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# Douglas Hadje --- 2325
# Codrin Bălan#Castor --- 2325
Douglas found it strange that, over the next several days, the conversations that he had with May Then My Name and Ioan had amounted to little more than chitchat.
The initial message from Codrin#Pollux via Ioan had been confusing and had, at first, seemed garbled. The way in which this Ezekiel spoke told of one who struggled with his connection to reality.
It wasn't that it was unpleasant. May Then My Name had a delightfully weird sense of humor and, though he originally found it difficult to understand, given the text-only nature of the medium, an undeniable sense of empathy that made him immediately feel comfortable around her.
All of eir work on the Qoheleth matter had set em in a mind of caution whenever ey saw such struggles. Eir immediate question was always to find out when the individual had uploaded. The complete and total inability to forget anything in the System architecture, that thing which had been the driving factor behind Qoheleth's backwards, inside-out approach to a warning, loomed large whenever ey spoke with someone who had been embedded here for so long.
Ioan, too, had proven to be fascinating to talk to. Ey was, as May Then My Name had suggested, the type who spent much of eir time in introspection, the result of which were statements that were as insightful as they were easy to understand. He liked the writer immediately. The two together could be hilarious, informative, somber, and comforting all in one conversation.
Then again, that note had also contained an equally unhinged explanation from someone who had uploaded less than forty years ago, so perhaps it was more tied to personality than it was to memory.
They were also very clearly in love with each other, which Douglas found endearing, yet odd for some reason, given how often they referred to each other simply as coworkers. Ioan, especially, seemed either completely unwilling to acknowledge or completely unaware of the dynamic.
While it might not be one and instead be the other, there was always the chance that both might be true, and whenever ey was confronted with the possibility of winding up in such a state emself after centuries, ey would spend hours, days, weeks watching eir every action carefully, interrogating every thought, every word for hints of that disconnect.
Ah well. It was an interesting fact, at least. Interesting in that when Douglas had interacted with couples before, he had often felt like...well, not a third wheel, particularly, so much as someone who simply did not understand the social dynamic at hand. Not so with them.
It was in that mindset that ey sent a carefully crafted sensorium message to this The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream of the Ode clade.
As enjoyable as all of the conversations were, however, and as much as he was beginning to understand sys-side life, he seemed to gain little in the way of actual knowledge.
"True Name," ey said, speaking to the observing half of emself who would send the message. "My name is Codrin Bălan, and doubtless you remember my down-tree instance from working with my partner and your cocladist, Dear, some years back. Perhaps you also know of my current project of cataloging the experiences of those who have invested in the Launch to be combined into a history and mythology.
At this point, however, his duties had diminished to almost nil, and he had little else to do. Within the year, he suspected that he'd be off looking for another job, hopefully still station-side.
"As I work through the list of possible interviewees compiled by clade, I have had several suggestions from out-clade. In particular, my counterpart on Pollux interviewed an...ex-coworker of yours named Ezekiel. He suggested some avenues for exploration in this project for myself, Codrin#Pollux, and Ioan back on the L<sub>5</sub> System, including a suggestion that I interview you."
So here he was, sitting on his bed, reading until either May Then My Name or Ioan pinged him.
Ey cleared eir throat and sat up straighter, feeling suddenly anxious. "If you'd agree to such, I'd like to meet at the place of your choosing to ask you some questions about your feelings on the launch and, if possible, Secession as well. Please feel free to get in touch with me by whatever means you'd like. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you."
Tonight, it was Ioan.
Ey sent the message off and let the speaking instance quit.
> **Ioan Bălan:** Good evening, Douglas. Let me know when you're around.
>
> **Douglas Hadje:** I'm around. How are you, Ioan?
>
> **Ioan:** I'm doing well. And yourself?
>
> **Ioan:** And by the way, it's just me, tonight. May has fallen asleep.
>
> **Ioan:** All of her, actually. It's like the planets aligning sometimes. A bit of blessed quiet.
>
> **Douglas:** I'm alright. Was actually just waiting up to hear from you. Things are pretty boring with no further launch stuff to do.
>
> **Douglas:** Is May Then My Name loud in person?
>
> **Ioan:** Oh, not really. She's just very
>
> **Ioan:** Hmm.
>
> **Ioan:** Intense, is maybe the right word? She doesn't chatter all of the time or run around or anything. Usually, she's just working and she does all of her work mentally rather than on paper. She'll have good conversations with me or with you, putter around, clean or cook, which I realize makes her sound very domestic, which isn't really the case. Those are just things she enjoys.
>
> **Ioan:** But the whole time that she's doing those things, she's intense. Her expression, her personality, her words, her smile, her laugh, her eyes.
>
> **Ioan:** That's one of those things that always strikes me as funny. You know, the whole thing about how eyes are just spheres, not actually emotive.
>
> **Ioan:** But hers are intense.
>
> **Douglas:** The intensity comes through even in text, so I believe you. So it's nice having a break from that intensity?
>
> **Ioan:** Yeah, basically. It's nice when we sleep. The time before we head to bed is much calmer. Just a lot of talking and such. She's a very physically affectionate person, which I was not used to at all when she moved in.
*"My dear, when you are nervous, you hedge."*
Douglas laughed, considered his options, shrugged, and typed his response.
The voice of the fox startled em into awareness. "I what?"
> **Douglas:** That also comes through in text, in a way. You two sound like a cute couple.
>
> **Ioan:** Huh.
>
> **Ioan:** You know, I'd never really considered that.
>
> **Ioan:** 'That' meaning being a couple.
>
> **Ioan:** I don't know that we are, actually.
>
> **Douglas:** "Don't know"?
>
> **Douglas:** Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume.
>
> **Ioan:** It's alright. I also don't know that we aren't. Sometimes the question will come up in my mind and I'll wonder about it a little, but it always slips away and then I'm back to organizing my pen collection or whatever May accuses me of.
>
> **Douglas:** But you've never talked with her about it?
>
> **Ioan:** No. Same problem as mentioned above. Every time I think of asking she's already asleep or too busy or I'm out on an interview as #Tracker and then it just slips my mind.
>
> **Ioan:** You can't be a couple without agreeing that you are, right? So maybe that means we aren't? I have no idea, it's all far above my pay grade.
>
> **Douglas:** Do you want to be?
>
> **Ioan:** I definitely don't know that! I'm not really comfortable continuing to talk about this, though.
>
> **Douglas:** No problem.
>
> **Ioan:** Needless to say, she's intense. The whole damn clade is.
>
> **Douglas:** The Ode clade, was it?
>
> **Ioan:** Yes. Or the Odists if you want something shorter.
>
> **Douglas:** Can you tell me more about them? They sound fascinating, and I've always wondered.
>
> **Ioan:** I can tell you a little bit. It's more on her to answer the details. They can be tight-lipped about the weirdest things.
>
> **Douglas:** Of course. I'm eager to know, but don't want to pry.
>
> **Ioan:** So, the Ode clade is very old. They've been around for ages. There are quite a few of them. I did a bunch of work with one of them named Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled about twenty years back, and that's how I got to know them. We've had an on-again-off-again working relationship.
>
> **Ioan:** Though, now that I think about it, one of my forks --- my only real cocladist --- has found emself in a romantic relationship with Dear.
>
> **Ioan:** You have to understand, though, every single Odist I've met (except maybe one, who isn't around anymore) has been completely and utterly charming, so maybe it's just a them thing.
>
> **Ioan:** Anyway, They're all incredibly strange, is what I'm saying.
>
> **Ioan:** Another thing about them is that they are, to a one, magnets for strange goings on. I guess that's part of being strange overall, but even so, every one of them has this incredible story about these events that have happened around them. I don't think it's a conscious thing, necessarily. Just by virtue of their intensity, they live through intense happenings, or have intense friends, or elicit intense reactions from those around them.
>
> **Ioan:** For example --- and this is public information here, now, I don't know if it ever made it phys-side --- it was one of them who discovered (or at least was the first who was public about) the fact that those who live sys-side can't ever actually forget things. Instead of simply publishing some sort of report or studying the reality of it, he adopted the persona of a biblical teacher and organized an entire scavenger hunt to try and get the rest of the clade interested.
>
> **Douglas:** That sounds dramatic.
>
> **Ioan:** Agreed!
>
> **Ioan:** I was going to say that they're not really dramatic, just intense, but it's definitely both.
>
> **Douglas:** Can you tell me about their names? They all seem similar to the snippets of poetry that May Then My Name kept sending me.
>
> **Ioan:** They're all poetic, I can certainly say that, but that's also a very, very touchy subject for them, enough that Qoheleth, the aforementioned Odist who did the scavenger hunt, the one I mentioned isn't here anymore, was assassinated for trying to divulge information about their names.
>
> **Douglas:** Assassinated?!
>
> **Douglas:** That's a thing that can happen, sys-side?
>
> **Ioan:** Unfortunately, yes. It's rare, thankfully. There are viruses of a sort that interrupt the sys-side mind enough to cause it to lose coherency and just sort of disappear.
>
> **Ioan:** You told us you still have implants and rigs out there, right? It's like when your avatar crashes, except it's your personality instead.
>
> **Douglas:** That's absolutely horrifying. I'll go ahead and add that to the bucket of fears right alongside nuclear and biological warfare.
>
> **Ioan:** Again, they're not at all common, and they by convention have to be tied to a physical object, usually a syringe, so they are visible. They also need to be tailored to the target, which is why we say 'assassination' rather than murder. It's very premeditated and there's no way to prosecute. Any time that someone has considered designing ones that aren't or which are more widespread, there's an incredible backlash. Happens once every twenty years or so.
>
> **Douglas:** That's not super encouraging, but I'll try not to let it get to me.
>
> **Ioan:** Well, let's change the subject, then, just to keep it from being anxiety-inducing. I know that May will ask this, so, when do you think you'll upload?
>
> **Douglas:** Hah, well, I guess she would. I was thinking within a year.
>
> **Douglas:** My duties are all wrapping up all at once, it feels like, so, maybe when they tell me to get planet-side.
>
> **Ioan:** I have a suggestion, if you're interested.
>
> **Douglas:** Oh?
>
> **Ioan:** Upload on the one-year anniversary of the launch.
>
> **Douglas:** Why?
>
> **Ioan:** The Odists are total suckers for symbolism. If you do it on Secession and Launch Day, May will lose her damn mind.
>
> **Ioan:** In a good way, I mean. You'll get to see it, I'm sure. It's quite the spectacle.
>
> **Douglas:** It's not a bad idea, actually. I'll pester the commission to ensure that I'm up here for that.
>
> **Ioan:** Really? You're seriously considering it?
>
> **Douglas:** If you had left the planning up to me, I'm not sure I'd ever do it. I'd just keep on cycling and worrying and never actually do anything, but give me a little push, and I'll make it happen.
>
> **Ioan:** I believe it. Keep me in the loop!
>
> **Douglas:** Should I tell May Then My Name or keep it a surprise?
>
> **Ioan:** Can you keep it a secret for the next six months or so?
>
> **Douglas:** Sure, I guess.
>
> **Ioan:** Great. Please do. I want to see her go nuts.
>
> **Ioan:** Strange question: you say that you don't start projects without a little push, but you also said that you applied for the launch director position on a whim.
>
> **Ioan:** Are you sure there was no push for you to apply?
>
> **Douglas:** Huh.
>
> **Douglas:** I...will have to think on that and get back to you.
>
> **Douglas:** Why do you ask?
>
> **Ioan:** Well.
>
> **Ioan:** I'm not sure I can tell you without compromising some agreements on my end.
>
> **Ioan:** With May and the other Odists, I mean.
>
> **Ioan:** I'll make sure May tells you at some point, though, alright?
>
> **Douglas:** Sure.
>
> **Douglas:** I mean, it sounds complicated, but like you say, they're a complicated group.
>
> **Douglas:** I'll think about it, though, see if I can remember anything.
>
> **Ioan:** Thanks!
>
> **Ioan:** May's all sacked out in bed, so I think I'll go join her.
>
> **Ioan:** Goodnight, Douglas. Sleep well, and keep in touch!
*"You hedge everything you say,"* Dear said, padding the rest of the way into the room to rest its paw on eir shoulder. *"If you would agree, place of your choosing, feel free, whatever means you would like."*
Douglas made his goodbyes and then stretched out on his own bed, still grinning at the idea of Ioan sharing a bed with May and still not knowing whether or not they were in a relationship.
"I suppose I do." Ey sighed, resting eir hand atop Dear's paw.
He turned the lights off and rolled enough to pull his covers over him. It'd be early to fall asleep, but it's not like he had much else to do, so he might as well do the same.
*"It is not a bad thing. Not necessarily, at least. However, it can show a lack of confidence in your words, and --- you will forgive me for having overheard --- with True Name, you will need all of the confidence you can muster."*
"Did you--"
The fox's grip on eir shoulder tightened. *"You may ask me your questions when you return. For now, please focus on how you will ensure that you will maintain a confident bearing."*
Ey nodded, lifting eir head to let Dear bump its nose affectionately to eir forehead. "Thanks, Dear. Maybe I should chug a glass of wine or someth-- Oh, there's the reply. I should head out soon."
*"Send a fork, then, and walk with me in the prairie meanwhile, or read with me on the couch, or do literally anything to keep us from focusing on this."*
"'Us'?"
It gave a lopsided smile, shrugged, and padded back into the common area.
Codrin forked off an instance, then followed the fox.
The sim that True Name had specified was a comfortable apartment several stories up some skyscraper in a city of considerable size. Ey arrived in an entryway that looked out over a simple living room, sofa against one wall and media station against the other, hallways splitting off in either direction from there.
And, in the center of the room, stood a smiling skunk. She looked friendly without being ebullient, professional without being prim, confident without being smug. Her shoulders were straight, expression welcoming, and bearing...willing? Was that the right word? She looked as though the only possible thought she had was to help solve every one of Codrin's problems, and ey saw emself fall for it immediately, as though watching from above.
"Mx. Bălan?"
Ey smiled. "You must be True Name. Thank you so much for having me over and being willing to talk."
"Of course," she laughed, and it was gentle, earnest, endearing. "Please! Let us sit down somewhere. Last thing I want is to leaving you standing around in the entryway."
Ey followed as she padded off down one of the hallways to a room set up much like an office. There was a desk, topped with a calendar and a few pads of paper, each covered in notes of a handwriting that was almost-but-not-quite Dear's. It was organized without being uncomfortably neat.
"Now comes the awkward question," she said. "Do I sit across the desk from you, or do I drag my chair around so we can just be more casual? I have never done an interview quite like this before."
"Uh, well," ey stammered. The comment had been delivered so effortlessly that ey felt the need to do whatever it was to accommodate her best. It was then that Dear's nudge toward confidence nudged em, and ey stood up straighter, smiling. "How about across the desk? That'll let me write and gives you access to anything you need."
Giving a hint of a bow, the skunk stepped around the corner of the desk to pull out a stool of the type ey had grown used to, living with a partner in possession of a tail. Ey took the seat opposite and set a dot-pad on eir side of the desk, pulling out eir pen.
"Oh!" True Name looked genuinely surprised. "What a delightful pen! Is it something that you had back before you uploaded, or have you picked up in your time here?"
"Oh, goodness no." Ey laughed. "Nice pens were well out of fashion when I uploaded. I remember reading all about them, though, and so when I got here, I was finally able to indulge myself."
She nodded. "It really is wonderful that all those things we dreamt about phys-side can just be had here, is it not? You may shed a bit of reputation hunting down something very obscure or gain some by making it yourself, *et voilà,* you have precisely the item of your dreams. Anyway, I am rambling. What would you like to talk about?"
Ey felt primed to look for deeper meanings, but was also aware of how prone ey was to ruminating and long silences, so ey simply made a mental note later to dig into that statement about phys- versus sys-side items.
"I have a lot of questions," ey said. "Which seems to be a theme when it comes to interviewing Odists. I don't want to take up too much of your time, though, so I suppose I'd like to start with some about the launches."
"Of course, I would be happy to answer those. Do not worry about my time, though. I will make it with a fork, if only to ensure that you get what you need."
"Thank you, that's very generous of you." Ey tested the nib of eir pen on the corner of the paper. "I'm pretty sure that I know the answer to this, but just to start with, did you invest entirely in the launch or is there an instance of True Name back on the System?"
"Oh, I left an instance behind as well, which I am sure you have guessed. With all the work that we have done on the launch --- the Odists and other like-minded individuals --- it felt as though it would be a shame to not do so. I understand that you invested entirely here, but Ioan remained behind; I know that this is your interview, but I am also curious as to your reasons on that."
Codrin hesitated, then shrugged. "It was Ioan's idea, actually. Ey suggested that ey remain behind so that, as the one compiling the information, ey didn't wind up adding eir own interpretations before sending the data back, given how far we've diverged. It was Dear's idea, at first, to invest entirely. I'm happy with having done so."
True Name nodded, smiling, and gestured for em to continue.
"Thanks for confirming my suspicions." Ey quelled the desire to add an *I suppose* before continuing, "My next topic is getting a sense of how you feel about the launch. I understand that you helped with much of the early stages of planning, and I'm wondering, do you consider it a success? How do you feel about the speed and ease with which it came together?"
"I very much consider it a success. Many sys-side were on board with it, and those who were not simply did not care. Those phys-side were quite eager to work with us with, only a very small minority who were not.
"As for your second question, I think that that was largely due to this being the first time in nearly two centuries that our two groups have worked together on one goal in any meaningful way. Scientists sys-side consulted with those phys-side on the design of the launch struts and arms. Many sys-side focused on providing a set of goals to be accomplished by the launch, and many phys-side focused on the design of the System replicas, solar sails, and the Dreamer Module."
Codrin nodded as ey jotted down her answer. Ey considered asking her about the sys-side friction regarding the Dreamer Module that Brahe had mentioned, but decided to hold off on bringing up something that might prove contentious just yet.
Instead, ey asked, "You mention that this is the first time in nearly two centuries that the two sides have worked together on something. Can you give me an overview of the types of collaboration that you were a part of or witnessed during Launch?"
She laughed easily. "Is it not strange how we are already speaking of it in a similar way to Secession? I can hear the capital-L in your voice when you speak and you leave the definite article unspoken. But yes, I can tell you about that.
"You doubtless know that quite a few elements of the Ode clade worked on the launch project. My own up-tree instance, May Then My Name Die With Me, was the sys-side launch director. My role, however, was to act as the political liaison between the two entities. There were meetings to be had, tempers to be soothed, knotty problems of jurisdiction to be considered. Did you know that there were discussions as to whether the new LV Systems would be considered as seceding from the L<sub>5</sub> System? It was all very thorny. We eventually decided that the LVs would be considered a joint project with fifty-percent responsibility of sys- and phys-side and their Systems independent colonies. I found it quite silly, but here we are."
Ey chuckled at the suggestion. "I suppose it is a little silly, but then, much of the political side is over my head. Tangentially, and maybe this is a question better asked by Ioan and May Then My Name, I was informed that the launch director phys-side is actually a distant relative of Michelle Hadje's. You must have been aware of that, given your role, but I'm curious as to your thoughts on having him involved."
"It was a nice bit of serendipity, a Hadje working on Launch just as one worked on Secession."
"I have heard mixed responses on this from the clade, but do you consider yourself a Hadje still?"
True Name sighed, looking genuinely saddened. "No, not any longer. Sometime between Secession and her death, I had diverged too far from Michelle. The last time I merged back with her, it was quite difficult to rectify those conflicts."
"I understand. I apologize for interjecting, though. Do you have further thoughts on Douglas Hadje working phys-side?"
"It was, as I said, serendipitous. When I saw that he had submitted his resume for the position, I was surprised. I do believe he was well qualified for the position, but I ensured that I had a chance to sit in on the hiring committee meetings." Her smile returned, this time a touch mischievous, and she winked to em. "I may or may not have had some conversations with others on the committee to argue his case. It tickled me to have that option crop up during the process."
Ey raised an eyebrow as ey wrote. "Yes? Well, I suppose that is as good a reason to hire someone as any other, if he was qualified and a good fit."
She laughed. "Of course. If he had been a total numbskull, I would not have spoken up for him. Probably distanced myself from him, at that."
"I hesitate to call it 'pulling strings', but did similar opportunities arise during Secession?"
"I do not think so. We still had our phys-side contacts that were alive at the time at that point. We, here, meaning the Council of Eight. During the campaign for Secession, we each interacted with those contacts, and many who were interested in helping us achieve that goal eventually got in touch with us. They were surprised when we suggested the idea of secession, but as soon as we explained the reasons why, they quickly got on board."
"What were your reasons? At the time, I mean."
The skunk shrugged gracefully. "We are just too different. By virtue of the ways in which the System works, we were not able to understand each other well enough to interact as members of our prior countries. I was a member of the Western Federation, and when I first uploaded, I technically still was, but of what use was I to the Western Fed in an uploaded state other than as a mind who could only interact with the outside world via text?"
"Did they want you to remain such?"
"Of course. Many of them did, at least. With an increasing number of their most curious and intelligent minds uploading, the government was concerned of a brain-drain, such as it were. If we were still citizens, they could claim that our output was created under their jurisdiction. That is why it was a campaign and not just a foregone conclusion."
Codrin nodded as ey wrote, and some part of em realized just how smoothly the conversation had gone. There were few times ey could name where confidence had failed em, and it had instead felt much like any other conversation between friends.
"What was your role in the decision to undertake the launch project?" ey asked.
She blinked, sat up straighter, and smiled wide. "Oh goodness, did you not know? It was mine from the start. Before she left, Michelle met with the clade and gave each of the stanzas a suggestion. They were quite vague, as she was struggling quite a bit, there at the end. She said, "Do something big. Do something worthy of us." And so I gave it some thought and remembered that it had been so long since the two entities had worked together on a project, and we are already in space, so the idea of Launch came naturally to me."
Ey stopped writing in the middle of a sentence, startled. "Wait. You originated the idea?"
"It was a communal effort from start to end, Codrin, you must understand. I think that many were considering very similar ideas, but I was the first to bring it to the attention to both entities out loud."
Codrin, mastering eir surprise, finished writing eir note. "Well, I suppose I have you to thank for this project as well, then."
Her laugh was musical and genuine. "I am happy to hear that, Mx. Bălan."
"I think that was all the questions that I had prepared," ey said. "Though I was wondering, my cocladist on Pollux mentioned that Michelle's last words were "Do something big, help us divest". Was that just something lost in translation?"
True Name opened her paws in a gesture that was half shrug, half non-acknowledgement. "Which you decide to accept is up to you to incorporate in your work."
Ey was still reeling from the revelation, not to mention the lingering admonition not to push any one Odist too much, so ey decided to leave it there. "It'll give me plenty to put into my report. Do you have anything you'd like to ask me?"
"Only a suggestion. You have doubtless heard of Jonas, yes? Good. Well, I might also suggest that you find an instance of the Jonas clade to talk with. Given the direction of your questions, he will likely have much that will interest you."