Updates with 2023/2024 edits

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-\hypertarget{ioan-bux103lan-2350}{%
-\chapter{Ioan Bălan — 2350}\label{ioan-bux103lan-2350}}
-\markboth{Ioan Bălan — 2350}{}
+\hypertarget{debarre-2350}{%
+\chapter{Debarre — 2350}\label{debarre-2350}}
+\markboth{Debarre — 2350}{}
 
-Through some stroke of luck or perhaps some forgetful nature, it was perpetually early summer at Arrowhead Lake, that abandoned mountain sim Ioan and May had long ago adopted. Whether or not winter had socked them in at home, they could at least take a summer walk somewhere.
+Debarre and Do I Know God After The End Waking stood, naked and frowning, on the granite that hung cantilevered above the pond that had dug itself into the forest floor beneath the falls. It wasn't a high drop, not enough to turn the stomach, but enough to keep them from simply jumping in.
 
-``Winter has its place,'' ey'd explained to May when she'd gotten particularly whiny about the snow. ``I like the snow so long as I'm inside.''
+``And you're sure it's deep enough?''
 
-``Did you ever even see snow, my dear?''
+``I am not, no,'' End Waking said, then let out a shout and leapt off the overhang out over the water.
 
-Ey'd shrugged. ``Sure. We'd get dumped on once or twice a year.''
+The weasel's frown deepened. No sounds of screaming below, at least.
 
-``And was that pleasant?''
+``Fuck it,'' he muttered, and stepped off the edge of the rock, arms folded over his chest, and plunged, feet first, into the water.
 
-``Well, no, but--''
+The cold was enough to drive his breath from him. Even though there wasn't any snow this low down on the hillside, it was still cold out and even colder up-slope from whence the snow-melt came. He realized, too late, that another possibility for there not being any screaming from his boyfriend below was due to the frigid water.
 
-She'd laughed at em, then, shaking her head. ``I miss our porch swing. I miss our lilacs and dandelions. Sometimes, I just want to lay in the grass and overheat. I have been betrayed by our weather.''
+All the same, there was nothing beneath his feet for at least another meter as he sank below the surface.
 
-So it was a good escape when it got cold. They could duck off—alone or together—to the lake and head for a walk.
+Thankful for small victories, he swam shakily for the surface, breaching the water with a shallow gasp and teeth already chattering.
 
-May had chosen the name Arrowhead Lake over Ioan's protests that it looked nothing like an arrowhead, being more kidney shaped. The sim itself was tagged Peak Lake\#587a9383. Maybe it was just Peak Lake? This seemed only to have emboldened her when ey brought it up, and ey was firmly overruled.
+End Waking floated closer, treading water. The skunk's smile was wide, but his teeth were clenched shut in a clear attempt to slow the shivering. ``Pleasant day out, is it not?''
 
-Whenever ey walked out there without her, as ey did today, ey'd think on this. Maybe it had little to do with the lake itself. Maybe it had to do with the silhouettes of the pines? Or something to do with way the snow lingered on pointed peaks?
+``F-fuck you,'' Debarre said, laughing breathlessly. ``I'm getting up to the fire ASAP.''
 
-``Or maybe she's just a brat,'' ey mumbled, smiling to emself as ey walked slowly along the deer trail. ``No reasoning with an Odist.''
+The skunk laughed, shoved at him weakly, and then swam for the shore, weasel in tow.
 
-Ey'd long wrestled with whether or not they were just normal people. Perhaps Michelle had been—ey'd not spent enough time around her to know, and what time ey had managed had been mostly silence. Toward the end, her conversations were more interruptions than not, although the impression ey'd gotten was that she'd been kind and gentle, while still being the type to care passionately about things or, more often, people. The impression just hadn't been a strong one. Not enough time for it to solidify.
+They slicked the water off themselves as best they could while walking. Fluffy as he was, End Waking had the larger job of it, spending most of the rest of the short trek back up the hill to the fire he'd built squeezing water out of his tail fur.
 
-Ey'd eventually come to the conclusion, confirmed through discussions with several of the clade, that each of them had begun more as a distillation of a singular aspect of Michelle than the whole of her. That wasn't to say that they weren't complete in their own right, simply that each was singularly focused on their interests and skills, a perpetual hyperfixation. What was it Codrin and Dear had said? Even True Name was a fully realized person.
+Once there, they parked a meter or so before the fire and huddled beneath his woolen cloak, held open toward the flames, soaking up as much warmth as they could.
 
-Normal, though? Could one be both a singular facet and normal?
+``That was fucking cold,'' Debarre said once he was able to speak without stammering. ``You're such an asshole, I can't believe I ever listen to you. Fine fucking way to ring in the new year.''
 
-And maybe it went beyond them. Maybe it was a dispersionista thing. Ey could see such a habit building even without Michelle's unique experiences.
+``Yes, well, I love you too,'' End Waking said, grinning. ``Thank you for joining me, and for your help today.''
 
-When the trail dipped down out of the trees toward the shore, ey stooped to pick up a handful of pebbles, enough to toss into the water once ey reached the boulder at the lake's outlet. Codrin had eir cairns, ey supposed, and ey had a heap of pebbles at the bottom of the lake, tossed in one by one over the decades.
+They'd spent the afternoon building up a rammed earth wall for the skunk's new house, pulling sandy clay from the pile they'd brought up from the pond's shore the previous day, mixing in deer's blood as a binder before stacking it in a frame, and pounding it with logs sanded smooth and cut down to a diameter that fit comfortably in their paws.
 
-\emph{I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing,} ey thought, rattling the rocks around in eir hand as ey continued walking. \emph{I don't know if I'm supposed to help either of them, bring them together again, or what.}
+Part of the ramming process had involved carefully setting the chimney pipe for the wood stove between the layers of earth as they built up. This had seemed an unnecessarily fiddly process despite the admonitions that, if the pipe crumpled beneath the sand, clay, and blood while they pounded it, the wall wouldn't be sturdy and there might be gaps. As it was, after they built up the rest of the tent, they'd have to seal that spot with more bloody earth and a layer of pitch.
 
-It was still a week out from eir next meeting with True Name, from Secession Day, and while May's anxiety hadn't ticked back up, eir own had lingered. There was an unsettled feeling within em that made itself known whenever ey thought about heading to the coffee shop.
+It had left them both feeling worn out and dirty, and when Debarre said he was going to wash the sticky earth from his paws and fur, End Waking had suggested turning that into the icy plunge.
 
-``Maybe I'm not supposed to do anything,'' ey muttered, climbing up the boulder. ``Maybe I'm just supposed to be a friend, like she says.''
+The skunk had then built up the fire higher than usual, told Debarre that they'd need to do so nude as he shed his clothes by the fire so they'd stay dry, and then pulled him along to the rock overhang.
 
-Ey tossed a stone into the water with a small plunk and splash.
+Once their fronts were mostly dry, they turned out to face the waterfall and ravine, draping the cloak over their shoulders with their backs exposed to the fire, sitting in silence and leaning against each other, sharing warmth.
 
-That gulf remained between the two skunks, and no one seemed happy with it.
+``Why don't you build your camp here?''
 
-\emph{Plunk, splash.}
+``The river may overflow, and come spring, the fall will be quite loud.''
 
-``I don't know why it feels like I'm supposed to be the one to do something about it. Friends are supposed to help, right?''
+Debarre grinned, ``Don't need the white noise?''
 
-\emph{Plunk, splash.}
+``Not particularly, though I am more concerned about flooding. I already had a tree fall on me while I slept, you will surely remember, and I do not feel the need to be carried away on dirty waters so soon after.''
 
-``There's nothing for me to fix, really. They've each made their own decisions, and seem at peace with those, even if they're not happy with whatever's left between them.''
+``Thanks for letting me back after that happened,'' he said, more quietly. ``And thanks for forking to fix your leg.''
 
-\emph{Plunk, splash.}
+``Of course, my dear. I do not know who else I would have called. And thank you for your patience during my solitude.''
 
-``And they'd probably both resent me if I \emph{were} to do anything.'' Ey tossed a few pebbles in at once, splashing in a brief, watery static. ``Whatever that'd even be.''
+Debarre nodded and slid an arm around the skunk's waist. ``I'm used to it by now. Besides, \#Tracker had a larger merge than usual to deal with.''
 
-Ey stood at the peak of that boulder, tossing pebbles into water and thinking, mumbling to emself about May and True Name. When ey ran out of pebbles, ey sat cross-legged and looked out over the lake, unseeing.
+``That is what happens when I steal a version of you away and then aliens visit one of the LVs. I will accept half of the blame.'' He smiled, adding, ``Perhaps less than half. You had your own stuff going on.''
 
-``I should just pinch myself whenever I start thinking that there's something I need to do,'' ey said to the water. ``Pretty sure May doesn't want it, she's happy working on her emotions without me meddling, and I'm pretty sure True Name doesn't want it, since she seems content\ldots what was it, maintaining that level of connection after so long a time of disconnect?''
+``Well, \#Tracker did.'' He snorted, shook his head. ``It's what I get for only part of me hanging around interesting people.''
 
-The lake didn't answer, not in anything other than the water lapping at the shore and the chatter of the creek.
+``Am I so boring, my dear?''
 
-``This is stupid.''
+He shook his head. ``No, just plain. Your life is pretty simple out here. \#Tracker is still all caught up on all the political stuff with user11824 and Yared.''
 
-Ey sat for another hour, just watching the lake, the clouds, the trees, trying not to think about how complicated it was for one person to be so split among so many instances.
+End Waking made a face. ``Gross.''
 
-The walk back was spent unwinding the thought processes that led em here in the first place. Unwinding and re-coiling into a careful skein, now with fewer knots than it had had in it before, though it still remained tangled.
+``They aren't \emph{that} bad,'' he said, laughing.
 
-``Good walk, my dear?'' May said when ey returned and plopped down onto the couch.
+``They are fine, I am sure,'' the skunk said. ``You may keep the political stuff, though.''
 
-``Very. It's nice out there.''
+``I mean, that's why I'm out here. It's good to get away from all that bullshit.''
 
-``It always is,'' the skunk said, walking over from where she'd been poking around in the kitchen to dot her nose atop eir head. ``It could be here too, you know.''
+``Oh, so you are using me for a vacation, then?''
 
-Ey laughed and waved a hand toward the picture windows facing out the balcony, out to the drifting snow. ``It's pretty, May. It makes being all warm inside nicer.''
+Debarre laughed and poked at End Waking's thigh. ``Where'd this sense of humor come from?''
 
-She leaned down to rest her elbows on the back of the couch beside em. ``I am not immune to the beauty, I am just a wuss when it comes to the cold.''
+``The audacity of weasels never ceases to amaze,'' he said. ``I have a sense of humor. The squirrels and I share our private jokes. I practice them before the fire.''
 
-``Well, if you ever wore shoes\ldots{}''
+``Fucking weirdo,'' Debarre said, rolling his eyes. He tucked closer to the skunk all the same.
 
-She swatted at the back of eir head and laughed. ``Jerk.''
+That End Waking was so open to touch over the last few weeks was something he was keen to take advantage of. Neither of them were necessarily the cuddly type, and most of the time, he was happy with the level of physical contact he got from the skunk, just as he was with the partners his other forks had settled down with. Still, it was nice every once and a while. A bit of touch to keep him grounded. It tended to happen when their relationship picked up again, after both of them had spent months or years apart, each living their separate, more cerebral lives.
 
-``Ow! Domestic abuse!'' Ey laughed as well, rubbing at eir head. ``Want to go out for dinner?''
+Before long, however, they set the cloak aside to get dressed, and Debarre watched as End Waking prepped a sizeable hare and pushed it onto a cast-iron spit and set it over the fire, a tilted pan beneath it catching the drippings.
 
-At that, May perked up, grinning. ``I take back the slap. Yes please! Can we get sushi?''
+They dined on the hare and squash roasted in the fat, both pungent with thyme. They stayed up until it was well and truly dark, chatting.
 
-``Sure, J2?''
+Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreating to the makeshift tent that End Waking had set up using the patched fabric that had been his previous shelter strung over a rope and draped over his recovered cot. Narrow as it was, they had to huddle close—the only time the skunk was consistently okay with close physical contact and intimacy—sharing each others' warmth beneath the cloak and a few blankets besides.
 
-She bounced on the balls of her feet and nodded. ``Yes! You, my dear, know just how to treat a girl.''
+``E.W.?''
 
-``Skunk girl.''
+``I like it when you call me that.''
 
-``Well, yes, but still.'' Still bouncing, she twirled around\pagebreak\ behind the couch, tail trailing along behind her. ``I will get ready. I am hungry now, so too bad if you are not.''
+``I'm a sucker for nicknames,'' he said, tucking himself back against him.
 
-One of the things that Ioan appreciated most about J2 over all of the other sushi places May had dragged em to is that it was the most amenable to em eating with eir hands. May was quite nimble with chopsticks—no mean feat with paws and claws—but ey'd never quite picked it up, so being able to eat those little bullets of rice and fish with eir hands suited em quite well.
+``That you are.'' He rested his snout over Debarre's shoulder. ``What were you going to say, my love?''
 
-It had a channel of water floating along between the booths, small dishes drifting by lazily for the diners to pluck from the water. This obviated the need for any staff, real or simulated, as each dish would be replaced from behind a bend in the river. With no need to pay beyond a token amount of reputation, it simply became a pleasant evening out, plates stacking up at the edge of their table a tacit contest with other diners.
+``I\ldots well, all these little changes are coming to the System. The ACL changes, the cones of silence\ldots{}''
 
-``Did you get what you needed out of your walk earlier?'' May asked before popping a bit of fish into her muzzle.
+``I do not use those.''
 
-Ey shrugged, finished chewing, and said, ``I guess. Was doing some thinking into that feeling that I have to fix every problem in front of me when it comes to relationships.''
+``Well, but you never leave here and you gave up on all the politics.''
 
-``I have noticed that in you, yes,'' she said. ``Beyond when we specifically talk about it, I mean.''
+``This is by design.''
 
-``You have?''
+Debarre laughed, shaking his head. ``I'm just worried about so many changes in so short a time.''
 
-``You are not a sneaky person, Ioan. When it comes up, it is there for me to see.''
+``How so?''
 
-``Oh, uh,'' ey stammered, setting eir plate on top of the stack. ``Sorry, May.''
+``I dunno,'' Debarre mumbled. ``I just think there's a lot of subtle things—more like the little stuff May Then My Name talks about—and I'm worried those will break or disappear.''
 
-``No, no, you are fine! I accept it in the spirit in which it is given. You want to do right by me and your friends, even when `doing right' is not your responsibility. So long as you do not overstep boundaries, I can at least understand it.''
+End Waking hummed thoughtfully. ``They have survived Secession and Launch.''
 
-``Well, all the same, it's not like it's comfortable. I don't think anyone likes feeling helpless, but I just wish I didn't get hung up on finding solutions to everything.''
+``Yeah, but those were political things, right? Not technological things.''
 
-``You know, it is weird,'' she said, gesturing vaguely with a shrimp. ``For someone who spent so long purely observing, a busybody tendency feels out of place.''
+``You are worried external engineers will tamper?''
 
-Ey shook eir head. ``Observing is situational. If there's something happening that has a start and end, or which I can come home from, then I can just observe it. If it's something that's ongoing or integral to a person, especially a meaningful person, then I feel like I really want to help.''
+He nodded.
 
-She had taken the opportunity of em talking to eat the bit of shrimp she'd used as a pointer, and when she finished, she asked, ``Is this a new thing?''
+``I do not know that they have a good enough understanding of the subtleties to do so. The System is greater than the sum of its component parts.''
 
-``How do you mean?''
+``Well, maybe not intentionally changing things. Just knock on effects, maybe.'' \emph{Or maybe internal politics encouraging changes,} he added mentally.
 
-``Were you always like this? Did you always want to help when it was something integral to people you care about?''
+``I imagine they will be careful, even around the subtle things.''
 
-Ey frowned.
+They lay silent for a while, Debarre thinking and, if the slow slackening of his arm around his chest was any indication, End Waking slowly falling asleep.
 
-``Do not get me wrong, I am not suggesting one way or another. We have only known each other for a small portion of our lives. It is just that Codrin and Sorina both decided to specifically focus on that only recently.''
+``E.W.?'' he whispered.
 
-Ey nodded thoughtfully. ``Right. I don't know, honestly. Maybe? Maybe it's you, and--''
+``Mm?'' A sleepy reply.
 
-She rolled her eyes.
+``Do you still feel em? Like, at night sometimes. Like a dream or something.''
 
-``No, I mean, maybe it's you in that you're the first person I've gotten close enough to to wind up feeling like that, at least since I uploaded.''
-
-The skunk paused in the act of picking another plate from the river, letting it drift on. ``Did you feel that way about your brother? Was you uploading your fix?''
-
-Ey felt eir muscles go rigid, eir jaw clench, eir hands start to tremble. ``Uh\ldots well, huh.''
-
-Ears splayed and eyes wide with alarm, the skunk reached out to take one of eir hands in her own. ``I am sorry, Ioan. If I overstepped, I apologize.''
-
-Letting the skunk lace her fingers with eirs, ey shook eir head to dislodge the slight dizziness that had come with the realization and concomitant panic. ``Maybe?'' Ey forced a smile. ``I mean, maybe uploading was my fix for that situation? I don't know.''
-
-She nodded, gave eir hand a gentle squeeze.
-
-``I think you're the only person I've really loved other than Rareș,'' ey said, nudging the conversation back on track to avoid settling into that particular rumination. ``That's what I meant. I want to make things good for you, whether it's you overflowing, stuff with True Name, or any other number of things that aren't my responsibility or even under my control.''
-
-May smiled, the expression veering perilously close to a smirk. ``You have said that you want to fix things for True Name at times, too. Are you sure that you are not in love?''
-
-``I've also talked about how often I'll wind up getting caught off guard by how much you two still look and sound alike,'' ey said, smirking right back. ``She's nice and I do want to help her, but I think I'm a ways off from that.''
-
-She laughed. ``I know, I know. You just leave yourself so open, sometimes, a girl cannot help herself. You are also allowed to want to help friends and acquaintances as well as me.''
-
-``Skunks, I swear\ldots{}'' Ey laughed when she pinched at eir fingers, tugging eir hand free so ey could grab another plate of sushi. ``That's kind of what I was thinking about on the walk, though. I feel weirdly obligated to fix things. It's not my place to, I don't think either of you would be comfortable with that, and that's not even counting whether or not it's something either of you \emph{want}.''
-
-``I do not know,'' she said, shrugging. ``I spoke about that with End Waking and Debarre recently, and am no closer to an answer. We did all agree, however, that you doing what you are is a good thing, in that it at least sets up an avenue for change, even if neither True Name nor I decide to take that step.''
-
-Ey nodded. ``I just want things to remain smooth between everyone, is all. Maybe it's a little\ldots I don't know, overly conciliatory of me?''
-
-``Perhaps, but that does not mean it does not have its own utility.''
-
-They ate in silence for a moment, Ioan eventually giving up after finishing eir plate. It was no less easy to eat too much, even in an embedded world.
-
-``Are you okay with it?''
-
-``Hmm?''
-
-``Being between us. Interacting with the both of us even though I still resent her and she is still pleased with the work that she does. Are you okay being in the middle of that?''
-
-Ey slouched back against the booth and watched the plates drift lazily by on the current, thinking. ``I don't know.''
-
-``That is a perfectly valid answer, my dear.''
-
-``I don't really like the feeling. I feel weird about it every time it comes up, much as we need to talk about it.'' Ey smiled, taking one of her paws in eir hand again. ``I agree that it has its uses. It's uncomfortable at times, but I don't think I'd be any more comfortable dropping out of the role.''
-
-The skunk brushed her thumb over eir fingers, saying, ``I understand, Ioan. It is complex. If it needs to change, it can, and until then, even if I still harbor equally complex thoughts on True Name, I appreciate your position in our dynamic.''
-
-The conversation drifted away from the subject after that, and the two wound up back at home to poke through their own projects even as the night fell early.
-
-It wasn't until they'd made it back to bed and curled up together that ey was finally able to truly let go of the topic, though; even throughout eir writing, a small portion of eir mind had been dedicated to the question of what eir role was between the two skunks and why it both rankled and felt necessary.
+There was a long, long silence before the skunk replied. ``Sleep, my love. There is work to do in the morning. Sleep, and dream beautiful dreams.''