diff --git a/content/read/004.md b/content/read/004.md index 5f521a0..d8d059c 100644 --- a/content/read/004.md +++ b/content/read/004.md @@ -254,54 +254,80 @@ May Then My Name Die With Me of the Ode Clade ## Message stream -**Phys-side:** The launch vehicles in their sabots are settled into their creches and the doors are shut. Everyone's excited, but I'm pleased at the calm efficiency of the control tower I'm in (Pollux). We are 1deg offset spinward from the launch arm, so we should be able to see the launch well enough, but the arm appears to disappear into nothingness "below" us after about 100m, so the show won't be great past then. We'll all be watching the cameras. Even those won't be very exciting, given the speed the LVs will be going. Models suggest that we might feel a jerk and fluctuation in gravity, that will be quickly compensated by the engines. +Phys-side +: The launch vehicles in their sabots are settled into their creches and the doors are shut. Everyone's excited, but I'm pleased at the calm efficiency of the control tower I'm in (Pollux). We are 1deg offset spinward from the launch arm, so we should be able to see the launch well enough, but the arm appears to disappear into nothingness "below" us after about 100m, so the show won't be great past then. We'll all be watching the cameras. Even those won't be very exciting, given the speed the LVs will be going. Models suggest that we might feel a jerk and fluctuation in gravity, that will be quickly compensated by the engines. -**Phys-side:** Given your apparent interest in the subjective aspects of the launch, I have to say that I wish there was a big red button I could hit to trigger the launch. Wouldn't that be satisfying? I picture it like one of the keyboards, where there's some sort of spring in there, and a satisfying click as the button snaps down that last bit and makes some physical electric contact. Everything's done on a timer, however, and the chances of any manual intervention being required are essentially zero. Everyone in the tower here is in place to take in data and give reports. I didn't receive permission to pass those on directly, however, so you're left with them being filtered through yours truly. +Phys-side +: Given your apparent interest in the subjective aspects of the launch, I have to say that I wish there was a big red button I could hit to trigger the launch. Wouldn't that be satisfying? I picture it like one of the keyboards, where there's some sort of spring in there, and a satisfying click as the button snaps down that last bit and makes some physical electric contact. Everything's done on a timer, however, and the chances of any manual intervention being required are essentially zero. Everyone in the tower here is in place to take in data and give reports. I didn't receive permission to pass those on directly, however, so you're left with them being filtered through yours truly. -**Phys-side:** One minute. +Phys-side +: One minute. -**Phys-side:** Thirty seconds. +Phys-side +: Thirty seconds. -**Phys-side:** Ten seconds. Godspeed. +Phys-side +: Ten seconds. Godspeed. -**Sys-side:** Godspeed, you poor fucks. +Sys-side +: Godspeed, you poor fucks. -**Phys-side:** 3 +Phys-side +: 3 -**Phys-side:** 1 +Phys-side +: 1 -**Phys-side:** Launch looks good. +Phys-side +: Launch looks good. -**Phys-side:** Watching the struts flex and jolt with the release of mass is quite beautiful. +Phys-side +: Watching the struts flex and jolt with the release of mass is quite beautiful. -**Phys-side:** They weren't kidding about the jerk. Two of them, actually, as the engines fired a half second after the jerk reached the torus. We've got two injuries down here --- bumps and bruises. Reports from the torus indicate that damage was minimal. Some sloshing from the hydroponics, but that's easy to clean up. One of the furnaces will need some care. Worst bit of damage, however, is that the solar array suffered a cascading failure: one panel broke loose and tumbled end-over-end across a few hundred others. Power's still nominal, though. We'll get it fixed. +Phys-side +: They weren't kidding about the jerk. Two of them, actually, as the engines fired a half second after the jerk reached the torus. We've got two injuries down here --- bumps and bruises. Reports from the torus indicate that damage was minimal. Some sloshing from the hydroponics, but that's easy to clean up. One of the furnaces will need some care. Worst bit of damage, however, is that the solar array suffered a cascading failure: one panel broke loose and tumbled end-over-end across a few hundred others. Power's still nominal, though. We'll get it fixed. -**Phys-side:** Did you feel anything up there? +Phys-side +: Did you feel anything up there? -**Sys-side:** Har har. No, nothing up here. I, like you, wish that we had, though. If there had been some sudden jolt or a flicker of the lights, I think that perhaps this launch would have felt more real. I suspect that my cocladist, Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled, would have simulated an earthquake at the exact moment of launch, destroying its home in the process, but alas, it was one of those hopeless romantics who transferred entirely to the LVs without leaving a fork. I will have Ioan (my pet historian) ask it if it did so from the LVs. I would not be surprised. +Sys-side +: Har har. No, nothing up here. I, like you, wish that we had, though. If there had been some sudden jolt or a flicker of the lights, I think that perhaps this launch would have felt more real. I suspect that my cocladist, Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled, would have simulated an earthquake at the exact moment of launch, destroying its home in the process, but alas, it was one of those hopeless romantics who transferred entirely to the LVs without leaving a fork. I will have Ioan (my pet historian) ask it if it did so from the LVs. I would not be surprised. -**Phys-side:** Your clade sounds fascinating. I don't understand a single bit of it. +Phys-side +: Your clade sounds fascinating. I don't understand a single bit of it. -**Sys-side:** I will tell you a story one day. +Sys-side +: I will tell you a story one day. -**Sys-side:** How do you feel with 20 years of work gone in an instant? +Sys-side +: How do you feel with 20 years of work gone in an instant? -**Phys-side:** I'm still processing that. Numb? Giddy? Can I be both at the same time? +Phys-side +: I'm still processing that. Numb? Giddy? Can I be both at the same time? -**Sys-side:** I see no reason why not. Why numb? Why giddy? +Sys-side +: I see no reason why not. Why numb? Why giddy? -**Phys-side:** Numb because there was nothing to see. Not even a flash. The LVs were here, and then they were gone. I'll never see them again. Giddy because it worked. Telemetry is good, speed is nominal, entanglement is nominal, radio communication is nominal, though the rate at which message times are increasing is surprising, though I knew that this would happen. How neat is that? +Phys-side +: Numb because there was nothing to see. Not even a flash. The LVs were here, and then they were gone. I'll never see them again. Giddy because it worked. Telemetry is good, speed is nominal, entanglement is nominal, radio communication is nominal, though the rate at which message times are increasing is surprising, though I knew that this would happen. How neat is that? -**Sys-side:** Very neat. I feel much the same. I feel numb for the reason I mentioned above. They were here, and then they were gone, and there was no feedback from the action. We are still talking despite this. This is where the numb and the giddy cross, as, in some ways, it feels as though they never left (modulo the fact that Dear would almost certainly rather talk via sensorium messages rather than text), but Codrin (Dear's pet historian) is much suited to words. Giddy, though, because this remains exciting for all of us, both here and on the LVs. Already they diverge, already they are no longer the ones who left here, already they are no longer us. +Sys-side +: Very neat. I feel much the same. I feel numb for the reason I mentioned above. They were here, and then they were gone, and there was no feedback from the action. We are still talking despite this. This is where the numb and the giddy cross, as, in some ways, it feels as though they never left (modulo the fact that Dear would almost certainly rather talk via sensorium messages rather than text), but Codrin (Dear's pet historian) is much suited to words. Giddy, though, because this remains exciting for all of us, both here and on the LVs. Already they diverge, already they are no longer the ones who left here, already they are no longer us. -**Phys-side:** That's not something I can picture, but I'll trust you on that. +Phys-side +: That's not something I can picture, but I'll trust you on that. -**Sys-side:** Different worlds, different problems. I must see to Ioan and to writing. Douglas, congratulations once more, and I will stay in contact regarding the LVs and my research. +Sys-side +: Different worlds, different problems. I must see to Ioan and to writing. Douglas, congratulations once more, and I will stay in contact regarding the LVs and my research. -**Phys-side:** Thank you for all your hard work, May Then My Name Die With Me. +Phys-side +: Thank you for all your hard work, May Then My Name Die With Me. -**Sys-side:** You may call me May Then My Name, now that the hard work is over. +Sys-side +: You may call me May Then My Name, now that the hard work is over. -**Phys-side:** Thanks! Be well. +Phys-side +: Thanks! Be well. -**Sys-side:** You too. +Sys-side +: You too. diff --git a/content/read/013.md b/content/read/013.md index 8f613fb..888abe9 100644 --- a/content/read/013.md +++ b/content/read/013.md @@ -90,80 +90,113 @@ A sudden wave of exhaustion crashed over him, but all the same, he settled back A message was already waiting for him at his desk, so, in the sim, he sat down before it, smiling inwardly at the oddly duplicated action. -> **Jonas Prime:** Yared! Beautifully done. Ping when you're back around. +> Jonas Prime +> : Yared! Beautifully done. Ping when you're back around. He swiped a keyboard into view and instructed his desk to do just that. -> **Jonas:** Welcome back. How goes? +> Jonas +> : Welcome back. How goes? > -> **Yared Zerezghi:** Well enough. Hot as ever. Thanks, by the way. Think the post will help? +> Yared Zerezghi +> : Well enough. Hot as ever. Thanks, by the way. Think the post will help? Inwardly, he fretted, worrying that his counterparts in the System had picked up on the slow change in direction over the last few posts. -> **The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream:** Probably! I am pleased that you enjoyed my description of brushing and petting. +> The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream +> : Probably! I am pleased that you enjoyed my description of brushing and petting. > -> **Yared:** I felt it got the point across quite nicely. +> Yared +> : I felt it got the point across quite nicely. > > **True Name**: That it did. > -> **Jonas:** We've been tracking the speciation argument, as far as we can see, and it's an interesting idea. I go back and forth on it. Sometimes, it feels like a distinction without a difference, and sometimes, phys-side ideas just leave me completely baffled. I've forgotten how strange the System sounded when I was outside of it. +> Jonas +> : We've been tracking the speciation argument, as far as we can see, and it's an interesting idea. I go back and forth on it. Sometimes, it feels like a distinction without a difference, and sometimes, phys-side ideas just leave me completely baffled. I've forgotten how strange the System sounded when I was outside of it. > -> **True Name:** Yes. It is a good talking point, but also a line that you should walk carefully. I worry that it will lead the discussion back to the "sub-human" arguments that pop up here and there. +> True Name +> : Yes. It is a good talking point, but also a line that you should walk carefully. I worry that it will lead the discussion back to the "sub-human" arguments that pop up here and there. His heart dropped. So they had picked up on the change. -> **Yared:** I'm worried about that as well. Still, when I've argued on the forums in the past, I've found that building a strong argument and then slipping a little bit of empathy for the other side nudges them to do the same. +> Yared +> : I'm worried about that as well. Still, when I've argued on the forums in the past, I've found that building a strong argument and then slipping a little bit of empathy for the other side nudges them to do the same. A lie, but hopefully a helpful one. -> **True Name:** I had not thought of that, but I was never big into the DDR. Calling it both "Direct Democracy" and a "Representative" made it sound disingenuous. +> True Name +> : I had not thought of that, but I was never big into the DDR. Calling it both "Direct Democracy" and a "Representative" made it sound disingenuous. > -> **Jonas:** I mean, it makes sense. If they start feeling our empathy in the equation, maybe they'll start feeling empathy towards us. +> Jonas +> : I mean, it makes sense. If they start feeling our empathy in the equation, maybe they'll start feeling empathy towards us. > -> **Yared:** That's the hope! Some of these people though... +> Yared +> : That's the hope! Some of these people though... > -> **Jonas:** Numbskulls. +> Jonas +> : Numbskulls. > -> **True Name:** Dipshits. +> True Name +> : Dipshits. > -> **Yared:** Both accurate. +> Yared +> : Both accurate. > -> **True Name:** Just do not generate too much empathy in them. I do not want them latching onto anything to use against you. +> True Name +> : Just do not generate too much empathy in them. I do not want them latching onto anything to use against you. > -> **True Name:** Against us, in the end. +> True Name +> : Against us, in the end. > -> **Yared:** Of course! I'll keep monitoring the forums and chatter, and it looks like some governments are waking up to it. +> Yared +> : Of course! I'll keep monitoring the forums and chatter, and it looks like some governments are waking up to it. > -> **True Name:** Whoopee. +> True Name +> : Whoopee. > -> **Jonas:** I'll have you know that she just rolled her eyes at me. +> Jonas +> : I'll have you know that she just rolled her eyes at me. > -> **True Name:** Jerk. +> True Name +> : Jerk. > -> **Yared:** Haha. Still, I think it'll help. It means that this is is going to be taken into consideration and not just turn into a DDR-only referendum. If we get them discussing it, then we have a smaller target to influence. DDR votes carry less weight when gov'ts weigh in. They read the forums as much as any DDR junkie, so the arguments can sometimes carry more weight. +> Yared +> : Haha. Still, I think it'll help. It means that this is is going to be taken into consideration and not just turn into a DDR-only referendum. If we get them discussing it, then we have a smaller target to influence. DDR votes carry less weight when gov'ts weigh in. They read the forums as much as any DDR junkie, so the arguments can sometimes carry more weight. > -> **True Name:** As much as it pains me to admit, you have a point. +> True Name +> : As much as it pains me to admit, you have a point. > -> **Jonas:** When you get a chance, you and I can go into it more in depth, Yared. +> Jonas +> : When you get a chance, you and I can go into it more in depth, Yared. > -> **Yared:** Have some thoughts? +> Yared +> : Have some thoughts? > -> **Jonas:** I was a politician phys-side, so, yeah. +> Jonas +> : I was a politician phys-side, so, yeah. > -> **True Name:** WHAT +> True Name +> : WHAT > -> **True Name:** You are kidding. +> True Name +> : You are kidding. > -> **Jonas:** I'll have you know that she just punched me in the shoulder. +> Jonas +> : I'll have you know that she just punched me in the shoulder. > -> **True Name:** And I will do it again. Fucking gross. +> True Name +> : And I will do it again. Fucking gross. > -> **Jonas:** I'll have you know that she did, indeed, do it again. +> Jonas +> : I'll have you know that she did, indeed, do it again. Yared laughed. He was pleased to see them in good spirits. -> **Yared:** Don't beat him up too bad, True Name. He probably does have some good info, even if it is a few years old. +> Yared +> : Don't beat him up too bad, True Name. He probably does have some good info, even if it is a few years old. > -> **True Name:** ... +> True Name +> : ... > -> **True Name:** I GUESS +> True Name +> : I GUESS diff --git a/content/read/015.md b/content/read/015.md index baf80be..62b540a 100644 --- a/content/read/015.md +++ b/content/read/015.md @@ -5,118 +5,175 @@ On the reasons for vesting entirely in the launch Codrin Bălan#Pollux Systime: 201+25 1014 -> **Codrin Bălan#Pollux:** Before we get into the heavy stuff, how are you feeling? +> Codrin Bălan#Pollux +> : Before we get into the heavy stuff, how are you feeling? > -> **Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled#Pollux:** [laughter] You are going to have to be more specific, my dear. Do you mean my general disposition? +> Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled#Pollux +> : [laughter] You are going to have to be more specific, my dear. Do you mean my general disposition? > -> **Codrin:** Yes. I just want to see how you're feeling before all these discussions, then afterwards, I'll ask the same thing and we can see how the topic influences you. +> Codrin +> : Yes. I just want to see how you're feeling before all these discussions, then afterwards, I'll ask the same thing and we can see how the topic influences you. > -> **Dear:** Clever, clever. Well, I am feeling fine. It has been a good day, and it was a good night last night. For the record, I hosted a get-together of those interested in instance-art, so it was bound to tickle my fancy. +> Dear +> : Clever, clever. Well, I am feeling fine. It has been a good day, and it was a good night last night. For the record, I hosted a get-together of those interested in instance-art, so it was bound to tickle my fancy. > -> **Codrin:** Good. Have you noticed any difference in that realm of late? +> Codrin +> : Good. Have you noticed any difference in that realm of late? > -> **Dear:** No. +> Dear +> : No. > -> **Codrin:** Alr-- +> Codrin +> : Alr-- > -> **Dear:** I take that back. Sorry for interrupting. I take that back. I have noticed that about the same number of people showed up to the gathering as used to on the old System. +> Dear +> : I take that back. Sorry for interrupting. I take that back. I have noticed that about the same number of people showed up to the gathering as used to on the old System. > -> **Codrin:** How do you mean? +> Codrin +> : How do you mean? > -> **Dear:** Well, only a portion of us transferred, yes? I would have thought that this would have lowered the attendance at such events. I have also noticed, in looking around, that the majority of our fellow travellers are dispersionistas. +> Dear +> : Well, only a portion of us transferred, yes? I would have thought that this would have lowered the attendance at such events. I have also noticed, in looking around, that the majority of our fellow travellers are dispersionistas. > -> **Codrin:** I know that May Then My Name has some stats on that. It might be interesting to see. +> Codrin +> : I know that May Then My Name has some stats on that. It might be interesting to see. > -> **Dear:** [nodding] That would be interesting, yes. You had a goal for this interview, though, so shall we get to that? +> Dear +> : [nodding] That would be interesting, yes. You had a goal for this interview, though, so shall we get to that? > -> **Codrin:** Yes, might as well. I am curious, first, why you decided to travel on the launch. Was there anything in particular that drew you to the idea? +> Codrin +> : Yes, might as well. I am curious, first, why you decided to travel on the launch. Was there anything in particular that drew you to the idea? > -> **Dear:** Other than the fact that I am a hopeless romantic? [laughter] There were a few. I am a hopeless romantic, yes, and --- I will not actually be able to see them --- I want to see the stars. I want to be one of the lucky few, or few billion, who get to travel between them. Another is that, when one is functionally immortal, boredom is a very real problem. I do not like being bored, and after something like two hundred years sys-side, I was getting perilously close. +> Dear +> : Other than the fact that I am a hopeless romantic? [laughter] There were a few. I am a hopeless romantic, yes, and --- I will not actually be able to see them --- I want to see the stars. I want to be one of the lucky few, or few billion, who get to travel between them. Another is that, when one is functionally immortal, boredom is a very real problem. I do not like being bored, and after something like two hundred years sys-side, I was getting perilously close. > -> **Codrin:** So it's a sense of adventure? +> Codrin +> : So it's a sense of adventure? > -> **Dear:** I suppose, though that brings to mind something more active than this is, to me. I hear adventure and I think sneaking behind enemy lines or guns at dawn. It is a desire for the new and interesting. Not just that there be new and interesting things going on around me, but that those new and interesting things change me in some deep way. I like stasis even less than boredom, and uploads are at risk of falling into patterns familiar enough to be considered stasis. +> Dear +> : I suppose, though that brings to mind something more active than this is, to me. I hear adventure and I think sneaking behind enemy lines or guns at dawn. It is a desire for the new and interesting. Not just that there be new and interesting things going on around me, but that those new and interesting things change me in some deep way. I like stasis even less than boredom, and uploads are at risk of falling into patterns familiar enough to be considered stasis. > -> **Codrin:** Is there an aspect of being the first to do something involved? +> Codrin +> : Is there an aspect of being the first to do something involved? > -> **Dear:** Perhaps. I am not against being something other than the first, but I do like it when I am. +> Dear +> : Perhaps. I am not against being something other than the first, but I do like it when I am. > -> **Codrin:** Did you have other reasons for transferring? +> Codrin +> : Did you have other reasons for transferring? > -> **Dear:** A few, though they are less easily put to words. If you remember the Qoheleth business, there is some of that involved. I have been unable to forget what he said, and beyond the very literal sense that it was couched in. If we are doomed to forever remember everything, then the only way --- or perhaps one of the only ways --- to relegate something completely to memory is through inaccessibility. If I-- if all instances of Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled were to quit, then there would be no more objective instance of myself for others to remember. +> Dear +> : A few, though they are less easily put to words. If you remember the Qoheleth business, there is some of that involved. I have been unable to forget what he said, and beyond the very literal sense that it was couched in. If we are doomed to forever remember everything, then the only way --- or perhaps one of the only ways --- to relegate something completely to memory is through inaccessibility. If I-- if all instances of Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled were to quit, then there would be no more objective instance of myself for others to remember. > -> **Codrin:** I would prefer that you not. +> Codrin +> : I would prefer that you not. > -> **Dear:** [laughter] I have no plans on it. If exploring this strange mystery were a project, then I would not be served by not being around to complete it. The launch gives me a chance to do that very thing. +> Dear +> : [laughter] I have no plans on it. If exploring this strange mystery were a project, then I would not be served by not being around to complete it. The launch gives me a chance to do that very thing. > -> **Codrin:** Perhaps you could say that you would go from being someone who is remembered to someone who is missed? Does that sound like a fair assessment? +> Codrin +> : Perhaps you could say that you would go from being someone who is remembered to someone who is missed? Does that sound like a fair assessment? > -> **Dear:** [excited] Yes. Yes! That is it precisely. If we are doomed to forever remember everything, then the closest we can get to being forgotten is to turn memory into longing. +> Dear +> : [excited] Yes. Yes! That is it precisely. If we are doomed to forever remember everything, then the closest we can get to being forgotten is to turn memory into longing. > -> **Codrin:** You mentioned a few more reasons. Do you have others? +> Codrin +> : You mentioned a few more reasons. Do you have others? > -> **Dear:** Even less easily put to words. I like the idea of relativity. The faster we go, the more our perception of time will drift. I like the idea of the ever-increasing transmission times. Already, we are losing seconds and minutes to distance. I am interested to see what will happen to the population of a System that will no longer be receiving new uploads. Will we relax the taboos on finding ways to merge separate personalities into children? That would mean that we would be even closer to a new species, as the tired rationalizations go. Would the taboo of incest remain, and we will continue to frown on generating new minds from in-clade personalities? There are many questions to ask during this journey. +> Dear +> : Even less easily put to words. I like the idea of relativity. The faster we go, the more our perception of time will drift. I like the idea of the ever-increasing transmission times. Already, we are losing seconds and minutes to distance. I am interested to see what will happen to the population of a System that will no longer be receiving new uploads. Will we relax the taboos on finding ways to merge separate personalities into children? That would mean that we would be even closer to a new species, as the tired rationalizations go. Would the taboo of incest remain, and we will continue to frown on generating new minds from in-clade personalities? There are many questions to ask during this journey. > -> **Codrin:** And we will have time to do so. +> Codrin +> : And we will have time to do so. > -> **Dear:** [laughter] Yes, we will. +> Dear +> : [laughter] Yes, we will. > -> **Codrin:** Can you speak to your decision to invest your instance solely into the launches? You left no immediate forks back on the L5 System, correct? +> Codrin +> : Can you speak to your decision to invest your instance solely into the launches? You left no immediate forks back on the L5 System, correct? > -> **Dear:** [tense, sober] Correct, I left no forks behind. I have two main reasons for doing so, one more personal than the other. +> Dear +> : [tense, sober] Correct, I left no forks behind. I have two main reasons for doing so, one more personal than the other. > -> **Codrin:** Perhaps we can stick to the less personal one for now. +> Codrin +> : Perhaps we can stick to the less personal one for now. > -> **Dear:** I will tell you both, as long as I am able to add one condition. +> Dear +> : I will tell you both, as long as I am able to add one condition. > -> **Codrin:** Of course. I'll honor that as best I'm able, and if I'm not able to, we can pass on that reason. +> Codrin +> : Of course. I'll honor that as best I'm able, and if I'm not able to, we can pass on that reason. > -> **Dear:** Thank you, dear. You may transfer this interview in its entirety, but you and Ioan may not use the second reason in your histories. May Then My Name Die With Me may use it in her mythology, as long as it is not associated with my name or clade. +> Dear +> : Thank you, dear. You may transfer this interview in its entirety, but you and Ioan may not use the second reason in your histories. May Then My Name Die With Me may use it in her mythology, as long as it is not associated with my name or clade. > -> **Codrin:** Certainly. I can honor that. Would you like me to get confirmation from Ioan? +> Codrin +> : Certainly. I can honor that. Would you like me to get confirmation from Ioan? > -> **Dear:** [laughter] You are not so different from em yet. I trust that if you agree that ey will as well. Though Ioan, when you read this, please imagine a sly smirk or quippy saying or well-placed 'fuck' when I see your face fall at the request that your history be incomplete. +> Dear +> : [laughter] You are not so different from em yet. I trust that if you agree that ey will as well. Though Ioan, when you read this, please imagine a sly smirk or quippy saying or well-placed 'fuck' when I see your face fall at the request that your history be incomplete. > -> **Codrin:** [laughter] Even I'm feeling disappointed now. +> Codrin +> : [laughter] Even I'm feeling disappointed now. > -> **Dear:** You historians, tsk. Anyhow, the first, less personal reason is this: I mentioned that it would be interesting to explore what it means to be missed as an analog to forgetting. I want someone to miss me. +> Dear +> : You historians, tsk. Anyhow, the first, less personal reason is this: I mentioned that it would be interesting to explore what it means to be missed as an analog to forgetting. I want someone to miss me. > -> **Codrin:** Do you worry that you won't be missed, on some level? +> Codrin +> : Do you worry that you won't be missed, on some level? > -> **Dear:** [long pause] I am not comfortable answering that question. +> Dear +> : [long pause] I am not comfortable answering that question. > -> **Codrin:** I understand. Let me ask this instead-- +> Codrin +> : I understand. Let me ask this instead-- > -> **Dear:** I have changed my mind, but Codrin, I love you dearly, but fuck you for making me cry. +> Dear +> : I have changed my mind, but Codrin, I love you dearly, but fuck you for making me cry. > -> **Codrin:** I'm sorry, Dear. Do you want to stop? +> Codrin +> : I'm sorry, Dear. Do you want to stop? > -> **Dear:** No, no. That is my choice usage of 'fuck' for the interview. [laughter, short break in interview] Okay. Early on in the System, some wag, when pressed to build a library, uploaded every single book they could get their hands on, legally or otherwise, into the perisystem architecture, going all the way back to the Epic of Gilgamesh. When I was forked and still trying to figure out ways to play with instances, I went on a tear of reading biographical works, going through dozens of books at a time, hunting for little moments that could be used, somehow, in an exhibition. +> Dear +> : No, no. That is my choice usage of 'fuck' for the interview. [laughter, short break in interview] Okay. Early on in the System, some wag, when pressed to build a library, uploaded every single book they could get their hands on, legally or otherwise, into the perisystem architecture, going all the way back to the Epic of Gilgamesh. When I was forked and still trying to figure out ways to play with instances, I went on a tear of reading biographical works, going through dozens of books at a time, hunting for little moments that could be used, somehow, in an exhibition. > -> **Dear:** I came across a book of essays from goodness knows how long ago, and I was so taken aback by one part in particular that I snipped it out and stored it in an exo. Ah, let me find the correct part [pause] Okay. "Should you happen to be possessed of a certain verbal acuity coupled with a relentless, hair-trigger humor and surface cheer spackling over a chronic melancholia and loneliness --- a grotesquely caricatured version of your deepest self, which you trot out at the slightest provocation to endearing and glib comic effect, thus rendering you the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none, all of it to distract, however fleetingly, from the cold and dead-faced truth that with each passing year you face the unavoidable certainty of a solitary future in which you will perish one day". +> Dear +> : I came across a book of essays from goodness knows how long ago, and I was so taken aback by one part in particular that I snipped it out and stored it in an exo. Ah, let me find the correct part [pause] Okay. "Should you happen to be possessed of a certain verbal acuity coupled with a relentless, hair-trigger humor and surface cheer spackling over a chronic melancholia and loneliness --- a grotesquely caricatured version of your deepest self, which you trot out at the slightest provocation to endearing and glib comic effect, thus rendering you the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none, all of it to distract, however fleetingly, from the cold and dead-faced truth that with each passing year you face the unavoidable certainty of a solitary future in which you will perish one day". > -> **Dear:** I worry sometimes that, as a public personality, first as Michelle Hadje, then as an Odist, and now as an artist with an ebullient personality and the aforementioned "verbal acuity coupled with a relentless, hair-trigger humor and surface cheer" *et cetera, et cetera,* that I... [pause] Okay. [pause] Okay. I sometimes worry that I, as those things, fall into the category of "beloved by all yet loved by none". +> Dear +> : I worry sometimes that, as a public personality, first as Michelle Hadje, then as an Odist, and now as an artist with an ebullient personality and the aforementioned "verbal acuity coupled with a relentless, hair-trigger humor and surface cheer" *et cetera, et cetera,* that I... [pause] Okay. [pause] Okay. I sometimes worry that I, as those things, fall into the category of "beloved by all yet loved by none". > -> **Codrin:** *I* love you, Dear. +> Codrin +> : *I* love you, Dear. > -> **Dear:** [waving paw, tears] This was not supposed to be the personal part of the interview. Codrin, Ioan, please just say that I want someone to miss me, that I want to haunt the L5 System as some quiet ghost who communicates in words from light-years away and memories that you will never forget. I want to haunt you because that is one thing I cannot do without merging into oblivion. I want to be missed. +> Dear +> : [waving paw, tears] This was not supposed to be the personal part of the interview. Codrin, Ioan, please just say that I want someone to miss me, that I want to haunt the L5 System as some quiet ghost who communicates in words from light-years away and memories that you will never forget. I want to haunt you because that is one thing I cannot do without merging into oblivion. I want to be missed. > -> **Codrin:** Perhaps here is a good place to stop. +> Codrin +> : Perhaps here is a good place to stop. > -> **Dear:** The second reason is short. +> Dear +> : The second reason is short. > -> **Codrin:** Okay. +> Codrin +> : Okay. > -> **Dear:** And this is for the myth only. +> Dear +> : And this is for the myth only. > -> **Codrin:** Right. +> Codrin +> : Right. > -> **Dear:** I want to die. +> Dear +> : I want to die. > -> **Codrin:** Dear, I-- +> Codrin +> : Dear, I-- > -> **Dear:** I am sorry, my dear. I should have prefaced that. I want to die eventually. I do not want to quit, I do not want to be killed. But you must understand, by the whims of gravity, both Castor and Pollux will eventually be captured by a sun or a black hole or whatever the fuck is out there, and they will be destroyed. And even if not, the power source will die, or the factories will not be able to manufacture replacements or some other technobabble bullshit. There is no suicide in me, nor any desire to be murdered, but I want to experience-- Ah, Codrin, I am sorry. I love you. I am so sorry. I will stop. +> Dear +> : I am sorry, my dear. I should have prefaced that. I want to die eventually. I do not want to quit, I do not want to be killed. But you must understand, by the whims of gravity, both Castor and Pollux will eventually be captured by a sun or a black hole or whatever the fuck is out there, and they will be destroyed. And even if not, the power source will die, or the factories will not be able to manufacture replacements or some other technobabble bullshit. There is no suicide in me, nor any desire to be murdered, but I want to experience-- Ah, Codrin, I am sorry. I love you. I am so sorry. I will stop. > -> **Codrin:** Let's go inside, please. +> Codrin +> : Let's go inside, please. **Transcript ends, no closing remarks** diff --git a/content/read/017.md b/content/read/017.md index 7ca513f..366df28 100644 --- a/content/read/017.md +++ b/content/read/017.md @@ -228,16 +228,16 @@ I'm trying to hold back on replying to you in the same emotionally inundated sta Thank you as always, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. -Douglas Hadje, MSf, PhD -Launch director - -Digital signatures: - -* Douglas Hadje -* Launch commission: - * de - * Jonathan Finnes - * Thomas Nash - * Woo Hye-won - * Hasnaa +> Douglas Hadje, MSf, PhD +> Launch director +> +> Digital signatures: +> +> * Douglas Hadje +> * Launch commission: +> * de +> * Jonathan Finnes +> * Thomas Nash +> * Woo Hye-won +> * Hasnaa diff --git a/content/read/022.md b/content/read/022.md index 23fcebb..6c5009c 100644 --- a/content/read/022.md +++ b/content/read/022.md @@ -42,196 +42,282 @@ Having walked back to the sunward hub, he finished the trip to his room in the h His implants buzzed as he walked into his room, and a glance at the corner of his HUD showed a message-received icon. He'd turned off his HUD for the non-errand and the walk through the station, but now that he saw it, saw that it originated sys-side, he tossed his suit bag onto the bed and dashed over to his rig. -> **May Then My Name Die With Me:** Douglas! Ioan and I are available today. If you have some time, we would like to talk with you. +> May Then My Name Die With Me +> : Douglas! Ioan and I are available today. If you have some time, we would like to talk with you. This, at least, was something pleasant to distract himself from his unearned grief. -> **Douglas Hadje:** I'm available for the next few hours before I should probably go to bed. Let me know when you're around. +> Douglas Hadje +> : I'm available for the next few hours before I should probably go to bed. Let me know when you're around. > The reply was almost immediate. > -> **Ioan Bălan:** Douglas, nice to meet you! May Then My Name is forking, she'll be here in a moment. +> Ioan Bălan +> : Douglas, nice to meet you! May Then My Name is forking, she'll be here in a moment. > -> **May Then My Name:** I am here! Glad you could make it. How are you out there? Enjoying the cold vacuum of space? +> May Then My Name +> : I am here! Glad you could make it. How are you out there? Enjoying the cold vacuum of space? He frowned, quelling the suspicion that they had known of his EVA. > -> **Douglas:** The station is a perfectly comfortable 20C at all times. If ever it gets cold, I'm probably in trouble. +> Douglas +> : The station is a perfectly comfortable 20C at all times. If ever it gets cold, I'm probably in trouble. > -> **May Then My Name:** Boring. +> May Then My Name +> : Boring. > -> **Ioan:** Don't listen to her. Are you doing well? +> Ioan +> : Don't listen to her. Are you doing well? > -> **Douglas:** As well as I can. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my time. I've gone on a few not-super-necessary EVAs to just look at the stars or the System or whatever. I really should take up knitting. Oh! And nice to meet you as well. +> Douglas +> : As well as I can. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my time. I've gone on a few not-super-necessary EVAs to just look at the stars or the System or whatever. I really should take up knitting. Oh! And nice to meet you as well. > -> **Douglas:** How are you two? +> Douglas +> : How are you two? > -> **Ioan:** Fine, here. Very busy. We're conducting interviews all across the System, as well as coordinating with those who are doing the same on the LVs. +> Ioan +> : Fine, here. Very busy. We're conducting interviews all across the System, as well as coordinating with those who are doing the same on the LVs. > -> **May Then My Name:** Ioan is doing the interviews and coordination, I am eating all of his food and leaving the dishes out. +> May Then My Name +> : Ioan is doing the interviews and coordination, I am eating all of his food and leaving the dishes out. > -> **Ioan:** She's been working, too. She's probably got the larger project ahead of her than I do. +> Ioan +> : She's been working, too. She's probably got the larger project ahead of her than I do. > -> **Douglas:** You sound like you're having fun, so I'll take that as a good sign. What did you want to talk about? +> Douglas +> : You sound like you're having fun, so I'll take that as a good sign. What did you want to talk about? > -> **May Then My Name:** Your questions. I thought that it would be more comfortable to do so as a conversation rather than over mail. Certainly more organic. +> May Then My Name +> : Your questions. I thought that it would be more comfortable to do so as a conversation rather than over mail. Certainly more organic. > -> **Douglas:** Alright, where do you want to start? +> Douglas +> : Alright, where do you want to start? > -> **May Then My Name:** Perhaps it would be easiest for Ioan and I to answer a whole bunch of your questions at once. They are mostly biographical, and I think that a few paragraphs from each of us will cover most of them. +> May Then My Name +> : Perhaps it would be easiest for Ioan and I to answer a whole bunch of your questions at once. They are mostly biographical, and I think that a few paragraphs from each of us will cover most of them. > -> **May Then My Name:** We have flipped a coin, and it was decided that I will go first. +> May Then My Name +> : We have flipped a coin, and it was decided that I will go first. > -> **May Then My Name:** I uploaded back in the early 2100s, back when the System was small and full of dreamers, weirdos, and people like you and Ioan who spend all of their time thinking. Before that, I was a teacher, though towards the end of my phys-side tenure and for some time after, I became involved in politics. I grew up in the central corridor of North America, in the Western Federation. As with everyone, I do not think that I have an accent, though after some trouble with my implants before I uploaded, I found that some speech and thought patterns had changed, and since then, language and I have had a complicated relationship. We could have worked to change it, my cocladists and I, but why bother? +> May Then My Name +> : I uploaded back in the early 2100s, back when the System was small and full of dreamers, weirdos, and people like you and Ioan who spend all of their time thinking. Before that, I was a teacher, though towards the end of my phys-side tenure and for some time after, I became involved in politics. I grew up in the central corridor of North America, in the Western Federation. As with everyone, I do not think that I have an accent, though after some trouble with my implants before I uploaded, I found that some speech and thought patterns had changed, and since then, language and I have had a complicated relationship. We could have worked to change it, my cocladists and I, but why bother? > -> **May Then My Name:** You ask about dissolution strategies (tasker, tracker, dispersionista): you are correct that they apply to the ways in which an individual forks. They are not hard and fast categories, but rather a set of patterns that we have noticed over the years and applied names and numbers to. Taskers will fork only very rarely, and then for a specific task, merging back into the root instance immediately afterward. Trackers fork more frequently, and may maintain forks over a longer period of time. The reasons for forking may vary --- Ioan is a tracker, ey will explain more --- but the forks almost always follow a single line of thought or relationship or what have you to its logical end before merging back. Dispersionistas are those who fork for fun, spinning off new personalities and maybe merging them back, maybe not. My clade, the Ode clade, falls somewhere between tracker and dispersionista: we fork frequently for many temporary purposes, but maintain a relatively small permanent clade of around 100 instances. +> May Then My Name +> : You ask about dissolution strategies (tasker, tracker, dispersionista): you are correct that they apply to the ways in which an individual forks. They are not hard and fast categories, but rather a set of patterns that we have noticed over the years and applied names and numbers to. Taskers will fork only very rarely, and then for a specific task, merging back into the root instance immediately afterward. Trackers fork more frequently, and may maintain forks over a longer period of time. The reasons for forking may vary --- Ioan is a tracker, ey will explain more --- but the forks almost always follow a single line of thought or relationship or what have you to its logical end before merging back. Dispersionistas are those who fork for fun, spinning off new personalities and maybe merging them back, maybe not. My clade, the Ode clade, falls somewhere between tracker and dispersionista: we fork frequently for many temporary purposes, but maintain a relatively small permanent clade of around 100 instances. > -> **May Then My Name:** Is that clear? I can answer questions about this until the cows upload. +> May Then My Name +> : Is that clear? I can answer questions about this until the cows upload. > -> **Douglas:** I think so. It made sense when you called them 'dissolution strategies', which makes me think of dissolving into a solution. +> Douglas +> : I think so. It made sense when you called them 'dissolution strategies', which makes me think of dissolving into a solution. > -> **May Then My Name:** Basically. We all enjoy dissolution (or not) in different ways. Those are lazy categories to bucketize vague trends. They are similar in some ways to political divisions: one may identify with a political label, even if one's actual political inclinations may be more complicated than that label implies. +> May Then My Name +> : Basically. We all enjoy dissolution (or not) in different ways. Those are lazy categories to bucketize vague trends. They are similar in some ways to political divisions: one may identify with a political label, even if one's actual political inclinations may be more complicated than that label implies. > -> **Ioan:** And all dispersionistas are all bleeding heart liberals or weirdo artists. +> Ioan +> : And all dispersionistas are all bleeding heart liberals or weirdo artists. > -> **May Then My Name:** To a one, yes. +> May Then My Name +> : To a one, yes. > -> **Ioan:** I fall more into the tracker camp. I pick up projects such as this one or researching a book or something, and let a fork work on those. I --- my #Tracker instance, as it's called --- or my forks may create extra instances for smaller tasks along the way, but it gets to be too much for me to deal with after a certain point, and the slow divergence of personalities feels uncomfortable. I have three forks out there now, one for collating data from each LV, and one for conducting interviews here while I write. That number goes up and down as needed. +> Ioan +> : I fall more into the tracker camp. I pick up projects such as this one or researching a book or something, and let a fork work on those. I --- my #Tracker instance, as it's called --- or my forks may create extra instances for smaller tasks along the way, but it gets to be too much for me to deal with after a certain point, and the slow divergence of personalities feels uncomfortable. I have three forks out there now, one for collating data from each LV, and one for conducting interviews here while I write. That number goes up and down as needed. > -> **Douglas:** Makes sense to me. +> Douglas +> : Makes sense to me. > -> **May Then My Name:** Do you have a sense of how you will approach this when you upload? +> May Then My Name +> : Do you have a sense of how you will approach this when you upload? > -> **Douglas:** Good question. I'm only just now learning about it, so it's hard for me to say for sure, but I think I'm with Ioan on this. It sounds like it'd get confusing after a while. +> Douglas +> : Good question. I'm only just now learning about it, so it's hard for me to say for sure, but I think I'm with Ioan on this. It sounds like it'd get confusing after a while. > -> **Ioan:** Oh, it does. When there are ten different Mays running around, I'd be hard pressed to tell them apart. +> Ioan +> : Oh, it does. When there are ten different Mays running around, I'd be hard pressed to tell them apart. > -> **May Then My Name:** I need to keep you on your toes somehow. +> May Then My Name +> : I need to keep you on your toes somehow. > -> **Ioan:** Or step on them. +> Ioan +> : Or step on them. > -> **Douglas:** Is that a common thing? That many May Then My Names? +> Douglas +> : Is that a common thing? That many May Then My Names? > -> **Douglas:** Would it be too personal of me to just call you May, by the way? +> Douglas +> : Would it be too personal of me to just call you May, by the way? > -> **May Then My Name:** 'May' is a pet name reserved for those with whom I am closest. I ask that you please stick with May Then My Name. +> May Then My Name +> : 'May' is a pet name reserved for those with whom I am closest. I ask that you please stick with May Then My Name. > -> **Douglas:** Alright. Apologies if I overstepped. +> Douglas +> : Alright. Apologies if I overstepped. > -> **May Then My Name:** Accepted! Thank you for asking. But yes, it is common that I will spin off a bunch of instances for this or that. I have a tendency to fork when I get excited. That is not terribly relevant, though. +> May Then My Name +> : Accepted! Thank you for asking. But yes, it is common that I will spin off a bunch of instances for this or that. I have a tendency to fork when I get excited. That is not terribly relevant, though. > -> **Ioan:** You asked about what it's like being a historian on the System. It's not quite the information haven that I think you're imagining. All of that vast wealth of data is technically there, but it exists in the perisystem architecture, and finding one's way around there can be something of a pain. Our role becomes one of researcher and librarian as much as historian. Besides, the goal of a historian isn't always to dig up long lost artifacts or writing or whatever, but rather to make sense of what is there. Take all that info and make a story out of it. +> Ioan +> : You asked about what it's like being a historian on the System. It's not quite the information haven that I think you're imagining. All of that vast wealth of data is technically there, but it exists in the perisystem architecture, and finding one's way around there can be something of a pain. Our role becomes one of researcher and librarian as much as historian. Besides, the goal of a historian isn't always to dig up long lost artifacts or writing or whatever, but rather to make sense of what is there. Take all that info and make a story out of it. > -> **Ioan:** Do keep in mind that I'm not strictly a historian. I'm mostly a writer, and my role can vary from historical research to something more akin to anthropology like this current situation, to something almost like a journalist, where I watch something happen and build a coherent story out of it. +> Ioan +> : Do keep in mind that I'm not strictly a historian. I'm mostly a writer, and my role can vary from historical research to something more akin to anthropology like this current situation, to something almost like a journalist, where I watch something happen and build a coherent story out of it. > -> **May Then My Name:** That is how ey came to work with our clade and thus the Launch project. Ey had done some observing with one of my cocladists, and it recommended em to us for this task. +> May Then My Name +> : That is how ey came to work with our clade and thus the Launch project. Ey had done some observing with one of my cocladists, and it recommended em to us for this task. > -> **Ioan:** As for my biography, before I lose the thread, I uploaded in the 2230s after growing up in south-central Europe. I uploaded after a short stint in university where, yes, I studied history. My parents died, and I am not built for a life with death in it, so I headed sys-side to allow my siblings to attend school. +> Ioan +> : As for my biography, before I lose the thread, I uploaded in the 2230s after growing up in south-central Europe. I uploaded after a short stint in university where, yes, I studied history. My parents died, and I am not built for a life with death in it, so I headed sys-side to allow my siblings to attend school. > -> **May Then My Name:** Oh, Ioan. That is the first I have heard of this. +> May Then My Name +> : Oh, Ioan. That is the first I have heard of this. > -> **Ioan:** It's been almost a century, I've come to terms with it. We can talk about it another time, though, if you're interested. +> Ioan +> : It's been almost a century, I've come to terms with it. We can talk about it another time, though, if you're interested. > -> **Ioan:** You ask about universities here. There are quite a few organizations that fill that role, most of which are hyper-focused on specific fields. I worked with a history and anthropology institute for a while, and actually missed one of May's cocladists while working with an institute for art and design. +> Ioan +> : You ask about universities here. There are quite a few organizations that fill that role, most of which are hyper-focused on specific fields. I worked with a history and anthropology institute for a while, and actually missed one of May's cocladists while working with an institute for art and design. Douglas frowned at his terminal. That was the second time Ioan had referred to May Then My Name as that pet name 'May', but he couldn't think of a polite way to ask what that meant about how close they were. -> **Douglas:** That makes sense. I imagine there has to be some structure in place. I know that you can't upload before you turn 18, but I imagine a lot of people still want to learn things that interest them after. +> Douglas +> : That makes sense. I imagine there has to be some structure in place. I know that you can't upload before you turn 18, but I imagine a lot of people still want to learn things that interest them after. > -> **Ioan:** Very much so. We have to make our own fun. +> Ioan +> : Very much so. We have to make our own fun. > -> **May Then My Name:** 'Fun', ey says. +> May Then My Name +> : 'Fun', ey says. > -> **May Then My Name:** Douglas, Ioan could have fun organizing eir pen collection. +> May Then My Name +> : Douglas, Ioan could have fun organizing eir pen collection. > -> **Ioan:** Can and do. +> Ioan +> : Can and do. > -> **Ioan:** You'll have to forgive the silliness, Douglas. It's been a long day for us. +> Ioan +> : You'll have to forgive the silliness, Douglas. It's been a long day for us. > -> **Douglas:** It's okay. I'm glad that there's still fun to be had sys-side. +> Douglas +> : It's okay. I'm glad that there's still fun to be had sys-side. > -> **May Then My Name:** Oh, plenty! +> May Then My Name +> : Oh, plenty! > -> **May Then My Name:** Now, you also asked after Michelle. +> May Then My Name +> : Now, you also asked after Michelle. His stomach sank. He considered what to type back, but decided instead on waiting for May Then My Name to continue, lest he get too emotional again. -> **May Then My Name:** First of all, you asked if I ever met her. I had the chance to meet her a handful of times. I would not call her famous, *per se*, but many do remember her as one of the founders. She was +> May Then My Name +> : First of all, you asked if I ever met her. I had the chance to meet her a handful of times. I would not call her famous, *per se*, but many do remember her as one of the founders. She was > -> **May Then My Name:** Well. +> May Then My Name +> : Well. > -> **May Then My Name:** I want to say that she was old. I am only a little bit younger than she was, in the grand scheme of things, but some of her experiences prior to uploading left a mark on her, and time was not kind to her in that regard. Though aging is not really something that we need to worry about, sys-side, she seemed to have aged every one of those two centuries. +> May Then My Name +> : I want to say that she was old. I am only a little bit younger than she was, in the grand scheme of things, but some of her experiences prior to uploading left a mark on her, and time was not kind to her in that regard. Though aging is not really something that we need to worry about, sys-side, she seemed to have aged every one of those two centuries. > -> **Douglas:** What did she look like, at that age? +> Douglas +> : What did she look like, at that age? > -> **May Then My Name:** You misunderstand, or I misspeak. She looked much as she did when she uploaded, but that pre-upload trauma meant that she felt all two hundred of those years. If you go through an event that makes 80% of your days bad days, then that means that you wind up with 58400 bad days through the years. That will wear on one. +> May Then My Name +> : You misunderstand, or I misspeak. She looked much as she did when she uploaded, but that pre-upload trauma meant that she felt all two hundred of those years. If you go through an event that makes 80% of your days bad days, then that means that you wind up with 58400 bad days through the years. That will wear on one. > -> **Douglas:** I don't know what to say. +> Douglas +> : I don't know what to say. > -> **Douglas:** I'm sorry to hear that about her. +> Douglas +> : I'm sorry to hear that about her. > -> **Douglas:** Is that a common experience sys-side? +> Douglas +> : Is that a common experience sys-side? > -> **May Then My Name:** Not that common, no, and hers was unique. +> May Then My Name +> : Not that common, no, and hers was unique. > -> **May Then My Name:** Every now and then, one of us will get tired of functional immortality and decide to just quit their instance --- that is what she did --- and disappear off the System. I do not begrudge her that. +> May Then My Name +> : Every now and then, one of us will get tired of functional immortality and decide to just quit their instance --- that is what she did --- and disappear off the System. I do not begrudge her that. > -> **Ioan:** I'm sorry for your loss, Douglas. +> Ioan +> : I'm sorry for your loss, Douglas. He had to blink away tears in order to reply, and then did so quickly, hitting send before his courage failed him. -> **Douglas:** I'm really torn up about this. I don't even know why. I never met her, know basically nothing about her, and have apparently been thinking about someone as though they were alive, when in reality, they've been dead for two decades. How can I possibly miss her? But I do! I miss her and feel like I'm in mourning, and then I feel guilty over the fact that I'm grieving this person who never knew me. +> Douglas +> : I'm really torn up about this. I don't even know why. I never met her, know basically nothing about her, and have apparently been thinking about someone as though they were alive, when in reality, they've been dead for two decades. How can I possibly miss her? But I do! I miss her and feel like I'm in mourning, and then I feel guilty over the fact that I'm grieving this person who never knew me. > -> **Douglas:** I'm sorry. +> Douglas +> : I'm sorry. > -> **Douglas:** That just all came at once, sorry. +> Douglas +> : That just all came at once, sorry. > -> **Douglas:** I'm sorry. +> Douglas +> : I'm sorry. > -> **May Then My Name:** Douglas, let me tell you a story. +> May Then My Name +> : Douglas, let me tell you a story. > -> **May Then My Name:** One of the times I had the chance to meet Michelle, I visited her sim with her. She had not built herself a house or anything, like most do, but instead built for herself an endless green field of rolling hills. Except, that, rather than letting that field be perfect, it was absolutely covered with dandelions. Weeds, basically. It was not that it was some weeded lot, but that it was a field of very obviously well-kept grass, dotted every few feet with these clusters of perfectly imperfect flowers, little suns peeking up out of their spray of leaves. +> May Then My Name +> : One of the times I had the chance to meet Michelle, I visited her sim with her. She had not built herself a house or anything, like most do, but instead built for herself an endless green field of rolling hills. Except, that, rather than letting that field be perfect, it was absolutely covered with dandelions. Weeds, basically. It was not that it was some weeded lot, but that it was a field of very obviously well-kept grass, dotted every few feet with these clusters of perfectly imperfect flowers, little suns peeking up out of their spray of leaves. > -> **May Then My Name:** From what you say of Earth, a field of well-kept grass would be incredibly rare, and so I imagine that you understand what it would mean for something so pristine to become filled with these flowers that everyone considered a nuisance. +> May Then My Name +> : From what you say of Earth, a field of well-kept grass would be incredibly rare, and so I imagine that you understand what it would mean for something so pristine to become filled with these flowers that everyone considered a nuisance. > -> **May Then My Name:** But Michelle was obsessed with them. She loved their smell, and loved how bright they stood out against the grass. There it was, this amazing field of the richest grass that invited one to roll in it, and it was dotted with these intensely yellow flowers. +> May Then My Name +> : But Michelle was obsessed with them. She loved their smell, and loved how bright they stood out against the grass. There it was, this amazing field of the richest grass that invited one to roll in it, and it was dotted with these intensely yellow flowers. > -> **May Then My Name:** Her sim was intentional in its imperfections. It was a dialectic. It was a koan, a contradiction in which sat a kernel of universal truth, understood only when one realized that both sides of that contradiction could be true at the same time. +> May Then My Name +> : Her sim was intentional in its imperfections. It was a dialectic. It was a koan, a contradiction in which sat a kernel of universal truth, understood only when one realized that both sides of that contradiction could be true at the same time. > -> **May Then My Name:** I did not know why she invited me over to her sim to meet with me, rather than meet up at some cafe or park or office, but when I arrived, I saw that she seemed to be having a bad day, as so many of hers were. When she had a bad day, it was visible in her very body. She would flicker between two different forms, like one might flicker between two different avatars on the 'net. I am still not sure how that worked, as it was generally a violation of the norms, but no one ever called her on it, no System process ever made her stop. +> May Then My Name +> : I did not know why she invited me over to her sim to meet with me, rather than meet up at some cafe or park or office, but when I arrived, I saw that she seemed to be having a bad day, as so many of hers were. When she had a bad day, it was visible in her very body. She would flicker between two different forms, like one might flicker between two different avatars on the 'net. I am still not sure how that worked, as it was generally a violation of the norms, but no one ever called her on it, no System process ever made her stop. > -> **May Then My Name:** I asked her about the field as we sat down on the side of a low hill, and she picked one of those dandelions. It was perfect. They have hollow stems, and the walls ooze a sticky, white latex when the stem is broken, and even that was perfect in the sim. She picked the flower and smelled it, then handed it to me. "When I was in school," she told me. "My friends and I would go sit in the grass above the football field and talk, and at least once a year when we did that, I would pick a dandelion and tell them that I always thought they smelled like muffins. They would always laugh." +> May Then My Name +> : I asked her about the field as we sat down on the side of a low hill, and she picked one of those dandelions. It was perfect. They have hollow stems, and the walls ooze a sticky, white latex when the stem is broken, and even that was perfect in the sim. She picked the flower and smelled it, then handed it to me. "When I was in school," she told me. "My friends and I would go sit in the grass above the football field and talk, and at least once a year when we did that, I would pick a dandelion and tell them that I always thought they smelled like muffins. They would always laugh." > -> **May Then My Name:** And then she got real quiet and we sat there for what must have been an hour before she spoke again, "How silly, that that is the one thing that I remember most clearly. Sitting in the grass, smelling flowers with my friends." +> May Then My Name +> : And then she got real quiet and we sat there for what must have been an hour before she spoke again, "How silly, that that is the one thing that I remember most clearly. Sitting in the grass, smelling flowers with my friends." > -> **May Then My Name:** Scent, I have been told, bears the strongest ties to memory, and this defined her in some undefinable way. We got to our business after that, but I remember smelling that flower and thinking, "Well, what do you know, it does smell like muffins." +> May Then My Name +> : Scent, I have been told, bears the strongest ties to memory, and this defined her in some undefinable way. We got to our business after that, but I remember smelling that flower and thinking, "Well, what do you know, it does smell like muffins." > -> **May Then My Name:** I do not know if Michelle would have liked you or if you would have liked her. I do not know if you would have felt any connection for each other, or felt like family. What I do know is that she was every bit the person you imagine her to be. Fully realized and with every bit of story that you must have imagined for her over the years. She was real. She was complex. She thought about her friends, two hundred years gone, and how they laughed. +> May Then My Name +> : I do not know if Michelle would have liked you or if you would have liked her. I do not know if you would have felt any connection for each other, or felt like family. What I do know is that she was every bit the person you imagine her to be. Fully realized and with every bit of story that you must have imagined for her over the years. She was real. She was complex. She thought about her friends, two hundred years gone, and how they laughed. > -> **May Then My Name:** You may not have had the chance to meet her, to talk to her, but you very much knew her, in your own way. +> May Then My Name +> : You may not have had the chance to meet her, to talk to her, but you very much knew her, in your own way. It was a long time before Douglas was able to respond, and both Ioan and May Then My Name kept quiet. He didn't feel like they were expecting him to reply or that he was keeping them waiting while he let all that pent-up emotion out at once. They were simply holding space for him. -> **Douglas:** Thank you for that. I don't know if we would've felt like family, either, but I am incredibly happy that I got the chance to hear you talk about her. +> Douglas +> : Thank you for that. I don't know if we would've felt like family, either, but I am incredibly happy that I got the chance to hear you talk about her. > -> **May Then My Name:** You do not need to justify your grief, Douglas. You are allowed to feel it. Give yourself permission. You have my permission, as well. +> May Then My Name +> : You do not need to justify your grief, Douglas. You are allowed to feel it. Give yourself permission. You have my permission, as well. > -> **Ioan:** How about we call it here for now? There will be plenty of time for questions coming up, and I'm sure we'll all have our lists to bring to the next time we can chat. +> Ioan +> : How about we call it here for now? There will be plenty of time for questions coming up, and I'm sure we'll all have our lists to bring to the next time we can chat. > -> **Ioan:** Take care of yourself, Douglas. May's right. You're allowed to mourn. It's the healthy thing to do. +> Ioan +> : Take care of yourself, Douglas. May's right. You're allowed to mourn. It's the healthy thing to do. > -> **Ioan:** Besides, May made herself cry and I don't think she's going to be good for much more tonight. +> Ioan +> : Besides, May made herself cry and I don't think she's going to be good for much more tonight. > -> **May Then My Name:** Ioan I swear to god. +> May Then My Name +> : Ioan I swear to god. > -> **May Then My Name:** I am going to eat crackers in your bed and put sand in your shoes. +> May Then My Name +> : I am going to eat crackers in your bed and put sand in your shoes. Douglas laughed in spite of himself. -> **Douglas:** Thank you both, then. I really mean it. Ping me whenever, and I'll get to it as soon as I can. +> Douglas +> : Thank you both, then. I really mean it. Ping me whenever, and I'll get to it as soon as I can. After they said their goodbyes and he put his terminal to sleep, he turned out the lights, stripped out of his clothes, and climbed into bed. He was prepared to let emotions overtake him, but where that knot of feelings had formed within him was now only calm. He wasn't through it, he suspected, but at least he was able to untangle some of that grief tonight. diff --git a/content/read/028.md b/content/read/028.md index 22970dd..9e4ef76 100644 --- a/content/read/028.md +++ b/content/read/028.md @@ -1,191 +1,286 @@ # Yared Zerezghi --- 2124 -> **Yared Zerezghi:** I'm going to come clean right up front: I shouldn't be telling you this. +> Yared Zerezghi +> : I'm going to come clean right up front: I shouldn't be telling you this. > -> **Jonas Prime:** Okay hold up. +> Jonas Prime +> : Okay hold up. > -> **Jonas:** Before you actually tell us, I want to know why. +> Jonas +> : Before you actually tell us, I want to know why. > -> **The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream:** As do I. +> The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream +> : As do I. > -> **True Name:** I am sure you have your reasons, but if you need us to talk you out of it, we can do that, too. +> True Name +> : I am sure you have your reasons, but if you need us to talk you out of it, we can do that, too. > -> **Yared:** Uh. Well, I wasn't *specifically* told not to tell you, but I was left under the impression that I shouldn't be talking to you about this sort of stuff. Still, I've done my reading, and the line to the System is about as secure as it gets, and after all this time, I trust you well enough that you won't do anything crazy with the information, and that it'll probably help you in the end, as you work through all this sys-side. +> Yared +> : Uh. Well, I wasn't *specifically* told not to tell you, but I was left under the impression that I shouldn't be talking to you about this sort of stuff. Still, I've done my reading, and the line to the System is about as secure as it gets, and after all this time, I trust you well enough that you won't do anything crazy with the information, and that it'll probably help you in the end, as you work through all this sys-side. > -> **Jonas:** What, that you've been working with a government official who is making you steer the DDR towards considering secession? +> Jonas +> : What, that you've been working with a government official who is making you steer the DDR towards considering secession? > -> **Yared:** ... +> Yared +> : ... > -> **Yared:** What the hell? +> Yared +> : What the hell? > -> **Yared:** Yes, but how the hell did you know that? +> Yared +> : Yes, but how the hell did you know that? > -> **True Name:** Jonas has been waiting to drop that on you for some time now. He is currently laughing his ass off. You will have to forgive him. +> True Name +> : Jonas has been waiting to drop that on you for some time now. He is currently laughing his ass off. You will have to forgive him. > -> **True Name:** I mean, I am also laughing my ass off. +> True Name +> : I mean, I am also laughing my ass off. > -> **Yared:** I'm just more shocked than anything. +> Yared +> : I'm just more shocked than anything. > -> **Jonas:** I promise it's not out of cruelty, we just made a lucky guess, and I've been wanting it confirmed. Your tone at the start said it all. +> Jonas +> : I promise it's not out of cruelty, we just made a lucky guess, and I've been wanting it confirmed. Your tone at the start said it all. > -> **Yared:** I guess I'm relieved. +> Yared +> : I guess I'm relieved. > -> **Yared:** But also a little scared that everyone else has figured it out, too. +> Yared +> : But also a little scared that everyone else has figured it out, too. > -> **Jonas:** I wouldn't count on it. Maybe some have, but few enough that they'll likely be laughed down as crackpot conspiracy theorists. Very few people pay as much attention to you as we do. +> Jonas +> : I wouldn't count on it. Maybe some have, but few enough that they'll likely be laughed down as crackpot conspiracy theorists. Very few people pay as much attention to you as we do. > -> **True Name:** Thank you for confirming this with us, though. It will help us work together more consistently between sys- and phys-side. +> True Name +> : Thank you for confirming this with us, though. It will help us work together more consistently between sys- and phys-side. > -> **Yared:** That was my thought, as well. +> Yared +> : That was my thought, as well. > -> **Jonas:** Was that all you were going to tell us? +> Jonas +> : Was that all you were going to tell us? > -> **Yared:** Most of it. I was just going to ask your help for the next step, afterwards. I'm *definitely* not supposed to be doing that. +> Yared +> : Most of it. I was just going to ask your help for the next step, afterwards. I'm *definitely* not supposed to be doing that. > -> **Jonas:** Well, alright. How does this all work, anyway? +> Jonas +> : Well, alright. How does this all work, anyway? > -> **Yared:** I meet up with my handler, of sorts, on a regular basis, and we talk through the current sentiments, and then someone on his team will slip me a note specifying how I should steer my next post. Sometimes I'll write two or three posts on the subject, just so they can keep an eye on the response, then I'll get the next note. +> Yared +> : I meet up with my handler, of sorts, on a regular basis, and we talk through the current sentiments, and then someone on his team will slip me a note specifying how I should steer my next post. Sometimes I'll write two or three posts on the subject, just so they can keep an eye on the response, then I'll get the next note. > -> **Jonas:** And this handler, are his initials YD? +> Jonas +> : And this handler, are his initials YD? > -> **Yared:** Okay, now you hold up. +> Yared +> : Okay, now you hold up. > -> **Yared:** I *need* to know how you guys figured that one out. +> Yared +> : I *need* to know how you guys figured that one out. > -> **Jonas:** Politician, remember? +> Jonas +> : Politician, remember? > -> **True Name:** We noticed the contents of your posts starting to shift, then started considering possible sources that might be guiding you. That led us to council members, and from there, we were able to sift through who is on the council and come up with a short list of names. Yosef Demma just happened to be at the top. +> True Name +> : We noticed the contents of your posts starting to shift, then started considering possible sources that might be guiding you. That led us to council members, and from there, we were able to sift through who is on the council and come up with a short list of names. Yosef Demma just happened to be at the top. > -> **Yared:** You still have me worried that others have this all figured out. Jonas, convince me not to worry. You're the politician, I'm the scared DDR junkie trying not to get stoned to death. Or worse, have my DDR account suspended. +> Yared +> : You still have me worried that others have this all figured out. Jonas, convince me not to worry. You're the politician, I'm the scared DDR junkie trying not to get stoned to death. Or worse, have my DDR account suspended. > -> **Jonas:** Alright, I'll try. I promise, no stoning. The number one advantage that we have is an entire team of instances working with you and on essentially no other projects. That means we have the resources to send a few of them chasing after this hunch that someone was steering you, do some textual analysis, find the patterns, then do some digging into NEAC politics, looking for people with both the resources, the motive, and the personality to pull it off. +> Jonas +> : Alright, I'll try. I promise, no stoning. The number one advantage that we have is an entire team of instances working with you and on essentially no other projects. That means we have the resources to send a few of them chasing after this hunch that someone was steering you, do some textual analysis, find the patterns, then do some digging into NEAC politics, looking for people with both the resources, the motive, and the personality to pull it off. > -> **Jonas:** Remember, most of this team were phys-side politicians, too, so we have that head-start. The worst you have to worry about is the WF or S-R Bloc doing the same with their own people after they find out. We haven't seen evidence of that yet. +> Jonas +> : Remember, most of this team were phys-side politicians, too, so we have that head-start. The worst you have to worry about is the WF or S-R Bloc doing the same with their own people after they find out. We haven't seen evidence of that yet. > -> **Yared:** Multiple phys-side politicians? +> Yared +> : Multiple phys-side politicians? > -> **True Name:** Multiple Jonases. +> True Name +> : Multiple Jonases. > -> **Yared:** Oh! There are multiple forks working on this? +> Yared +> : Oh! There are multiple forks working on this? > -> **Jonas:** Of course. +> Jonas +> : Of course. > -> **Jonas:** That's what I mean when I said few people pay as much attention to you as we do. +> Jonas +> : That's what I mean when I said few people pay as much attention to you as we do. > -> **Jonas:** Does that soothe your fears? +> Jonas +> : Does that soothe your fears? > -> **Yared:** I think so, yeah. Do you agree with Jonas on this, True Name? +> Yared +> : I think so, yeah. Do you agree with Jonas on this, True Name? > -> **True Name:** Having spent a considerable time with him and some of his forks, I trust him on this, yes. +> True Name +> : Having spent a considerable time with him and some of his forks, I trust him on this, yes. > -> **True Name:** Now, can you tell us as much as you are comfortable about councilor Demma, your relationship with him, and what you suspect are his goals? +> True Name +> : Now, can you tell us as much as you are comfortable about councilor Demma, your relationship with him, and what you suspect are his goals? > -> **Yared:** Well, we meet for coffee regularly, like I said, and usually drink it in his car while his driver takes us around town. He seems like a nice, older gentleman, and pretty trustworthy. I suspect that's a bad sign in a politician. +> Yared +> : Well, we meet for coffee regularly, like I said, and usually drink it in his car while his driver takes us around town. He seems like a nice, older gentleman, and pretty trustworthy. I suspect that's a bad sign in a politician. > -> **Jonas:** No comment. +> Jonas +> : No comment. > -> **Yared:** Well, either way, he's nice enough to me, and I guess that's probably how he got me working for him. I think his motives basically boil down to the fact that the System has diverged considerably from the culture of any of the political entities left phys-side, both by virtue of who winds up there, and the obvious reasons of not sharing any of our concerns around trade goods. +> Yared +> : Well, either way, he's nice enough to me, and I guess that's probably how he got me working for him. I think his motives basically boil down to the fact that the System has diverged considerably from the culture of any of the political entities left phys-side, both by virtue of who winds up there, and the obvious reasons of not sharing any of our concerns around trade goods. > -> **True Name:** He is not wrong, but I do not think that is motive enough. +> True Name +> : He is not wrong, but I do not think that is motive enough. > -> **Yared:** I don't either. I suspect that he's not keen on something about the System where it is, whether that's its location in the S-R Bloc or that it remains a multinational entity where uploads retain their citizenship back phys-side. Maybe he just wants to make it a separate nation in order to allow it to be a place to send refugees, asylum seekers, and so on. Or maybe he wants to restrict emigration. +> Yared +> : I don't either. I suspect that he's not keen on something about the System where it is, whether that's its location in the S-R Bloc or that it remains a multinational entity where uploads retain their citizenship back phys-side. Maybe he just wants to make it a separate nation in order to allow it to be a place to send refugees, asylum seekers, and so on. Or maybe he wants to restrict emigration. > -> **True Name:** Those are all good potential reasons, yes. Do you have any hints as to which may be the most likely? +> True Name +> : Those are all good potential reasons, yes. Do you have any hints as to which may be the most likely? > -> **Yared:** Not particularly. He's mentioned them all in passing. +> Yared +> : Not particularly. He's mentioned them all in passing. > -> **True Name:** Alright. Keep us up to date, then. +> True Name +> : Alright. Keep us up to date, then. > -> **Jonas:** What was your most recent message from Demma and his people? +> Jonas +> : What was your most recent message from Demma and his people? > -> **Yared:** That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. +> Yared +> : That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. > -> **Jonas:** The thing that you're not supposed to do. Right. +> Jonas +> : The thing that you're not supposed to do. Right. > -> **Yared:** Right. The message was: "Gently broach the subject of secession. Keep it only to one sentence, and only as an offhand remark. Make it sound like it was sys-side's idea." +> Yared +> : Right. The message was: "Gently broach the subject of secession. Keep it only to one sentence, and only as an offhand remark. Make it sound like it was sys-side's idea." > -> **Jonas:** Wow, that's not exactly subtle. +> Jonas +> : Wow, that's not exactly subtle. > -> **True Name:** Seems like a shitty thing to do. +> True Name +> : Seems like a shitty thing to do. > -> **True Name:** But that is coming from someone sys-side, so perhaps he sees it differently. My assessment is that he might not actually be wrong on this. If he pins it on us but does it gently enough, it can be seen as a situation where both parties are happy to agree on something. It will have to be done carefully, however. If it is suggested too strongly or too early, we risk the possibility of backlash for seeming too eager for secession, as though we are rebelling. If it is not suggested strongly enough, some might see it as secession being forced on us. Jonas? Thoughts? +> True Name +> : But that is coming from someone sys-side, so perhaps he sees it differently. My assessment is that he might not actually be wrong on this. If he pins it on us but does it gently enough, it can be seen as a situation where both parties are happy to agree on something. It will have to be done carefully, however. If it is suggested too strongly or too early, we risk the possibility of backlash for seeming too eager for secession, as though we are rebelling. If it is not suggested strongly enough, some might see it as secession being forced on us. Jonas? Thoughts? > -> **Jonas:** I think you're spot on for the DDR. Yared, has any mention of secession come up in the forums yet? +> Jonas +> : I think you're spot on for the DDR. Yared, has any mention of secession come up in the forums yet? > -> **Yared:** Only two or three times, but given that this topic is starting to be taken up on the governmental level, that amounts to almost none. That said, I'm seeing quite a few people taking to the launch idea, which they're now equating to something equivalent to secession --- they're calling it separation from earth or resource independence, stuff like that --- as well as more talk about international rights, given that sys-side individuals technically retain their citizenship, which makes the System something like international waters. +> Yared +> : Only two or three times, but given that this topic is starting to be taken up on the governmental level, that amounts to almost none. That said, I'm seeing quite a few people taking to the launch idea, which they're now equating to something equivalent to secession --- they're calling it separation from earth or resource independence, stuff like that --- as well as more talk about international rights, given that sys-side individuals technically retain their citizenship, which makes the System something like international waters. > -> **Jonas:** Clever. That might be far enough to drop some very subtle hints. I'm not sure about the word 'secession' yet, given some of its past connotations. You've suggested that we have the nature of statehood, but you might try pushing harder on referring to us as a nation, a national entity, a nation-state, and so on. Maybe even use the word 'statehood' directly. +> Jonas +> : Clever. That might be far enough to drop some very subtle hints. I'm not sure about the word 'secession' yet, given some of its past connotations. You've suggested that we have the nature of statehood, but you might try pushing harder on referring to us as a nation, a national entity, a nation-state, and so on. Maybe even use the word 'statehood' directly. > -> **True Name:** Do you have anything written yet? +> True Name +> : Do you have anything written yet? > -> **Yared:** Sure, one moment. +> Yared +> : Sure, one moment. > -> **Yared:** We continue to circle around this discussion of individual rights as though we are debating the individuality of those sys-side. It's important to understand, though, that this is a distraction from the actual point. Many have mentioned that those who have uploaded, whether or not they are individuals, are no longer analogous to humans (there's that speciation argument again!) and one wag even put it, "Who cares if they're individuals? They can't even vote!" +> Yared +> : We continue to circle around this discussion of individual rights as though we are debating the individuality of those sys-side. It's important to understand, though, that this is a distraction from the actual point. Many have mentioned that those who have uploaded, whether or not they are individuals, are no longer analogous to humans (there's that speciation argument again!) and one wag even put it, "Who cares if they're individuals? They can't even vote!" > -> **Yared:** This is quite true, my dear wag. They can't vote. They have no say in our political affairs out here, just as we have no say in theirs. How could we? I mean, sure, I bet some of them read DDR posts and wonder *what the hell is going on out there?* But consider what their politics must look like to us. What would *we* vote on? Whether or not they must post signage that their sims allow non-euclidean space? Is it okay for you to try and impersonate someone when you can become like them to exacting detail (except for, surprise, their individual personality)? +> Yared +> : This is quite true, my dear wag. They can't vote. They have no say in our political affairs out here, just as we have no say in theirs. How could we? I mean, sure, I bet some of them read DDR posts and wonder *what the hell is going on out there?* But consider what their politics must look like to us. What would *we* vote on? Whether or not they must post signage that their sims allow non-euclidean space? Is it okay for you to try and impersonate someone when you can become like them to exacting detail (except for, surprise, their individual personality)? > -> **Yared:** I think we're still split pretty evenly on speciation. Even I am. One day, I'll think, "Sure, they may be fundamentally different from us, but they still *think* like us. They still reason like humans. Except for the biological differences, they still are." Other days, though, I'll wake up and think, "We have no common frame of reference with these people. They're just too different." +> Yared +> : I think we're still split pretty evenly on speciation. Even I am. One day, I'll think, "Sure, they may be fundamentally different from us, but they still *think* like us. They still reason like humans. Except for the biological differences, they still are." Other days, though, I'll wake up and think, "We have no common frame of reference with these people. They're just too different." > -> **Yared:** This actually came up in a few conversations with my friends sys-side. It sounds like they share some of that ambivalence toward speciation. They can't interface with phys-side as we can, and we can't interface with sys-side as they can, so how could they even be considered the same species as us? And yet here they are, taking place in a political debate as filigreed and baroque as any other, and doing so with the same rational minds that we have, even if only at one remove. "At this point," one of them said as we laughed over another fruitless debate. "I'm not even sure we should be discussing individual rights with governments that have no way of knowing how we work. We might as well just secede and end the discussion there." +> Yared +> : This actually came up in a few conversations with my friends sys-side. It sounds like they share some of that ambivalence toward speciation. They can't interface with phys-side as we can, and we can't interface with sys-side as they can, so how could they even be considered the same species as us? And yet here they are, taking place in a political debate as filigreed and baroque as any other, and doing so with the same rational minds that we have, even if only at one remove. "At this point," one of them said as we laughed over another fruitless debate. "I'm not even sure we should be discussing individual rights with governments that have no way of knowing how we work. We might as well just secede and end the discussion there." > -> **Yared:** But who knows if speciation will even wind up playing into it, in the end. I've noticed that, even though we remain split on the topic, tempers have cooled on both sides. I'm surprised --- pleasantly so! --- to see this agreement building even in Cairo; I know that many of my compatriots there bore apathy or even antipathy towards the System after previous dealings between NEAC and the S-R Bloc. We're no longer at each others throats about whether or not they're so fundamentally different from us that it requires some strange new way to think of them as individuals. +> Yared +> : But who knows if speciation will even wind up playing into it, in the end. I've noticed that, even though we remain split on the topic, tempers have cooled on both sides. I'm surprised --- pleasantly so! --- to see this agreement building even in Cairo; I know that many of my compatriots there bore apathy or even antipathy towards the System after previous dealings between NEAC and the S-R Bloc. We're no longer at each others throats about whether or not they're so fundamentally different from us that it requires some strange new way to think of them as individuals. > -> **Yared:** And honestly, that's my hope. I think that way whether or not they're humans, whether or not they have their own customs and social structure, whether or not they're even a separate country. Even those who are falling on the side of speciation are starting to refer to them in terms of individuals. "Them." "How many of them." "Who in there even thinks X?" All of these are ways that we refer to individuals, and, you who are still arguing this belabored point that they should have no choice on what is done with their personalities once their bodies are gone, you are now thinking of them as what they are: individuals. +> Yared +> : And honestly, that's my hope. I think that way whether or not they're humans, whether or not they have their own customs and social structure, whether or not they're even a separate country. Even those who are falling on the side of speciation are starting to refer to them in terms of individuals. "Them." "How many of them." "Who in there even thinks X?" All of these are ways that we refer to individuals, and, you who are still arguing this belabored point that they should have no choice on what is done with their personalities once their bodies are gone, you are now thinking of them as what they are: individuals. > -> **Yared:** That, my friends, feels like progress to me. We are starting to come to an understanding of what the System is, whether it's a home for the disaffected and dying, an international forum where individuals can truly live together, or a country in its own right, is home to thousands of individuals, each with their individual lives, individual reasons, individual feelings. They're people. The System is their home. We cannot take that from them without violating their individual rights. +> Yared +> : That, my friends, feels like progress to me. We are starting to come to an understanding of what the System is, whether it's a home for the disaffected and dying, an international forum where individuals can truly live together, or a country in its own right, is home to thousands of individuals, each with their individual lives, individual reasons, individual feelings. They're people. The System is their home. We cannot take that from them without violating their individual rights. > -> **Jonas:** Well written as always, Yared. +> Jonas +> : Well written as always, Yared. > -> **True Name:** Agreed. You have a way of agreeing with people just enough to make them feel like you might actually be on their side, and that perhaps they ought to work toward the same goal. +> True Name +> : Agreed. You have a way of agreeing with people just enough to make them feel like you might actually be on their side, and that perhaps they ought to work toward the same goal. > -> **Yared:** Thank you both. What do you think about the secession angle? +> Yared +> : Thank you both. What do you think about the secession angle? > -> **True Name:** It is a little blunt. It feels forced, the way it is just stuck in there. Perhaps you might soften it from "We might as well just secede", to something more like "We would have better luck running our own government", something like that. I agree with Jonas that there is fear bound up in the word 'secede', and the phrase "better luck" implies a humorous remark. +> True Name +> : It is a little blunt. It feels forced, the way it is just stuck in there. Perhaps you might soften it from "We might as well just secede", to something more like "We would have better luck running our own government", something like that. I agree with Jonas that there is fear bound up in the word 'secede', and the phrase "better luck" implies a humorous remark. > -> **Jonas:** Yeah. You want us to be soft, kind, approachable, that sort of thing, especially if you're going to use your current tactic of "agree with them enough to get them to fight for you". We want to seem like good people who deserve our individual rights, that to not grant them would be, at best, a real shame, and at worst, an affront to their own ideas of freedom. +> Jonas +> : Yeah. You want us to be soft, kind, approachable, that sort of thing, especially if you're going to use your current tactic of "agree with them enough to get them to fight for you". We want to seem like good people who deserve our individual rights, that to not grant them would be, at best, a real shame, and at worst, an affront to their own ideas of freedom. > -> **True Name:** This is especially true, given that very few phys-side are acting as our voices. They are arguing on second- and third-hand accounts, such as your own. To them, uploads are this mysterious entity that they might struggle to actually comprehend. You will have to, perhaps ironically, humanize us for them. We have to seem like we can still joke around, still hurt, and still feel the full range of human emotion. +> True Name +> : This is especially true, given that very few phys-side are acting as our voices. They are arguing on second- and third-hand accounts, such as your own. To them, uploads are this mysterious entity that they might struggle to actually comprehend. You will have to, perhaps ironically, humanize us for them. We have to seem like we can still joke around, still hurt, and still feel the full range of human emotion. > -> **Jonas:** You've seen True Name and I joking around, after all. +> Jonas +> : You've seen True Name and I joking around, after all. > -> **Yared:** Yeah. So what do you think about: "At this point," one of them said as we laughed over another fruitless debate, "I'm not even sure we should be discussing individual rights with governments that have no way of knowing how we work. We'd have better luck running our own government. We can herd our cats, they can herd theirs." +> Yared +> : Yeah. So what do you think about: "At this point," one of them said as we laughed over another fruitless debate, "I'm not even sure we should be discussing individual rights with governments that have no way of knowing how we work. We'd have better luck running our own government. We can herd our cats, they can herd theirs." > -> **True Name:** I like that. I am enough like a cat to be difficult to herd. +> True Name +> : I like that. I am enough like a cat to be difficult to herd. > -> **Jonas:** Confirmed. Getting her to do anything she doesn't want to do is fucking impossible. +> Jonas +> : Confirmed. Getting her to do anything she doesn't want to do is fucking impossible. > -> **True Name:** I prefer to think of myself as 'staunchly independent', thank you very much. +> True Name +> : I prefer to think of myself as 'staunchly independent', thank you very much. > -> **Yared:** Haha +> Yared +> : Haha > -> **Yared:** Actually, how about I include some banter into the post? +> Yared +> : Actually, how about I include some banter into the post? > -> **Yared:** "At this point," one of them said, as we laughed over another fruitless debate. "I'm not even sure we should be discussing individual rights with governments that have no way of knowing how we work. We'd have better luck running our own government." +> Yared +> : "At this point," one of them said, as we laughed over another fruitless debate. "I'm not even sure we should be discussing individual rights with governments that have no way of knowing how we work. We'd have better luck running our own government." > -> **Yared:** To which the other replied, "We can herd our cats, they can herd theirs," thus spawning a good five minutes of cat-herding jokes, wherein we unilaterally decided that cats were, to put it politely, staunchly independent. I think that applies to them as much as it does to us. +> Yared +> : To which the other replied, "We can herd our cats, they can herd theirs," thus spawning a good five minutes of cat-herding jokes, wherein we unilaterally decided that cats were, to put it politely, staunchly independent. I think that applies to them as much as it does to us. > -> **Jonas:** I like it! It'll need a bit of cleaning up to make it flow a little better in context, but I trust that that's something you can do on your own. +> Jonas +> : I like it! It'll need a bit of cleaning up to make it flow a little better in context, but I trust that that's something you can do on your own. > -> **Yared:** Of course. +> Yared +> : Of course. > -> **True Name:** I am sorry to make such a cat out of you in this situation, Yared. You are being herded by two different camps, us and your councilor friend. Our goals align for now, for which I am grateful, but I understand that having both parties tell you not to tell the other about them is uncomfortable. +> True Name +> : I am sorry to make such a cat out of you in this situation, Yared. You are being herded by two different camps, us and your councilor friend. Our goals align for now, for which I am grateful, but I understand that having both parties tell you not to tell the other about them is uncomfortable. > -> **True Name:** On that note, it is probably best not to tell Demma about this conversation. +> True Name +> : On that note, it is probably best not to tell Demma about this conversation. > -> **Jonas:** Seconded. +> Jonas +> : Seconded. > -> **Yared:** Thirded. I don't know that he'd have my head on a platter if he knew that this conversation had taken place, but I don't know that he wouldn't, either. +> Yared +> : Thirded. I don't know that he'd have my head on a platter if he knew that this conversation had taken place, but I don't know that he wouldn't, either. > -> **Jonas:** We don't want that, we like you too much. +> Jonas +> : We don't want that, we like you too much. > -> **True Name:** I was going to say that you are too useful to us, but I will grudgingly agree that we do rather like you. +> True Name +> : I was going to say that you are too useful to us, but I will grudgingly agree that we do rather like you. > -> **Yared:** I'm pleased to hear that! +> Yared +> : I'm pleased to hear that! > -> **Yared:** I'll get this polished and posted. What's next on your side? +> Yared +> : I'll get this polished and posted. What's next on your side? > -> **True Name:** Jonas will likely be snooping around for news and schmoozing where appropriate. I will be focusing on how to present this in the most empathetic, understandable way possible to the Council and other interested parties. I need to sell it to the System. +> True Name +> : Jonas will likely be snooping around for news and schmoozing where appropriate. I will be focusing on how to present this in the most empathetic, understandable way possible to the Council and other interested parties. I need to sell it to the System. > -> **Yared:** Does that mean you're for secession, then? +> Yared +> : Does that mean you're for secession, then? > -> **Jonas:** If the L5 launch goes through, yes. If not, then it becomes more complicated, and we likely *would* have to move to international waters. +> Jonas +> : If the L5 launch goes through, yes. If not, then it becomes more complicated, and we likely *would* have to move to international waters. diff --git a/content/read/030.md b/content/read/030.md index 5896bdd..6da4476 100644 --- a/content/read/030.md +++ b/content/read/030.md @@ -1,157 +1,235 @@ # Douglas Hadje --- 2325 -> **May Then My Name Die With Me:** I am surprised to see you online, Douglas! +> May Then My Name Die With Me +> : I am surprised to see you online, Douglas! > -> **Douglas Hadje:** Remember how I said my workload as launch director would be starting to decrease after launch? +> Douglas Hadje +> : Remember how I said my workload as launch director would be starting to decrease after launch? > -> **Douglas:** Well, now I'm only working a few days at a time, and most of that is writing up documentation and collating reports for the launch commission. Soon, even that will disappear, and I suspect I'll be out of a job unless I decide to take on another position. +> Douglas +> : Well, now I'm only working a few days at a time, and most of that is writing up documentation and collating reports for the launch commission. Soon, even that will disappear, and I suspect I'll be out of a job unless I decide to take on another position. > -> **May Then My Name:** Do you think that you will? +> May Then My Name +> : Do you think that you will? > -> **Douglas:** I don't know. Maybe? Probably. Once I'm out of a job, my reason to be here is kind of gone, and I imagine whatever goodwill I've built up will start to run out and they won't let me stay on the station. It's mostly self-sufficient, but resources are limited and I'm sure there's someone who would like to take my spot. +> Douglas +> : I don't know. Maybe? Probably. Once I'm out of a job, my reason to be here is kind of gone, and I imagine whatever goodwill I've built up will start to run out and they won't let me stay on the station. It's mostly self-sufficient, but resources are limited and I'm sure there's someone who would like to take my spot. > -> **Ioan Bălan:** And you mentioned not wanting to go back planet-side. +> Ioan Bălan +> : And you mentioned not wanting to go back planet-side. > -> **Douglas:** God no, not if I can help it. +> Douglas +> : God no, not if I can help it. > -> **May Then My Name:** Either way, I am happy to see you about. Did you have any particular topics you wanted to discuss today? If not, I am sure that Ioan has some. +> May Then My Name +> : Either way, I am happy to see you about. Did you have any particular topics you wanted to discuss today? If not, I am sure that Ioan has some. > -> **Douglas:** Nothing in particular. I've got a few minor questions outstanding, I think, but I'm starting to get the sense that you'll only answer those when you're ready. +> Douglas +> : Nothing in particular. I've got a few minor questions outstanding, I think, but I'm starting to get the sense that you'll only answer those when you're ready. > -> **May Then My Name:** That is a very good sense that you have. +> May Then My Name +> : That is a very good sense that you have. > -> **Ioan:** May's obstinate, ignore her. +> Ioan +> : May's obstinate, ignore her. > -> **Ioan:** She also kicks pretty hard, but then, I deserved that. +> Ioan +> : She also kicks pretty hard, but then, I deserved that. > -> **May Then My Name:** You did. +> May Then My Name +> : You did. > -> **Ioan:** Alright, well, the topic I was thinking of asking you about is that of the political side of the launch. One of the instances on one of the launches conducted an interview that suggested that there was actually quite a lot of political machinations behind the scenes. +> Ioan +> : Alright, well, the topic I was thinking of asking you about is that of the political side of the launch. One of the instances on one of the launches conducted an interview that suggested that there was actually quite a lot of political machinations behind the scenes. > -> **Douglas:** Oh! Yes! I'm surprised you didn't get much news of that in there. +> Douglas +> : Oh! Yes! I'm surprised you didn't get much news of that in there. > -> **May Then My Name:** I am sure that we could look it up, but you are in a unique position to tell us more directly, and after it has been all mixed around in your head. +> May Then My Name +> : I am sure that we could look it up, but you are in a unique position to tell us more directly, and after it has been all mixed around in your head. > -> **Douglas:** True. Well, where do you want to start? +> Douglas +> : True. Well, where do you want to start? > -> **Ioan:** How about you start most recently, actually, and then work your way backwards. +> Ioan +> : How about you start most recently, actually, and then work your way backwards. > -> **Douglas:** Alright. +> Douglas +> : Alright. > -> **Douglas:** There was one last spate of protesting right before the launch. I saw some of the videos from planet-side, and a lot of it was just talking-heads discussing the fact that some had tried to shut down portions of the net, and even tried to take down one of the Ansible stations. Most of it was the same stuff we saw during the planning phase. I guess it kind of broke down into three complaints: +> Douglas +> : There was one last spate of protesting right before the launch. I saw some of the videos from planet-side, and a lot of it was just talking-heads discussing the fact that some had tried to shut down portions of the net, and even tried to take down one of the Ansible stations. Most of it was the same stuff we saw during the planning phase. I guess it kind of broke down into three complaints: > -> **Douglas:** 1. Expenses --- this one was diminished toward the end, as there's not really a whole lot of expense required in popping some explosive bolts to set the launches flying, and all the material used out here was from scavenged Trojan asteroids. The protests that we saw around this were mostly griping about how much had already been spent. "Think of how much could have gone to deacidifying projects, etc etc" +> Douglas +> : 1. Expenses --- this one was diminished toward the end, as there's not really a whole lot of expense required in popping some explosive bolts to set the launches flying, and all the material used out here was from scavenged Trojan asteroids. The protests that we saw around this were mostly griping about how much had already been spent. "Think of how much could have gone to deacidifying projects, etc etc" > -> **Douglas:** 2. Brain/workforce drain --- This is a perennial topic with the System. All those smart minds out there focusing on pie-in-the-sky dreams instead of 'real problems' back there on Earth. What they imagine someone with a masters in spaceflight or astronomy or whatever can do back on Earth to better an overheated dustball is beyond me. +> Douglas +> : 2. Brain/workforce drain --- This is a perennial topic with the System. All those smart minds out there focusing on pie-in-the-sky dreams instead of 'real problems' back there on Earth. What they imagine someone with a masters in spaceflight or astronomy or whatever can do back on Earth to better an overheated dustball is beyond me. > -> **Douglas:** 3. Earth vs space sentiments --- This one is probably the most common, and also the hardest to explain. Even I don't totally understand it. I think I mentioned before that, the harder things get, the less time and energy you have to focus on those pie-in-the-sky ideas. You're too busy scraping by or focus on growing soybeans or trying not to burn up or whatever, you don't have much time to do anything but dream about space and watch movies in your hour before bed or however your day looks. +> Douglas +> : 3. Earth vs space sentiments --- This one is probably the most common, and also the hardest to explain. Even I don't totally understand it. I think I mentioned before that, the harder things get, the less time and energy you have to focus on those pie-in-the-sky ideas. You're too busy scraping by or focus on growing soybeans or trying not to burn up or whatever, you don't have much time to do anything but dream about space and watch movies in your hour before bed or however your day looks. > -> **Douglas:** You have to remember that my opinion of the place is colored by the fact that I lived where I did with the family that I did while the city was in a state of decline, so. +> Douglas +> : You have to remember that my opinion of the place is colored by the fact that I lived where I did with the family that I did while the city was in a state of decline, so. > -> **Douglas:** Anyway, a lot of these people seemed to be just plain angry that there were people doing things that were not for helping improve the general condition of life. There's still six or seven billion people down there, when you mesh birth rates with death and upload rates, and a good chunk of those people have no wish to upload, so they're stuck in a life that's uncomfortable enough to make them angry at those who have what feels like (and might as well be) unlimited potential, as they imagine the System to be. +> Douglas +> : Anyway, a lot of these people seemed to be just plain angry that there were people doing things that were not for helping improve the general condition of life. There's still six or seven billion people down there, when you mesh birth rates with death and upload rates, and a good chunk of those people have no wish to upload, so they're stuck in a life that's uncomfortable enough to make them angry at those who have what feels like (and might as well be) unlimited potential, as they imagine the System to be. > -> **Douglas:** Does that make sense? +> Douglas +> : Does that make sense? > -> **Ioan:** I think so. You've got people who are unhappy, and part of that unhappiness is the fact that others are happy. +> Ioan +> : I think so. You've got people who are unhappy, and part of that unhappiness is the fact that others are happy. > -> **Douglas:** More than that. They're unhappy, and part of that is that those others are not helping to make life better for them. It's usually not even making life better for humanity, but for them specifically, for the world as they specifically view it. +> Douglas +> : More than that. They're unhappy, and part of that is that those others are not helping to make life better for them. It's usually not even making life better for humanity, but for them specifically, for the world as they specifically view it. > -> **Ioan:** Was there any sentiment that they were being abandoned by those who left on the launches? +> Ioan +> : Was there any sentiment that they were being abandoned by those who left on the launches? > -> **Douglas:** Yes and no. You have to understand that most people still struggle to think of the uploads as human. Thus calling them 'uploads', even, rather than 'uploaded personalities' or whatever. It's not just shorthand, it's a way of separating them into some other idea. They aren't people, anymore, they're programs, in their minds. +> Douglas +> : Yes and no. You have to understand that most people still struggle to think of the uploads as human. Thus calling them 'uploads', even, rather than 'uploaded personalities' or whatever. It's not just shorthand, it's a way of separating them into some other idea. They aren't people, anymore, they're programs, in their minds. > -> **May Then My Name:** There has always been this argument of speciation, and the instinct to make us the other continues apace, I see. +> May Then My Name +> : There has always been this argument of speciation, and the instinct to make us the other continues apace, I see. > -> **Douglas:** I'll take your word for it. It's difficult to persuade the average person that those in the System are still human, or if not human, then at least still people. They're not the types to listen to all the arguments for why we know that you're still you after you upload. They duck-type you into being programs. +> Douglas +> : I'll take your word for it. It's difficult to persuade the average person that those in the System are still human, or if not human, then at least still people. They're not the types to listen to all the arguments for why we know that you're still you after you upload. They duck-type you into being programs. > -> **May Then My Name:** 'Duck-type'? +> May Then My Name +> : 'Duck-type'? > -> **Ioan:** Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, must be a duck. +> Ioan +> : Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, must be a duck. > -> **Douglas:** Is that what it means? It's just come to mean a false-equivalency of any kind. Few enough ducks, anymore. +> Douglas +> : Is that what it means? It's just come to mean a false-equivalency of any kind. Few enough ducks, anymore. > -> **Ioan:** I only learned it from an assignment talking with some perisystem specialists. +> Ioan +> : I only learned it from an assignment talking with some perisystem specialists. > -> **Douglas:** I guess it doesn't surprise me that you have those inside as well as outside. Sometimes, I get these little jolts about how little I actually know about the System, compared to how much I know about the launch. +> Douglas +> : I guess it doesn't surprise me that you have those inside as well as outside. Sometimes, I get these little jolts about how little I actually know about the System, compared to how much I know about the launch. > -> **May Then My Name:** It does not help that many of us --- not just me --- are obtuse on purpose. +> May Then My Name +> : It does not help that many of us --- not just me --- are obtuse on purpose. > -> **Douglas:** You said there was some grumbling sys-side, as well, right?" +> Douglas +> : You said there was some grumbling sys-side, as well, right?" > -> **Ioan:** Yes, though I don't totally understand it. Some of it sounds like that like, "Why bother? We've got a good life here, and there's no reason to be putting that in any kind of danger just to throw copies of us out at the stars." The bits that I mentioned earlier, however, have more to do with the Dreamer Modules than the launch itself, though. +> Ioan +> : Yes, though I don't totally understand it. Some of it sounds like that like, "Why bother? We've got a good life here, and there's no reason to be putting that in any kind of danger just to throw copies of us out at the stars." The bits that I mentioned earlier, however, have more to do with the Dreamer Modules than the launch itself, though. > -> **Douglas:** Oh? There was a little bit of chatter about those here, but I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to it. +> Douglas +> : Oh? There was a little bit of chatter about those here, but I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to it. > -> **Ioan:** That's okay. I'll dig, myself. +> Ioan +> : That's okay. I'll dig, myself. > -> **May Then My Name:** We were working backwards from present. Was there much in the way of disruptions in the middle of the launch construction process? +> May Then My Name +> : We were working backwards from present. Was there much in the way of disruptions in the middle of the launch construction process? > -> **Douglas:** Not as much, no. There was a lull in overall protests. A lot of the grumbling about the Dreamer Module came during this time. There were one or two other sabotage attempts. Do you want to hear about those? +> Douglas +> : Not as much, no. There was a lull in overall protests. A lot of the grumbling about the Dreamer Module came during this time. There were one or two other sabotage attempts. Do you want to hear about those? > -> **May Then My Name:** We will, yes, but there is time. For now, we are curious about the macro-scale political landscape before, during, and after launch. +> May Then My Name +> : We will, yes, but there is time. For now, we are curious about the macro-scale political landscape before, during, and after launch. > -> **Douglas:** Alright. That'll give me some time to remember more about what happened with them. +> Douglas +> : Alright. That'll give me some time to remember more about what happened with them. > -> **Douglas:** Large scale, hmm. +> Douglas +> : Large scale, hmm. > -> **Douglas:** Well, most of the government side goes way over my head. In the WF, there was always a bit of waffling, even on the majority coalition side, but whenever sentiment in a member party of the majority drifted away from the launch, they never seemed to last all that long in power. +> Douglas +> : Well, most of the government side goes way over my head. In the WF, there was always a bit of waffling, even on the majority coalition side, but whenever sentiment in a member party of the majority drifted away from the launch, they never seemed to last all that long in power. > -> **Douglas:** I talked about protests and sentiments before, but for the most part, folks were either on board, didn't care, or didn't know about the launch. It was just another satellite in their eyes, or some deep space probe. +> Douglas +> : I talked about protests and sentiments before, but for the most part, folks were either on board, didn't care, or didn't know about the launch. It was just another satellite in their eyes, or some deep space probe. > -> **Douglas:** Early on was when it was talked about most. There wasn't a whole lot of questions asked about whether or not the launch would happen, weirdly. I remember it just kind of popping up in the news as a foregone conclusion. "The launch was happening, how's everyone feeling about that?" +> Douglas +> : Early on was when it was talked about most. There wasn't a whole lot of questions asked about whether or not the launch would happen, weirdly. I remember it just kind of popping up in the news as a foregone conclusion. "The launch was happening, how's everyone feeling about that?" > -> **Douglas:** I think some were pretty unhappy with that, at first. Like, where did this decision even come from? Obviously, the System is its own authority and can do whatever it wants, but someone has to manage the phys-side work, so who, phys-side, actually had those conversations? There were a few gestures at investigation, but they fizzled out. Mostly, people were just confused. Some people get upset when they're confused, but for the rest, it just left them shaking their heads. It was the politicians who were dealing with it after that initial shock. +> Douglas +> : I think some were pretty unhappy with that, at first. Like, where did this decision even come from? Obviously, the System is its own authority and can do whatever it wants, but someone has to manage the phys-side work, so who, phys-side, actually had those conversations? There were a few gestures at investigation, but they fizzled out. Mostly, people were just confused. Some people get upset when they're confused, but for the rest, it just left them shaking their heads. It was the politicians who were dealing with it after that initial shock. > -> **Douglas:** Building the launches wasn't too expensive, honestly, because almost all of that was done in an automated fashion here on the station. That said, retrofitting the station for the launch struts, building the launch arms, expanding the production sector...all that took time, energy, and money. I'm surprised it went as smoothly as it did, despite all the grumbling. +> Douglas +> : Building the launches wasn't too expensive, honestly, because almost all of that was done in an automated fashion here on the station. That said, retrofitting the station for the launch struts, building the launch arms, expanding the production sector...all that took time, energy, and money. I'm surprised it went as smoothly as it did, despite all the grumbling. > -> **Ioan:** So it just popped up on the scene, then interest waned, then ramped up before the launch, then dropped? Like an 'M' shape? +> Ioan +> : So it just popped up on the scene, then interest waned, then ramped up before the launch, then dropped? Like an 'M' shape? > -> **Douglas:** I suppose so, yeah. After the launch happened, there was nothing that could be done, so everyone lost interest or lost steam in their protests. +> Douglas +> : I suppose so, yeah. After the launch happened, there was nothing that could be done, so everyone lost interest or lost steam in their protests. > -> **May Then My Name:** We had a conversation a while back about our own point of no return. It was actually a year and change before the launch itself. By then, individuals were already transferring, and even if something went wrong, the cheapest solution would have been to launch anyway, and just take the hit on final velocity. +> May Then My Name +> : We had a conversation a while back about our own point of no return. It was actually a year and change before the launch itself. By then, individuals were already transferring, and even if something went wrong, the cheapest solution would have been to launch anyway, and just take the hit on final velocity. > -> **Ioan:** Really? +> Ioan +> : Really? > -> **Ioan:** It makes sense, I suppose. What would you have done? Un-built the struts/arms and LVs? +> Ioan +> : It makes sense, I suppose. What would you have done? Un-built the struts/arms and LVs? > -> **Douglas:** Basically. That would require dealing with yet more conservation-of-momentum issues, which would've required more money to build *that* infrastructure, etc etc. +> Douglas +> : Basically. That would require dealing with yet more conservation-of-momentum issues, which would've required more money to build *that* infrastructure, etc etc. > -> **Douglas:** None of which really seemed to matter to the protestors. +> Douglas +> : None of which really seemed to matter to the protestors. > -> **May Then My Name:** You said that parties whose sentiments veered away from supporting the launch often wound up leaving the leading coalition. What was the general sentiment of the leading coalition in the WF? Elsewhere on Earth? +> May Then My Name +> : You said that parties whose sentiments veered away from supporting the launch often wound up leaving the leading coalition. What was the general sentiment of the leading coalition in the WF? Elsewhere on Earth? > -> **Douglas:** Oh, good question. I guess most of them wound up being the types that pushed for higher taxes while playing to humanity. They're all named something different, I guess. It was the liberal democrats for most of the time in the WF. The demsocs felt that the money that was going to the launch was better served on Earth. The libertarians were here and there on the issue. Sometimes they felt like it would be a net win for humanity, sometimes they felt like the burden of the launch was too much. The conservatives spent most of the last twenty years as the shadow government. Their arguments were mostly what I said before. It was money that was going to a thing that wasn't them or their financial interests. +> Douglas +> : Oh, good question. I guess most of them wound up being the types that pushed for higher taxes while playing to humanity. They're all named something different, I guess. It was the liberal democrats for most of the time in the WF. The demsocs felt that the money that was going to the launch was better served on Earth. The libertarians were here and there on the issue. Sometimes they felt like it would be a net win for humanity, sometimes they felt like the burden of the launch was too much. The conservatives spent most of the last twenty years as the shadow government. Their arguments were mostly what I said before. It was money that was going to a thing that wasn't them or their financial interests. > -> **May Then My Name:** The way you talk, I assume that you are a liberal democrat? +> May Then My Name +> : The way you talk, I assume that you are a liberal democrat? > -> **Douglas:** We don't get a vote up here. +> Douglas +> : We don't get a vote up here. > -> **Douglas:** I'm with whatever party allows the System to continue and helped the launch move forward. +> Douglas +> : I'm with whatever party allows the System to continue and helped the launch move forward. > -> **May Then My Name:** A single issue voter, then? +> May Then My Name +> : A single issue voter, then? > -> **Douglas:** I guess so! +> Douglas +> : I guess so! > -> **Ioan:** Well, we appreciate that, given where we live. +> Ioan +> : Well, we appreciate that, given where we live. > -> **Douglas:** Haha, well, good. +> Douglas +> : Haha, well, good. > -> **Douglas:** Any other questions? I don't have any in particular, and would like to go grab dinner. +> Douglas +> : Any other questions? I don't have any in particular, and would like to go grab dinner. > -> **Ioan:** Not from me. +> Ioan +> : Not from me. > -> **May Then My Name:** When will you be uploading, Douglas? +> May Then My Name +> : When will you be uploading, Douglas? > -> **Douglas:** I don't know. Some day, I promise. +> Douglas +> : I don't know. Some day, I promise. > -> **May Then My Name:** When you do, I hope that you will tell us, so that we can meet you face to face. +> May Then My Name +> : When you do, I hope that you will tell us, so that we can meet you face to face. > -> **Douglas:** Of course! After all this time, I'd be disappointed if we didn't. +> Douglas +> : Of course! After all this time, I'd be disappointed if we didn't. > -> **May Then My Name:** We will have many stories to tell you. +> May Then My Name +> : We will have many stories to tell you. > -> **Douglas:** I look forward to them all. Goodnight, you two. +> Douglas +> : I look forward to them all. Goodnight, you two. > -> **Douglas:** Or morning. +> Douglas +> : Or morning. > -> **Ioan:** Afternoon, actually. Enjoy your dinner! +> Ioan +> : Afternoon, actually. Enjoy your dinner! diff --git a/content/read/037.md b/content/read/037.md index cb8ad1c..abc1b0a 100644 --- a/content/read/037.md +++ b/content/read/037.md @@ -1,36 +1,52 @@ # Ioan Bălan --- 2325 -> **Ioan Bălan:** What excited you about the prospect of uploading? +> Ioan Bălan +> : What excited you about the prospect of uploading? > -> **Fu Jinzai:** I actually wasn't that excited about the prospect. It was something that I just kind of did because it felt like it'd be easier than sticking around. The kids weren't seeing me anyway, and I could at least get them some cash for when they were older. It sounded nice enough up here, but there were still nice things back there, you know? I didn't think about it too much. +> Fu Jinzai +> : I actually wasn't that excited about the prospect. It was something that I just kind of did because it felt like it'd be easier than sticking around. The kids weren't seeing me anyway, and I could at least get them some cash for when they were older. It sounded nice enough up here, but there were still nice things back there, you know? I didn't think about it too much. > -> **Ioan:** What do you miss most about phys-side? +> Ioan +> : What do you miss most about phys-side? > -> **Jinzai:** The mountains. +> Jinzai +> : The mountains. > -> **Ioan:** Have you done much exploring in the mountains around here? +> Ioan +> : Have you done much exploring in the mountains around here? > -> **Jinzai:** Oh, sure. They're fine. Some of the ones that I've gotten around to visiting are really nice. They've got a lot of variety and all. There are some that are more like the Alps and some that are more like the Himalayas and some that are kind of like the ones back home, but it's not that I miss, like, the idea of mountains. I miss the little bits of the mountains that made them mine. I miss all the little caves that you could find, or when trees that had fallen over and their root-balls had been pulled up and you could sit under them if you weren't afraid of bugs or anything [laughter]. I miss the little shacks that people had built years and years and years ago, and, like, you have no idea what they were there for, right? Maybe this one is next to a pond, so it's for fishing, but then that one is just kind of in the middle of a forest, and it's too big to be an outhouse and too small to be a cabin, so maybe its a, a [snapping fingers] hunting blind? Is that the word? +> Jinzai +> : Oh, sure. They're fine. Some of the ones that I've gotten around to visiting are really nice. They've got a lot of variety and all. There are some that are more like the Alps and some that are more like the Himalayas and some that are kind of like the ones back home, but it's not that I miss, like, the idea of mountains. I miss the little bits of the mountains that made them mine. I miss all the little caves that you could find, or when trees that had fallen over and their root-balls had been pulled up and you could sit under them if you weren't afraid of bugs or anything [laughter]. I miss the little shacks that people had built years and years and years ago, and, like, you have no idea what they were there for, right? Maybe this one is next to a pond, so it's for fishing, but then that one is just kind of in the middle of a forest, and it's too big to be an outhouse and too small to be a cabin, so maybe its a, a [snapping fingers] hunting blind? Is that the word? > -> **Ioan:** Where you sit and wait for animals to go by while hunting? +> Ioan +> : Where you sit and wait for animals to go by while hunting? > -> **Jinzai:** Yes! A hunting blind. And then I miss --- and this is really silly --- I miss logging. It's horrible, right? [laughter] I know that it's horrible. Some people put in logging trails on their mountains, but they don't put those big swaths of woody trash that the loggers leave behind. I kind of miss that, you know? I miss looking out to the next mountain over and seeing this big rectangular patch of brown. I miss hearing chainsaws running miles away across the valley, but it sounds like, I don't know, like a dream, because it's echoing around the hills. +> Jinzai +> : Yes! A hunting blind. And then I miss --- and this is really silly --- I miss logging. It's horrible, right? [laughter] I know that it's horrible. Some people put in logging trails on their mountains, but they don't put those big swaths of woody trash that the loggers leave behind. I kind of miss that, you know? I miss looking out to the next mountain over and seeing this big rectangular patch of brown. I miss hearing chainsaws running miles away across the valley, but it sounds like, I don't know, like a dream, because it's echoing around the hills. > -> **Ioan:** It sounds a little like the mountains you've found here are too perfect, perhaps. Is that sort of what you're saying? +> Ioan +> : It sounds a little like the mountains you've found here are too perfect, perhaps. Is that sort of what you're saying? > -> **Jinzai:** Yeah, I think so. It's too perfect. I don't mind perfection, of course, it's a damn sight better than living a terrible life, but --- oh man, I'm gonna sound like my grandpa when I say this --- it lacks that kind of toughness that makes you build character. Not, like, the character that he meant, in the trash sense of, like, being a big tough guy, but like, I think if you could grow up here around all this perfection, you wouldn't have much character. You'd be pretty boring. [laughter] I guess I'm glad that you can't upload until you're 18, so you at least have a chance to have some comparison to perfect mountains with the shitty ones phys-side. +> Jinzai +> : Yeah, I think so. It's too perfect. I don't mind perfection, of course, it's a damn sight better than living a terrible life, but --- oh man, I'm gonna sound like my grandpa when I say this --- it lacks that kind of toughness that makes you build character. Not, like, the character that he meant, in the trash sense of, like, being a big tough guy, but like, I think if you could grow up here around all this perfection, you wouldn't have much character. You'd be pretty boring. [laughter] I guess I'm glad that you can't upload until you're 18, so you at least have a chance to have some comparison to perfect mountains with the shitty ones phys-side. > -> **Ioan:** What's the first thing that you did after uploading? +> Ioan +> : What's the first thing that you did after uploading? > -> **Jinzai:** Oh man, this is gross, so I'm sorry ahead of time. I ate myself sick. [laughter] I found some of those big sims that are all food and whatever, and I figured, "Hey, I don't have a body, right? I can do whatever!" So I started hopping from sim to sim just absolutely stuffing myself until I felt like I was going to pop, but I started getting super uncomfortable, so I came home and got super sick. [laughter] Sorry, yeah, that's pretty gross. I didn't realize that you could fiddle with your sensa...sensi... +> Jinzai +> : Oh man, this is gross, so I'm sorry ahead of time. I ate myself sick. [laughter] I found some of those big sims that are all food and whatever, and I figured, "Hey, I don't have a body, right? I can do whatever!" So I started hopping from sim to sim just absolutely stuffing myself until I felt like I was going to pop, but I started getting super uncomfortable, so I came home and got super sick. [laughter] Sorry, yeah, that's pretty gross. I didn't realize that you could fiddle with your sensa...sensi... > -> **Ioan:** Sensorium? +> Ioan +> : Sensorium? > -> **Jinzai:** Yeah, sensorium. I didn't know that you could fiddle with it so that you could just keep eating or whatever, but unless you're conscious of it, your mind makes it so that you just kind of work like you do back home. Didn't know that, so I ate until I just about burst. [laughter] +> Jinzai +> : Yeah, sensorium. I didn't know that you could fiddle with it so that you could just keep eating or whatever, but unless you're conscious of it, your mind makes it so that you just kind of work like you do back home. Didn't know that, so I ate until I just about burst. [laughter] > -> **Ioan:** What's your biggest regret about uploading. +> Ioan +> : What's your biggest regret about uploading. > -> **Jinzai:** [long pause] I mean, I said that I wasn't really seeing my kids much back then, and I guess that was true enough. I got to see them two or three times a year when I got rotated between crops and had a few weeks of leave. But like...man. I love them. I love them so much. I love them and I miss them every day, just like I loved them and missed them every day back phys-side. I regret...ah, hell. [long pause] I regret that even though they didn't really know me all that well, that they'll never get to know me at all, now, and all I'll have are these memories and-- [long pause] and the only way I'll ever get to see them again is if they upload and, like, as a dad, I'm not sure that I really want them to. I know it's perfect and all, or at least can be, but I'm not sure I want them to feel like they need to upload to get away from a shit life, and I definitely don't want them to feel like they need to upload just to see me again. +> Jinzai +> : [long pause] I mean, I said that I wasn't really seeing my kids much back then, and I guess that was true enough. I got to see them two or three times a year when I got rotated between crops and had a few weeks of leave. But like...man. I love them. I love them so much. I love them and I miss them every day, just like I loved them and missed them every day back phys-side. I regret...ah, hell. [long pause] I regret that even though they didn't really know me all that well, that they'll never get to know me at all, now, and all I'll have are these memories and-- [long pause] and the only way I'll ever get to see them again is if they upload and, like, as a dad, I'm not sure that I really want them to. I know it's perfect and all, or at least can be, but I'm not sure I want them to feel like they need to upload to get away from a shit life, and I definitely don't want them to feel like they need to upload just to see me again. ----- @@ -46,57 +62,83 @@ And yet, still... ----- -> **Ioan Bălan:** What was the first thing that you did after uploading? +> Ioan Bălan +> : What was the first thing that you did after uploading? > -> **Magnús Einarsson:** Sleep. I don't know why, but for some reason, right after uploading, I felt like all I could do was sleep. +> Magnús Einarsson +> : Sleep. I don't know why, but for some reason, right after uploading, I felt like all I could do was sleep. > -> **Ioan:** Did you have trouble sleeping before you uploaded? +> Ioan +> : Did you have trouble sleeping before you uploaded? > -> **Magnús:** Not particularly, no. At least, I don't think so. I just found a room that I thought would be good and then slept for probably two days straight. That went on for a while, too, I would get up and eat or whatever, try and read a book, and then get so tired that I'd have to sleep again, so I'd sleep another twenty hours. +> Magnús +> : Not particularly, no. At least, I don't think so. I just found a room that I thought would be good and then slept for probably two days straight. That went on for a while, too, I would get up and eat or whatever, try and read a book, and then get so tired that I'd have to sleep again, so I'd sleep another twenty hours. > -> **Ioan:** Do you still sleep a lot? +> Ioan +> : Do you still sleep a lot? > -> **Magnús:** Not nearly so much, no, but still more than I did before uploading. +> Magnús +> : Not nearly so much, no, but still more than I did before uploading. > -> **Ioan:** And you uploaded about thirty years ago? +> Ioan +> : And you uploaded about thirty years ago? > -> **Magnús:** 2292. March 3rd. +> Magnús +> : 2292. March 3rd. > -> **Ioan:** Alright, thank you. +> Ioan +> : Alright, thank you. > -> **Magnús:** Why do you ask? +> Magnús +> : Why do you ask? > -> **Ioan:** I'm specifically looking for people who uploaded in the last 150 years, after they started-- I mean, after they stopped charging to let people upload. +> Ioan +> : I'm specifically looking for people who uploaded in the last 150 years, after they started-- I mean, after they stopped charging to let people upload. > -> **Magnús:** They used to charge? +> Magnús +> : They used to charge? > -> **Ioan:** Yes. Was your family compensated for you to uplooad? +> Ioan +> : Yes. Was your family compensated for you to uplooad? > -> **Magnús:** [laughter] Quite well, yes. It was this big argument between my wife and I. I didn't particularly want to upload, but she said that she'd be able to keep the kids in a better school up North with the funds, and then she'd follow once she was sure that they were in a good spot and that she could say goodbye to them properly and all. We'd heard all about it, and it obviously didn't sound bad at all. It was just...I don't know. It was like being asked to move away forever, even if I knew that she would follow, and that maybe my kids would too, after they had a good life. +> Magnús +> : [laughter] Quite well, yes. It was this big argument between my wife and I. I didn't particularly want to upload, but she said that she'd be able to keep the kids in a better school up North with the funds, and then she'd follow once she was sure that they were in a good spot and that she could say goodbye to them properly and all. We'd heard all about it, and it obviously didn't sound bad at all. It was just...I don't know. It was like being asked to move away forever, even if I knew that she would follow, and that maybe my kids would too, after they had a good life. > -> **Ioan:** Do you regret uploading at-- +> Ioan +> : Do you regret uploading at-- > -> **Magnús:** She never did. +> Magnús +> : She never did. > -> **Ioan:** I'm sorry? +> Ioan +> : I'm sorry? > -> **Magnús:** She never followed. She got the kids in their nice school and remarried. I haven't heard from her in twenty-five years. +> Magnús +> : She never followed. She got the kids in their nice school and remarried. I haven't heard from her in twenty-five years. > -> **Ioan:** I'm sorry to hear that. It must've been hard to hear that from her. +> Ioan +> : I'm sorry to hear that. It must've been hard to hear that from her. > -> **Magnús:** Oh, I didn't hear it from her. I heard it from one of my kids. Anita. They wrote to me and said that mama had moved in with another man and that school was alright and that was that. +> Magnús +> : Oh, I didn't hear it from her. I heard it from one of my kids. Anita. They wrote to me and said that mama had moved in with another man and that school was alright and that was that. > -> **Ioan:** I'm sorry. Do you still talk with your children, at least? +> Ioan +> : I'm sorry. Do you still talk with your children, at least? > -> **Magnús:** I talk with Anita sometimes. They say they might upload in a few years. They say married life isn't what they expected, and now they're in much the same position I was. They have a kid. They're less strapped for cash with their husband's job, but they're still not going to get anywhere. It sounds like they have a much better relationship with their husband, though, so maybe it won't just be the same old cycle again. +> Magnús +> : I talk with Anita sometimes. They say they might upload in a few years. They say married life isn't what they expected, and now they're in much the same position I was. They have a kid. They're less strapped for cash with their husband's job, but they're still not going to get anywhere. It sounds like they have a much better relationship with their husband, though, so maybe it won't just be the same old cycle again. > -> **Ioan:** How do you feel about that as an option for them? +> Ioan +> : How do you feel about that as an option for them? > -> **Magnús:** I don't know. Disappointed? Disappointed but not surprised? If they do wind up coming here, then I am going to do my best to make up for lost time. +> Magnús +> : I don't know. Disappointed? Disappointed but not surprised? If they do wind up coming here, then I am going to do my best to make up for lost time. > -> **Ioan:** What sorts of things will you show them when they upload? What are some things that you like best up here? +> Ioan +> : What sorts of things will you show them when they upload? What are some things that you like best up here? > -> **Magnús:** There's the things that I like best, and then the things that I think we'll like best together. The things that I like best are the really relaxing things. I like swimming and then going and laying on the grass. I like reading. I like just sim-hopping and people watching. The things that I think we'll like best together are probably some of the game sims that people have set up. They really liked a lot of the spy sims back on the 'net, like the ones where you hide behind walls and sneak through a base and play capture the flag or whatever. I always found them stressful when I did them on my own, but doing one with them, one where we had to escape from a search party, is one of my best memories with them. They have some good ones here that I think they'd like. +> Magnús +> : There's the things that I like best, and then the things that I think we'll like best together. The things that I like best are the really relaxing things. I like swimming and then going and laying on the grass. I like reading. I like just sim-hopping and people watching. The things that I think we'll like best together are probably some of the game sims that people have set up. They really liked a lot of the spy sims back on the 'net, like the ones where you hide behind walls and sneak through a base and play capture the flag or whatever. I always found them stressful when I did them on my own, but doing one with them, one where we had to escape from a search party, is one of my best memories with them. They have some good ones here that I think they'd like. ----- @@ -112,41 +154,59 @@ It just felt an awful lot like those who had helped the most with Secession used ----- -> **Ioan Bălan:** What was the most disappointing thing that happened or that you saw after uploading? +> Ioan Bălan +> : What was the most disappointing thing that happened or that you saw after uploading? > -> **Rosemary Seeley:** I think just how lonely it was at first. +> Rosemary Seeley +> : I think just how lonely it was at first. > -> **Ioan:** Can you expand on that? +> Ioan +> : Can you expand on that? > -> **Rosemary:** I mean, when you first upload, you're kinda dumped into a set of common areas until you figure out where you're going to stay or whatever. You can meet up with family members if you have them --- I didn't --- or you can meet up with those of a similar culture or religion --- I'm from the middle of the blandest town on the planet and don't hold to any religion --- or maybe you can meet up with others based around a similar interest. Thing is, I'm really interested in just cooking and chatting and reading. +> Rosemary +> : I mean, when you first upload, you're kinda dumped into a set of common areas until you figure out where you're going to stay or whatever. You can meet up with family members if you have them --- I didn't --- or you can meet up with those of a similar culture or religion --- I'm from the middle of the blandest town on the planet and don't hold to any religion --- or maybe you can meet up with others based around a similar interest. Thing is, I'm really interested in just cooking and chatting and reading. > -> **Ioan:** Were you able to find any groups for cooking or reading? +> Ioan +> : Were you able to find any groups for cooking or reading? > -> **Rosemary:** Not at first, which I think is what made it feel so isolating. People talk about System Freeze, and I can guarantee you it's real. [laughter] +> Rosemary +> : Not at first, which I think is what made it feel so isolating. People talk about System Freeze, and I can guarantee you it's real. [laughter] > -> **Ioan:** How would you describe System Freeze? +> Ioan +> : How would you describe System Freeze? > -> **Rosemary:** Well, I mean, I was poor as dirt back on Earth. I was a pretty good cook who liked to read mystery novels when she wasn't working. If you're poor as dirt, you're only going to get so good at cooking, though, and you're only going to be reading a certain kind of mystery novel. It's not like I went through a ton of schooling to be reading anything high-minded, and what can I say, I'm a sucker for pulp. So I upload and wind up staying in a communal sim somewhere and every time I go out to look for people who like cooking, it's all these people who are *super* into it and have all this weird experience, so all I can do is take classes, and I feel like a real hick. Then I go out and look for reading clubs or people who like mystery novels, and all I can find are these groups that read what I liked ironically so that they can dunk on it with friends. +> Rosemary +> : Well, I mean, I was poor as dirt back on Earth. I was a pretty good cook who liked to read mystery novels when she wasn't working. If you're poor as dirt, you're only going to get so good at cooking, though, and you're only going to be reading a certain kind of mystery novel. It's not like I went through a ton of schooling to be reading anything high-minded, and what can I say, I'm a sucker for pulp. So I upload and wind up staying in a communal sim somewhere and every time I go out to look for people who like cooking, it's all these people who are *super* into it and have all this weird experience, so all I can do is take classes, and I feel like a real hick. Then I go out and look for reading clubs or people who like mystery novels, and all I can find are these groups that read what I liked ironically so that they can dunk on it with friends. > -> **Ioan:** I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds really alienating. +> Ioan +> : I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds really alienating. > -> **Rosemary:** It was, yeah. +> Rosemary +> : It was, yeah. > -> **Ioan:** You said it was lonely at first. What was it that helped it be less lonely for you? +> Ioan +> : You said it was lonely at first. What was it that helped it be less lonely for you? > -> **Rosemary:** Oh, you're going to laugh at this. It's really embarrassing. +> Rosemary +> : Oh, you're going to laugh at this. It's really embarrassing. > -> **Ioan:** You don't need to share if it's uncomfortable, of course. +> Ioan +> : You don't need to share if it's uncomfortable, of course. > -> **Rosemary:** No, no. It's funny now. Just embarrassing. I started lying. I said that I was an author of a series of books that were mysteries that were also cookbooks. I said I was this schlock author who wrote terrible novels with mediocre recipes and just kept pumping them out as fast as I could under a bunch of different pseudonyms and that I got really tired of writing them and how bad they were, so I uploaded. I started just going to a few of those ironic book clubs and a few of the cooking classes and started talking about these horrible books that I'd written. Weird thing is? People started saying that they remembered them! I guess it is a real genre that people write, so any time someone said they remembered a book I'd laugh and look all embarrassed and say something like, "Oh nooo, that one was so bad! Paid the bills, though." [laughter] Eventually, I kind of dropped the bit, but by then, I'd gotten a few friends who were interested in just cooking normal things for each other, and a few others who actually liked the pulpy mysteries, and that's how I broke through it. +> Rosemary +> : No, no. It's funny now. Just embarrassing. I started lying. I said that I was an author of a series of books that were mysteries that were also cookbooks. I said I was this schlock author who wrote terrible novels with mediocre recipes and just kept pumping them out as fast as I could under a bunch of different pseudonyms and that I got really tired of writing them and how bad they were, so I uploaded. I started just going to a few of those ironic book clubs and a few of the cooking classes and started talking about these horrible books that I'd written. Weird thing is? People started saying that they remembered them! I guess it is a real genre that people write, so any time someone said they remembered a book I'd laugh and look all embarrassed and say something like, "Oh nooo, that one was so bad! Paid the bills, though." [laughter] Eventually, I kind of dropped the bit, but by then, I'd gotten a few friends who were interested in just cooking normal things for each other, and a few others who actually liked the pulpy mysteries, and that's how I broke through it. > -> **Ioan:** [laughter] That's really clever. +> Ioan +> : [laughter] That's really clever. > -> **Rosemary:** The one time I've been proud of lying, yeah. +> Rosemary +> : The one time I've been proud of lying, yeah. > -> **Ioan:** What would you suggest that others experiencing System Freeze do? +> Ioan +> : What would you suggest that others experiencing System Freeze do? > -> **Rosemary:** Don't wait for it to solve itself, and don't wear yourself out searching. You can just make whatever interest group you want, and if one exists, just be willing to get folded into it. You won't even have to lie. [laughter] But that's just the start. If you don't actually want to keep up with the interest group long-term, that's fine, your only real goal is to start meeting people, then things start to thaw. +> Rosemary +> : Don't wait for it to solve itself, and don't wear yourself out searching. You can just make whatever interest group you want, and if one exists, just be willing to get folded into it. You won't even have to lie. [laughter] But that's just the start. If you don't actually want to keep up with the interest group long-term, that's fine, your only real goal is to start meeting people, then things start to thaw. ----- @@ -164,33 +224,45 @@ So much was going on that had gone on before and so many of the same actors were ----- -> **Ioan:** How do you feel about the launch project? +> Ioan +> : How do you feel about the launch project? > -> **Jinzai:** [shrugging] It feels largely irrelevant to me. I'm here to help my kids, and if they upload some day, I want to be here for them. +> Jinzai +> : [shrugging] It feels largely irrelevant to me. I'm here to help my kids, and if they upload some day, I want to be here for them. > -> **Ioan:** Did you send a fork to go along with the launches? +> Ioan +> : Did you send a fork to go along with the launches? > -> **Jinzai:** No, I never really felt comfortable with forking. Just me here on the station. +> Jinzai +> : No, I never really felt comfortable with forking. Just me here on the station. > ----- -> **Ioan:** How do you feel about the launch? +> Ioan +> : How do you feel about the launch? > -> **Magnús:** I don't care. It doesn't matter, does it? It's just this wild-eyed idea that feels like it doesn't have much relevance. I don't remember having any interest in [said in a singsong voice] exploring the galaxy when I was on Earth, and I don't have any now, so why bother? I don't think anyone else did, down there, either. +> Magnús +> : I don't care. It doesn't matter, does it? It's just this wild-eyed idea that feels like it doesn't have much relevance. I don't remember having any interest in [said in a singsong voice] exploring the galaxy when I was on Earth, and I don't have any now, so why bother? I don't think anyone else did, down there, either. > -> **Ioan:** Did you send a fork along with the launches? +> Ioan +> : Did you send a fork along with the launches? > -> **Magnús:** Never forked before. Never got the hang of it. +> Magnús +> : Never forked before. Never got the hang of it. ----- -> **Ioan:** How do you feel about the launch? +> Ioan +> : How do you feel about the launch? > -> **Rosemary:** It felt silly, you know? Like this big, grand idea that some folks get, and it was just kind of one of those things that folks do just to say they can, like going to Mars, or creating their own wild sim. +> Rosemary +> : It felt silly, you know? Like this big, grand idea that some folks get, and it was just kind of one of those things that folks do just to say they can, like going to Mars, or creating their own wild sim. > -> **Ioan:** Did you send a fork along with the launches? +> Ioan +> : Did you send a fork along with the launches? > -> **Rosemary:** Yeah. I figured, "Why not? No harm in going so long as I can stay here, right?" +> Rosemary +> : Yeah. I figured, "Why not? No harm in going so long as I can stay here, right?" ----- diff --git a/content/read/041.md b/content/read/041.md index 7a0cac9..265f37b 100644 --- a/content/read/041.md +++ b/content/read/041.md @@ -18,177 +18,262 @@ So here he was, sitting on his bed, reading until either May Then My Name or Ioa Tonight, it was Ioan. -> **Ioan Bălan:** Good evening, Douglas. Let me know when you're around. +> Ioan Bălan +> : Good evening, Douglas. Let me know when you're around. > -> **Douglas Hadje:** I'm around. How are you, Ioan? +> Douglas Hadje +> : I'm around. How are you, Ioan? > -> **Ioan:** I'm doing well. And yourself? +> Ioan +> : I'm doing well. And yourself? > -> **Ioan:** And by the way, it's just me, tonight. May has fallen asleep. +> Ioan +> : And by the way, it's just me, tonight. May has fallen asleep. > -> **Ioan:** All of her, actually. It's like the planets aligning sometimes. A bit of blessed quiet. +> Ioan +> : All of her, actually. It's like the planets aligning sometimes. A bit of blessed quiet. > -> **Douglas:** I'm alright. Was actually just waiting up to hear from you. Things are pretty boring with no further launch stuff to do. +> Douglas +> : I'm alright. Was actually just waiting up to hear from you. Things are pretty boring with no further launch stuff to do. > -> **Douglas:** Is May Then My Name loud in person? +> Douglas +> : Is May Then My Name loud in person? > -> **Ioan:** Oh, not really. She's just very +> Ioan +> : Oh, not really. She's just very > -> **Ioan:** Hmm. +> Ioan +> : Hmm. > -> **Ioan:** Intense, is maybe the right word? She doesn't chatter all of the time or run around or anything. Usually, she's just working and she does all of her work mentally rather than on paper. She'll have good conversations with me or with you, putter around, clean or cook, which I realize makes her sound very domestic, which isn't really the case. Those are just things she enjoys. +> Ioan +> : Intense, is maybe the right word? She doesn't chatter all of the time or run around or anything. Usually, she's just working and she does all of her work mentally rather than on paper. She'll have good conversations with me or with you, putter around, clean or cook, which I realize makes her sound very domestic, which isn't really the case. Those are just things she enjoys. > -> **Ioan:** But the whole time that she's doing those things, she's intense. Her expression, her personality, her words, her smile, her laugh, her eyes. +> Ioan +> : But the whole time that she's doing those things, she's intense. Her expression, her personality, her words, her smile, her laugh, her eyes. > -> **Ioan:** That's one of those things that always strikes me as funny. You know, the whole thing about how eyes are just spheres, not actually emotive. +> Ioan +> : That's one of those things that always strikes me as funny. You know, the whole thing about how eyes are just spheres, not actually emotive. > -> **Ioan:** But hers are intense. +> Ioan +> : But hers are intense. > -> **Douglas:** The intensity comes through even in text, so I believe you. So it's nice having a break from that intensity? +> Douglas +> : The intensity comes through even in text, so I believe you. So it's nice having a break from that intensity? > -> **Ioan:** Yeah, basically. It's nice when we sleep. The time before we head to bed is much calmer. Just a lot of talking and such. She's a very physically affectionate person, which I was not used to at all when she moved in. +> Ioan +> : Yeah, basically. It's nice when we sleep. The time before we head to bed is much calmer. Just a lot of talking and such. She's a very physically affectionate person, which I was not used to at all when she moved in. Douglas laughed, considered his options, shrugged, and typed his response. -> **Douglas:** That also comes through in text, in a way. You two sound like a cute couple. +> Douglas +> : That also comes through in text, in a way. You two sound like a cute couple. > -> **Ioan:** Huh. +> Ioan +> : Huh. > -> **Ioan:** You know, I'd never really considered that. +> Ioan +> : You know, I'd never really considered that. > -> **Ioan:** 'That' meaning being a couple. +> Ioan +> : 'That' meaning being a couple. > -> **Ioan:** I don't know that we are, actually. +> Ioan +> : I don't know that we are, actually. > -> **Douglas:** "Don't know"? +> Douglas +> : "Don't know"? > -> **Douglas:** Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume. +> Douglas +> : Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume. > -> **Ioan:** It's alright. I also don't know that we aren't. Sometimes the question will come up in my mind and I'll wonder about it a little, but it always slips away and then I'm back to organizing my pen collection or whatever May accuses me of. +> Ioan +> : It's alright. I also don't know that we aren't. Sometimes the question will come up in my mind and I'll wonder about it a little, but it always slips away and then I'm back to organizing my pen collection or whatever May accuses me of. > -> **Douglas:** But you've never talked with her about it? +> Douglas +> : But you've never talked with her about it? > -> **Ioan:** No. Same problem as mentioned above. Every time I think of asking she's already asleep or too busy or I'm out on an interview as #Tracker and then it just slips my mind. +> Ioan +> : No. Same problem as mentioned above. Every time I think of asking she's already asleep or too busy or I'm out on an interview as #Tracker and then it just slips my mind. > -> **Ioan:** You can't be a couple without agreeing that you are, right? So maybe that means we aren't? I have no idea, it's all far above my pay grade. +> Ioan +> : You can't be a couple without agreeing that you are, right? So maybe that means we aren't? I have no idea, it's all far above my pay grade. > -> **Douglas:** Do you want to be? +> Douglas +> : Do you want to be? > -> **Ioan:** I definitely don't know that! I'm not really comfortable continuing to talk about this, though. +> Ioan +> : I definitely don't know that! I'm not really comfortable continuing to talk about this, though. > -> **Douglas:** No problem. +> Douglas +> : No problem. > -> **Ioan:** Needless to say, she's intense. The whole damn clade is. +> Ioan +> : Needless to say, she's intense. The whole damn clade is. > -> **Douglas:** The Ode clade, was it? +> Douglas +> : The Ode clade, was it? > -> **Ioan:** Yes. Or the Odists if you want something shorter. +> Ioan +> : Yes. Or the Odists if you want something shorter. > -> **Douglas:** Can you tell me more about them? They sound fascinating, and I've always wondered. +> Douglas +> : Can you tell me more about them? They sound fascinating, and I've always wondered. > -> **Ioan:** I can tell you a little bit. It's more on her to answer the details. They can be tight-lipped about the weirdest things. +> Ioan +> : I can tell you a little bit. It's more on her to answer the details. They can be tight-lipped about the weirdest things. > -> **Douglas:** Of course. I'm eager to know, but don't want to pry. +> Douglas +> : Of course. I'm eager to know, but don't want to pry. > -> **Ioan:** So, the Ode clade is very old. They've been around for ages. There are quite a few of them. I did a bunch of work with one of them named Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled about twenty years back, and that's how I got to know them. We've had an on-again-off-again working relationship. +> Ioan +> : So, the Ode clade is very old. They've been around for ages. There are quite a few of them. I did a bunch of work with one of them named Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled about twenty years back, and that's how I got to know them. We've had an on-again-off-again working relationship. > -> **Ioan:** Though, now that I think about it, one of my forks --- my only real cocladist --- has found emself in a romantic relationship with Dear. +> Ioan +> : Though, now that I think about it, one of my forks --- my only real cocladist --- has found emself in a romantic relationship with Dear. > -> **Ioan:** You have to understand, though, every single Odist I've met (except maybe one, who isn't around anymore) has been completely and utterly charming, so maybe it's just a them thing. +> Ioan +> : You have to understand, though, every single Odist I've met (except maybe one, who isn't around anymore) has been completely and utterly charming, so maybe it's just a them thing. > -> **Ioan:** Anyway, They're all incredibly strange, is what I'm saying. +> Ioan +> : Anyway, They're all incredibly strange, is what I'm saying. > -> **Ioan:** Another thing about them is that they are, to a one, magnets for strange goings on. I guess that's part of being strange overall, but even so, every one of them has this incredible story about these events that have happened around them. I don't think it's a conscious thing, necessarily. Just by virtue of their intensity, they live through intense happenings, or have intense friends, or elicit intense reactions from those around them. +> Ioan +> : Another thing about them is that they are, to a one, magnets for strange goings on. I guess that's part of being strange overall, but even so, every one of them has this incredible story about these events that have happened around them. I don't think it's a conscious thing, necessarily. Just by virtue of their intensity, they live through intense happenings, or have intense friends, or elicit intense reactions from those around them. > -> **Ioan:** For example --- and this is public information here, now, I don't know if it ever made it phys-side --- it was one of them who discovered (or at least was the first who was public about) the fact that those who live sys-side can't ever actually forget things. Instead of simply publishing some sort of report or studying the reality of it, he adopted the persona of a biblical teacher and organized an entire scavenger hunt to try and get the rest of the clade interested. +> Ioan +> : For example --- and this is public information here, now, I don't know if it ever made it phys-side --- it was one of them who discovered (or at least was the first who was public about) the fact that those who live sys-side can't ever actually forget things. Instead of simply publishing some sort of report or studying the reality of it, he adopted the persona of a biblical teacher and organized an entire scavenger hunt to try and get the rest of the clade interested. > -> **Douglas:** That sounds dramatic. +> Douglas +> : That sounds dramatic. > -> **Ioan:** Agreed! +> Ioan +> : Agreed! > -> **Ioan:** I was going to say that they're not really dramatic, just intense, but it's definitely both. +> Ioan +> : I was going to say that they're not really dramatic, just intense, but it's definitely both. > -> **Douglas:** Can you tell me about their names? They all seem similar to the snippets of poetry that May Then My Name kept sending me. +> Douglas +> : Can you tell me about their names? They all seem similar to the snippets of poetry that May Then My Name kept sending me. > -> **Ioan:** They're all poetic, I can certainly say that, but that's also a very, very touchy subject for them, enough that Qoheleth, the aforementioned Odist who did the scavenger hunt, the one I mentioned isn't here anymore, was assassinated for trying to divulge information about their names. +> Ioan +> : They're all poetic, I can certainly say that, but that's also a very, very touchy subject for them, enough that Qoheleth, the aforementioned Odist who did the scavenger hunt, the one I mentioned isn't here anymore, was assassinated for trying to divulge information about their names. > -> **Douglas:** Assassinated?! +> Douglas +> : Assassinated?! > -> **Douglas:** That's a thing that can happen, sys-side? +> Douglas +> : That's a thing that can happen, sys-side? > -> **Ioan:** Unfortunately, yes. It's rare, thankfully. There are viruses of a sort that interrupt the sys-side mind enough to cause it to lose coherency and just sort of disappear. +> Ioan +> : Unfortunately, yes. It's rare, thankfully. There are viruses of a sort that interrupt the sys-side mind enough to cause it to lose coherency and just sort of disappear. > -> **Ioan:** You told us you still have implants and rigs out there, right? It's like when your avatar crashes, except it's your personality instead. +> Ioan +> : You told us you still have implants and rigs out there, right? It's like when your avatar crashes, except it's your personality instead. > -> **Douglas:** That's absolutely horrifying. I'll go ahead and add that to the bucket of fears right alongside nuclear and biological warfare. +> Douglas +> : That's absolutely horrifying. I'll go ahead and add that to the bucket of fears right alongside nuclear and biological warfare. > -> **Ioan:** Again, they're not at all common, and they by convention have to be tied to a physical object, usually a syringe, so they are visible. They also need to be tailored to the target, which is why we say 'assassination' rather than murder. It's very premeditated and there's no way to prosecute. Any time that someone has considered designing ones that aren't or which are more widespread, there's an incredible backlash. Happens once every twenty years or so. +> Ioan +> : Again, they're not at all common, and they by convention have to be tied to a physical object, usually a syringe, so they are visible. They also need to be tailored to the target, which is why we say 'assassination' rather than murder. It's very premeditated and there's no way to prosecute. Any time that someone has considered designing ones that aren't or which are more widespread, there's an incredible backlash. Happens once every twenty years or so. > -> **Douglas:** That's not super encouraging, but I'll try not to let it get to me. +> Douglas +> : That's not super encouraging, but I'll try not to let it get to me. > -> **Ioan:** Well, let's change the subject, then, just to keep it from being anxiety-inducing. I know that May will ask this, so, when do you think you'll upload? +> Ioan +> : Well, let's change the subject, then, just to keep it from being anxiety-inducing. I know that May will ask this, so, when do you think you'll upload? > -> **Douglas:** Hah, well, I guess she would. I was thinking within a year. +> Douglas +> : Hah, well, I guess she would. I was thinking within a year. > -> **Douglas:** My duties are all wrapping up all at once, it feels like, so, maybe when they tell me to get planet-side. +> Douglas +> : My duties are all wrapping up all at once, it feels like, so, maybe when they tell me to get planet-side. > -> **Ioan:** I have a suggestion, if you're interested. +> Ioan +> : I have a suggestion, if you're interested. > -> **Douglas:** Oh? +> Douglas +> : Oh? > -> **Ioan:** Upload on the one-year anniversary of the launch. +> Ioan +> : Upload on the one-year anniversary of the launch. > -> **Douglas:** Why? +> Douglas +> : Why? > -> **Ioan:** The Odists are total suckers for symbolism. If you do it on Secession and Launch Day, May will lose her damn mind. +> Ioan +> : The Odists are total suckers for symbolism. If you do it on Secession and Launch Day, May will lose her damn mind. > -> **Ioan:** In a good way, I mean. You'll get to see it, I'm sure. It's quite the spectacle. +> Ioan +> : In a good way, I mean. You'll get to see it, I'm sure. It's quite the spectacle. > -> **Douglas:** It's not a bad idea, actually. I'll pester the commission to ensure that I'm up here for that. +> Douglas +> : It's not a bad idea, actually. I'll pester the commission to ensure that I'm up here for that. > -> **Ioan:** Really? You're seriously considering it? +> Ioan +> : Really? You're seriously considering it? > -> **Douglas:** If you had left the planning up to me, I'm not sure I'd ever do it. I'd just keep on cycling and worrying and never actually do anything, but give me a little push, and I'll make it happen. +> Douglas +> : If you had left the planning up to me, I'm not sure I'd ever do it. I'd just keep on cycling and worrying and never actually do anything, but give me a little push, and I'll make it happen. > -> **Ioan:** I believe it. Keep me in the loop! +> Ioan +> : I believe it. Keep me in the loop! > -> **Douglas:** Should I tell May Then My Name or keep it a surprise? +> Douglas +> : Should I tell May Then My Name or keep it a surprise? > -> **Ioan:** Can you keep it a secret for the next six months or so? +> Ioan +> : Can you keep it a secret for the next six months or so? > -> **Douglas:** Sure, I guess. +> Douglas +> : Sure, I guess. > -> **Ioan:** Great. Please do. I want to see her go nuts. +> Ioan +> : Great. Please do. I want to see her go nuts. > -> **Ioan:** Strange question: you say that you don't start projects without a little push, but you also said that you applied for the launch director position on a whim. +> Ioan +> : Strange question: you say that you don't start projects without a little push, but you also said that you applied for the launch director position on a whim. > -> **Ioan:** Are you sure there was no push for you to apply? +> Ioan +> : Are you sure there was no push for you to apply? > -> **Douglas:** Huh. +> Douglas +> : Huh. > -> **Douglas:** I...will have to think on that and get back to you. +> Douglas +> : I...will have to think on that and get back to you. > -> **Douglas:** Why do you ask? +> Douglas +> : Why do you ask? > -> **Ioan:** Well. +> Ioan +> : Well. > -> **Ioan:** I'm not sure I can tell you without compromising some agreements on my end. +> Ioan +> : I'm not sure I can tell you without compromising some agreements on my end. > -> **Ioan:** With May and the other Odists, I mean. +> Ioan +> : With May and the other Odists, I mean. > -> **Ioan:** I'll make sure May tells you at some point, though, alright? +> Ioan +> : I'll make sure May tells you at some point, though, alright? > -> **Douglas:** Sure. +> Douglas +> : Sure. > -> **Douglas:** I mean, it sounds complicated, but like you say, they're a complicated group. +> Douglas +> : I mean, it sounds complicated, but like you say, they're a complicated group. > -> **Douglas:** I'll think about it, though, see if I can remember anything. +> Douglas +> : I'll think about it, though, see if I can remember anything. > -> **Ioan:** Thanks! +> Ioan +> : Thanks! > -> **Ioan:** May's all sacked out in bed, so I think I'll go join her. +> Ioan +> : May's all sacked out in bed, so I think I'll go join her. > -> **Ioan:** Goodnight, Douglas. Sleep well, and keep in touch! +> Ioan +> : Goodnight, Douglas. Sleep well, and keep in touch! Douglas made his goodbyes and then stretched out on his own bed, still grinning at the idea of Ioan sharing a bed with May and still not knowing whether or not they were in a relationship. diff --git a/content/read/048.md b/content/read/048.md index 8abe2b6..e5dc39c 100644 --- a/content/read/048.md +++ b/content/read/048.md @@ -1,214 +1,317 @@ # Douglas Hadje --- 2325 -> **May Then My Name Die With Me:** Douglas +> May Then My Name Die With Me +> : Douglas > -> **May Then My Name:** Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas +> May Then My Name +> : Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas Douglas > -> **May Then My Name:** Mister Douglas Hadje, Master of Spaceflight and Doctor of whatever the hell your degree is in, call on line one. +> May Then My Name +> : Mister Douglas Hadje, Master of Spaceflight and Doctor of whatever the hell your degree is in, call on line one. > -> **May Then My Name:** Oh, whatever. Just let me know when you get this! +> May Then My Name +> : Oh, whatever. Just let me know when you get this! It took a moment for Douglas to compose himself when he returned to his terminal after yet another evening of sitting in the Pollux control tower, now largely remade into an observation bubble, despite the increased gravity. It was quiet, it was dark, it was calm, and there was nothing to see except the same Earth-rise-moon-rise cycle every thirty seconds or so. So, when he returned back to his room to a series of messages that felt loud, bright, raucous, it took a moment for his mind to adjust. -> **Douglas Hadje:** My doctorate is also in space flight. I did my thesis on booster stress in reusable launch vehicles. +> Douglas Hadje +> : My doctorate is also in space flight. I did my thesis on booster stress in reusable launch vehicles. > -> **Douglas:** Now, how may I help you? +> Douglas +> : Now, how may I help you? > -> **May Then My Name:** That is just *fantastically* boring, my dear. +> May Then My Name +> : That is just *fantastically* boring, my dear. > -> **Douglas:** Oh, it was boring as hell. I'll send it to you sometime. +> Douglas +> : Oh, it was boring as hell. I'll send it to you sometime. > -> **May Then My Name:** If you would like. +> May Then My Name +> : If you would like. > -> **May Then My Name:** I will not read it. +> May Then My Name +> : I will not read it. > -> **May Then My Name:** Also, hi. Good evening. Have you had a good day? +> May Then My Name +> : Also, hi. Good evening. Have you had a good day? > -> **Douglas:** That was also boring as hell. I keep going for walks or trying to read or whatever, but there's only so much here to keep myself interested when I based most of my life on my job. +> Douglas +> : That was also boring as hell. I keep going for walks or trying to read or whatever, but there's only so much here to keep myself interested when I based most of my life on my job. > -> **May Then My Name:** That does not sound healthy. +> May Then My Name +> : That does not sound healthy. > -> **Douglas:** Can confirm: not healthy. +> Douglas +> : Can confirm: not healthy. > -> **May Then My Name:** Well, fucking upload already. +> May Then My Name +> : Well, fucking upload already. > -> **May Then My Name:** We can go out for drinks and build up your tolerance again, or you can go walk some place that has a horizon. Ioan took me on a hike a while back, we can take you there. +> May Then My Name +> : We can go out for drinks and build up your tolerance again, or you can go walk some place that has a horizon. Ioan took me on a hike a while back, we can take you there. > -> **Douglas:** Before long. A few months, probably, so that I can finish things up here. +> Douglas +> : Before long. A few months, probably, so that I can finish things up here. > -> **May Then My Name:** !!! +> May Then My Name +> : !!! > -> **May Then My Name:** Good! Excellent! I will look forward to the day. +> May Then My Name +> : Good! Excellent! I will look forward to the day. > -> **Douglas:** I'll keep you apprised, then. Where's Ioan today? +> Douglas +> : I'll keep you apprised, then. Where's Ioan today? > -> **May Then My Name:** Ey is here, but in heads-down mode. It can get frustrating sometimes, because when ey gets in that mindset, ey will not be able to fork effectively. If ey tries, the fork will just spend all of eir time whining about not being at work. +> May Then My Name +> : Ey is here, but in heads-down mode. It can get frustrating sometimes, because when ey gets in that mindset, ey will not be able to fork effectively. If ey tries, the fork will just spend all of eir time whining about not being at work. > -> **Douglas:** Like me, huh? +> Douglas +> : Like me, huh? > -> **May Then My Name:** You said it, not me. +> May Then My Name +> : You said it, not me. > -> **May Then My Name:** Anyway, I messaged you to ask you about something that you have mentioned a few times so far. Do you have it in you to answer some questions? +> May Then My Name +> : Anyway, I messaged you to ask you about something that you have mentioned a few times so far. Do you have it in you to answer some questions? > -> **Douglas:** Sure, why not. My first meeting is in the afternoon, tomorrow, and it's just a weekly safety briefing. Talk my ear off, I could use the distraction. +> Douglas +> : Sure, why not. My first meeting is in the afternoon, tomorrow, and it's just a weekly safety briefing. Talk my ear off, I could use the distraction. > -> **May Then My Name:** Yes, you certainly could. +> May Then My Name +> : Yes, you certainly could. > -> **May Then My Name:** You mentioned that there had been sabotage attempts. We were surprised when we heard that initially, but it had been in the middle of some other conversations that we did not want to derail, so we have been holding onto it until a time when there was not much else going on. Can you tell us about those? +> May Then My Name +> : You mentioned that there had been sabotage attempts. We were surprised when we heard that initially, but it had been in the middle of some other conversations that we did not want to derail, so we have been holding onto it until a time when there was not much else going on. Can you tell us about those? > -> **Douglas:** Oh, sure. +> Douglas +> : Oh, sure. > -> **Douglas:** There were two big ones and one small one. You heard the small one, which was that tech knocking me off the edge of the torus. The other techs out there with us tackled him and tied him up in his own tether to bring him back into the station. One of them suggested just ripping off his suit then and there, but that was a reaction out of anger, and it's hard to stay angry out in space when you're all terrified of dying anyway, so they did the right thing. +> Douglas +> : There were two big ones and one small one. You heard the small one, which was that tech knocking me off the edge of the torus. The other techs out there with us tackled him and tied him up in his own tether to bring him back into the station. One of them suggested just ripping off his suit then and there, but that was a reaction out of anger, and it's hard to stay angry out in space when you're all terrified of dying anyway, so they did the right thing. > -> **Douglas:** He was brought inside, taped to a chair (there used to be a security station with a cell for when the torus was a hotel, but it was repurposed at some point), and then confined to quarters until the next shuttle could come pick him up. +> Douglas +> : He was brought inside, taped to a chair (there used to be a security station with a cell for when the torus was a hotel, but it was repurposed at some point), and then confined to quarters until the next shuttle could come pick him up. > -> **May Then My Name:** How did he even get in there to begin with? +> May Then My Name +> : How did he even get in there to begin with? > -> **Douglas:** As far as I could tell, just lying really well, or perhaps it really was just a spur of the moment act as he argued in court. It was his second EVA, so there wasn't exactly much time to suss out if there was anything up with him. +> Douglas +> : As far as I could tell, just lying really well, or perhaps it really was just a spur of the moment act as he argued in court. It was his second EVA, so there wasn't exactly much time to suss out if there was anything up with him. > -> **Douglas:** It's weird, though. You have to have an MSf to even do EVAs here, and even just getting into that program, not to mention getting a job out here, requires a lot of psychological testing and the like. He must have been pretty good at lying. +> Douglas +> : It's weird, though. You have to have an MSf to even do EVAs here, and even just getting into that program, not to mention getting a job out here, requires a lot of psychological testing and the like. He must have been pretty good at lying. > -> **May Then My Name:** You said that he was sent back to Earth and charged. What were the charges? How did that work? +> May Then My Name +> : You said that he was sent back to Earth and charged. What were the charges? How did that work? > -> **Douglas:** I don't know too much about it, honestly. I know he was charged with attempted murder and there was a whole flurry of articles about how the case was groundbreaking as the first attempted murder in the vacuum of space. He was convicted, then probably sentenced to jail. +> Douglas +> : I don't know too much about it, honestly. I know he was charged with attempted murder and there was a whole flurry of articles about how the case was groundbreaking as the first attempted murder in the vacuum of space. He was convicted, then probably sentenced to jail. > -> **May Then My Name:** What does jail look like? +> May Then My Name +> : What does jail look like? > -> **Douglas:** Depends on where you are and what you did. I think for something like attempted murder, he was just put in sim for a while, unable to back out. +> Douglas +> : Depends on where you are and what you did. I think for something like attempted murder, he was just put in sim for a while, unable to back out. > -> **May Then My Name:** Really? What a nightmare. +> May Then My Name +> : Really? What a nightmare. > -> **Douglas:** It's not like he's just put in a sim of a jail cell to rot or anything. As far as I know, it's just a tightly regimented day, most of it in a solitary sim, the rest in a shared sim with other prisoners. +> Douglas +> : It's not like he's just put in a sim of a jail cell to rot or anything. As far as I know, it's just a tightly regimented day, most of it in a solitary sim, the rest in a shared sim with other prisoners. > -> **May Then My Name:** Not able to back out, though. Even the thought of that makes me feel ill. +> May Then My Name +> : Not able to back out, though. Even the thought of that makes me feel ill. > -> **Douglas:** Why? Aren't you kind of in that state right now? +> Douglas +> : Why? Aren't you kind of in that state right now? > -> **May Then My Name:** When you upload, you will see how the comparison fails. But it is terrifying because I am old enough to remember the lost. +> May Then My Name +> : When you upload, you will see how the comparison fails. But it is terrifying because I am old enough to remember the lost. > -> **Douglas:** That virus or whatever that was getting people stuck in the 'net? Didn't that hit Michelle? +> Douglas +> : That virus or whatever that was getting people stuck in the 'net? Didn't that hit Michelle? > -> **May Then My Name:** Yes. Remember when I talked about how 80% her days were bad days? That is why. +> May Then My Name +> : Yes. Remember when I talked about how 80% her days were bad days? That is why. > -> **Douglas:** Oh, shit. Yeah, I can see how that'd be terrifying, then. +> Douglas +> : Oh, shit. Yeah, I can see how that'd be terrifying, then. > -> **May Then My Name:** On to brighter subjects, then. You mentioned bigger sabotage attempts. +> May Then My Name +> : On to brighter subjects, then. You mentioned bigger sabotage attempts. > -> **Douglas:** Much brighter. +> Douglas +> : Much brighter. > -> **Douglas:** Well, one of them was here station-side, and one was back planet-side. The one up here was when one of the mechanics (who don't need an MSf) had smuggled up some type of plastic explosive in their luggage. I think it was actually the fabric lining of the case, something where thin strands of explosive were coated in plastic and woven just like one normally would. It was powerful enough and its target small enough, that even just that suitcase lining would have been enough to do the trick. +> Douglas +> : Well, one of them was here station-side, and one was back planet-side. The one up here was when one of the mechanics (who don't need an MSf) had smuggled up some type of plastic explosive in their luggage. I think it was actually the fabric lining of the case, something where thin strands of explosive were coated in plastic and woven just like one normally would. It was powerful enough and its target small enough, that even just that suitcase lining would have been enough to do the trick. > -> **Douglas:** They tore out the lining, rolled it into a rope, and wrapped it around a portion of the launch strut extrusion factory. It was about six years back, and the arms were already about 2800km long, so if the explosion had wound up actually causing enough damage, the stress of the arm would have torn the station apart, and likely taken the System with it. +> Douglas +> : They tore out the lining, rolled it into a rope, and wrapped it around a portion of the launch strut extrusion factory. It was about six years back, and the arms were already about 2800km long, so if the explosion had wound up actually causing enough damage, the stress of the arm would have torn the station apart, and likely taken the System with it. > -> **May Then My Name:** WHAT +> May Then My Name +> : WHAT > -> **May Then My Name:** That seems like an awfully important thing to not know as the sys-side launch director, Douglas. +> May Then My Name +> : That seems like an awfully important thing to not know as the sys-side launch director, Douglas. > -> **Douglas:** It was all hushed up by security (brought back up after my little incident on EVA). I wasn't allowed to tell you after the NDA. Sorry, May Then My Name. +> Douglas +> : It was all hushed up by security (brought back up after my little incident on EVA). I wasn't allowed to tell you after the NDA. Sorry, May Then My Name. > -> **May Then My Name:** Did they give you a reason for keeping it from us? +> May Then My Name +> : Did they give you a reason for keeping it from us? > -> **Douglas:** They said it had political undertones because of the articles of secession. "No other governmental entity shall declare war on or attempt to destroy the System." +> Douglas +> : They said it had political undertones because of the articles of secession. "No other governmental entity shall declare war on or attempt to destroy the System." > -> **May Then My Name:** They worried it might be considered it an act of war? +> May Then My Name +> : They worried it might be considered it an act of war? > -> **Douglas:** I guess so. If it was an act of war, then the System could retaliate. I'm sure they told someone over there who needed to know +> Douglas +> : I guess so. If it was an act of war, then the System could retaliate. I'm sure they told someone over there who needed to know > -> **May Then My Name:** Then why are you telling me now? +> May Then My Name +> : Then why are you telling me now? > -> **Douglas:** Well, our conversations are off the record, now. Besides, if I'm going to upload soon, it's also relevant to me in the same way it is to you. +> Douglas +> : Well, our conversations are off the record, now. Besides, if I'm going to upload soon, it's also relevant to me in the same way it is to you. > -> **May Then My Name:** It is, at that. How were they caught? +> May Then My Name +> : It is, at that. How were they caught? > -> **Douglas:** That's the weird thing. They turned themselves in. The cloth bomb had been in place for about a month, I guess, and they grew a conscience in that time, so they defused the bomb, brought security over, admitted to what they'd done, and let themselves be sent back planet-side. +> Douglas +> : That's the weird thing. They turned themselves in. The cloth bomb had been in place for about a month, I guess, and they grew a conscience in that time, so they defused the bomb, brought security over, admitted to what they'd done, and let themselves be sent back planet-side. > -> **Douglas:** Which actually brings me to the other big sabotage attempt. Apparently, they were working with a collective who were really unhappy with the launch overall, so there was also a suicide bombing at a launch facility during a tour which was intended to take out the control room before it could be used for the next supply run. +> Douglas +> : Which actually brings me to the other big sabotage attempt. Apparently, they were working with a collective who were really unhappy with the launch overall, so there was also a suicide bombing at a launch facility during a tour which was intended to take out the control room before it could be used for the next supply run. > -> **Douglas:** Cloth bomber struck a deal with the government for a lighter sentence (probably like my attacker received) for acting as an informant and ratting out the organization before the rest of the planned bombings could take place. +> Douglas +> : Cloth bomber struck a deal with the government for a lighter sentence (probably like my attacker received) for acting as an informant and ratting out the organization before the rest of the planned bombings could take place. > -> **May Then My Name:** Less immediately threatening to us, but still, that is terrible. Do you know why this collective (is this like an interest group, or is there a deeper meaning?) felt so strongly against Launch? +> May Then My Name +> : Less immediately threatening to us, but still, that is terrible. Do you know why this collective (is this like an interest group, or is there a deeper meaning?) felt so strongly against Launch? > -> **Douglas:** Yes, a collective is a group of people who have decided to lose as much of their unique identity as they can to live as singular facets of a shared identity. +> Douglas +> : Yes, a collective is a group of people who have decided to lose as much of their unique identity as they can to live as singular facets of a shared identity. > -> **May Then My Name:** Ioan will be fascinated to hear. Why is that? +> May Then My Name +> : Ioan will be fascinated to hear. Why is that? > -> **Douglas:** It actually started around a fictionalized account of forking. They sometimes called themselves clades, but the name never stuck in the wider world. It's kind of a weird love/hate relationship with the System that they have. They love it enough to try and emulate it in their social groups, but they also loathe the idea of uploading and a lot of other things that go along with the System. +> Douglas +> : It actually started around a fictionalized account of forking. They sometimes called themselves clades, but the name never stuck in the wider world. It's kind of a weird love/hate relationship with the System that they have. They love it enough to try and emulate it in their social groups, but they also loathe the idea of uploading and a lot of other things that go along with the System. > -> **Douglas:** de, on the launch commission, is a member of a much more liberal collective. Still will never upload, but really seems to take pride in their job. +> Douglas +> : de, on the launch commission, is a member of a much more liberal collective. Still will never upload, but really seems to take pride in their job. > -> **Douglas:** So I think it was some of that hatred that was at play. They hated the lack of control that is inherent in the System. They hated all that went into Secession, how it made the System a political entity. They hated Launch because, by phys-side collaborating with sys-side, it was a sign that we were equals. They felt that the System has been interfering with phys-side politics ever since Secession. They hated the System for lots of reasons. +> Douglas +> : So I think it was some of that hatred that was at play. They hated the lack of control that is inherent in the System. They hated all that went into Secession, how it made the System a political entity. They hated Launch because, by phys-side collaborating with sys-side, it was a sign that we were equals. They felt that the System has been interfering with phys-side politics ever since Secession. They hated the System for lots of reasons. > -> **May Then My Name:** Do a lot of people phys-side think that the System is interfering with politics? +> May Then My Name +> : Do a lot of people phys-side think that the System is interfering with politics? > -> **Douglas:** Not really, no. We learned in grad school that there was a kerfuffle around it when uploading was incentivized that essentially no one remembers except for boring people like me who had to study it. There have been a few gripes here and there as other large political changes happened, like when governments merged or recessions hit. When things like that happen, I think a lot of people instinctively look for a boogeyman to pin it on, and the System is pretty convenient because it's not like you all can fight back, so you all turn into shadowy figures behind the politicians. +> Douglas +> : Not really, no. We learned in grad school that there was a kerfuffle around it when uploading was incentivized that essentially no one remembers except for boring people like me who had to study it. There have been a few gripes here and there as other large political changes happened, like when governments merged or recessions hit. When things like that happen, I think a lot of people instinctively look for a boogeyman to pin it on, and the System is pretty convenient because it's not like you all can fight back, so you all turn into shadowy figures behind the politicians. > -> **May Then My Name:** Oh, that bit is definitely true. +> May Then My Name +> : Oh, that bit is definitely true. > -> **Douglas:** Yeah, figured as much. You all up there steepling your fingers and talking in hushed tones about how you're going to do everything from crash the economy to hire Michelle Hadje's distant ancestor specifically to work on your nefarious plot. +> Douglas +> : Yeah, figured as much. You all up there steepling your fingers and talking in hushed tones about how you're going to do everything from crash the economy to hire Michelle Hadje's distant ancestor specifically to work on your nefarious plot. > -> **May Then My Name:** Yep, got it in one. +> May Then My Name +> : Yep, got it in one. > -> **May Then My Name:** I am glad that none of these were successful on the scale that they had hoped. We do not know what happens to us if the System breaks. There have been a few instances of discontinuity over the centuries, but we don't see them except that systime jumps ahead. Were the System to explode in some fiery spectacle, we would just stop. Probably. Maybe. +> May Then My Name +> : I am glad that none of these were successful on the scale that they had hoped. We do not know what happens to us if the System breaks. There have been a few instances of discontinuity over the centuries, but we don't see them except that systime jumps ahead. Were the System to explode in some fiery spectacle, we would just stop. Probably. Maybe. > -> **May Then My Name:** Theologians and mystics have been disappointed to find no answers in what comes after death when one quits, so we are as in the dark as you are. +> May Then My Name +> : Theologians and mystics have been disappointed to find no answers in what comes after death when one quits, so we are as in the dark as you are. > -> **Douglas:** Maybe a bit less, because at least one possibility of what comes after death for us is living sys-side. +> Douglas +> : Maybe a bit less, because at least one possibility of what comes after death for us is living sys-side. > -> **May Then My Name:** This is true! We are ghosts up here, haunting silicon and whatever else makes up the physical elements of the System these days. +> May Then My Name +> : This is true! We are ghosts up here, haunting silicon and whatever else makes up the physical elements of the System these days. > -> **Douglas:** You may as well be ghosts, as far as people think planet-side. There have been various groups casting uploads in the light of ancestor worship in some places. I have no idea how those who are worshipped sys-side feel about being asked for courage or a healthy crop or whatever. +> Douglas +> : You may as well be ghosts, as far as people think planet-side. There have been various groups casting uploads in the light of ancestor worship in some places. I have no idea how those who are worshipped sys-side feel about being asked for courage or a healthy crop or whatever. > -> **May Then My Name:** I would be honored, personally. I have no one to haunt after two centuries but you. I am afraid that you are stuck with me. +> May Then My Name +> : I would be honored, personally. I have no one to haunt after two centuries but you. I am afraid that you are stuck with me. > -> **May Then My Name:** All I can do is bother you on a terminal, though, so I suppose that I am not that bad of a ghost. +> May Then My Name +> : All I can do is bother you on a terminal, though, so I suppose that I am not that bad of a ghost. > -> **Douglas:** You're a pretty good ghost, I'd say. I'm looking forward to meeting you in person some day. +> Douglas +> : You're a pretty good ghost, I'd say. I'm looking forward to meeting you in person some day. > -> **May Then My Name:** I will beg you once more: please come join us soon. I know you said you would, but if you do not live up to that promise, so help me God, I will move into your implants and never let you sleep again. +> May Then My Name +> : I will beg you once more: please come join us soon. I know you said you would, but if you do not live up to that promise, so help me God, I will move into your implants and never let you sleep again. > -> **Douglas:** Don't worry! I promise. You'll see me within the year. I've already put in word with both the launch commission and the clinic here, and they're fine having me stick around station-side until I can upload, so it's already (loosely) scheduled. +> Douglas +> : Don't worry! I promise. You'll see me within the year. I've already put in word with both the launch commission and the clinic here, and they're fine having me stick around station-side until I can upload, so it's already (loosely) scheduled. > -> **May Then My Name:** !!! +> May Then My Name +> : !!! > -> **May Then My Name:** I am eager to meet you, Douglas Hadje, Master of Spaceflight and Doctor of Other Boring Shit! +> May Then My Name +> : I am eager to meet you, Douglas Hadje, Master of Spaceflight and Doctor of Other Boring Shit! > -> **Douglas:** Goes both ways, May Then My Name Die With Me of the Ode clade. +> Douglas +> : Goes both ways, May Then My Name Die With Me of the Ode clade. > -> **May Then My Name:** Excellent, excellent. +> May Then My Name +> : Excellent, excellent. > -> **May Then My Name:** Now, I should head off. Ioan is coming up for air from eir writing, so I am going to go chase em around the house, frothing like I am rabid. +> May Then My Name +> : Now, I should head off. Ioan is coming up for air from eir writing, so I am going to go chase em around the house, frothing like I am rabid. > -> **Douglas:** Oh! Time for a quick question? +> Douglas +> : Oh! Time for a quick question? > -> **May Then My Name:** If you hurry, yes. I am already frothing at the mouth. +> May Then My Name +> : If you hurry, yes. I am already frothing at the mouth. > -> **Douglas:** Are you and Ioan in a relationship? I'm sorry if it's impertinent, feel free not to answer. +> Douglas +> : Are you and Ioan in a relationship? I'm sorry if it's impertinent, feel free not to answer. > -> **May Then My Name:** It is not impertinent, but there is no easy answer. If ey asks if I would like that, I will say yes. If ey does not, I will still be content to be eir friend. +> May Then My Name +> : It is not impertinent, but there is no easy answer. If ey asks if I would like that, I will say yes. If ey does not, I will still be content to be eir friend. > -> **May Then My Name:** And if ey does not know one way or another, as I suspect, I will ensure that ey makes the decision on eir own terms. +> May Then My Name +> : And if ey does not know one way or another, as I suspect, I will ensure that ey makes the decision on eir own terms. > -> **Douglas:** You won't ask em yourself? +> Douglas +> : You won't ask em yourself? > -> **May Then My Name:** No. It is quite important that ey ask me, and not the other way around. +> May Then My Name +> : No. It is quite important that ey ask me, and not the other way around. > -> **Douglas:** Why, though? +> Douglas +> : Why, though? > -> **May Then My Name:** Two reasons. One: the one with the greater restrictions in a relationship wins out, and I will say yes to almost anything and anyone. Ey would not. It is thus on em to make the choice. Two: if ey really does not know, I will gain an absolutely enormous amount of satisfaction out of teasing em afterwards. +> May Then My Name +> : Two reasons. One: the one with the greater restrictions in a relationship wins out, and I will say yes to almost anything and anyone. Ey would not. It is thus on em to make the choice. Two: if ey really does not know, I will gain an absolutely enormous amount of satisfaction out of teasing em afterwards. > -> **Douglas:** Of course you would. +> Douglas +> : Of course you would. > -> **May Then My Name:** I am pleased that you have come to understand me so well. +> May Then My Name +> : I am pleased that you have come to understand me so well. > -> **May Then My Name:** Now, I am getting froth everywhere, so I will have to run. +> May Then My Name +> : Now, I am getting froth everywhere, so I will have to run. > -> **Douglas:** Alright! Have fun, say hi for me, don't stay up too late. +> Douglas +> : Alright! Have fun, say hi for me, don't stay up too late. > -> **May Then My Name:** Lame. +> May Then My Name +> : Lame. > -> **May Then My Name:** Bye! +> May Then My Name +> : Bye! Douglas leaned back from his terminal and stretched his arms up toward the ceiling, leaning back in his chair. diff --git a/content/read/049.md b/content/read/049.md index 8c95b00..e56241d 100644 --- a/content/read/049.md +++ b/content/read/049.md @@ -38,180 +38,269 @@ And so Yared kept taking his walks, kept eating spicy food and getting drunk on He had become a hero and a villain for this, though, and there was no shaking that off. -> **The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream:** What can we do to soothe your worries, Yared, except tell you that your vision is becoming reality? +> The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream +> : What can we do to soothe your worries, Yared, except tell you that your vision is becoming reality? > -> **Yared Zerezghi:** I don't know, really. Probably nothing. There's nothing really to be done when no one else will put their name on the amendment. I feel like it might be an intentional move by Demma and others to ensure that there is someone they can put the blame on who has an actual human face. +> Yared Zerezghi +> : I don't know, really. Probably nothing. There's nothing really to be done when no one else will put their name on the amendment. I feel like it might be an intentional move by Demma and others to ensure that there is someone they can put the blame on who has an actual human face. > -> **Ar Jonas:** That may well be true, actually. If I were still working phys-side and needed to influence a referendum from the DDR, I'd probably do the same. +> Ar Jonas +> : That may well be true, actually. If I were still working phys-side and needed to influence a referendum from the DDR, I'd probably do the same. > -> **Yared:** Is there anything I can do about it? +> Yared +> : Is there anything I can do about it? > -> **Jonas:** Nope! You're stuck with it, my friend, and for that I'm sorry. The best you can hope is that everyone will forget about you, and the best you can do to ensure that is to become a loud voice on other issues, hopefully ones that a lot of people agree with, so that you simply become "the loud voice" instead of "the secession guy". This is turning into the largest issue the DDR has ever voted on, though, so it's going to take a lot of that hollering to drown your voice out. +> Jonas +> : Nope! You're stuck with it, my friend, and for that I'm sorry. The best you can hope is that everyone will forget about you, and the best you can do to ensure that is to become a loud voice on other issues, hopefully ones that a lot of people agree with, so that you simply become "the loud voice" instead of "the secession guy". This is turning into the largest issue the DDR has ever voted on, though, so it's going to take a lot of that hollering to drown your voice out. > -> **True Name:** And even then, because your name is on it, that is likely what you will go down in the history books for. +> True Name +> : And even then, because your name is on it, that is likely what you will go down in the history books for. > -> **Yared:** Uuugh. I've been thinking about that, too. It makes the concept of dying terrifying. As long as I'm alive, I at least have some hope of trying to become a less divisive figure. +> Yared +> : Uuugh. I've been thinking about that, too. It makes the concept of dying terrifying. As long as I'm alive, I at least have some hope of trying to become a less divisive figure. > -> **True Name:** You could upload. There is no death here, after all. +> True Name +> : You could upload. There is no death here, after all. > -> **Yared:** I'm seriously considering it, after this. At least that way, they'll know that I really meant what I said, and then I'll become someone they don't have to worry about. +> Yared +> : I'm seriously considering it, after this. At least that way, they'll know that I really meant what I said, and then I'll become someone they don't have to worry about. > -> **Jonas:** And you can help us keep fighting the good fight by whispering in everyone's ears. +> Jonas +> : And you can help us keep fighting the good fight by whispering in everyone's ears. > -> **Yared:** That's *precisely* why I want out, Jonas, and you know it. If feeling like some sneaky little political figure is what's making me feel bad, why on earth would I keep doing that? +> Yared +> : That's *precisely* why I want out, Jonas, and you know it. If feeling like some sneaky little political figure is what's making me feel bad, why on earth would I keep doing that? > -> **True Name:** Jonas is an asshole, do not listen to him. +> True Name +> : Jonas is an asshole, do not listen to him. > -> **Jonas:** I am, yeah, and I'll have you know that True Name just punched me in the shoulder, if that's any consolation. +> Jonas +> : I am, yeah, and I'll have you know that True Name just punched me in the shoulder, if that's any consolation. > -> **Yared:** Do it again, and maybe I'll feel better. +> Yared +> : Do it again, and maybe I'll feel better. > -> **Jonas:** Confirmed, she did it again. +> Jonas +> : Confirmed, she did it again. > -> **Yared:** Ahhh, such relief! +> Yared +> : Ahhh, such relief! > -> **True Name:** In all seriousness, Yared, do think more about uploading. We would welcome you here, and I am sure that, should anyone step down from the council (the Russians might when there is no need for their representation), you would be welcome to take their place. That would not be slimy politicking, just helping the System out. +> True Name +> : In all seriousness, Yared, do think more about uploading. We would welcome you here, and I am sure that, should anyone step down from the council (the Russians might when there is no need for their representation), you would be welcome to take their place. That would not be slimy politicking, just helping the System out. > -> **Yared:** You two are on the Council, how would that not mean slimy politicking? +> Yared +> : You two are on the Council, how would that not mean slimy politicking? > -> **True Name:** I will let the insinuation that I am in any way a politician slide this time, but you are on thin fucking ice, buddy. +> True Name +> : I will let the insinuation that I am in any way a politician slide this time, but you are on thin fucking ice, buddy. > -> **Jonas:** True Name's an asshole, don't listen to her. +> Jonas +> : True Name's an asshole, don't listen to her. > -> **Jonas:** Third punch to the shoulder confirmed. +> Jonas +> : Third punch to the shoulder confirmed. > -> **Jonas:** But really, no need to worry. This is 1000% the slimiest politicking that the Council has ever done. Hell, most of the rest of the council doesn't know or care how True Name and I have been handling this. Most of the rest has been, like..."how do we keep forking from getting out of hand?" or "let's set systime to start when the reputation market begins" or "what if we could create telepathy". It's bullshit +> Jonas +> : But really, no need to worry. This is 1000% the slimiest politicking that the Council has ever done. Hell, most of the rest of the council doesn't know or care how True Name and I have been handling this. Most of the rest has been, like..."how do we keep forking from getting out of hand?" or "let's set systime to start when the reputation market begins" or "what if we could create telepathy". It's bullshit > -> **Jonas:** Fun bullshit, but it's bullshit. You'd like it. It's more like volunteering to be a crossing guard than anything. +> Jonas +> : Fun bullshit, but it's bullshit. You'd like it. It's more like volunteering to be a crossing guard than anything. > -> **Yared:** I might, at that, yeah. I'll think about it. +> Yared +> : I might, at that, yeah. I'll think about it. > -> **True Name:** Please do, we would welcome you. +> True Name +> : Please do, we would welcome you. > -> **Jonas:** Lighter topic: what most excites you about the prospect of uploading? Beyond getting away from ignominy and beholding True Name's indescribably beautiful countenance, I mean. +> Jonas +> : Lighter topic: what most excites you about the prospect of uploading? Beyond getting away from ignominy and beholding True Name's indescribably beautiful countenance, I mean. > -> **Yared:** Isn't she a skunk-person? +> Yared +> : Isn't she a skunk-person? > -> **True Name:** An indescribably beautiful skunk-person, thank you very much. +> True Name +> : An indescribably beautiful skunk-person, thank you very much. > -> **Yared:** Uh, I don't know. Honestly probably meeting you two in person is the biggest draw. You seem really fun to be around. +> Yared +> : Uh, I don't know. Honestly probably meeting you two in person is the biggest draw. You seem really fun to be around. > -> **Yared:** Hopefully this isn't insensitive, but are you two a couple? +> Yared +> : Hopefully this isn't insensitive, but are you two a couple? > -> **True Name:** God no. +> True Name +> : God no. > -> **True Name:** Jonas may be pretty, but he drives me up the wall. I would murder him in his sleep two nights in. +> True Name +> : Jonas may be pretty, but he drives me up the wall. I would murder him in his sleep two nights in. > -> **Jonas:** If I didn't get to you, first. We're good friends, but not on that level. +> Jonas +> : If I didn't get to you, first. We're good friends, but not on that level. > -> **Yared:** Okay. Thanks for clearing that up. Was just wondering. +> Yared +> : Okay. Thanks for clearing that up. Was just wondering. > -> **Yared:** Wait, *can* you murder other people? +> Yared +> : Wait, *can* you murder other people? > -> **True Name:** Yes. Some enterprising individual found a way to disrupt the concept of self so quickly and so thoroughly that one basically disintegrates and, just like an avatar crash on the 'net, all you are left with is a core dump, and no one has figured out how to deal with those in a place that is a consensual dream. +> True Name +> : Yes. Some enterprising individual found a way to disrupt the concept of self so quickly and so thoroughly that one basically disintegrates and, just like an avatar crash on the 'net, all you are left with is a core dump, and no one has figured out how to deal with those in a place that is a consensual dream. > -> **Yared:** Seriously??? +> Yared +> : Seriously??? > -> **Yared:** What the fuck. +> Yared +> : What the fuck. > -> **Yared:** How often does that happen? +> Yared +> : How often does that happen? > -> **Yared:** Fucking terrifying. +> Yared +> : Fucking terrifying. > -> **True Name:** Oh, not often at all! Three times that we know of. It is pretty hard to actually make the virus, as it does require tailoring to the specific individual, though it is equally doubtless that same enterprising individual is working on a way to make it universal. If, that is, they have not already been murdered, themselves. +> True Name +> : Oh, not often at all! Three times that we know of. It is pretty hard to actually make the virus, as it does require tailoring to the specific individual, though it is equally doubtless that same enterprising individual is working on a way to make it universal. If, that is, they have not already been murdered, themselves. > -> **Jonas:** And before you ask, no, there's no way to prosecute them, even if we found them. They could just fork and keep on living somewhere else, changing themselves to look like someone else. +> Jonas +> : And before you ask, no, there's no way to prosecute them, even if we found them. They could just fork and keep on living somewhere else, changing themselves to look like someone else. > -> **Yared:** Ugh. +> Yared +> : Ugh. > -> **Yared:** I'll just have to trust you, I guess. +> Yared +> : I'll just have to trust you, I guess. > -> **True Name:** Do you not? +> True Name +> : Do you not? > -> **Yared:** Slimy politician, remember? +> Yared +> : Slimy politician, remember? > -> **True Name:** There is a punch on the shoulder waiting for you as soon as you upload, my friend. +> True Name +> : There is a punch on the shoulder waiting for you as soon as you upload, my friend. > -> **Jonas:** Tiny little skunk fists. Don't worry, they don't hurt. +> Jonas +> : Tiny little skunk fists. Don't worry, they don't hurt. > -> **Jonas:** OW +> Jonas +> : OW > -> **Jonas:** Unless she punches you in the kidney. +> Jonas +> : Unless she punches you in the kidney. > -> **Yared:** Hahaha. I stand by my assessment that you two sound fun to hang out with. +> Yared +> : Hahaha. I stand by my assessment that you two sound fun to hang out with. > -> **Yared:** Skunk, though. You can change how you look that drastically up there? +> Yared +> : Skunk, though. You can change how you look that drastically up there? > -> **True Name:** In theory. I know of few who have actually managed to do so, though that is rapidly changing with forking. +> True Name +> : In theory. I know of few who have actually managed to do so, though that is rapidly changing with forking. > -> **True Name:** I am a special case due to some psychological/neurological damage from getting lost. Those up here who are furries and look it are those who so strongly identified with their furry selves on the 'net that they began to think of their human selves as as the avatars and their furry selves as the real versions. +> True Name +> : I am a special case due to some psychological/neurological damage from getting lost. Those up here who are furries and look it are those who so strongly identified with their furry selves on the 'net that they began to think of their human selves as as the avatars and their furry selves as the real versions. > -> **True Name:** The reason I got around it is that Michelle's neurological issues meant that she oscillated between her human self and furry self, and I just happened to be forked during a wave of her furry self. That also meant that I (and each of her forks) lack the effects of that damage. +> True Name +> : The reason I got around it is that Michelle's neurological issues meant that she oscillated between her human self and furry self, and I just happened to be forked during a wave of her furry self. That also meant that I (and each of her forks) lack the effects of that damage. > -> **True Name:** Or most of it, at least. You have mentioned the speech patterns before. +> True Name +> : Or most of it, at least. You have mentioned the speech patterns before. > -> **Yared:** Yikes, that sounds kind of horrifying. +> Yared +> : Yikes, that sounds kind of horrifying. > -> **True Name:** It was. I still remember it. I remember how terrible I felt due to the constant oscillation that only settled down when I focused completely or utterly relaxed. Were I able to choose at will, I do not think that this would have been a problem, and you would likely have been talking to me as Michelle Hadje, not as True Name. +> True Name +> : It was. I still remember it. I remember how terrible I felt due to the constant oscillation that only settled down when I focused completely or utterly relaxed. Were I able to choose at will, I do not think that this would have been a problem, and you would likely have been talking to me as Michelle Hadje, not as True Name. > -> **Yared:** Well, I'm happy for you, even if that makes me sad for Michelle. +> Yared +> : Well, I'm happy for you, even if that makes me sad for Michelle. > -> **True Name:** She is spending her retirement relaxing, so there is little need to feel sorry. +> True Name +> : She is spending her retirement relaxing, so there is little need to feel sorry. > -> **Jonas:** Is there anything else you're looking forward to, Yared? +> Jonas +> : Is there anything else you're looking forward to, Yared? > -> **Yared:** I suppose just getting away from the DDR. I don't think I could manage to just drop it out here, as there's not really anything else I'm interested in enough to replace it. +> Yared +> : I suppose just getting away from the DDR. I don't think I could manage to just drop it out here, as there's not really anything else I'm interested in enough to replace it. > -> **Yared:** Up there, though, I'd be forced to do something else, and that'd really keep me from getting so anxious about everything. +> Yared +> : Up there, though, I'd be forced to do something else, and that'd really keep me from getting so anxious about everything. > -> **Jonas:** Makes sense. What sorts of things do you think you'd go for? +> Jonas +> : Makes sense. What sorts of things do you think you'd go for? > -> **Yared:** I like food, I guess. I like walking. When I'm not really around here, I'm sleeping, eating, or walking. I've never had the chance to really go for a hike anywhere that isn't still in Ethiopia, but I imagine there's places like the Alps or Himalayas that are delightfully cool. +> Yared +> : I like food, I guess. I like walking. When I'm not really around here, I'm sleeping, eating, or walking. I've never had the chance to really go for a hike anywhere that isn't still in Ethiopia, but I imagine there's places like the Alps or Himalayas that are delightfully cool. > -> **True Name:** There are, yes. Plenty. +> True Name +> : There are, yes. Plenty. > -> **Jonas:** A lot of the earliest sims were based around nature. It's as if people immediately wanted to reach for places that they loved phys-side. +> Jonas +> : A lot of the earliest sims were based around nature. It's as if people immediately wanted to reach for places that they loved phys-side. > -> **True Name:** Or to counteract the thought that they now live in a computer. +> True Name +> : Or to counteract the thought that they now live in a computer. > -> **Jonas:** True Name, naturally, takes the pessimistic approach. +> Jonas +> : True Name, naturally, takes the pessimistic approach. > -> **Yared:** To turn it around, what do you both like best up there? +> Yared +> : To turn it around, what do you both like best up there? > -> **Jonas:** Oh shit. You can't do this to me. I'm not ready! +> Jonas +> : Oh shit. You can't do this to me. I'm not ready! > -> **True Name:** He loves that he can still be a slimy politician without any of the actual hard work. +> True Name +> : He loves that he can still be a slimy politician without any of the actual hard work. > -> **Jonas:** The problem is, you're not wrong. I loved what I did phys-side, and I have to admit that I still love it here. +> Jonas +> : The problem is, you're not wrong. I loved what I did phys-side, and I have to admit that I still love it here. > -> **Jonas:** I also really like coffee. Coffee and food. I get to have all of those that I want without worrying. +> Jonas +> : I also really like coffee. Coffee and food. I get to have all of those that I want without worrying. > -> **Jonas:** Oh! And alcohol. No liver disease, and also you can choose when to sober up. +> Jonas +> : Oh! And alcohol. No liver disease, and also you can choose when to sober up. > -> **Yared:** Oh damn, that's awesome. I like wine well enough, but being drunk is mostly escapism. If I could find that fun balance with friends, that'd be nice. +> Yared +> : Oh damn, that's awesome. I like wine well enough, but being drunk is mostly escapism. If I could find that fun balance with friends, that'd be nice. > -> **Jonas:** You can't phys-side? +> Jonas +> : You can't phys-side? > -> **Yared:** If I had any local friends, maybe. +> Yared +> : If I had any local friends, maybe. > -> **True Name:** Ouch. Well, you have friends up here, and we would gladly take you to bars good and bad. +> True Name +> : Ouch. Well, you have friends up here, and we would gladly take you to bars good and bad. > -> **True Name:** As for me, I love all of the variety in sims and people. When I am not working or sleeping, I will walk the public sims, jumping from one to another when I have had my fill of them. +> True Name +> : As for me, I love all of the variety in sims and people. When I am not working or sleeping, I will walk the public sims, jumping from one to another when I have had my fill of them. > -> **Yared:** That sounds nice. I've only traveled a few times. In Ethiopia, there's different climates and such, but only so much. +> Yared +> : That sounds nice. I've only traveled a few times. In Ethiopia, there's different climates and such, but only so much. > -> **True Name:** I will take you walking with me, then. +> True Name +> : I will take you walking with me, then. > -> **Jonas:** And I'll be a slimy politician with you! +> Jonas +> : And I'll be a slimy politician with you! > -> **Yared:** Ugh, you're the worst. +> Yared +> : Ugh, you're the worst. > -> **Yared:** Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and lifting my spirits. +> Yared +> : Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and lifting my spirits. > -> **Yared:** I needed it. +> Yared +> : I needed it. > -> **Jonas:** Of course, Yared. +> Jonas +> : Of course, Yared. > -> **True Name:** And please remember, uploading is always an option. We would welcome you with open arms. +> True Name +> : And please remember, uploading is always an option. We would welcome you with open arms. > -> **True Name:** I know that you will come join us, anyway, sooner or later. +> True Name +> : I know that you will come join us, anyway, sooner or later. diff --git a/content/read/060.md b/content/read/060.md index 63ae135..4be422c 100644 --- a/content/read/060.md +++ b/content/read/060.md @@ -5,168 +5,251 @@ On the reasons for vesting entirely in the Launch Codrin Bălan#Pollux Systime: 202+22 1208 -> **Codrin Bălan#Pollux:** Thanks for agreeing to this, Dear. I think we're both in a better spot for it now. +> Codrin Bălan#Pollux +> : Thanks for agreeing to this, Dear. I think we're both in a better spot for it now. > -> **Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled:** Of course, my dear. I would still like to discuss some of the same topics, but I will try to be more sensitive about them. +> Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled +> : Of course, my dear. I would still like to discuss some of the same topics, but I will try to be more sensitive about them. > -> **Codrin:** We'll make it work. I'll start where I did last time, then. How are you feeling? +> Codrin +> : We'll make it work. I'll start where I did last time, then. How are you feeling? > -> **Dear:** I am feeling relieved, I suppose. I am feeling relieved and tired. +> Dear +> : I am feeling relieved, I suppose. I am feeling relieved and tired. > -> **Codrin:** How so? +> Codrin +> : How so? > -> **Dear:** To say that a lot has happened in the last twelve months is not quite true. Very little that counts as dramatic or anything has happened. There were interviews by the Bălan clade and that is about it. The most dramatic of those took place on the other LV however many billions of miles away, and that was simply one of you getting bounced from a sim, yes? No assassinations. Nothing has happened that feels like it should lead to exhaustion, and yet I am quite worn out by the sheer amount of information uncovered. +> Dear +> : To say that a lot has happened in the last twelve months is not quite true. Very little that counts as dramatic or anything has happened. There were interviews by the Bălan clade and that is about it. The most dramatic of those took place on the other LV however many billions of miles away, and that was simply one of you getting bounced from a sim, yes? No assassinations. Nothing has happened that feels like it should lead to exhaustion, and yet I am quite worn out by the sheer amount of information uncovered. > -> **Codrin:** Emotionally exhausted, perhaps? Like you had to relive two hundred years in the space of one? +> Codrin +> : Emotionally exhausted, perhaps? Like you had to relive two hundred years in the space of one? > -> **Dear:** That is a large part of it, yes. Emotionally exhausted, worn out by the shift of understanding between our two clades. +> Dear +> : That is a large part of it, yes. Emotionally exhausted, worn out by the shift of understanding between our two clades. > -> **Codrin:** I suppose we're pretty thoroughly intertwined now, aren't we? +> Codrin +> : I suppose we're pretty thoroughly intertwined now, aren't we? > -> **Dear:** [laughter] Yes, now that Ioan has picked up on May's rather blunt hints. +> Dear +> : [laughter] Yes, now that Ioan has picked up on May's rather blunt hints. > -> **Codrin:** Hey, it takes time. +> Codrin +> : Hey, it takes time. > -> **Dear:** And I have been training you for two decades, so there is also that. +> Dear +> : And I have been training you for two decades, so there is also that. > -> **Codrin:** Yes. Well, can you expand on how you feel relieved? +> Codrin +> : Yes. Well, can you expand on how you feel relieved? > -> **Dear:** I will try. There is a lot that the Ode clade has done that has come to light in the last year, and while I cannot say that I was personally a part of much of that, I have also borne that knowledge. I also knew those secrets. Not having to hold them constantly at bay from even those that I am closest to has let off that pressure. +> Dear +> : I will try. There is a lot that the Ode clade has done that has come to light in the last year, and while I cannot say that I was personally a part of much of that, I have also borne that knowledge. I also knew those secrets. Not having to hold them constantly at bay from even those that I am closest to has let off that pressure. > -> **Codrin:** Thank you for telling us, too. I know that True Name said we won't see a huge reaction from this given her past work, but it's still a relief to hear for me, as well. Now, do you have any additional thoughts on why you decided to join the Launch? I'm particularly interested on your thoughts on investing entirely in it, but I suspect those will come up in separate questions. +> Codrin +> : Thank you for telling us, too. I know that True Name said we won't see a huge reaction from this given her past work, but it's still a relief to hear for me, as well. Now, do you have any additional thoughts on why you decided to join the Launch? I'm particularly interested on your thoughts on investing entirely in it, but I suspect those will come up in separate questions. > -> **Dear:** They almost certainly will, yes. Well. [pauses] Yes. I believe I said before that a large part of it is due to me being a hopeless romantic. A large part of that still stands. I am excited to see the galaxy, as it were, and it still tickles me to know that I am speeding away from Earth at some ludicrous speed and that there is absolutely no way back. +> Dear +> : They almost certainly will, yes. Well. [pauses] Yes. I believe I said before that a large part of it is due to me being a hopeless romantic. A large part of that still stands. I am excited to see the galaxy, as it were, and it still tickles me to know that I am speeding away from Earth at some ludicrous speed and that there is absolutely no way back. > -> **Codrin:** Does that play into your thoughts on irreversibility? +> Codrin +> : Does that play into your thoughts on irreversibility? > -> **Dear:** [laughter] Of course, my dear. There is no way back. The Ansible on the launch is no longer connected with the one on Earth, by agreement with the launch commission that this be a one-and-done project, at least for now. If they create additional LVs down the line, then perhaps they will have separate conversations. There is no going and there is no back, yes? We are here, and we will never see Earth, the station, or the System again. That is very appealing to the romantic in me. +> Dear +> : [laughter] Of course, my dear. There is no way back. The Ansible on the launch is no longer connected with the one on Earth, by agreement with the launch commission that this be a one-and-done project, at least for now. If they create additional LVs down the line, then perhaps they will have separate conversations. There is no going and there is no back, yes? We are here, and we will never see Earth, the station, or the System again. That is very appealing to the romantic in me. > -> **Codrin:** I think you also said you were getting bored, too. +> Codrin +> : I think you also said you were getting bored, too. > -> **Dear:** Yes. Life is a chronic condition, boredom is terminal. +> Dear +> : Yes. Life is a chronic condition, boredom is terminal. > -> **Codrin:** You're a fox of many quips. +> Codrin +> : You're a fox of many quips. > -> **Dear:** Yes, I am. Sue me. +> Dear +> : Yes, I am. Sue me. > -> **Codrin:** [laughter] Well, do you have other reasons? +> Codrin +> : [laughter] Well, do you have other reasons? > -> **Dear:** I do. I also mentioned that boredom was close to stasis, and I loathe that feeling even more. +> Dear +> : I do. I also mentioned that boredom was close to stasis, and I loathe that feeling even more. > -> **Codrin:** And that has played a role specifically because of the part the conservative elements of your clade have played in ensuring stasis. +> Codrin +> : And that has played a role specifically because of the part the conservative elements of your clade have played in ensuring stasis. > -> **Dear:** Yes. They prefer stasis on a grand scale, and perhaps they are correct to do so, but I worry that this mindset too often bleeds into the small scale as well. Stasis can be torture. They know that, too. They mention that ceaseless bliss is a real problem, and so they must inject a desire for something better every now and then, but that knowledge still works against their instincts. +> Dear +> : Yes. They prefer stasis on a grand scale, and perhaps they are correct to do so, but I worry that this mindset too often bleeds into the small scale as well. Stasis can be torture. They know that, too. They mention that ceaseless bliss is a real problem, and so they must inject a desire for something better every now and then, but that knowledge still works against their instincts. > -> **Codrin:** You want an exciting adventure, they wanted only enough adventure to keep everyone from going crazy. +> Codrin +> : You want an exciting adventure, they wanted only enough adventure to keep everyone from going crazy. > -> **Dear:** Yes. They have their reasons. They may be good reasons, even. They are not my reasons, however. +> Dear +> : Yes. They have their reasons. They may be good reasons, even. They are not my reasons, however. > -> **Codrin:** You also mentioned that one of your reasons for leaving was that you wanted to be relegated to memory. +> Codrin +> : You also mentioned that one of your reasons for leaving was that you wanted to be relegated to memory. > -> **Dear:** [grinning] Very much so. +> Dear +> : [grinning] Very much so. > -> **Codrin:** You said, "If we are doomed to forever remember everything, then the closest we can get to being forgotten is to turn memory into longing." You also said that you wanted to be missed. How do you feel about that sentiment now? Is it happening? Is it progressing at the pace you'd like it to? Are you happy about it? +> Codrin +> : You said, "If we are doomed to forever remember everything, then the closest we can get to being forgotten is to turn memory into longing." You also said that you wanted to be missed. How do you feel about that sentiment now? Is it happening? Is it progressing at the pace you'd like it to? Are you happy about it? > -> **Dear:** It is an interesting question, because I cannot know, can I? I cannot know if anyone misses me or is longing for me back on the L5 station, can I? They can write me, perhaps, let me know that they are thinking of me, but words on paper only convey so much meaning. It makes me wish that someone had found a way to share thoughts, or even facial expressions, between the LVs and the System, but no, we are stuck with text, and therein lies the beauty. +> Dear +> : It is an interesting question, because I cannot know, can I? I cannot know if anyone misses me or is longing for me back on the L5 station, can I? They can write me, perhaps, let me know that they are thinking of me, but words on paper only convey so much meaning. It makes me wish that someone had found a way to share thoughts, or even facial expressions, between the LVs and the System, but no, we are stuck with text, and therein lies the beauty. > -> **Codrin:** Can you expand on what 'longing' and 'being missed' mean to you in this sense? +> Codrin +> : Can you expand on what 'longing' and 'being missed' mean to you in this sense? > -> **Dear:** I can try. [pause] I think that they involve a combination of the feelings of grief, loss, and love. Let us use Ioan as an example, though I do not know if ey misses me-- +> Dear +> : I can try. [pause] I think that they involve a combination of the feelings of grief, loss, and love. Let us use Ioan as an example, though I do not know if ey misses me-- > -> **Codrin:** I think ey does. But sorry, continue. +> Codrin +> : I think ey does. But sorry, continue. > -> **Dear:** Yes. Well. Let us use Ioan as an example. If ey were to only feel grief at my absence, ey would be limited to a solely negative emotion. Grief on its own is crushing. It is not wishing that one had more time with the object of one's grief; that is longing. Grief plus love is longing, yes? Grief borne of love, no matter the shape or kind or color of that love. Then you dig into your memories, running them backwards and forwards in your mind, hunting for just a little bit more time with the one you are grieving. You wish only to feel that love again, and, to tie it all together, you cannot, because you have lost the one whom you love. Loss leads to grief, grief makes you remember love, love makes you realize your loss. +> Dear +> : Yes. Well. Let us use Ioan as an example. If ey were to only feel grief at my absence, ey would be limited to a solely negative emotion. Grief on its own is crushing. It is not wishing that one had more time with the object of one's grief; that is longing. Grief plus love is longing, yes? Grief borne of love, no matter the shape or kind or color of that love. Then you dig into your memories, running them backwards and forwards in your mind, hunting for just a little bit more time with the one you are grieving. You wish only to feel that love again, and, to tie it all together, you cannot, because you have lost the one whom you love. Loss leads to grief, grief makes you remember love, love makes you realize your loss. > -> **Codrin:** Do you think being missed and longing are the same thing? Just to confirm, I mean. +> Codrin +> : Do you think being missed and longing are the same thing? Just to confirm, I mean. > -> **Dear:** Perhaps, or at least very closely related. What I described just now fits both emotions. Being missed perhaps implies more acceptance of that loss than longing does, while longing has connotations of sadness that there can never be more of that direct connection. +> Dear +> : Perhaps, or at least very closely related. What I described just now fits both emotions. Being missed perhaps implies more acceptance of that loss than longing does, while longing has connotations of sadness that there can never be more of that direct connection. > -> **Codrin:** Thank you. I'd like to ask you a question now, but last time I asked it, I made you cry. May I ask it again, or would you prefer to steer clear of it? +> Codrin +> : Thank you. I'd like to ask you a question now, but last time I asked it, I made you cry. May I ask it again, or would you prefer to steer clear of it? > -> **Dear:** If it is the question I am thinking of, I have nearly a year to think about it, and am much more comfortable with it now. Ask away. +> Dear +> : If it is the question I am thinking of, I have nearly a year to think about it, and am much more comfortable with it now. Ask away. > -> **Codrin:** Alright, just let me know if you want to stop. Do you worry that you won't be missed? +> Codrin +> : Alright, just let me know if you want to stop. Do you worry that you won't be missed? > -> **Dear:** I do, yes. I know that it is impossible to be so great on a System with tens of billions of individuals on it to be known by them all, as much as an artist may dream, but even among the small circles in which I was known, I worry that I will be forgotten. I worry that I won't be missed, or that I will be forgotten. +> Dear +> : I do, yes. I know that it is impossible to be so great on a System with tens of billions of individuals on it to be known by them all, as much as an artist may dream, but even among the small circles in which I was known, I worry that I will be forgotten. I worry that I won't be missed, or that I will be forgotten. > -> **Codrin:** You said, specifically, that-- +> Codrin +> : You said, specifically, that-- > -> **Dear:** Wait, Codrin, let me say it. I do not want to hear it from you. +> Dear +> : Wait, Codrin, let me say it. I do not want to hear it from you. > -> **Codrin:** Okay. +> Codrin +> : Okay. > -> **Dear:** Okay. I said that some aspects of myself may render me "the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none". Before you ask whether I still feel that way, the answer is that I do. I do still worry that I might be beloved by all yet loved by none. My understanding of the phrase, however, has changed, and that change has softened the sentiment. +> Dear +> : Okay. I said that some aspects of myself may render me "the kind of fellow who is beloved by all yet loved by none". Before you ask whether I still feel that way, the answer is that I do. I do still worry that I might be beloved by all yet loved by none. My understanding of the phrase, however, has changed, and that change has softened the sentiment. > -> **Dear:** To be beloved is, I think, to experience a type of parasocial relationship. If I am beloved by someone, they love the idea of me that they hold in their head. To be famous is to be beloved. To have someone come to your gallery exhibitions or your talks or your parties simply to say that they were near you, even if only to themselves, then that is to be beloved. This turns the phrase into a concern that I might find myself in more parasocial relationships than social relationships. +> Dear +> : To be beloved is, I think, to experience a type of parasocial relationship. If I am beloved by someone, they love the idea of me that they hold in their head. To be famous is to be beloved. To have someone come to your gallery exhibitions or your talks or your parties simply to say that they were near you, even if only to themselves, then that is to be beloved. This turns the phrase into a concern that I might find myself in more parasocial relationships than social relationships. > -> **Dear:** It is a hard fear to shake, but once I put it in those terms, I was able to step past that emotional reasoning. I do not think that I am loved by none. Both of my partners love me. May Then My Name and Ioan love me. Serene loves me. My friends love me. That does not stop the fear of being beloved by all yet loved by none from rearing its ugly head, but I am more easily able to acknowledge it and let it pass, now. +> Dear +> : It is a hard fear to shake, but once I put it in those terms, I was able to step past that emotional reasoning. I do not think that I am loved by none. Both of my partners love me. May Then My Name and Ioan love me. Serene loves me. My friends love me. That does not stop the fear of being beloved by all yet loved by none from rearing its ugly head, but I am more easily able to acknowledge it and let it pass, now. > -> **Codrin:** Thank you. That helps put it into context for me, too. When you started talking about that last time, that's when I started struggling with the interview, too. +> Codrin +> : Thank you. That helps put it into context for me, too. When you started talking about that last time, that's when I started struggling with the interview, too. > -> **Dear:** Why? I mean, I know that this is your interview, but for my sake, I would like to know why. +> Dear +> : Why? I mean, I know that this is your interview, but for my sake, I would like to know why. > -> **Codrin:** [pause] I think because something about the way you said it made me worry that you thought that I didn't love you, or maybe that you didn't love me, or-- +> Codrin +> : [pause] I think because something about the way you said it made me worry that you thought that I didn't love you, or maybe that you didn't love me, or-- > -> **Dear:** [angrily] Codrin. +> Dear +> : [angrily] Codrin. > -> **Codrin:** I'm sorry, Dear. I wanted to be up front about it. +> Codrin +> : I'm sorry, Dear. I wanted to be up front about it. > -> **Dear:** [long pause, calmer] I understand. I... [pause] Perhaps you feel some of the same worry that you might be loved by none. Perhaps it is a universal emotion. +> Dear +> : [long pause, calmer] I understand. I... [pause] Perhaps you feel some of the same worry that you might be loved by none. Perhaps it is a universal emotion. > -> **Codrin:** I think so, yeah. Having it said out loud kicked my anxiety up a notch, so I started to worry, "Wait, *am* I loved by none? Does Dear love me? Do both of my partners love me?" I know it's not true, but that's why I reacted in the way that I did. +> Codrin +> : I think so, yeah. Having it said out loud kicked my anxiety up a notch, so I started to worry, "Wait, *am* I loved by none? Does Dear love me? Do both of my partners love me?" I know it's not true, but that's why I reacted in the way that I did. > -> **Dear:** [smiling] Yes. I apologize for yelling. +> Dear +> : [smiling] Yes. I apologize for yelling. > -> **Codrin:** It's okay, Dear. Now, I want to hear your thoughts on death. +> Codrin +> : It's okay, Dear. Now, I want to hear your thoughts on death. > -> **Dear:** [taken aback] You do? +> Dear +> : [taken aback] You do? > -> **Codrin:** Of course. I suspect they're interesting. +> Codrin +> : Of course. I suspect they're interesting. > -> **Dear:** Okay, but-- +> Dear +> : Okay, but-- > -> **Codrin:** And if you say "I want to die", I'll pull your tail and call you names. +> Codrin +> : And if you say "I want to die", I'll pull your tail and call you names. > -> **Dear:** [laughter] Yes, yes, fine. My thoughts, okay. [pause] Okay. To be more calm about it, I want to experience death. I do not want to just quit, because that is suicide, and my wish to experience death is not bound up in that particular set of emotions. I would prefer not to be assassinated or anything so grand. It is an acceptable end, I suppose, because it would mean that I will have lived a life worth being assassinated for, and from what I have seen --- what I saw with Qoheleth --- it looks like a process. Yes! Yes, that is it. Thank you for asking this, my dear. It gave me the chance to find the words. +> Dear +> : [laughter] Yes, yes, fine. My thoughts, okay. [pause] Okay. To be more calm about it, I want to experience death. I do not want to just quit, because that is suicide, and my wish to experience death is not bound up in that particular set of emotions. I would prefer not to be assassinated or anything so grand. It is an acceptable end, I suppose, because it would mean that I will have lived a life worth being assassinated for, and from what I have seen --- what I saw with Qoheleth --- it looks like a process. Yes! Yes, that is it. Thank you for asking this, my dear. It gave me the chance to find the words. > -> **Dear:** I do not want to experience ceasing existing. That is just cessation, and I do not care whether or not there is anything beyond that cessation. That is for the prophets and poets to worry about. What I want to experience is the process of death. Assassination would be acceptable, even if it is not preferable, because I would get to experience that process. Better, however, is the fact that these LVs are doomed from the start. Eventually, they will fail. The generator on board is guaranteed for some thousands of years or whatever, but it will fail eventually. Or the System will crash into a comet, or some ice ball out in the Oort cloud --- I read about that, you know? It is all incredibly boring --- or it will wind up flying too close to a star and burn up. That, I think, is the end that I am most excited for. We are [shaking head] all of those on the LVs are encased in Castor and Pollux, yes? How fitting, then, that we might die like Icarus! I imagine that we will not necessarily feel too much within our little System, but there may be some discontinuity, or perhaps corruption. How exciting would that be? +> Dear +> : I do not want to experience ceasing existing. That is just cessation, and I do not care whether or not there is anything beyond that cessation. That is for the prophets and poets to worry about. What I want to experience is the process of death. Assassination would be acceptable, even if it is not preferable, because I would get to experience that process. Better, however, is the fact that these LVs are doomed from the start. Eventually, they will fail. The generator on board is guaranteed for some thousands of years or whatever, but it will fail eventually. Or the System will crash into a comet, or some ice ball out in the Oort cloud --- I read about that, you know? It is all incredibly boring --- or it will wind up flying too close to a star and burn up. That, I think, is the end that I am most excited for. We are [shaking head] all of those on the LVs are encased in Castor and Pollux, yes? How fitting, then, that we might die like Icarus! I imagine that we will not necessarily feel too much within our little System, but there may be some discontinuity, or perhaps corruption. How exciting would that be? > -> **Codrin:** [laughter] I'm not sure I share your excitement, there. +> Codrin +> : [laughter] I'm not sure I share your excitement, there. > -> **Dear:** Lame. [laughter] But either way, I find it fascinating. Will we feel pain? Who knows! It is a new thing, and I am looking forward to experiencing something new. +> Dear +> : Lame. [laughter] But either way, I find it fascinating. Will we feel pain? Who knows! It is a new thing, and I am looking forward to experiencing something new. > -> **Codrin:** That, at least, I can understand. I'd just prefer it if it didn't involve dying horribly as the LV fails around us. +> Codrin +> : That, at least, I can understand. I'd just prefer it if it didn't involve dying horribly as the LV fails around us. > -> **Dear:** [waving paw] Irrelevant. Boring. Do not care. +> Dear +> : [waving paw] Irrelevant. Boring. Do not care. > -> **Codrin:** You're a brat, you know that? +> Codrin +> : You're a brat, you know that? > -> **Dear:** I do. Ioan, my dear, please leave this in. I need written testimony that Codrin thinks that I am a brat. Ow! [laughter] And that ey kicked me in the shin. +> Dear +> : I do. Ioan, my dear, please leave this in. I need written testimony that Codrin thinks that I am a brat. Ow! [laughter] And that ey kicked me in the shin. > -> **Codrin:** No more than you deserved. +> Codrin +> : No more than you deserved. > -> **Dear:** Well, I can accept that. Do you have any more questions? +> Dear +> : Well, I can accept that. Do you have any more questions? > -> **Codrin:** Two, yes. How do you feel about the knowledge of the Ode clade's influence in the System? +> Codrin +> : Two, yes. How do you feel about the knowledge of the Ode clade's influence in the System? > -> **Dear:** Do you mean separate from the relief? +> Dear +> : Do you mean separate from the relief? > -> **Codrin:** Yes. You mentioned the relief in the context of no longer holding that secret. I'm curious how you feel about the reality of it. +> Codrin +> : Yes. You mentioned the relief in the context of no longer holding that secret. I'm curious how you feel about the reality of it. > -> **Dear:** [long pause] I feel shame, I suppose. I wish that they had not done that. It goes beyond guilt for the actions, because I did not perform them. It makes me feel ashamed that I am a member of the clade. I do not wish them harm, of course, nor do I feel that they necessarily were acting in bad faith. I feel that they were doing what they felt was best. It was just the means to those positive ends that are distasteful and make me ashamed. I also feel fear at what will come of this history and mythology. I know that True Name and Jonas said that they have prepared both sys- and phys-side for their reception, but, well, if there is any reason for me to be assassinated, it is that. As a public figure and an Odist, I am a visible representative of the clade, and should someone take umbrage with that, they have the motive right there. +> Dear +> : [long pause] I feel shame, I suppose. I wish that they had not done that. It goes beyond guilt for the actions, because I did not perform them. It makes me feel ashamed that I am a member of the clade. I do not wish them harm, of course, nor do I feel that they necessarily were acting in bad faith. I feel that they were doing what they felt was best. It was just the means to those positive ends that are distasteful and make me ashamed. I also feel fear at what will come of this history and mythology. I know that True Name and Jonas said that they have prepared both sys- and phys-side for their reception, but, well, if there is any reason for me to be assassinated, it is that. As a public figure and an Odist, I am a visible representative of the clade, and should someone take umbrage with that, they have the motive right there. > -> **Codrin:** Do you feel any pride about the ends, even if the means were unsavory? +> Codrin +> : Do you feel any pride about the ends, even if the means were unsavory? > -> **Dear:** If I do, it pales in comparison. We have gotten here, and there is no changing that. We cannot be anywhere but here. That I am relatively happy here is inconsequential. +> Dear +> : If I do, it pales in comparison. We have gotten here, and there is no changing that. We cannot be anywhere but here. That I am relatively happy here is inconsequential. > -> **Codrin:** Alright, thank you. Last question: what's next for you? +> Codrin +> : Alright, thank you. Last question: what's next for you? > -> **Dear:** For me? Short term, I plan on eating a good dinner, drinking a lot of wine, and making fun of you until you get mad and pull my tail. Mid term, I plan on working on another exhibition. Perhaps it will even surround death, though likely the topic will be more general, such as my beloved irreversibility. +> Dear +> : For me? Short term, I plan on eating a good dinner, drinking a lot of wine, and making fun of you until you get mad and pull my tail. Mid term, I plan on working on another exhibition. Perhaps it will even surround death, though likely the topic will be more general, such as my beloved irreversibility. > -> **Codrin:** And long term? +> Codrin +> : And long term? > -> **Dear:** I do not know. +> Dear +> : I do not know. > -> **Codrin:** You don't? +> Codrin +> : You don't? > -> **Dear:** I do not. Is that not fantastic? I do not know, and I love that about this particular future. I simply do not know. +> Dear +> : I do not. Is that not fantastic? I do not know, and I love that about this particular future. I simply do not know. diff --git a/static/css/toledot.css b/static/css/toledot.css index 1874477..bb1f3b4 100644 --- a/static/css/toledot.css +++ b/static/css/toledot.css @@ -20,3 +20,21 @@ ul { ul + p { margin-top: 1rem; } + +dt { + font-size: 90%; + font-style: italic; + line-height: 1.2; + text-decoration: underline; + color: #555; +} + +dt:after { + content: ':' +} + +dd { + margin-left: 1rem; + margin-bottom: 1rem; +} +