makyo/ally
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Actions Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity

checkpoint

Browse Source
This commit is contained in:
Madison Scott-Clary
2020-02-13 21:57:00 -08:00
parent adf9ada783
commit 042b2e90f8
37 changed files with 10156 additions and 270 deletions
Download Patch File Download Diff File Expand all files Collapse all files

202
book/content/poet-and-mystic.tex
View File

@ -1,60 +1,75 @@
\noindent \emph{Here is the difference betwixt the poet and the mystic, that the last nails a symbol to one sense, which was a true sense for a moment, but soon becomes old and false. For all symbols are fluxional; all language is vehicular and transitive, and is good, as ferries and horses are, for conveyance, not as farms and houses are, for homestead. Mysticism consists in the mistake of an accidental and individual symbol for an universal one.}
\ally{Pretty.}
\begin{ally}
Pretty.
\end{ally}
\noindent I didn't write it.
\ally{I know.}
\begin{ally}
I know.
\end{ally}
\noindent I scramble through great heaps of words and sounds to try and at least pin some of them to fleeting symbols. Maybe then I'll be able to learn to see more of the accidental and individual symbols.
\ally{Too many words, too many sounds.}
\begin{ally}
Too many words, too many sounds.
\end{ally}
\noindent Yes.
\ally{You wrote four pieces about the winds coming down over the foothills near Boulder (for, of all things, wind quartet), just to try and capture one ecstatic experience.}
\begin{ally}
You wrote four pieces about the winds coming down over the foothills near Boulder (for, of all things, wind quartet), just to try and capture one ecstatic experience.
\end{ally}
\noindent I like those. I like the result.
\ally{You like the first two, most of all. They remind you of how hollow you felt, how you could feel the wind blow through you, vibrating your soul like the pipe of an organ, exciting you to ever higher harmonics.}
\begin{ally}
You like the first two, most of all. They remind you of how hollow you felt, how you could feel the wind blow through you, vibrating your soul like the pipe of an organ, exciting you to ever higher harmonics.
\end{ally}
\noindent Yes.
\ally{But then you kept writing.}
\begin{ally}
But then you kept writing.
\end{ally}
\noindent Yeah. I make a terrible poet.
\ally{You make a terrible mystic. Your poetry's just okay.}
\begin{ally}
You make a terrible mystic. Your poetry's just okay.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\noindent How can I capture that essence of stillness? How can I become nothing?
\ally{Not reaching. Not trying.}
\begin{ally}
Not reaching. Not trying.
\end{ally}
\noindent How can I read the ecstasy of signs? How can I feel those black birds bursting free of my hunched shoulders?
\ally{Step beside yourself. Take your own hand.}
\begin{ally}
Step beside yourself. Take your own hand.
\end{ally}
\noindent How can I feel the cord that ties me to the center of the earth? How can I see where it leads? How can I walk the spiral?
\ally{Reach down, bury your fingers in rich earth, take root.}
\begin{ally}
Reach down, bury your fingers in rich earth, take root.
\end{ally}
\noindent The cant of ritual.
\ally{The scent of incense.}
\begin{ally}
The scent of incense.
\end{ally}
\noindent The rhythm of chant.
\ally{The ripple of water.}
\begin{ally}
The ripple of water.
\end{ally}
\noindent Call and response.
\ally{The flicker of a candle.}
\noindent Voices echoing voices echoing voices echoing...
\ally{Clay between fingertips.}
\begin{ally}
The flicker of a candle.
\end{ally}
\noindent Voices echoing voices echoing voices echoing\ldots{}
\begin{ally}
Clay between fingertips.
\end{ally}
\noindent And then?
\newpage
\end{leftcolumn}
@ -91,26 +106,38 @@ Afterwards, I figured out how to regain control (mostly) and just in time for th
\begin{quotation}
\noindent I'd like to chant, perhaps Emmeleia.
\ally{Or.. you could come up with something on your own. You know, do something productive with Nanon.}
\begin{ally}
Or.. you could come up with something on your own. You know, do something productive with Nanon.
\end{ally}
\noindent There's a thought. I still need to do those spells for Androo.
\ally{Exactly. Productive}
\begin{ally}
Exactly. Productive
\end{ally}
\noindent I've noticed that, while my emotional colors are fading, you're becoming more prominent.
Who are you?
\ally{I'm a meme; I'm the idea of Lady Sage and Master Yage,}
\ally{or maybe Eris and God. Are they the same?}
\ally{I'm me.}
\ally{I'm you. Are they the same?}
\ally{I'm the fifth line of five.}
\begin{ally}
I'm a meme; I'm the idea of Lady Sage and Master Yage,
\end{ally}
\begin{ally}
or maybe Eris and God. Are they the same?
\end{ally}
\begin{ally}
I'm me.
\end{ally}
\begin{ally}
I'm you. Are they the same?
\end{ally}
\begin{ally}
I'm the fifth line of five.
\end{ally}
\noindent You're an elusive bugger, that's what you are.
\ally{Damn straight.}
\begin{ally}
Damn straight.
\end{ally}
\noindent You're depressing, too.
\vspace{2\onelineskip}
@ -130,68 +157,83 @@ Who are you?
Upon reading certain things, upon hearing certain songs, upon seeing certain people, upon smelling certain scents, upon tasting certain foods, upon feeling certain feelings and upon losing myself, it flows, the light, in through the head, out through the heart, washes over all, and, being lost in it, have found myself without.
\ally{How poetic.}
\begin{ally}
How poetic.
\end{ally}
\noindent These are the white things. Cold, bright, burning, white.
Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani.
But the light isn't as it used to be. It was a thing to light up a day, a thing to light up me, filling completely. Now a simple thread flows from head to heart, and the light doesn't stray from the path of least resistance.
\ally{Love follows not the law of Ohm.}
\begin{ally}
Love follows not the law of Ohm.
\end{ally}
\noindent Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani.
Light can be many things, but here, now, it means love - all four loves - and it's a strange feeling to have been so full of it for so long, then to suddenly be nearly without.
\ally{Full of what? Full of shit? How pathetic, how trite.}
\begin{ally}
Full of what? Full of shit? How pathetic, how trite.
\end{ally}
\noindent Having deified love for several years, it's a shock to my faith to have it disappear, even if it only turns out to be temporary.
\ally{Faith? You're faithful? How have you EVER been faithful to love?}
\begin{ally}
Faith? You're faithful? How have you EVER been faithful to love?
\end{ally}
\noindent Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani!
\end{quotation}
\newpage
\ally{What is your point?}
\begin{ally}
What is your point?
\end{ally}
\noindent You know.
\ally{Yes, but it is important that you make it.}
\begin{ally}
Yes, but it is important that you make it.
\end{ally}
\emph{It's the immediacy, the seamless immediacy\ldots{}}
\noindent It's about meaning and self. It's about defining where your boundaries are; your physical boundaries, your mental boundaries, your spiritual and emotional boundaries. It's about that ground-state training that you undergo so that you might step just a bit to the side. An inch. A mile. An age.
It's about breathing in for the count of four, holding for the count of two, breathing out for the count of four, holding for the count of two. It's about feeling where your feet touch the ground. It's about drawing a straight line from your center of gravity to the center of the world. It's about becoming totally present.
\ally{So that you can disappear entirely.}
\begin{ally}
So that you can disappear entirely.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\ally{Why this? Why now?} % Why after your dad?
\begin{ally}
Why this? Why now?
\end{ally} % Why after your dad?
\noindent Why talk about ecstasy?
\ally{Yes.}
\begin{ally}
Yes.
\end{ally}
\noindent Dissociation.
\ally{Well, that was quick. I was expecting more roundabout. We would banter. You would get flustered. I would get smug.}
\begin{ally}
Well, that was quick. I was expecting more roundabout. We would banter. You would get flustered. I would get smug.
\end{ally}
\noindent Derealization, depersonalization, dissociation. Pure and simple.
\ally{Well huh.}
\begin{ally}
Well huh.
\end{ally}
\noindent Would I lie to you?
\ally{Oh, totally.}
\begin{ally}
Oh, totally.
\end{ally}
\noindent Fair.
\newpage
\ally{You're not very focused.}
\begin{ally}
You're not very focused.
\end{ally}
\vfill
\noindent I know.
@ -382,21 +424,27 @@ the face of god
\begin{leftcolumn}
\null
\vfill
\ally{Ask.}
\begin{ally}
Ask.
\end{ally}
\vfill
\newpage
\noindent How does one approach what one can't describe?
\ally{Swing the flashlight rapidly across the room. Piece together what you can from the sweep of the beam across the walls, the furniture.}
\begin{ally}
Swing the flashlight rapidly across the room. Piece together what you can from the sweep of the beam across the walls, the furniture.
\end{ally}
\noindent How does one hunt down what leaves no tracks?
\ally{Unwind the maze by keeping your right hand on the wall. Pray that the walls do not move.}
\begin{ally}
Unwind the maze by keeping your right hand on the wall. Pray that the walls do not move.
\end{ally}
\noindent How does one call down the gods to commune?
\ally{Speak thrice, and enter.}
\begin{ally}
Speak thrice, and enter.
\end{ally}
\newpage
\null
@ -472,14 +520,18 @@ I had forgotten about the birds until recently, but every time I feel that ecsta
\noindent I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm tired and I'm upset and I'm lost.
\ally{I know.}
\begin{ally}
I know.
\end{ally}
\noindent I want to shout and to whisper. I want to talk about how the light flows in through the head and out through the heart. I want to put words to the feeling of falling to the ground and taking root.
I want to say how it feels when I step outside myself.
\ally{You tried.}
\begin{ally}
You tried.
\end{ally}
\noindent I guess that's all I can do.
\ally{It's not, but it's important that you have tried.}
\begin{ally}
It's not, but it's important that you have tried.
\end{ally}