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\begin{center}\rule{0.5\linewidth}{0.5pt}\end{center}
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\hypertarget{debarre-2350}{%
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\chapter{Debarre — 2350}\label{debarre-2350}}
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\markboth{Debarre — 2350}{}
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``She's still not back?''
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Neither Debarre nor End Waking had visited Michelle's field in decades, and certainly not since it had become Douglas's. End Waking had last seen it on the day that she had quit in 2306, and had had little desire to return since. There were no dandelions in the forest; he had specifically requested so from Serene.
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May shook her head, tugging Ioan by the hand over to their beanbag. ``Not yet. I would like another day before we go seeking her out, though, okay?''
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It had been much longer for Debarre, going clear back into the 2200s, back when Michelle and Sasha were still alive and coherent enough to speak to without getting overwhelmed into silence every few minutes. The memories of her were painful enough as it was—that last visit with her in End Waking's forest especially—that he'd never had the courage to come back, and then never a reason, which came with its own ache.
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Ey nodded as ey let emself be tugged along. Relaxing for even just a few minutes with eir partner certainly sounded better than tramping out into the woods around the lake, and some part of em marveled at just how much ey felt like ey needed it. \emph{Some day,} ey thought. \emph{I'll stop being surprised at what May's made out of me.}
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Given how much the clade that she'd left behind was struggling, though, it felt fitting to accept when Douglas invited him and End Waking over to talk with Ioan.
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It wasn't so bad being hooked on touch and affection, though. Ey'd grown to cherish all of those little loving gestures, and flopping down on the beanbag to let May curl up on eir front and just do nothing sounded like an ideal way to spend a day if True Name was comfortable where she was out at Arrowhead Lake.
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``Ey's in a funk, and from what ey says, I think you two are the only others that know why,'' he had said, paused, then added, ``Except maybe those I don't think any of us want to see.''
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With neither of them feeling all that keen on talking further, they simply lounged on the beanbag together, reveling in the spring-tinted sunlight. A little napping, a little petting on skunks, but mostly just calm and quiet.
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Both of them stood still after arriving, just bathing in—or struggling against—the waves of memory that came with the sudden onslaught of warmth and sun and the baked goods scent of dandelions thick in the air.
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It wasn't until nearly dinner that they stirred again, Ioan squirming until ey could sit up on the beanbag cross-legged, letting May lounge draped across eir lap.
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Ioan greeted them at the door. Ey seemed happy enough, if tired. Still smiling and bowing to them as ey usually did. They finished their greetings and settled on the grass in front of the house along with Douglas, End Waking having refused to go inside. After, though, ey had stared down into eir glass of lemonade and spoke little.
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``I have been thinking,'' May began, sounding more dozy than anything. ``But I would like to ensure you are willing to talk about this whole merger business before I shove us into a conversation.''
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Finally, Debarre nudged em gently with an elbow. ``Alright, Ioan, you're gonna need to spill it at some point, here. What's going on? All we were told is that you were feeling rough about the last few days.''
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``I can do that, sure.''
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Ey sighed and plucked a dandelion. ``Right, sorry, you two. Or three, I guess. I know I've been a bit of a mope of late. You alright to talk about True Name?''
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``Would it be unfair of me to merge down?''
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``Ioan, I appreciate you asking, but please do not worry about us,'' End Waking chided. ``If we have come to help \emph{you}, you need not spare our feelings. We can pretty well guess who would be at the center of this.''
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``Unfair how?''
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``I'm pretty sure it's me, actually,'' ey said with a wry smile. ``I've been stuck between May and True Name for days now, or years if you count the time since the convergence and I started trying to smooth things out with the coffee dates.
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She shrugged. ``There are three of us in the equation, are there not? For me to merge down takes the uniqueness of our relationship away from the two of us and turns it into a burden for her.''
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``I've just been struggling with it all. It's been too much from the moment everything with True Name happened. The last few days were the worst, though. True Name didn't really handle the merge all that well. She collapsed and was nearly unresponsive for several hours, and since then, she's been struggling to integrate various chunks of memories.''
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Ey nodded and teased a few fingers through her fur. ``I can see that, I guess. Even if it's not something that she acts on, or if she even does anything with the memories, whatever you feel about us becomes something she can feel too.''
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``My feelings towards her work? That I built my identity around not being her?''
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``Yes. As I mentioned, I am perhaps jealous of that. I would like what we have to be our own.''
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``That and your relationship with Debarre.''
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``I think we agree on that. How do you mean `unfair', though?''
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The weasel and skunk both looked at each other, ears splayed.
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She twisted around until she could poke her nose on em. ``Because it would be an act that I would take. Even if we all were to agree, it is me that is changing our relationships. I would be the one taking away that uniqueness and turning it into a burden.''
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``I'd thought of that, but, uh\ldots{}'' Debarre cleared his throat. ``Well, actually hearing it put like that casts it in a bit of a different light.''
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Ioan tugged the skunk up a little further until ey could get eir arms around her. Something about her words didn't sit right with em, and ey needed at least a little bit of time to think it out.
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``I hope that she does not mind the memories of sex to go along with the resentment,'' End Waking said, then laughed when Debarre poked him in the side. ``We are all adults here, my dear.''
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Perhaps she was still overflowing, in a way. At the tail end of it, sure, but every time in the past, she had waited until she was essentially feeling better before fetching em back from Douglas's, whereas this morning, she seemed to have forced herself out of that state, rightfully or otherwise, to at least not be alone.
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``I'm the baby, I think,'' Douglas said. ``I'm seventy-two.''
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There was some slight distortion here, though, a way of thinking that didn't quite mesh with her personality. Ey agreed to an extent, but it was her framing that was bothering em most.
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``So young.'' The skunk grinned. ``Debarre and I both have two centuries on you. Still, I am pretty sure that we can acknowledge the existence of sex, is what I mean.''
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``So,'' ey began, choosing eir words carefully. ``I did say that I'm really starting to not feel so great about the idea, but I'm not totally sure I agree with how much of that you're putting on yourself. You sound preemptively guilty.''
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``And it doesn't exactly sound like she's a stranger to that herself, anyway.''
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May squirmed out of eir grasp to sit on the beanbag alongside em, elbows on knees and face in paws.
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End Waking blinked, taken aback. ``She actually told you about Zacharias?''
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``I'm sorry, May. Maybe this isn't--''
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``Who?'' Douglas asked.
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``No, you are right,'' she mumbled, sounding miserable. It tugged at eir emotions to the point where ey had to restrain emself from tugging her back in for a hug, though her posture kept em at bay. ``I am not at baseline yet. Nothing makes sense. It is like having my emotions refracted through a glass of water. I probably should not even be talking about it.''
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``An\ldots erstwhile lover, as she put it,'' Ioan said carefully. ``I probably shouldn't go too much into that, though.''
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``It's important, I just don't want you to push yourself if you're not out of the rough patch yet.''
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``Agreed,'' Debarre said. ``But as you were saying, she was having trouble?''
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``Right, yes.'' She sighed, pushing herself wearily off the pouf. ``Everything feels so urgent, though. I feel like we must have this conversation now if we are to have it, or else the opportunity will evaporate. I know that it does not work that way, that this is not logical of me, but this is not a logical time.''
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``Yeah. I wasn't expecting her to get completely taken out, but May did kind of force it on her all in one go. She lasted a few days, but I think she was pushing herself pretty hard to appear strong. She crashed really hard yesterday and, despite a pretty pleasant morning, had to step out to Arrowhead Lake, and when she came back, she looked like she was about ready to start yelling at us. May was also trying to stick around as long as she could, I think, since she crashed almost immediately. We made it through the night, but she couldn't even speak this morning.''
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Scooting to the edge of the beanbag, Ioan stood as well. ``I know. We have months before we run up against Jonas's deadline, but if he's sending assassins after True Name, it sure does make it feel urgent.''
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``That's a shitload to have to deal with, yeah.''
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The skunk padded over to the kitchen, swiping a few of the dishes that Ioan had left prepared into being, lining them up in a row. ``Yes, and I cannot easily let that go. I want her to be other than she is specifically to not be so under his thumb. I want her to be better than she is to be less of what she has become, and yet even those thoughts feel like distortions. Choose your plate, my dear.''
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Ey nodded. ``Friend almost gets assassinated, almost goes crazy from a merge, and disappears. Partner freaks out after a conversation, then freaks out when the merge goes sideways and mentions she was thinking of merging down, herself, then requests that I disappear. It's just\ldots a lot.''
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Ey picked one mostly at random, winding up with a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup. ``I had been wondering as to your reasons. I felt like the idea just kind of popped into my mind based on what she was talking about at the time, what with Zacharias and all, but it came at such an inopportune time for me to actually ask why. Is it\ldots I mean, do you feel the need to fix things like we've been talking about with me?''
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``Wait, \emph{May} wanted to merge down?'' Douglas said. ``Wasn't expecting that.''
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She hesitated, sighed, shook her head. ``I do not know, Ioan.''
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``Well, I don't know quite how much `wanted' fits, but I asked if she was thinking about it and she said yes. I couldn't quite piece together why, though. After End Waking merged down, she mentioned that there was at least a part of her that was feeling vengeful, so I think I was worried that maybe she was considering piling on her own vengeance, or that maybe she would be trying to help make her a better person.'' Ey shrugged and added, ``Or both. She did seem to have True Name's best interests at heart when she forced the merge. At least mostly.''
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Ey nodded, letting the subject drop. It didn't seem open to discussion.
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End Waking nodded. ``She did mention being torn, yes. She wanted to kick her out but also wanted to help her get away from Jonas.''
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May picked up a plate of mashed potatoes and asparagus, shooing em back to the dining room table. ``I just think that she has become so singular a person that she cannot but be controlled by Jonas. Her role in guiding the System is no less real; she did the work that she does and she did it both well and proudly. But she built herself into a tool without realizing it, and over the centuries, Jonas has been teaching himself to use that to his advantage, to use her as a tool.''
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``She's certainly softening on her.''
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``And rounding her out more with merges would help make her more of a generalist?''
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``And how're you taking it?'' Debarre asked. Something about Ioan—eir posture, eir face, something—made it seem like this was the question ey was dreading the most.
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Laughing, she set her plate down, tugged out her chair, and fell heavily into it. ``Generalist is a very utilitarian way to put it. You are not wrong in that it would allow her to be more than a unitasker, but it would also make her more of a person, harder to control. Someone as focused as her is easy to pin down.''
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There was a long silence before ey answered. ``It's really getting to me. I don't even know why, either. I think it honestly would help True Name in the end if it were just May merging down, but having that be the case with her memories of us together feels like\ldots well, it kind of makes me jealous. Those are our memories that we made together. Our fights and good times, our affection--''
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``I would've thought she'd see that coming, though.''
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``Probably most of the memories, there,'' Debarre stage-whispered, getting a smirk out of Ioan.
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``Well, you have heard what she has said. She has been fed bad information by her spies--''
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``Yeah. Our affection and our sex, too, for that matter. Suddenly, True Name would have all that. I think it also started grating on me because of how\ldots real End Waking's was. It wouldn't just be a library for her perusal, but she will have actually lived them. She will have actually--'' Ey frowned, as though digging for the words.
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``And the other True Names. At least \#Castor.''
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``She'll have actually loved you, maybe?'' Debarre guessed.
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She frowned, finished chewing on her asparagus. ``There is also that, yes. It is a guess, but I think you are right. How and why he managed to work them into this plan to only subvert this instance of her is another question that I think we would all like an answer to. All the same, she has been fed bad information and had aspects of her life leveraged against her, and now, for whatever reason, Jonas is making his power-grab.''
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Eir face fell and ey sighed. ``Yeah. That. Putting it that way makes it feel terrible, but it's exactly that.''
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``Aspects of her life meaning Zacharias?''
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``I was pulling back when she and Zacharias were getting close,'' End Waking said, sounding thoughtful. ``And I have been her. We were both Michelle. I know that she is capable of experiencing romantic feelings. They will not be alien to her.''
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``Yes,'' she said. ``I will not call it a weakness, even as awful as he sounds. To have a relationship is not a weakness.''
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``And now she's been \emph{you,}'' Debarre added. ``And you've got romantic feelings, too. At least, I hope so.''
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Ey chuckled, dipping the corner of eir sandwich into the soup. ``That's a very May statement.''
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End Waking pushed him over onto the ground. ``If you imply that I do not have romantic feelings for you again, I will make you hunt our meals for a week.''
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``Of course it is,'' she said primly, stabbing another spear of asparagus before biting off the top. ``But this is yet more guesswork. I cannot say for sure that Zacharias is purely working in the hands of Jonas, but from all that she has said to me, I do not think I am too far off the mark.''
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He laughed. ``Love you too, E.W.''
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They ate in silence for a few minutes.
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``What I am saying, though, is that it will not be alien to her. She will have experienced love for others, and the loss of that love. She will have already experienced love for others through another's memories and experiences, even. You can trust her to integrate that, I believe.''
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While ey didn't mind May's ideas of comfort food, they were not especially well spiced. This was mostly by design, ey suspected, as eating spicy or sour foods when one has been (or still is) crying sounded unpleasant. Still, there was much to be said about the comfort of a good grilled cheese dipped in soup.
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``Even though she was struggling with integrating those memories of yours?''
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``But yes,'' the skunk continued once she'd cleaned her plate. ``There was some aspect of vengeance to my and End Waking's plan, but now I just want her away from Jonas. I do not know yet whether or not I like her or want her to stay in our lives in any way, shape, or form, but I do know that I want her away from him. I want her to live and to--''
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``Perhaps especially so. I think that she is struggling because it clashes with her personality, not that she feels that she might love Debarre. Though, my dear,'' he said, nodding to Debarre, ``I can guarantee that just about every Odist is at least a little in love with you.''
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Both Ioan and May jolted in their seats as a flash of adrenaline ran through them. A view of a forest, a lake shore, pile of wood not yet lit, and, sitting on a log across from that, another furry. His facial structure was very similar to Dear's but where the fennec had wound up with that pristine white fur, he had ruddy orange except for the white on the underside of his chin and a dark apostrophe of fur on either side of his snout. Where Dear had wound up with almost absurdly large ears, his felt far more in proportion, along the lines of May's and True Names, though far pointier.
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He shook his head and waved the comment away. ``Yeah, yeah.''
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One thing Dear and this new fox did share in common was the snappy dress. Where Dear had wound up in a sharp androgyny, though, the red fox had turned it into a prim masculinity that was, ey had to admit, quite effective. Black trousers, a white shirt and charcoal waistcoat, and a suit jacket. It was topped off with a simple tie and affected cane, currently being twirled lazily between black-furred paws.
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More than one of them had confessed as much to him over the centuries, and it wasn't until he'd actually conceded that something about End Waking landed in that sweet spot of attraction and personality match enough to at least try dating that they'd stopped. He was thankful that they seemed happy enough to live vicariously through him. He had liked Sasha and Michelle, loved her in that sympatico that true friends can share, friends who had shared trauma, so he didn't begrudge them their feelings, but any more felt pretty far out of his league as a gay man.
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It was just a glimpse, less than a second's worth of sensorium input, but enough for em to make a guess.
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Instead, he nudged Ioan with his elbow again. ``So if you don't need to worry about it from True Name's side, and you know you're worrying about it from your own side, how do you feel about it from May's point of view?''
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``Is that Zacharias? Wait! May! Oh, God damnit.''
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``How do you mean?''
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The skunk had already stepped away
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``Well, do you have any worries about her? Do you think she does? Has she talked about it at all?''
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``We have guests!'' Zacharias said, standing up and dusting off his trousers. ``I was not expecting guests. How cheeky.''
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``Not much. She said she'd been considering it, but that seeing how the current merge was making her struggle had her in doubt. I told her I want to make sure it'd be consensual on everyone's behalf, this time. I guess--''
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True Name was still kneeling before the pile of wood in what had clearly become her firepit. ``I am trying to imagine a world in which I should trust you enough to be alone with you,'' she growled. ``And failing.''
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``Whoa, wait,'' Douglas interrupted, frowning. ``She didn't even talk with True Name about this merge?''
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``Spicy, tonight, are we not?'' He grinned, turning to bow extravagantly to Ioan and May. ``Mx. and Mrs.~Bălan, I presume?''
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``They talked a few times in a cone of silence, so maybe then, but otherwise not that I saw. She just stopped True Name in the middle of ranting about her calling and sent End Waking a message to merge, far as I could tell.''
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``We are not married,'' May said, growling nearly as well as True Name. ``What the fuck are you doing here?''
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``That's kind of shitty.''
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``Oh, just popping in to say hi, is all,'' he said cheerily. ``Zacharias, by the way. Nice to meet you, Ioan. My dear May Then My Name, it has been more than two hundred years!''
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Ey shrugged. ``I suppose, but no need to pile on her or anything, I think she's beating herself up over it worse than any of us could do.''
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``Well, hi,'' she said. ``Now get out.''
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Douglas nodded. ``Well, that bit I believe. Think that contributed to her overflowing?''
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``Oh, I just got here, though!'' He pouted, looking between the three of them. Then the smirk returned, along with a wicked glint to his eye. ``Besides, what are you going to do about it, my dear? Bounce me?''
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``Almost certainly, yeah. Correct me if I'm wrong, End Waking, but while I don't think it's solely tied to external events, they can have an effect on it.''
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May frowned, but remained silent, arms crossed over her chest. None of them had the ACLs for such.
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The skunk nodded. He'd started panting in the heat of the sun, so it took him a moment to reply. ``It comes over us like a wave. Some of us more quickly than others. It is slower in onset for me than for either of them, I suspect.''
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``Right, I thought not. Well! Have a sit, I was just saying hi to True Name, but what's another two asses in seats?''
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Debarre chimed in. ``I usually have a few days warning. I've gotten mine already and was planning on heading out today, but we both wanted to come, anyway.''
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Neither Ioan nor May moved.
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``Is it hard for you?''
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``Well, fuck you, too, then,'' he said, laughing, and sat back down. ``So, True Name, my little stink bug, how are you? Roughing it out here?''
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End Waking held up a paw. ``I want to respect Debarre's decision to share or not, but I would prefer not to be here for this conversation.''
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The skunk glowered down to the striker and knife, quickly sparking up a coal in the leaf-litter tinder she'd gathered. She blew on it a few times before setting it in a pile of larger kindling. ``I am on vacation. What the fuck does it look like?''
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``Sorry, End Waking. You don't need to answer, Debarre.''
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``Like you are roughing it.''
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The weasel shrugged. ``No, it's fine. E.W. and I have talked about it, and I get where he's coming from. It can wait.''
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She rolled her eyes.
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``Yes. He is not disallowed. We simply have our own, separate conversations about that, and it is important to me that Debarre feel comfortable talking about me with his friends, too. I cannot be the only one in his life.''
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``Look, why are you really out here?'' Ioan asked. ``Clearly it isn't just to say hi, and clearly you got access somehow. Got news from Jonas or something?''
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``Alright, makes sense. May's said similar, for that matter.'' Ey toyed with the flower ey'd plucked before, saying, ``We actually talked about other relationships shortly before this all went down, about how she'd act if she started to fall for someone else and how she'd feel if I did. One thing we didn't talk about was someone else having feelings for either of us, whether or not they'd come about them on their own or through a merger.''
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``Very perceptive!'' Zacharias said, grinning happily. ``Just out here checking up on True Name to see if she has any further thoughts on our little gathering.''
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``I'm sure there's shitloads of people in love with May Then My Name,'' Debarre said, laughing. ``But she's good at having that conversation, and you're both good at talking, so.''
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``Checking up on someone you tried to assassinate?''
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``Too good, perhaps.'' End Waking stood. ``I am overheating and feeling restless, so I am going to return to the forest. Ioan, I do wish you the best, and I would like you to keep in touch as you are able. I am concerned about your partner, as well as for True Name, in my own way. Please keep yourself safe so that you can keep the both of them safe in turn.''
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``Oh goodness, not me! You can place the blame for that squarely on Jonas.''
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Ioan nodded and stood as well to bow to the skunk. ``Thanks. It really does mean a lot. I'll keep you in the loop, if nothing else.''
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May laughed humorlessly. ``Right, and poor Zack just had to sit by and--''
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After returning the bow, End Waking held out a paw to Debarre. ``Can you return with me? Just for a few minutes.''
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The fox was up in a flash and, with a back-handed swipe, slapped the skunk across the muzzle, getting a yelp out of her and a shout out of Ioan. ``You do not have permission to use that name,'' he hissed.
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It took Ioan a few seconds to process what had just happened, but then fury welled up within em faster than any other emotion ey'd felt before. Had ey ever even felt fury before? A small part of em marveled at the unfamiliar feeling.
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The rest was already swinging.
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The blow never landed. Ioan found emself stumbling backwards several paces. Zacharias stumbled back in the opposite direction. Both of them shouted and worked to regain their footing.
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The two new instances of May that had appeared, partially overlapping with where they had once stood, winked out of existence. ``Yes, yes,'' she drawled, taking Ioan's hand in one paw to hold em back while the other rubbed at her muzzle. ``We all know you are good at what you do. Get to the point.''
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With a huff, the fox stood up straighter, smoothing out his rumpled clothing. ``Right. True Name. Are you coming tonight? If not, when shall we expect you?''
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The skunk shook her head, still glowering. ``I am not coming tonight, no. If I have been given the luxury of a year to meet,'' she said, tone dripping with sarcasm. ``Then we will meet when I say we meet.''
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``If you say so.'' Zacharias was back to smirking. That hatred still bubbling within Ioan urged em to consider just how delightfully punchable that expression was. ``Well, we will look forward to it, then, I suppose! And you two will be there as well, yes?''
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``Your piece of shit boss hired me, didn't he?''
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``That he did, Mx. Bălan! That he did.'' He turned to May, eyebrows raised expectantly.
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``Yes, I will be there,'' she said. Her hackles were still up, free paw still bunched into a fist.
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|
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``And End Waking? Would not want the stanza to be incomplete, would we?'' He grinned broadly to True Name, ``And no, my little stink bug, you do not count.''
|
||||
|
||||
``He has not answered yet,'' she said. She'd regained her composure, staring at Zacharias steadily. ``We will speak with him. Tell Jonas message received and leave me the fuck alone.''
|
||||
|
||||
He once more bowed with a flourish. ``I live to serve, Rintrah my dear!'' he said, sing-song. ``Any other messages for me to relay while hungry clouds swag on the deep?''
|
||||
|
||||
``Yes, tell Jonas to quit sending his most foppish lackeys,'' she shot back.
|
||||
|
||||
``But my dear! I am here specifically to drive the point home! You are in so far over your head that even `little loverfox' is a part of your fate.'' He laughed gleefully. ``Oh, it sounds so evil, does it not? Cartoonishly so! There is no way that I can even begin to talk about this without sounding like a mustache-twirling villain. That I might say things like `encompass your doom' just tickles me pink. We will see you soon, yes?''
|
||||
|
||||
True Name nodded. ``Yes. Now, fuck off.''
|
||||
|
||||
``Righto!'' He turned and winked to May, adding, ``So wonderful to see you again. Cannot say I share your taste in partners, but times change, I suppose. Mx. Bălan, I look forward to speaking soon.''
|
||||
|
||||
And with that, he stepped out of the sim.
|
||||
|
||||
May's shoulders slumped. She let go of eir hand, padded over to kneel beside True Name, and hugged around her shoulders. ``I am sorry, my dear.''
|
||||
|
||||
True Name did not return the gesture. No surprise, perhaps; neither she nor End Waking were all that big on touch. Instead she said, ``I apologize, you two. I do not know how they got the address to the sim.''
|
||||
|
||||
Ioan cursed. ``Guess that does mean it's compromised.''
|
||||
|
||||
She nodded.
|
||||
|
||||
May leaned away from the hug, but took one of True Name's paws in her own. ``Come home,'' she said, voice and expression earnestly worried. ``Please. I know it is uncomfortable, but I do not want you out here alone.''
|
||||
|
||||
The skunk stared into the fire for almost a full minute, then looked off to the lake and nodded. ``Yes, I suppose you are right.'' She smiled faintly and added, ``I could also use a shower and a night's sleep on a real mattress. Perhaps we can discuss expanding an outdoor portion of your sim tomorrow, Ioan. I do not want to impose too much, but, well\ldots{}'' She waved her paw at where Zacharias had stood.
|
||||
|
||||
``Of course,'' ey said, still doing eir best to tamp down eir anger. ``I can find something simple on the market for the time being.''
|
||||
|
||||
True Name knelt by the fire for a moment longer before dousing the flames.
|
||||
|
||||
Once they made it back to the house and True Name had showered, they sat around the dining table, each with a glass of wine from a bottle ey'd received years back. When True Name suggested that a drink was in order, Ioan and May readily agreed.
|
||||
|
||||
Ioan couldn't guess why the two skunks had felt it was necessary, but ey needed something to try and blunt the edges of that anger that still spun within em. Ey wasn't sure ey'd ever truly felt fury before, but it turned out that watching eir partner get struck across the face was a really, really good way to bring out the emotion.
|
||||
|
||||
Ey didn't like it at all.
|
||||
|
||||
Once ey'd reached the bottom of eir glass, ey sighed and said, ``Alright. What the hell was that about?''
|
||||
|
||||
``Jonas felt the need to show a bit of muscle,'' True Name said, voice flat and dull. ``He wanted to rub it in my face that he still has Zacharias in his pocket, that he knows where I am. I do not think he actually cared about asking me when we would meet, he was just making his leverage felt. I suspect he was planning on you two showing up as well, now that I think about it.''
|
||||
|
||||
``Why?''
|
||||
|
||||
``To ensure that you also saw that power. If you two are to come to the meeting—as I think you must—then he wants you both to know that he will be there with a stacked deck.'' She rubbed a paw up over her snout, adding, ``I am sorry that you had to meet him.''
|
||||
|
||||
Ioan shook eir head. ``Was he always such an asshole?''
|
||||
|
||||
After a tense pause, the skunk shook her head. ``He was not, no. Witty, smart, sharp-tongued, yes. An asshole, no.''
|
||||
|
||||
``Well, not looking forward to seeing him again, either way.'' Ey felt that anger turn within em again, felt the heat of the wine only add to it. ``I don't know who he thinks he is, coming after you like that, May.''
|
||||
|
||||
The silence that followed was even more tense than the one before, both skunks looking down at the table, both tracing the grain of the wood with a claw-tip.
|
||||
|
||||
``What?''
|
||||
|
||||
May sniffled, shrugged, then smiled weakly to em. ``I am pretty sure he thinks he is me, Ioan.''
|
||||
|
||||
Ey blinked as the pieces clicked into place, then slouched back in eir seat, feeling like the breath had been knocked out of em. ``Well, huh.''
|
||||
|
||||
``You see now why I was so upset?''
|
||||
|
||||
The thoughts wouldn't quite fit together in eir mind. Two gears with no matching teeth. ``I'm sorry, I'm, uh\ldots{}'' Ey cleared eir throat, suddenly parched. ``\emph{He's} one of your old relationship forks? With True Name?''
|
||||
|
||||
She shrugged again, sniffled again, looked back down to the table.
|
||||
|
||||
``It is at least partly my fault,'' True Name said quietly. ``One of the earliest individuals I pointed May Then My Name towards was, without either of us realizing, one of Jonas's instances. He looked and spoke nothing like Jonas Prime, but was starting to get loud on the feeds. May Then My Name forked into a human form that we hoped would be appealing and became quite good friends with him, but I lost track of them both for several years. He stopped posting so much on the feeds, so I had little reason to worry about him, I thought.''
|
||||
|
||||
``You must understand, I was a very different person back then,'' May mumbled. ``This was systime 7 Back before I was\ldots me.''
|
||||
|
||||
Ey frowned, but nodded for them to continue.
|
||||
|
||||
``So, a few decades later,'' True Name said. ``Secession is in the past, the council is heading towards dissolution, and I am starting to relax. More friends from phys-side uploaded, more furries figured out how to exist within the System as they would like, and I started to meet more people outside work. One of them just happened to be this fantastically well-dressed fox who was just as witty as I felt. We became friends, then we became a bit more.'' She shrugged. ``That instance of Jonas had\ldots well\ldots{}''
|
||||
|
||||
``Twisted. He twisted my fork into something that neither the me of today nor the me back then would have agreed to,'' May said bitterly and wiped at her face. ``He turned that version of me into a way of influencing True Name.''
|
||||
|
||||
``Yes. It was a long game. He drifted in and out of my life, over the centuries, and then, shortly before Launch, he showed up again and we began to get close. A few years after Launch, they took me out to dinner and dropped the whole thing on me all at once. I am told they did the same on each of the LVs as well, just with different framing.''
|
||||
|
||||
Eir head was swimming at the flood of information, and when rubbing eir face didn't work to clear it, ey willed the drunkenness away and waved a glass of ice water into being. ``Which I don't get. Why are you so overwhelmed here and not on the LVs?''
|
||||
|
||||
The skunk twisted her wine glass between her fingers for a few quiet moments. ``I have always been focused on continuity and stability. I think that Jonas was as well, enough to go along with the launch project, but once it was done and that continuity was assured, we here on Lagrange let them go their own ways—the Guiding Council on Pollux and the previous status quo on Castor—while he focused on cementing his power. They were safely away with minimal influence here.''
|
||||
|
||||
``Is that what this is all about?''
|
||||
|
||||
She nodded. ``We were in a steady state for many years after they explained everything. I was not happy, but I still liked the work that I had chosen and I did not know how to do anything else. It was the new tech from the Artemisians that pushed things over the edge. AVEC—Audio/Visual Extrasystem Communication—rather changes things and even though we agreed on what was to be done about it in a general sense, I think he does not want to risk his own specific vision not coming to fruition. He wants greater divergence, while I am more conservative.''
|
||||
|
||||
They sat in silence, then, while Ioan tried to digest this. Ey was still furious at Zacharias, but now that fury had gained a layer of what almost felt like despair that someone such as him might have their roots in eir May.
|
||||
|
||||
At least it had all gone a long way towards explaining the dynamic on the three Systems. Who knew why the other True Names had decided to treat this one like they had, withholding valuable information, all but cutting her out of their plans. Clearly those few years between launch and Jonas and Zacharias's announcement had included additional shaping, both of her as well as the Systems.
|
||||
|
||||
``Fuck.''
|
||||
|
||||
May kicked eir shin lightly beneath the table. ``Language, Mx. Bălan.''
|
||||
|
||||
True Name looked between them, then grinned. ``No, May Then My Name, Ioan is correct. Fuck.''
|
||||
|
||||
``The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream of the Ode clade, you watch your mouth,'' May growled.
|
||||
|
||||
They all laughed. Ey couldn't help but. It was all too much, and the humor so perfectly timed to defuse eir anger that it had to be intentional. Some of that anger must have showed on eir face.
|
||||
|
||||
\emph{Ah well, trust an Odist,} ey mused to emself.
|
||||
|
||||
Aloud, ey said, ``You guys continue to be completely nuts. Thanks for explaining, though. I'm not going to figure it out tonight, so I'm going to have another glass of wine and space out on the couch.''
|
||||
|
||||
``Fantastic idea, my dear,'' May said. ``If I have to think about it anymore, I am going to start shedding and not stop until I am bald.''
|
||||
|
||||
Still grinning, True Name nodded. ``That is quite enough of the topic, yes. I am going to go outside for a bit and then I am going to go to bed.''
|
||||
He nodded and accepted that paw. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, so even just the touch as they stepped away from the sim was worth it.
|
||||
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user