Some gender stuff

content/ally/028.md

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 date: 2019-11-01
+weight: 28
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 > Do you ever find yourself getting angry at me?

content/gender/04.html

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-date: 2019-11-01
-weight: 4
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-
-<pre>
-                    ( <a class="pulse huh" href="/aside/4">...</a> )
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-                o
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-
-It's a bit of a distraction from the topic at hand. Folks can skip these asides if they want, right? They can read this in whatever order they want.
-
-    Yes, but why would you pull this one aside rather than putting it in the index?
-
-I think because you just made me kind of angry at myself.
-
-    I've done that before.
-
-That you have.
-
-    And when I did it then, you put it in the index. Why not now?
-
-Not my department.
-
-    Don't throw my words back at me. They're all I have.
-
-Right. I'm doing it in an aside because It feels like the best way to stay on track at the moment. Perhaps that's different from how it used to be, or how it will be in the future, but that's how I'm feeling now. "Mysticism consists in the mistake of an accidental and individual symbol for an universal one", remember?
-
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content/gender/04.md

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+---
+date: 2019-11-01
+weight: 4
+---
+
+> So were you?
+
+Was I what?
+
+> Fucked. Were you fucked?
+
+I think that's still to-be-determined.
+
+> You don't seem fucked. I mean, life is harder now, I suppose. You've got to contend with a minority identity you never particularly wanted.
+
+There's no denying that. I don't quite like that this is what I'm stuck with, but I do alright with it. I try to keep going as best I can, and I try to help others as much as I can along the way. Robin likes to call me a "trans psychopomp", but I suspect that's due in part to the word 'psychopomp' is really fun to say. I would say that she falls under that title as well.
+
+> Do you see yourself as one? Do you see yourself as someone who guides others?
+
+Not particularly. I feel like I'm doing everything by accident. I feel like I'm accidentally visibly trans. Like I can't help but be visibly trans, like that's what I've got to work with. That that helps others long the way is still something of a mystery. A pleasant one, but a mystery.
+
+Still, the least I could do is not hurt, might as well put in the effort to be a help.
+
+> Do you think that others see you as a resource?
+
+Perhaps, though that has me worried. That's an awful lot of responsibility.

content/gender/05.md

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 date: 2019-11-01
 weight: 5
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-
-> So were you?
-
-Was I what?
-
-> Fucked. Were you fucked?
-
-I think that's still to-be-determined.
-
-> You don't seem fucked. I mean, life is harder now, I suppose. You've got to contend with a minority identity you never particularly wanted.
-
-There's no denying that. I don't quite like that this is what I'm stuck with, but I do alright with it. I try to keep going as best I can, and I try to help others as much as I can along the way. Robin likes to call me a "trans psychopomp", but I suspect that's mostly because the word 'psychopomp' is really fun to say.
-
-> Do you see yourself as one? Do you see yourself as someone who guides others?
-
-Not particularly. I feel like I'm doing everything by accident. I feel like I'm accidentally visibly trans. Like I can't help but be visibly trans, like that's what I've got to work with. That that helps others long the way is still something of a mystery.
-
-Still, the least I could do is not hurt, might as well put in the effort to be a help.
-
-> Do you think that others see you as a resource?
-
-Perhaps, though that has me worried. That's an awful lot of responsibility.

content/gender/surgery/02.md

@@ -15,3 +15,7 @@ I say six weeks because that, specifically is when I got a call from my surgeon'
 Yeah, fuck. Thus began a two-week scramble to find new doctors to write new letters to send in to the surgeon's office. After all, I'd moved states since I'd gotten the first letters written, and even if I hadn't, one of the doctors who had written one had retired.
 
 I wound up getting four additional letters, as there were some questions about the validity of some of the therapists' statements and credentials.
+
+> So it felt real then?
+
+Yes, coming to terms with the fact that the surgery might have been cancelled is what made it seem as though it was something real and tangible. Real things can be cancelled. Real things can be destroyed.

content/gender/surgery/03.md

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+date: 2019-11-01
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 <div class="verse">When I am asleep

content/gender/surgery/04.md

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+date: 2019-11-01
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 The surgery

content/gender/surgery/05.md

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+date: 2019-11-01
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 <div class="verse">I'm no good at images, only words,

content/gender/surgery/06.md

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+date: 2019-11-01
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 The hospital and airbnb

content/gender/surgery/07.md

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+---
+date: 2019-11-01
+---
+
 <div class="verse">It is two hundred miles between what I expect and what I want.
 Two hundred long strides that seem impassible from one direction,
     and from the other a day's short drive.

content/gender/surgery/08.md

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+date: 2019-11-01
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 the drive home mixed with retrospection

content/gender/surgery/09.md

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+date: 2019-11-01
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 <div class="verse">What have you changed?