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-\hypertarget{ioan-bux103lan-2350}{%
-\chapter{Ioan Bălan — 2350}\label{ioan-bux103lan-2350}}
-\markboth{Ioan Bălan — 2350}{}
+\vspace{-0.4cm}
+\begin{center}\rule{0.5\linewidth}{0.5pt}\end{center}
 
-With May out of the house and True Name doing\ldots well, whatever it was that she did in her room by herself, Ioan was left emotionally and intellectually stalled out, stuck by emself in an empty den. Ey sat for a while on the couch, staring out into the slowly melting snow on the deck and ruminating. Then, giving in to the urge to pace, ey slipped on the boots ey kept for just such occasions and slowly tramped a ring around the outer edge of the yard, first reveling in the crunch of the icy top layer of the snow, then the sweat ey worked up when, on the third lap, the snow began to drag at eir feet, and then finally the solidity of the uneven path ey'd worn down into the snow, a marker of energy spent.
+The next few days felt careful. They weren't walking on eggshells around each other, it was not a worry of offending, but they all seemed to be hyper-aware of each other's presence in the house.
 
-The pacing gave em time and space. It let eir emotions spool out into nothingness while eir thoughts were left crunched beneath the treads of eir boots. Ey didn't know what ey thought about. Ey didn't know what ey felt. Ey just walked.
+Ioan and May called out from their performances and when A Finger Pointing asked why, May spent half an hour locked in the bedroom on a silenced sensorium conversation. Ioan received a very sincere note soon after wishing all three of them well. While she'd never spent much time worrying about the things True Name did, A Finger Pointing's tireless desire to be friends with everyone did not exclude her cross-tree instance.
 
-Ey knew that, at one point, ey wondered if eir command to mirror the back yard for True Name's room meant that it made a new back yard or whether it just mirrored the view out the window. If it were the latter, would she be watching em? Would she be wondering why ey walked? Would she scoff? Would she wish for a way to crush her own worries down into the ice?
+For her part, True Name spent much of the first day silent in her room, though whether that was to sleep or to salvage the situation, ey couldn't tell. She poked her head out around dinner and said that she was too tired to join and that she would see them in the morning.
 
-And then the train of thought was gone, lost amid some whorl in the steam of eir breath.
+Ey couldn't blame her. Even with the two hour nap before lunch, Ioan felt groggy and disoriented for the remainder of the day. \emph{I'm becoming like May,} ey thought. \emph{I don't sleep well alone, or even separated by camp bed frames.}
 
-An hour's walking gained em sore hips, a sweat-soaked shirt, and a well-trod trail around the outside of the yard.
+All three of them slept in late the next morning, Ioan only rising at nine when ey received the gentlest possible sensorium ping from True Name.
 
-``Fucking cold,'' ey grumbled, stomping the lingering snow off eir boots and the hems of eir slacks on the way up the stairs to the balcony. Ey kicked the boots off outside the door and shuffled inside. Ey could fork emself warm and dry, sure, but why do that when there was a perfectly good shower right there?
+Ey found her in the kitchen, standing in front of the coffee machine, looking baffled.
 
-So, ey lingered under the hot water for fifteen minutes, and instead of whorls of breath, the crunch of ice, the nothingness of slate-gray skies, eir thoughts and emotions dribbled down eir face in rivulets of water, swirled once, twice, disappeared down the drain.
+``I am sorry if I woke you, my dear. There are more buttons on this than I know what to do with.''
 
-\emph{Dissociating,} ey thought, laughed to no one.
+``It's alright. I went through a coffee phase years ago and wound up with this. I usually just tap here\ldots then here\ldots and then this last one for three cups.''
 
-Brushed eir hair. Stared, unseeing, at emself in the mirror. Dressed in clean clothes—sweater vest? Sweater vest—and wound up sitting on the couch once more.
+She bowed. ``Thank you. I would complain, but it does make good coffee.''
 
-True Name peeked out of her room and bowed to em from just outside her door. The sound of the door and the movement out of the corner of eir eye startled em back to reality. ``Sorry, True Name. Everything okay?''
+The skunk looked so much like eir partner that ey had to stop emself from reaching out to ruffle her ears. Ey disguised the motion as leaning back against the counter and rubbing the sleep from eir eyes. ``Good coffee's a necessity. Sleep alright?''
 
-``Yes, thank you, Mx. Bălan.'' She smiled apologetically—such a strange look on her. ``I am not the greatest of cooks, but would you like me to make dinner tonight? I do not believe May Then My Name will be joining us, and it is getting dark.''
+``Well enough, yes. It has been a few days since this instance has had the chance, so it was starting to build up.''
 
-``Huh?'' Ey whirled back around toward the picture windows and frowned. Sure enough, it was dimming into evening already. ``Oh, well, sure, I guess. I'm sure whatever you make will be fine. Sorry I'm so spacey.''
+``Days? Good Lord. I don't know how you can do that.''
 
-The skunk padded into the kitchen and waved the apology away with a paw. ``You are fine, my dear. You are allowed to space out. It has been a dramatic few days, so I do not blame you. Can you please grant me ACLs enough to create ingredients?''
+``Anxiety, caffeine, and 263 years of practice.''
 
-After a pause to will it so, ey nodded. ``Sure, should be good now.''
+Ey laughed. ``I don't know, I think it might be a you thing. May seems pretty fond of it.''
 
-``Thank you.''
+``An improvement, then,'' she said, grinning. ``Mugs?''
 
-Ey felt strange staring out into the yard—the opposite direction of the kitchen—while True Name cooked, so ey grabbed a notebook and moved to the dining table where, should ey be able to pull eir thoughts together, ey could write, and if ey couldn't, ey could at least talk with the skunk without twisting around in eir seat.
+Ey showed her where they kept the mugs, then the cream and sugar for doctoring coffee and spoons for stirring. Once the pot finished brewing and all three cups had been poured, ey excused emself back to the bedroom with eirs and May's coffee to finish waking up with eir partner.
 
-Ey could not, it turned out. Ey flopped the notebook shut again and leaned back in eir chair. ``What're you cooking?''
+And so it continued. They would speak in the morning and over dinner, perhaps a few times throughout the day, but otherwise, they worked on their own projects. They'd say good morning to each other, say good night to each other, say polite things in passing. Little of it felt like it was done out of kindness, but rather out of a need to remain cognizant of each other's presence, to keep a semblance of peace through performative normalcy.
 
-``Chicken\ldots rice\ldots stuff. It is college food.''
+Even the weather felt careful. The snow first melted and then was replaced when a new storm lay down a delicate few inches.
 
-Ey laughed. ``Right, I'm familiar. Sounds good. Certainly cold enough out there.''
+It was the third full day since their return when the spell was broken. Shortly after lunch, True Name stepped into May's field of view, bowed, and politely requested a conversation with her.
 
-``Of course, yes. May Then My Name would have the same recipe, would she not?'' The skunk clattered about for a few more minutes, and then, apparently satisfied, leaned back on the counter behind the stove. ``I do not understand your affection for the weather, but I am happy to make warm things while it is about.''
+The skunk frowned and beckoned her over to the couch.
 
-``Hopeless romanticism, I guess,'' ey said. ``But whatever. Are you feeling better?''
+True Name apologized to Ioan, then set up a cone of silence with secure visual ACLs.
 
-True Name shrugged, eyes locked in a glassy stare out the windows. ``I do not know if better is the correct word. I feel lighter, perhaps, having said what I did to May Then My Name. Conflicted, as well, that I feel lighter and yet she feel the burden of knowledge heavy enough to need to step away. For that, I apologize.''
+Three days was just long enough to start building up the scaffolding of habits, such that Ioan was left anxious and jittery when they were jostled. Seeing it from the outside for the first time, ey was left with a slight sense of disorientation from the way the cone blurred both the occupants and the background, the edges of its boundaries unnervingly sharp.
 
-Ey nodded. ``She sent me a few brief pings. She's with End Waking and Debarre at the moment. No clue when she'll be back.''
+There was nothing to be gained from watching the indistinct shapes within. A quiet conversation had them simply looking like two black forms against the relative brightness of the balcony. Ey couldn't see expressions, couldn't see but the most grandiose of body language.
 
-``I am pleased to hear that she is safe.''
+And yet ey watched, slipping over to the kitchen to clean, or at least dream up some chore that needed doing there, just so that ey could keep an eye on the cone.
 
-``Now that you've had some space from it, can you tell me any more about what you told her that set her off?''
+It was boring, and that it was boring only drove eir anxiety higher.
 
-``I am not ready to get deep into it, Ioan, I hope you understand.''
+The conversation lasted nearly an hour, and when the cone dropped, ey was greeted once again by the sight of the two skunks. To say that neither looked happy missed the mark: True Name had a dullness to her expression, something between hopelessness and resignation, while May looked apoplectic. She'd clearly been crying quite hard at one point.
 
-``Of course. I'm just worried. I guess. Did it have to do with her specifically?''
+Ey ducked around the kitchen counter as quickly as ey could. ``May? True Name? Are you--''
 
-She didn't respond. The skunk's gaze never wavered. Her posture remained relaxed and comfortable, and for that, ey felt all the more anxious.
+May waved a paw dismissively and blipped out of the sim. There was a sensorium ping a moment later, a view of Arrowhead Lake.
 
-``Well, maybe you can tell me what spurred the conversation?''
+``What just happened?''
 
-``Right, yes,'' she said, deflating somewhat with a sigh. ``What do you believe, Ioan?''
+True Name shrugged, the movement looking as though she was struggling against dozens of gravities rather than just one. ``I explained what has been happening.''
 
-``Excuse me?''
+Ey frowned, feeling eir own anger rise out of anxiety. ``Well? What's been happening? I don't exactly like seeing her that upset.''
 
-``What do you believe? You do not strike me as religious, but surely you believe in something. The sanctity of life? Love? Art?''
+``No, I imagine not.'' She sighed and slouched against the back of the couch, rubbing at her forehead. ``I explained the shift between Jonas and I over the last twenty-five years. I explained the last few weeks.''
 
-Ey sat up straighter, frowning at her. ``That's a surprisingly difficult question to answer.''
+``And pissed her off.''
 
-``It is not at all surprising. It is easy to provide a noun and say that one believes in that. The irreversibility of time, perhaps? Your cocladist and Dear spoke to that in the \emph{History}.''
+She rolled her head to the side, enough to get a sidelong glance at em. ``I am sorry, Ioan. I cannot be the only one to know these things. I have had all of my existing support removed. All of my forks, all of my cocladists, most of my friends. I have had to cancel all of my appointments with Sarah. It is small consolation, I am sure, but I have left May Then My Name angrier at Jonas than I think she ever was at me.''
 
-The conversation was taking a decidedly Odist turn. Coming at the topic sideways, grand statements that came tinged with a sense of awe. They all seemed prone to falling into the style of speaking and ey fell for it every time. ``Mmhm. Several times.''
+Ey blinked and straightened up. ``At Jonas?''
 
-``But what does it mean to believe in something like that? Or the sanctity of life or love or art? Or God, for that matter? `Belief' as a word is a stand-in for a concept so broad as to be intimidating or impossible. One may say as Blake did, `For everything that lives is holy', but encompassing that within one's mind is truly terrifying.'' She finally broke her thousand-yard stare out the window and smiled faintly to em. ``Still, I believe in what I do, Ioan. Really, \emph{truly} believe. I feel called. I feel led. I am good at it. I wake up thinking about it, spend my day working with it, and fall asleep thinking yet more about it. We have an existence which is fundamentally different from that of phys-side, and I cannot put into words how much I love that. It is more than a want, I have a need so integral to my being for it to continue that I would not be True Name without it, and I love being True Name.''
+She let her head slip back down off the back of the couch, looking down at her paws. ``I cannot tell you, Ioan. Not yet.''
 
-``But now\ldots{}''
+``Nothing?'' Ey shook eir head. ``Sorry, True Name, I'm not asking you to betray a secret or anything. I'm just worried.''
 
-``Yes, `but now'. But now I am stuck in an impossible limbo built by Jonas. My entire existence these last two hundred years has been defined by a belief that I thought Jonas and I shared, and in a few minutes, he tore it to the ground, burnt the pieces to ash, and then ground the ash beneath his heel.'' She laughed and shook her head. ``So melodramatic, is it not? But that is how it feels to have one's belief turned hollow and stale.''
+``I understand, my dear.'' There seemed to be more coming, but she sat for another minute or so, just staring down at her paws on her lap.
 
-``Do you overflow?''
+``I'm sorry, True N--''
 
-The skunk had lifted the lid of the pot of rice to stir. If it was anything at all how May cooked it, it was a stiff rice porridge made with chicken stock, cheese stirred in at the last minute—`poor skunk's risotto', she called it. She seemed keen to use her time cooking to think, so ey waited in silence.
+``What was it that he said to you? `Sometimes mommies and daddies fight'?''
 
-``I do. More frequently and in much shorter bursts,'' she said, finally. ``Every few days, I will walk sims and I will get lost. Well and truly lost. Dear loses control of its tightly directed energy, May Then My Name loses control of that wellspring of love within her, and I lose control of my sense of control.''
+``Wait, but\ldots what?''
 
-``Really? Every few days? Is that because you're stretched so thin with all your forks?''
-
-She shook her head and, deeming the rice to be done, slid it off the heat. ``I started walking in 2124, my dear. A few years before May Then My Name was forked, back when it cost too much to be so cavalier with forking. It is not so dramatic as your partner's.''
-
-Ey nodded. ``Were you overflowing earlier today?''
-
-She chopped the chicken breasts she'd sauteed into strips, focusing on the task, then on plating up the food, before responding. ``Perhaps, Ioan. Perhaps.''
-
-They ate in silence, then. It was interesting picking apart the way the two skunks' recipes had diverged over the years. True Name's was spicier, May's more savory and with more vegetables.
-
-They made it most of the way through the meal before they were alerted to May's arrival by the sim's sensorium ping.
-
-Ioan set down eir fork and slid out of eir chair to greet her as she stepped out of the entryway. Ey was pleased to see her face washed of tears and expression washed of distress. She looked tired, to be sure, but no longer ready to murder someone.
-
-``I brought gifts, my dear. I do not know if--'' She paused as she caught sight of True Name.
-
-The other skunk had also stood and was bowing deeply to her up-tree instance. ``May Then My Name, I apolog--\emph{hrk!}''
-
-May pressed the waxed cotton-wrapped parcel into Ioan's hands and bounded over to True Name, shoving her out of her bow in order to get her arms around her for an awkward hug. ``That is for what happened,'' she said, then socked her solidly on the shoulder. ``And that is for how you told me.''
-
-True Name stumbled back from the greeting, blinking rapidly and rubbing at her arm. She looked as baffled as ey felt. Watching May interact with True Name these last few days had been something of a roller coaster, whether it was the abject fury ey saw within her whenever the topic of her cocladist's goals—or perhaps calling—came up or the strange protectiveness that had led her to offer their home to her. Those were stressful enough; this was overwhelming.
-
-Ey shuffled back to the table, slid the packet onto it, and fell heavily into eir chair. ``What just happened?''
-
-May laughed and dotted her nose against eir cheek before settling down into her usual seat. ``I am sorry that that was weird, and I am sorry that I ran away earlier. I was able to get a lot off my chest, and I feel much better for it. Oh, you did eat! That is okay, I did too, but I think these may make good dessert.''
-
-May's nearly manic tone and the tension in her cheeks showed something deeper going on beneath the surface, but given her chatter and the still-shocked look on True Name's face, this didn't seem to be the time to ask.
-
-``May Then My Name, I know that I--''
-
-``If you talk about earlier, I will hire Guōweī myself,'' May interrupted sweetly. ``I promise that there will be time to talk about it soon, but for now, I need something else, alright?''
-
-``Of course,'' True Name said, frowning. ``In that case, what is in the package?''
-
-``End Waking made these corn\ldots pancake\ldots things. Fritter cakes? Something like that. They were savory, but they might go well with honey as a sort of dessert. There are only two, but we can split them.''
-
-Ioan and True Name exchanged a glance, then watched as May unwrapped the griddle cakes and swiped a pot of honey into being beside them. She broke off a piece, drizzled honey on it, and ate it.
-
-``Well?'' ey asked.
-
-``It is fine. I do not know that it is a dessert. Have you ever had chicken and waffles, my dear?''
-
-Ey shook eir head, reaching for a piece of the (slightly soggy) cake and the pot of honey.
-
-``It is not that, but it reminds me of it. Savory and meaty but also sweet and bready.''
-
-Ey frowned as ey chewed on the morsel. Ey could see it being truly delicious if it had not been cooked in venison grease specifically. The gaminess made it a strange mix.
-
-``Good, but not great,'' was True Name's assessment, to which May nodded vigorously.
-
-They finished the griddle cakes all the same, keeping up the banal chatter. It felt good, ey realized, to talk about nothing. Day after day of serious talks had worn on em more than ey realized, and ey made a silent note to thank May later for forcing them into something more pleasant. The greeting she'd given True Name was weird, but it definitely broke the suspense that had dogged them all week.
-
-After dinner, ey cleaned up the dishes by hand while True Name went back to her room and May settled onto her beanbag, getting a thoughtful look on her face that usually meant she was working mentally.
-
-Once ey was finished, ey settled down beside the skunk, letting her squirm in next to em and get an arm around eir middle. Ey blinked a cone of silence into being over them. ``It's good to have you back,'' ey said, hugging around her shoulders. ``What was that all about?''
-
-She snagged eir free hand and put it atop her head. A clearer demand for pets there was not. ``Mm? You mean me being a chipper ditz?''
-
-Ey laughed, stroking over her ears. ``Well, I was going to ask about the hug, mostly. My guess about you being chipper was to get us to finally talk about something light rather than yet more intense or depressing stuff.''
-
-``You are right on that one, yes,'' she mumbled. ``We doubtless have more heavy shit to talk about, but I spent hours crying today, and if we did not break out of that cycle, I would have spent yet more in tears.''
-
-``I won't bring it up, then.''
-
-``Good.'' She poked em in the belly, then went back to her hug. ``Though as to the greeting, I meant it when I said I got a lot off of my chest. I spent a lot of time thinking and a lot of time talking to End Waking and Debarre, and I have some ideas for moving forward.''
-
-``Oh?''
-
-She shook her head beneath eir hand and tightened her grip around em. ``I do not want to discuss them now. I am tired and cried out and you are comfortable and good to me.''
+She shrugged again, slowly rolled up off the couch to her feet, swayed for a moment, then walked off to her room, the door snicking shut behind her.