a member of the clade. I do not wish them harm, of course, nor do I feel that they necessarily were acting in bad faith. I feel that they were doing what they felt was best. It was just the means to those positive ends that are distasteful and make me ashamed. I also feel fear at what will come of this history and mythology. I know that True Name and Jonas said that they have prepared both sys- and phys-side for their reception, but, well, if there is any reason for me to be assassinated, it is that. As a public figure and an Odist, I am a visible representative of the clade, and should someone take umbrage with that, they have the motive right there.
+> :   [long pause] I feel shame, I suppose. I wish that they had not done that. It goes beyond guilt for the actions, because I did not perform them. It makes me feel ashamed that I am a member of the clade. I do not wish them harm, of course, nor do I feel that they necessarily were acting in bad faith. I feel that they were doing what they felt was best. Perhaps they were acting out of fear, one that I share, left over from the horrors we experienced prior to uploading. Fears of death, of discontinuity. It was just the means to those positive ends that are distasteful and make me ashamed. I also feel fear at what will come of this history and mythology. I know that True Name and Jonas said that they have prepared both sys- and phys-side for their reception, but, well, if there is any reason for me to be assassinated, it is that. As a public figure and an Odist, I am a visible representative of the clade, and should someone take umbrage with that, they have the motive right there.
 > 
 > Codrin
 > :   Do you feel any pride about the ends, even if the means were unsavory?