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# True Name --- 2124
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# Codrin Bălan#Pollux --- 2325
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The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream met with Jonas at a sim of her choosing. They had tacitly agreed that they would switch sims every time they met, if possible, and alternate who chose which. It followed the general outline of how the council met, but, being just the two of them and learning where they would meet only minutes prior meant even less of a chance of being found out.
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Codrin and Dear walked, hand in paw, from cairn to cairn out through the prairie, tracing lines of exploration that Codrin had built over the years.
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Found out from what or by whom, True Name had not yet divined. Perhaps it was just a good habit.
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Ey had been surprised, at first, that Dear had agreed to this walk. The offer had been made on a whim: *I'm going to walk the prairie, do you want to come?*
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She felt constantly aware of who was around her. Not in the sense that she was being watched, though she certainly entertained that idea. It wasn't that she and Jonas might be discovered as members of the council and accosted. Nor was it that they were doing anything untoward. They were just getting together to do their jobs and do them to their full abilities.
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And it had agreed, forking off an instance to continue its work in quiet while the down-tree fork tramped out into the fields. There was no storm today, hardly even any clouds, just a few patches of lazy shadow that drifted across the rolling landscape as their corresponding cumulus slid between sun and grass. It made for a pleasantly warm spring day with enough of a breeze to keep it from becoming outright muggy, and quiet enough that the occasional clattering of a startled grasshopper sounded clear.
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Perhaps it had something to do with lingering anxiety left over from Michelle. Perhaps it was due to the tenuousness of her position on the council --- not that they doubted her as a fork of Michelle, but she did sense some hesitancy surrounding allowing forked instances to sit while the root instance did not.
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Historian and fox walked, hand in paw, from cairn to cairn, saying little, but saying it kindly.
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*Maybe I have drifted too far,* she often found herself thinking. *Maybe I am no longer Michelle enough to see things in the same way.*
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*"Codrin,"* Dear asked as they passed another pile of rocks. *"Did you bring me out here to talk about the interview?"*
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So, she remained vigilant, regardless of whether or not she knew why, and kept as much as she could above-board with the council. Always at the forefront of her mind, she held her goal of ensuring the continuity of existence and continuity of growth of the system. That's what this all boiled down to, right?
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"That was on my list of things to talk about, but I also just wanted to spend time with you."
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Today, they met at a place of her choosing, and she had chosen the closest thing that she could find to the Crown Pub of old: a well-aged, British-style pub, complete with a few high-topped tables and the types of small beer that she had never quite grown to love, yet drank all the same.
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It squeezed eir hand in its paw and smiled. *"Thank you, my dear. It does mean a lot. Still, do tell me your thoughts on the interview."*
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Jonas blinked into the sim outside, so she was first alerted to his presence by a quiet ding from the bell above the door. She watched him step inside and look around with an appraising glance before spotting her and joining her at the two-top.
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Codrin bent down to pluck a thin stem of grass as they walked, fiddling with it between nervous fingers, tapping the tip against eir chin. "I don't know. It was surprisingly painful for me. I think it was painful for us both, in our own ways. Still..."
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"Nice place. How's the beer?"
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*"It still scared you?"* Dear hazarded.
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"Flat. Weak." She took a sip and shrugged. "Perfect for the setting, as far as I can tell."
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"I think so, yeah. I can understand the anxiety that one might not be missed after one leaves a place. Even in the face of knowledge that that's not true --- Ioan will miss you, May Then My Name will miss you, just about everyone who showed up at the death day party will, too --- it's hard to really internalize that others will still be thinking of you when you aren't there."
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"Better than clams frozen in ice cubes?"
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The fox frowned, but nodded to Codrin all the same.
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She laughed. "Much. Want to get a drink and find a booth?"
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"It was just hard to hear you say, "I want to die" so plainly."
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"Sure. You find the booth, I'll get the drink, then we can talk."
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It squeezed eir hand in its paw again, but remained silent.
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The booth in the corner is where the sim diverged from the one she had known so well back on the net. Where those at the Crown had been high-walled, wood dividers reaching up to the ceiling even after the cushioned backs ended, these were low-backed and reminded her more of the types of padded benches one might find on the bus or train.
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"Especially after Michelle..."
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*Ah well, they cannot all be perfect.*
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Dear stopped suddenly, there by a cairn, leaving Codrin to keep walking until its paw tugged em to a stop in turn.
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She waited until Jonas sat and she ribbed him good-naturedly about his choice of a fruity vodka drink before setting up the cone of silence.
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*"Michelle made a difficult decision, but the right one,"* it said. *"I remember that pain, the inability to be just one thing, to be an entire person. I remember how those waves of instability always made her --- made me --- so nauseous and being touched felt disgusting. It was lonely-making for someone who needed --- deserved --- love and affection. She made the right decision to choose her own end."*
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"So," he said, offering her the neon-pink cherry out of his drink.
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"And the decision to not fix the split-mindedness?"
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"So." She bit the cherry off the stem and chewed thoughtfully, the fruit sweet enough to make her sinuses burn. "Have you read Yared's recent post?"
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It frowned down to the ground. *"I do not know if that was the right decision."*
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He nodded.
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Codrin turned to face the fox, taking its other paw in eir free hand. "Do you know why she made it, at least?"
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"Thoughts?"
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*"Yes. I think so. At least, I know why she made the decision two centuries ago. She felt that she was honoring the Name, that to get rid of that part of her that left her in that state after getting lost was to disrespect the referent of that name and all that they went through. She thought that, after seeing how her first forks were locked into singular aspects, she would lose that."*
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"It's written well enough. He's good at picking three points and tackling them. He's been focusing more on questions of government."
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Dear looked off into the prairie, so Codrin took the opportunity to lean forward and kiss it's cheek. "It was difficult seeing her and then learning of her death, and given the associations that you have with her, I couldn't help but think that there might be some of that in you when you said you wanted to die."
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"And have you read between the lines?"
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*"I know, and I apologize for that. It did not adequately express what that means to me, but was too sharp a phrase to turn down. I will be more careful with how I phrase these topics in the future."*
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His face split into a grin. "I believe so."
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"Thank you, Dear. I've been giving it some thought, and I think I understand what you're going for. I think we even talked about it after Qoheleth's meeting. You wanted to find a way to...end, I think you put it."
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"And?"
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Dear grinned. It looked tired. *"That we did, yes. I will say that this is not the same idea, though it does come from the same roots. I was thinking then that there ought to be some way for one personality to lead to another, to be free of those memories, yet for someone new to live on. The core of that is still there, but I suppose what I want is to come by an earnest death. A real death. Natural causes, such as it were. I don't want to know when or how, but knowing that there is a limit to our immortality has become a comfort to me."*
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"No, no. I want to hear you say the words first."
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Codrin disentangled eir hands from the fox's paws, opting instead to hug it around the middle. Dear reciprocated by looping its arms around eir shoulders.
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She laughed and tossed the cherry stem at him. "Alright. Do you think that he is suggesting that we somehow become our own country?"
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"That's what I suspected you meant, yeah. I just didn't pick up on it at the time is all."
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"I most definitely do." He sipped at his drink and leaned back against the back of the booth. "Secession isn't something that I'd considered with any seriousness before. Then again, it didn't really feel like it'd be necessary until all of this talk about rights, and even then, it didn't even feel worth considering from a feasibility standpoint until the L<sub>5</sub> team offered to bring the System with."
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*"Yes. Sorry, Codrin."*
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"Agreed, yes. I am happy to see that our friend has some subtlety."
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"It's okay, promise."
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"It wasn't *that* subtle."
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They stood for a while, there in the prairie, silent, thinking, until by some unspoken signal, they turned toward the side of the cairn that hadn't been explored and began walking.
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"Well, no, but he at least refrained from mentioning secession or making any direct suggestions as to our independence from the S-R Bloc or dual citizenship. That must count for something."
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*"What is next on your list?"*
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"Of course. Though it does have me wondering. Do you think he's acting on his own volition?"
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"Hm? In terms of interviews and such?"
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True Name tilted her head. "Are you suggesting that he is a front for some larger player?"
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*"Yes. Do you know where you will start looking?"*
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Jonas shrugged, finishing off his drink in one smooth swallow before setting the glass back down on the table. "Nothing so grand. I'm just wondering if he's being influenced by someone."
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"I was thinking I'd start asking around our friends and see who invested totally up here and who didn't, then perhaps put out the question to a wider audience. That ought to get me a good amount of responses."
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"What makes you say that?"
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*"It is a bit of a shotgun approach, is it not?"*
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"The way the topics of his posts are drifting. It's not that one doesn't follow another, so much as there seems to be a trajectory in mind, with each getting closer to a specific goal."
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Codrin laughed, shrugged, and knelt down to begin building the next pile of stones. "You got any better ideas, fox?"
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She frowned. "Are you saying you have seen this coming?"
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It knelt beside them, digging up stones of its own and handing them to em. *"Of course I do. Do ask our friends, as I think they will have much to say, but also, while poking around, I saw that several of the founders have made the launch. I am not surprised that this is the case."*
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"No, no," he laughed, holding up his hands. "Just that, taking this new info into account, when I look back at the recent posts, I'm seeing a small pattern."
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"Oh? That makes sense, I suppose" Ey plopped a root-tangled rock on top of the growing pile, laughing. "Something exciting after all those years, back to being at the heart of something important."
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She drank in silence as she digested this. Yared seemed like an honest and earnest supporter, though certainly from the standpoint of a DDR junkie. He also seemed like a nobody. A nobody who was a reasonably good writer and loud on the 'net.
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Dear splayed its ears. *"It is hard to let go of that desire, yes. A few of them are quite mad now, however."*
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That combination probably made him a fairly attractive target to influence.
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"Mad how?"
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"Had you known this was coming," she began, lifting Jonas out of his own reverie. "What would you have thought? What would you have done?"
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*"All of the council, all of those who uploaded so early, were reasonable in their own ways, but some more logical than others. I sure as hell was not."* It sat back on its heels and watched Codrin finish the cairn. *"After things with the council began to disintegrate and the meaning of being a founder grew all the more poignant with the explosive population growth, many got frustrated and left to get up to their own things. Many of us...lost track of each other after that, but I have seen many of their names there and there, and I know that several are on the launches as well as the System. They might have some interesting insights to give you."*
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He raised his empty glass to her. "An astute question! I'll make a politician out of you yet."
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"Interesting good? Interesting bad?" Ey laughed. "You can't call them mad and then just leave 'interesting' hanging in there."
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She kicked his shin beneath the table, and he laughed.
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*"Of course I can."* It stood again, dusting off its legs. *"But I love you, so I will not. As far as I can tell, many initially picked up artistic endeavors of some sort or another, and almost to a one, they became interested in history and preservation. I am sure that you have read several of their works. For those who experienced such, much of the strain on their personalities began to show about twenty years ago."*
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"You're a bit late to be whining about that. You've been on the council longer than I have." Twirling his glass between his fingers, he said slowly, pacing his words with his thoughts. "What would I have thought? I would've thought much as I mentioned above. I would've considered it unnecessary, then infeasible. What would I have done, though? I think I would have used him in turn. Gently steering him away from the idea while trying to find out who was behind this shift, if anyone, and try to dig up dirt on them."
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"Twenty years ago, huh? Around the time of *On the Perils of Memory*? Or the launch?"
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"I see. He does seem rather pliant. He would be a useful tool for us to wield, too."
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The fox only grinned.
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"First the astute questions, now the cynicism! You're well on--ow!" He laughed, reaching beneath the table to rub at his shin. "It's a good idea, though. No matter what we decide, we can always push him a little this way or that to help us out. I still want to figure out who's behind him, though."
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"Well, I'll put them on the list, then. I'm curious to hear what a mad founder has to say about travelling however many kilometers a second through space. Anyone else?"
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"I do too, since you brought it up. Do you have any hunches on who it might be?"
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"He's NEAC, right? Probably one of his own council-members. No one too high up, but someone high enough that they can read the situation better. Likely someone from the ruling coalition, but not the head of the council. Probably a more senior position, too. The grandfatherly type, or at least avuncular."
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True Name laughed. "Really?"
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"Really. They're always the sly types you need to watch out for. Nothing they say is not a coldly calculated maneuver to get you to agree with them." He shook his head. "Even their wives --- and they're almost always men --- are probably married to them only because they told them that they loved them in *just* the right tone of voice to get them to say yes."
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"Manipulative shitheads."
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Jonas laughed. "Very. Probably Demma, or maybe Bahrey. Both fit the bill. They'll have all the plausible deniability in the world, too. Some underling did the actual work, while they sit back and get whatever it is that they want."
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"So, tell me, O great political teacher, how do we find out which without asking?"
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"Bring up something about the bill and pretend to be disheartened by it or like we don't understand it, ask him who would be the one to address it, now that it's reached their ears."
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"Right. I was thinking we would ask him what government types are thinking about the launch, if anyone has been pushing against it or for it, who seems neutral, and then ask for names under the guise of doing research, see who he names first."
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"There you go," Jonas said. "You'll run the risk of maybe getting more names than you were hoping for, but chances are, the first one that'll come to his mind is whoever's driving him."
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True Name smiled, sipping the last of her warm, flat beer. She was pleased at just how much trust she was building with Jonas. Ask the questions you already know the answers to, look like you're thinking, then suggest something that's almost but not quite right.
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She was nothing if not an actor.
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"This secession angle, though. Do you think that would be worth pushing towards?" she asked.
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"I'd like to steer a little closer to it, first, just to see what that'd look like. It'll require the launch amendment to pass, as I don't think System hardware can remain on Earth without someone getting upset at whoever's land it sits on. Once that's sorted out, though, and we have a better idea of what an independent System will look like, I say we push hard."
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True Name nodded. "It sounds like there is no reason not to. If the System is to remain beholden to existing government influences, it will always be at risk of reinterpretation of those laws. We are uniquely positioned to be almost entirely impossible to invade as a sovereign kingdom, and we have enough support that there is low risk that we will be simply turned off. Too many people want to join. Too many still see utility for us. Too many dreamers."
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"Listen to you, my dear!" Jonas laughed. "You sound like a dreamer, yourself."
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"Perhaps." She grinned. "But also someone willing to devote myself --- several of me --- to getting what I want."
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"Speaking of, what are the rest of you doing?"
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"End Of Days says is working on remaining sensoria stuff, talking with the S-R trio to round out the proposal for sensorium messages. Praiseworthy is reading up on propaganda. Life Breeds Life is keeping an eye on how tasks are divided. Most everyone else is out and about, keeping a feel for the place, or making things."
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"You and your names. What sorts of things are you making?"
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"Writing. Performances. Friends."
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"Hobbies?"
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She nodded, tapping absentmindedly at the rim of her glass with a claw. "Minus the friends part, yes. I was a theatre teacher, phys-side. Need to have fun somehow." She could feel the conversation drifting into small-talk territory, and she wasn't yet ready to lose Jonas's attention. "You have your forks already, do you not? What are they working on?"
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Jonas sat up, then slid out of the booth. "Come on, I'll show you."
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True Name set her empty glass aside and slid out to follow him.
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The next sim they traveled to was an apartment. Something high up, somewhere over a city she didn't recognize. It was well furnished and quite spacious, but could hardly be called upscale.
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As soon as they arrived, two other members of the Jonas clade appeared from a door that appeared to lead to an office. There was no doubt about their identity as Jonases: they were identical.
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"Skillfully done," she said, laughing. "Who was I speaking to today? Not Jonas Prime, I imagine."
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The one who had brought her here laughed, shaking his head. "No, I'm Ar Jonas. What tipped you off?"
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"If I had several identical copies of myself with the same common name, all forked from the same root instance, I would not send the root instance out to a meeting not at a place of my choosing."
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One of the other Jonases nodded appreciatively. "Well spotted."
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Ar Jonas disappeared from beside her and, with a blink, reappeared. "Merged with Prime," he explained. "I'll leave you two to talk."
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He and the other Jonas left to go pick up where the work had been left off in the office, leaving Jonas Prime to guide her to the sofa.
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"How often do you show up at council as Prime?" she asked, once they were seated.
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"Used to be every time," he said. "Then one day, I nearly missed it as I was in the middle of a...discussion, so I sent Ar. I was nervous that someone would see through it, but no one did. I tried to keep going myself for a while, but after there were no repercussions, I gave up on it, and alternate between the other six."
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"Six?"
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"Of course. Ar, Ku, and Re, as I mentioned, and now Ir, who forked from Ar and looks nothing like me, so he's got more latitude."
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"And the other two?"
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"Why would I tell you everything?" He laughed. "They're my instances, doing the things that I do, which should be enough."
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"As they must. You have already told me more than you probably should have."
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"I trust you'll keep quiet about it."
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True Name grinned, putting her finger to her snout in the universal hush sign. "It is a neat enough trick. I think that the Ode clade already differs too much to send one of them in my place, so perhaps not for me."
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"It's up to you, yeah." Jonas sat back against the couch, one arm draped casually along the back. "I honestly was surprised when no one noticed my reputation drop, but then I figured out that most people just look at the clade's reputation, rather than the instances. I have a feeling that'll change eventually, but for now, no one seems to pay all that much attention."
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The skunk frowned, browsed the markets --- something that felt more akin to remembering what the stats were, rather than looking anything up --- and saw that, while she had less reputation than Michelle had before she forked, the clade had a good bit more, likely from what each of them were doing to build reputation. Jonas naming his clade after himself was a fairly savvy move, in the end. 'Ode' having no direct ties to Michelle it seems like something unrelated.
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*Ah well. I am still happy to have done it,* she thought. *And perhaps we will find our own way to build reputation that does not involve a constant game of make believe.*
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"Thank you again for your trust, Jonas," she said, standing. Neither the booth nor the couch had been all that kind on her tail. "I am going to go do some digging in the recent news from the NEAC and wait for our dear Yared to get in touch with us again."
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He nodded up to her. "Alright. I'll be in touch, I'm sure."
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"And, Jonas?" A grin twisted the corner of her mouth. "Do not call me a fucking politician. I have an image to maintain."
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He laughed and waved her away.
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*"I am sure there are more Odists on here who would be willing to talk. Some of them might even be interesting."* It admired the waist-high cairn, smiling. *"If you want actually interesting perspectives, however, you cannot go wrong hunting down artists, though. They will always have something to say."*
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