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Madison Scott-Clary
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Sleep was the first obstacle they ran into.
``She's still not back?''
While True Name had, at one point, sat up long enough to drink half a glass of water, she had yet to leave the bed, and with her still down for the count, the instance of May that had remained was unwilling to leave her side, even for dinner, which she declined.
May shook her head, tugging Ioan by the hand over to their beanbag. ``Not yet. I would like another day before we go seeking her out, though, okay?''
``You don't think sleeping with her will be enough to keep you comfortable through the night?''
Ey nodded as ey let emself be tugged along. Relaxing for even just a few minutes with eir partner certainly sounded better than tramping out into the woods around the lake, and some part of em marveled at just how much ey felt like ey needed it. \emph{Some day,} ey thought. \emph{I'll stop being surprised at what May's made out of me.}
She rolled her eyes and poked em in the stomach with a dull claw. ``It is not just that I do not want to sleep alone. I want to sleep with you.''
It wasn't so bad being hooked on touch and affection, though. Ey'd grown to cherish all of those little loving gestures, and flopping down on the beanbag to let May curl up on eir front and just do nothing sounded like an ideal way to spend a day if True Name was comfortable where she was out at Arrowhead Lake.
Ioan blinked, laughed, and rubbed at the back of eir neck. ``Right, sorry, I guess I've been stuck on logistics mode for a bit.''
With neither of them feeling all that keen on talking further, they simply lounged on the beanbag together, reveling in the spring-tinted sunlight. A little napping, a little petting on skunks, but mostly just calm and quiet.
``Is this not emotional?''
It wasn't until nearly dinner that they stirred again, Ioan squirming until ey could sit up on the beanbag cross-legged, letting May lounge, draped across eir lap.
``It is! I'm just\ldots overwhelmed or something.''
``I have been thinking,'' May began, sounding more dozy than anything. ``But I would like to ensure you are willing to talk about this whole merger business before I shove us into a conversation.''
May nodded and looped her arms up around eir shoulders. ``That much I understand, my dear.''
``I can do that, sure.''
``Would it make sense if I added a cot or something in there? I could at least sleep nearby.''
``Would it be unfair of me to merge down?''
She perked up and tilted her head. ``One moment. Or\ldots well, come with me.''
``Unfair how?''
May led em to True Name's room where the skunk was slouched over on the bed, head resting in the other instance of May's lap, the two of them tucked into the nest of pillows in the corner.
She shrugged. ``There are three of us in the equation, are there not? For me to merge down takes the uniqueness of our relationship away from the two of us and turns it into a burden for her.''
``Let me reduce--'' The May who had stayed with Ioan quit, leaving the other instance of her to quickly incorporate the merge and continue, ``--conflicts. True Name, are you able to speak?''
Ey nodded and teased a few fingers through her fur. ``I can see that, I guess. Even if it's not something that she acts on, or if she even does anything with the memories, whatever you feel about us becomes something she can feel too.''
The answer was a long time coming. ``Some,'' she croaked.
``Yes. As I mentioned, I am perhaps jealous of that. I would like what we have to be our own.''
May nodded. ``I am not going to leave, but it is getting close to bedtime. I am also not comfortable not being near Ioan. May ey sleep in here with us?''
``I think we agree on that. How do you mean `unfair', though?''
True Name slowly rolled her head to the side enough to squint at Ioan through one eye. Her cheek-fur was a mess of tear tracks. ``Ioan?''
She twisted around until she could poke her nose on em. ``Because it would be an act that I would take. Even if we all were to agree, it is me that is changing our relationships. I would be the one taking away that uniqueness and turning it into a burden.''
``I can make a cot by the bed,'' ey said, then laughed. ``Or just another, smaller bed, I guess. No need to make one of those uncomfortable things.''
Ioan tugged the skunk up a little further until ey could get eir arms around her. Something about her words didn't sit right with em, and ey needed at least a little bit of time to think it out.
She slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position, though she remained half-slouched against May. ``Can you\ldots make the bed bigger?''
Perhaps she was still overflowing, in a way. At the tail end of it, sure, but every time in the past, she had waited until she was essentially feeling better before fetching em back from Douglas's, whereas this morning, she seemed to have forced herself out of that state, rightfully or otherwise, to at least not be alone.
``Well, I mean\ldots{}'' ey shrugged helplessly, looking to May.
There was some slight distortion here, though, a way of thinking that didn't quite mesh with her personality. Ey agreed to an extent, but it was her framing that was bothering em most.
The skunk tilted her head back against the wall, looking up to the ceiling thoughtfully. ``I do not see why not, I suppose,'' she said, sounding distant.
``So,'' ey began, choosing eir words carefully. ``I did say that I'm really starting to not feel so great about the idea, but I'm not totally sure I agree with how much of that you're putting on yourself. You sound preemptively guilty.''
``Worried?'' True Name mumbled.
May squirmed out of eir grasp to sit on the beanbag alongside em, elbows on knees and face in paws.
Ioan shifted eir weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other. ``I just, uh,'' ey stammered. ``I don't want to make things weird. I can't even imagine all you're going through.''
``I'm sorry, May. Maybe this isn't--''
True Name laughed hoarsely. ``It is not a comfortable\ldots time for us, no.'' She sighed, sat up further, and rubbed at her face. ``Preference\ldots make bed larger and join\ldots second choice, other bed.''
``No, you are right,'' she mumbled, sounding miserable. It tugged at eir emotions to the point where ey had to restrain emself from tugging her back in for a hug, though her posture kept em at bay. ``I am not at baseline yet. Nothing makes sense. It is like having my emotions refracted through a glass of water. I probably should not even be talking about it.''
Ey nodded. ``I can make the bed bigger. Should I make a second set of covers?''
``It's important, I just don't want you to push yourself if you're not out of the rough patch yet.''
She swallowed several times in a row, a sign of tears to come ey well knew from May. ``Can I ask\ldots can you two\ldots{}''
``Right, yes.'' She sighed, pushing herself wearily off the pouf. ``Everything feels so urgent, though. I feel like we must have this conversation now if we are to have it, or else the opportunity will evaporate. I know that it does not work that way, that this is not logical of me, but this is not a logical time.''
May got her arms around the skunk and shushed her gently. ``We will work it out.''
Scooting to the edge of the beanbag, Ioan stood as well. ``I know. We have months before we run up against Jonas's deadline, but if he's sending assassins after True Name, it sure does make it feel urgent.''
Ioan hesitated a moment longer before willing the bed to expand another half meter in width. A second set of covers and pillows spooled themselves out onto it as well, just in case.
The skunk padded over to the kitchen, swiping a few of the dishes that Ioan had left prepared into being, lining them up in a row. ``Yes, and I cannot easily let that go. I want her to be other than she is specifically to not be so under his thumb. I want her to be better than she is to be less of what she has become, and yet even those thoughts feel like distortions. Choose your plate, my dear.''
Ey paced back and forth a few times, shook eir head, then waved a hand again to bring a set of pajamas into being on the bed. Sleeping in eir usual dress of a pair of boxers didn't seem quite appropriate at the moment.
Ey picked one mostly at random, winding up with a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup. ``I had been wondering as to your reasons. I felt like the idea just kind of popped into my mind based on what she was talking about at the time, what with Zacharias and all, but it came at such an inopportune time for me to actually ask why. Is it\ldots I mean, do you feel the need to fix things like we've been talking about with me?''
May blinked down at the clothes, giggled quietly, and shook her head. \emph{``You are such a nerd,''} she subvocalized through a sensorium message so as not to disturb True Name. \emph{``It is a good idea, but you are a total nerd.''}
She hesitated, sighed, shook her head. ``I do not know, Ioan.''
Ey shrugged helplessly, gathered up the loose lounge pants and shirt to go change.
Ey nodded, letting the subject drop. It didn't seem open to discussion.
\emph{``I have no clue how tired I even am,''} ey sent once ey returned. \emph{``Or if I'll even be able to sleep here.''}
May picked up a plate of mashed potatoes and asparagus, shooing em back to the dining room table. ``I just think that she has become so singular a person that she cannot but be controlled by Jonas. Her role in guiding the System is no less real; she did the work that she does and she did it both well and proudly. But she built herself into a tool without realizing it, and over the centuries, Jonas has been teaching himself to use that to his advantage, to use her as a tool.''
\emph{``If you need to sneak off to sleep in our bed, you can.''}
``And rounding her out more with merges would help make her more of a generalist?''
\emph{``I'm} also \emph{unwilling to sleep without you, so\ldots``}
Laughing, she set her plate down, tugged out her chair, and fell heavily into it. ``Generalist is a very utilitarian way to put it. You are not wrong in that it would allow her to be more than a unitasker, but it would also make her more of a person, harder to control. Someone as focused as her is easy to pin down.''
Her expression softened. She tilted her muzzle down to whisper something to True Name, and when she received a nod in response, she signed \emph{okay} and patted the bed to invite em up.
``I would've thought she'd see that coming, though.''
Ey nodded and climbed onto the (now much larger) bed so ey could settle down beside May in the nook of pillows. Getting eir arm around her, ey let her rest her head on eir shoulder. It was a little awkward with True Name still slouched against her side, but it worked well enough.
``Well, you have heard what she has said. She has been fed bad information by her spies--''
\emph{``I'm surprised she's so\ldots physical,''} ey sent.
``And the other True Names. At least \#Castor.''
\emph{``She was not, at first, but I suspect she is working her way from past to present. She slowly got closer and closer as she learned how I did the same.''}
She frowned, finished chewing on her asparagus. ``There is also that, yes. It is a guess, but I think you are right. How and why he managed to work them into this plan to only subvert this instance of her is another question that I think we would all like an answer to. All the same, she has been fed bad information and had aspects of her life leveraged against her, and now, for whatever reason, Jonas is making his power-grab.''
It made sense, at least. Whenever ey'd dealt with a longer merge—eir longest had been around thirteen months, and a particularly boring project at that—it always felt like the memories were interleaving themselves in with the ones ey already had, histories slowly zippering themselves into consensus. Conflicts, then, were the snags one encountered along the way, and one would have to dump energy into either reconciling or discarding memories. It was a very consuming task, and that True Name had been able to speak at all was far more than ey could have done.
``Aspects of her life meaning Zacharias?''
\emph{``Think it's overriding the bits of her and End Waking that aren't keen on touch?''} ey asked.
``Yes,'' she said. ``I will not call it a weakness, even as awful as he sounds. To have a relationship is not a weakness.''
\emph{``Must be.''}
Ey chuckled, dipping the corner of eir sandwich into the soup. ``That's a very May statement.''
\emph{``How are you doing with it?''}
``Of course it is,'' she said primly, stabbing another spear of asparagus before biting off the top. ``But this is yet more guesswork. I cannot say for sure that Zacharias is purely working in the hands of Jonas, but from all that she has said to me, I do not think I am too far off the mark.''
She sighed, at which True Name squinted up to her, then over to Ioan, offering a weak smile before settling back into processing.
They ate in silence for a few minutes.
\emph{``I do not know, my dear. It has activated all of my care instincts, so I am happy to make her comfortable in all of the ways I know how. It helps, then, that those are all of the ways she knows now, too, or at least is learning. If I focus on that, I feel very positive. It is only when I get distracted and ruminating that I begin to spiral. It is more comfortable for me to focus on caring for someone now than it is to think about boundaries or Zacharias or Jonas.''}
While ey didn't mind May's ideas of comfort food, they were not especially well spiced. This was mostly by design, ey suspected, as eating spicy or sour foods when one has been (or still is) crying sounded unpleasant. Still, there was much to be said about the comfort of a good grilled cheese dipped in soup.
Ey kissed between May's ears, murmuring, ``You're a good person, May.''
``But yes,'' the skunk continued once she'd cleaned her plate. ``There was some aspect of vengeance to my and End Waking's plan, but now I just want her away from Jonas. I do not know yet whether or not I like her or want her to stay in our lives in any way, shape, or form, but I do know that I want her away from him. I want her to live and to--''
The skunk lifted her snout to tuck it up under eir chin.
Both Ioan and May jolted in their seats as a flash of adrenaline ran through them. A view of a forest, a lake shore, pile of wood not yet lit, and, sitting on a log across from that, another furry. His facial structure was very similar to Dear's but where the fennec had wound up with that pristine white fur, he had ruddy orange except for the white on the underside of his chin and a dark apostrophe of fur on either side of his snout. Where Dear had wound up with almost absurdly large ears, his felt far more in proportion, along the lines of May's and True Names, though much pointier.
``You two\ldots are disgusting,'' True Name mumbled. ``Keep it up.''
One thing Dear and this new fox did share in common was the snappy dress. Where Dear had wound up in a sharp androgyny, though, the red fox had turned it into a prim masculinity that was, ey had to admit, quite effective. Black trousers, a white shirt and charcoal waistcoat, and a suit jacket. It was topped off with a simple tie and affected cane, currently being twirled lazily between black-furred paws.
May laughed and tightened her grip around her briefly. ``Hush, you. We will work on going to bed soon. I hope that you can get some sleep.''
It was just a glimpse, less than a second's worth of sensorium input, but enough for em to make a guess.
She only shrugged.
``Is that Zacharias? Wait! May! Oh, God damnit.''
``Well, either way, I will let you keep the corner nest and be right here. Ioan can take the outside.''
The skunk had already stepped away
``Keeping em\ldots away?''
``We have guests!'' Zacharias said, standing up and dusting off his trousers. ``I was not expecting guests. How cheeky.''
May frowned. ``I am keeping myself close to you.''
True Name was still kneeling before the pile of wood in what had clearly become her firepit. ``I am trying to imagine a world in which I should trust you enough to be alone with you,'' she growled. ``And failing.''
``I kid. I have not\ldots even gotten there, yet,'' True Name said, slowly pushing herself up once more and frowning at just how far away the glass of water was. Ioan leaned forward to grab it for her. She drank carefully. ``But if it\ldots also keeps awkwardness down\ldots that is good, too.''
``Spicy, tonight, are we not?'' He grinned, turning to bow extravagantly to Ioan and May. ``Mx. and Mrs.~Bălan, I presume?''
Ioan accepted the glass from her once she finished, re-filling it from the pitcher they'd brought in and setting it on the windowsill near the nook so that she could get to it herself. ``We can talk about that later. For now, I think it'll work alright.''
``We are not married,'' May said, growling nearly as well as True Name. ``What the fuck are you doing here?''
True Name nodded and settled down into her nest of pillows.
``Oh, just popping in to say hi, is all,'' he said cheerily. ``Zacharias, by the way. Nice to meet you, Ioan. My dear May Then My Name, it has been more than two hundred years!''
May and Ioan stayed up a little longer, chatting through sensorium messages to let True Name process in peace. Cognizant of her mention that she felt better when not thinking about boundaries, ey kept the topics light, asking about favorite things and letting her rant about plays from her past that she'd hated.
``Well, hi,'' she said. ``Now get out.''
Nearly an hour later, just as May started to nod off, True Name yelped and sat up, scrambling back against the wall away from them. ``You know!'' she shouted. ``Codrin knows!''
``Oh, I just got here, though!'' He pouted, looking between the three of them. Then the smirk returned, along with a wicked glint to his eye. ``Besides, what are you going to do about it, my dear? Bounce me?''
It took only a moment for understanding to click into place. Both ey and May sat up to give her a bit more space.
May frowned, but remained silent, arms crossed over her chest. None of them had the ACLs for such.
``Hush, my dear,'' May said, voice soothing. ``It is okay. Remember Dear's letter.''
``Right, I thought not. Well! Have a sit, I was just saying hi to True Name, but what's another two asses in seats?''
``I\ldots I cannot-- It is too much!''
Neither Ioan nor May moved.
Ioan held still, hands flat on eir thighs. The urge to wipe the sweat from eir palms was pressing against em, but ey wanted to at least appear calm, even if ey didn't feel such.
``Well, fuck you, too, then,'' he said, laughing, and sat back down. ``So, True Name, my little stink bug, how are you? Roughing it out here?''
May began to crawl towards True Name, then stopped when her cocladist shied away from her. ``Codrin has not spoken it aloud, not even with True Name\#Castor. I confirmed with Dear: ey only said \emph{that} ey heard it, and that is all that ey told Ioan.''
The skunk glowered down to the striker and knife, quickly sparking up a coal in the leaf-litter tinder she'd gathered. She blew on it a few times before setting it in a pile of larger kindling. ``I am on vacation. What the fuck does it look like?''
She snatched a pillow from the pile and clutched it to her chest, wide-eyed. ``Why?''
``Like you are roughing it.''
``Ey couldn't be the only one,'' Ioan said quietly. ``We don't do as well under pressure as you, we don't\ldots well\ldots{}''
She rolled her eyes.
``Keep secrets?'' she growled.
``Look, why are you really out here?'' Ioan asked. ``Clearly it isn't just to say hi, and clearly you got access somehow. Got news from Jonas or something?''
May held up her paws disarmingly. ``They keep secrets very well. They just do not keep many.''
``Very perceptive!'' Zacharias said, grinning happily. ``Just out here checking up on True Name to see if she has any further thoughts on our little gathering.''
She glanced sharply at May, then said to Ioan, ``Ey did not tell you the Name? No one else knows?''
``Checking up on someone you tried to assassinate?''
``No.~The message was individual-eyes-only. I haven't even shown May.'' After a moment's thought, ey added, ``But I can unlock it for you, if you want. It's in an exo I haven't looked at since.''
``Oh goodness, not me! You can place the blame for that squarely on Jonas.''
``Sweep the whole sim,'' she snapped.
May laughed humorlessly. ``Right, and poor Zack just had to sit by and--''
Ey nodded, swept the sim of everyone but the three of them, and instructed the perisystem architecture to print out the \emph{0 individuals swept} receipt onto a slip of foolscap, which ey handed over.
The fox was up in a flash and, with a back-handed swipe, slapped May across the muzzle, getting a yelp out of her and a shout out of Ioan. ``You do not have permission to use that name,'' he hissed.
``Move back, May Then My Name,'' she instructed, quieter this time. When May obliged, the skunk crawled closer to em and set up a cone of silence with secure visual ACLs. She was panting and shaking, though ey was pleased to see that at least the anger that had swelled briefly had subsided once more into something more manageable. Ey didn't think any of them were up for a shouting match. Once she'd knelt beside em, whispered, ``Show me.''
It took Ioan a few seconds to process what had just happened, but then fury welled up within em faster than any other emotion ey'd felt before. Had ey ever even felt fury before? A small part of em marveled at the unfamiliar feeling.
Ey drew the sheet out of the air, holding it up for True Name to see the fully redacted text, then unlocked it for her eyes only and handed it over.
The rest was already swinging.
She read it through top to bottom a few times, set it down and kneaded her paws against her face, then picked it up to read it once more.
The blow never landed. Ioan found emself stumbling backwards several paces. Zacharias stumbled back in the opposite direction. Both of them shouted and worked to regain their footing.
Finally, shoulders sagging, she handed it back. ``Re-secure it and destroy it, please.''
The two new instances of May that had appeared, partially overlapping with where they had once stood, winked out of existence. ``Yes, yes,'' she drawled, taking Ioan's hand in one paw to hold em back while the other rubbed at her muzzle. ``We all know you are good at what you do. Get to the point.''
Ey did so and held up eir hands. ``I'm sorry, True--''
With a huff, the fox stood up straighter, smoothing out his rumpled clothing. ``Right. True Name. Are you coming tonight? If not, when shall we expect you?''
She patted eir arm with a shaking paw. ``Please do not apologize.'' After dropping the cone of silence, she continued, ``I should have\ldots I should have learned from\ldots I am sorry.''
The skunk shook her head, still glowering. ``I am not coming tonight, no. If I have been given the luxury of a year to meet,'' she said, tone dripping with sarcasm. ``Then we will meet when I say we meet.''
May held out a paw once more, and this time True Name took it, letting herself be guided back to the nest of pillows, where she slumped down once more, expression glassy. ``Could themself have peeped—And seen my Brain—go round —'' she mumbled.
``If you say so.'' Zacharias was back to smirking. That hatred still bubbling within Ioan urged em to consider just how delightfully punchable that expression was. ``Well, we will look forward to it, then, I suppose! And you two will be there as well, yes?''
``Rest, my dear. It is okay,'' May said quietly. ``Do you want company?''
``Your piece of shit boss hired me, didn't he?''
``Too much\ldots but I\ldots{}'' After a shuddering breath, she shook her head. ``I will\ldots be fine. We will speak later.''
``That he did, Mx. Bălan! That he did.'' He turned to May, eyebrows raised expectantly.
May nodded and crawled back over to Ioan, nudging em to lay down so that she could tuck in against eir front. She remained tense, and when ey sent a gentle sensorium ping, she sniffled and shook her head.
``Yes, I will be there,'' she said. Her hackles were still up, free paw still bunched into a fist.
Tiredness eventually won them over, though, and, despite the room being mirrored from what ey was used to, the bed was the same, comfortable one ey'd slept in for the last century, the house held the same sense of `home' as ever. May curled against eir front as she always did, and while it was strange seeing True Name just beyond her, it was still where ey belonged.
``And End Waking? Would not want the stanza to be incomplete, would we?'' He grinned broadly to True Name, ``And no, my little stink bug, you do not count.''
The last thing ey remembered before falling asleep was watching the way True Name had curled to face May, the two skunks holding each others' paws once more, and thinking to emself, \emph{This isn't how I pictured things winding up if I had somehow been able to fix things between them, but it could certainly be worse.}
``He has not answered yet,'' she said. She'd regained her composure, staring at Zacharias steadily. ``We will speak with him. Tell Jonas message received and leave me the fuck alone.''
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He once more bowed with a flourish. ``I live to serve, Rintrah my dear!'' he said, sing-song. ``Any other messages for me to relay while hungry clouds swag on the deep?''
Waking brought confusion. Something about the inversion from their normal bed, of having fallen asleep on eir other side than ey usually did, induced a subtle sense of vertigo at first. The pajamas were also bunched up around em strangely, adding a subtle sense of constriction. As sleep slowly seeped away, though, the feeling lessened and ey was able to relax in the warmth beneath the covers.
``Yes, tell Jonas to quit sending his most foppish lackeys,'' she shot back.
Warmer than expected, perhaps. May was still in eir arms, as usual, but the position felt off with the addition of a second warm bulk.
``But my dear! I am here specifically to drive the point home! You are in so far over your head that even `little loverfox' is a part of your fate.'' He laughed gleefully. ``Oh, it sounds so evil, does it not? Cartoonishly so! There is no way that I can even begin to talk about this without sounding like a mustache-twirling villain. That I might say things like `encompass your doom' just tickles me pink. We will see you soon, yes?''
Ey tried to puzzle it out through the fog of doziness that still surrounded em. Eventually, ey gave up and levered eir eyes open, blinking a few times to bring the world into focus.
True Name nodded. ``Yes. Now, fuck off.''
At some point in the night, True Name had apparently rolled over and wound up curled in May's arms, much as she was curled in eirs, and with with eir arm resting atop May's, ey was left hugging two skunks.
``Righto!'' He turned and winked to May, adding, ``So wonderful to see you again. Cannot say I share your taste in partners, but times change, I suppose. Mx. Bălan, I look forward to speaking soon.''
Ey lay there for a while, groggily trying to piece together eir thoughts on the situation. As far as ey could remember in eir still sleep-addled state, ey'd never been this close to True Name before. There had been the occasional casual touch, a few touches out of necessity—grabbing her hand to get away from Guōweī, lifting her after End Waking's merge—but even going back to when ey'd first met her, there'd been very little touch. It made sense, given her personality, and yet here she was, all cuddled up with the two of them. If nothing else, ey should probably decide whether or not to extricate eir arm from the situation to ease that awkwardness.
And with that, he stepped out of the sim.
Ah well, ey was probably worrying too much about this, just laying there and ruminating.
May's shoulders slumped. She let go of eir hand, padded over to kneel beside True Name, and hugged around her shoulders. ``I am sorry, my dear.''
\emph{``You almost certainly are, Mx. Bălan,''} came the barest whisper of a sensorium message. \emph{``Especially if you are mumbling.''}
True Name did not return the gesture. No surprise, perhaps; neither she nor End Waking seemed all that big on touch. Instead she said, ``I apologize, you two. I do not know how they got the address to the sim.''
Ey jolted at the words impinging on eir senses, getting a sleepy grumble out of May.
Ioan cursed. ``Guess that does mean it's compromised.''
\emph{``Sorry,''} ey replied to True Name.
She nodded.
There was a note of amusement, of almost-laughter, as she sent, \emph{``It is okay, dear. What are you worried about? You only mumbled the last bit.''}
May leaned away from the hug, but took one of True Name's paws in her own. ``Come home,'' she said, voice and expression earnestly worried. ``Please. I know it is uncomfortable, but I do not want you out here alone.''
Eir mind raced as ey tried to figure out how best to explain what ey'd been cycling over.
The skunk stared into the fire for almost a full minute, then looked off to the lake and nodded. ``Yes, I suppose you are right.'' She smiled faintly and added, ``I could also use a shower and a night's sleep on a real mattress. Perhaps we can discuss expanding an outdoor portion of your sim tomorrow, Ioan. I do not want to impose too much, but, well\ldots{}'' She waved her paw at where Zacharias had stood.
\emph{``I rolled over sometime in the night—I do not know when, I was memory-sick—and have been staying still to keep from waking you two. Would you like me to move?''}
``Of course,'' ey said, still doing eir best to tamp down eir anger. ``I can find something simple on the market for the time being.''
\emph{``No\ldots{}''} ey replied hesitantly. \emph{``But you guessed right. I hope this isn't weird or anything. If you need to--''}
True Name knelt by the fire for a moment longer before dousing the flames.
\emph{``Ioan, I asked after your preferences,''} she chided. \emph{``I am okay, I promise.''}
Once they made it back to the house and True Name had showered, they sat around the dining table, each with a glass of wine from a bottle ey'd received years back. When True Name suggested that a drink was in order, Ioan and May readily agreed.
Ey hid the heat rising to eir cheeks by burying eir face in May's fur. \emph{``Right, sorry. You're okay there. I'm just being awkward.''}
Ioan couldn't guess why the two skunks had felt it was necessary, but ey needed something to try and blunt the edges of that anger that still spun within em. Ey wasn't sure ey'd ever truly felt fury before, but it turned out that watching eir partner get struck across the face was a really, really good way to bring out the emotion.
Ey felt True Name relax. \emph{``We both are. It is comforting and awkward in equal measure. One third of me is very happy to be held, one third would really rather not be touched, and one third is simply confused. I am of three minds.''}
Ey didn't like it at all.
\emph{``Have you finished merging, then?''}
Once ey'd reached the bottom of eir glass, ey sighed and said, ``Alright. What the hell was that about?''
There was a subtle rustle of fur against pillow as the skunk shook her head. \emph{``I have the memories in place, but there are many conflicts yet to process. It is easier to put those on hold, at least, so that I can make fun of you for mumbling for a little bit.''}
``Jonas felt the need to show a bit of muscle,'' True Name said, voice flat and dull. ``He wanted to rub it in my face that he still has Zacharias in his pocket, that he knows where I am. I do not think he actually cared about asking me when we would meet, he was just making his leverage felt. I suspect he was planning on you two showing up as well, now that I think about it.''
Ey smirked. \emph{``Har har. All the same, I'm glad you made it through to this far, at least.''}
``Why?''
\emph{``Thank you, Ioan. As am I.''}
``To ensure that you also saw that power. If you two are to come to the meeting—as I think you must—then he wants you both to know that he will be there with a stacked deck.'' She rubbed a paw up over her snout, adding, ``I am sorry that you had to meet him.''
They fell back into silence then. Ioan spent a while marveling at the mix of coziness and strangeness. It \emph{was} comfortable, there with the two skunks. May was in eir arms as she should be, and True Name, similar as she was, fit well enough in the mix. The strangeness, then, came from the knowledge that she was specifically True Name. This was so counter to what ey knew of her from the years prior, especially the version of her that she'd become over the past few weeks since End Waking's merge.
Ioan shook eir head. ``Was he always such an asshole?''
Ey could already tell that she'd changed, though, even beyond the fact that she'd wound up as close as this. Her speech patterns were shifting once again, losing some of their formality, finding their way back to ground from the high-minded patterns she'd picked up from her other cocladist, and yet they weren't totally those of May, either. They didn't sound the same, just more alike than they had before.
After a tense pause, the skunk shook her head. ``He was not, no. Witty, smart, sharp-tongued, yes. An asshole, no.''
She was tripled, now. She was True Name and she was End Waking and she was May. Whether or not she would become something new or remain thus ey didn't think even she knew. The adjustment would certainly take time for everyone. Ey liked End Waking quite a bit as a friend, but that friendship was different than that of eirs with True Name. Ey was friends with May, but in that way that partners were still friends beneath the romance of a big-R Relationship, and there was certainly no comparison to be made between the other small-r relationships. If she was of three minds, so was ey.
``Well, not looking forward to seeing him again, either way.'' Ey felt that anger turn within em again, felt the heat of the wine only add to it. ``I don't know who he thinks he is, coming after you like that, May.''
\emph{``Unrelated to comfort or awkwardness, I am going to get up to make coffee,''} she sent, nudging em out of rumination once more. \emph{``I did not sleep, and if I do not have coffee soon, I shall surely die.''}
The silence that followed was even more tense than the one before, both skunks looking down at the table, both tracing the grain of the wood with a claw-tip.
May grumbled again when True Name rolled away from her, gathering the remainder of the covers and a stray pillow up to replace the space that had been left by her cocladist's absence. Ey couldn't tell if the skunk was actually awake or not, but she settled down once more, if nothing else.
``What?''
True Name sat up and scrubbed at her face with her paws, wiping the grit of sleep—or perhaps tears—from her eyes. She grinned down to em. \emph{``My assessment remains. You two are so cute that it is disgusting.''}
May sniffled, shrugged, then smiled weakly to em. ``I am pretty sure he thinks he is me, Ioan.''
Stifling a laugh, ey rolled eir eyes. \emph{``Blame May.''}
Ey blinked as the pieces clicked into place, then slouched back in eir seat, feeling like the breath had been knocked out of em. ``Well, huh.''
\emph{``Way ahead of you, dear,''} she sent as she crawled out of bed. \emph{``I will make coffee and then I will need some alone time on the plain. I will ensure there is enough for all.''}
``You see now why I was so upset?''
There was a quiet clattering from the kitchen, mugs being shifted about and the coffee pot being set in place, doubtless another instance of her making enough noise to let them know what she was up to.
The thoughts wouldn't quite fit together in eir mind. Two gears with no matching teeth. ``I'm sorry, I'm, uh\ldots{}'' Ey cleared eir throat, suddenly parched. ``\emph{He's} one of your old relationship forks? With True Name?''
It was enough to wake May the rest of the way, the skunk stretching out against eir front and yawning wide before she shifted about to face em. ``Pillows,'' she mumbled, peeking down at the bundle she still held in her arms. ``Oh, did I\ldots?''
She shrugged again, sniffled again, looked back down to the table.
Ioan nodded, placing a kiss atop her head. ``She said she rolled over against you, yeah.''
``It is at least partly my fault,'' True Name said quietly. ``One of the earliest individuals I pointed May Then My Name towards was, without either of us realizing, one of Jonas's instances. He looked and spoke nothing like Jonas Prime, but was starting to get loud on the feeds. May Then My Name forked into a human form that we hoped would be appealing and became quite good friends with him, but I lost track of them both for several years. He stopped posting so much on the feeds, so I had little reason to worry about him, I thought.''
``Sorry, Ioan.''
``You must understand, I was a very different person back then,'' May mumbled. ``This was systime 7 Back before I was\ldots me.''
``It's fine by me, I slept through most of it,'' ey said, chuckling. ``She and I talked about it a bit before you woke up. She's confused about it, but seemed like she needed it.''
Ey frowned, but nodded for them to continue.
``She is learning my wicked ways,'' she mumbled against eir front. ``I am happy to hear that it was helpful and that you are okay with it, though.''
``So, a few decades later,'' True Name said. ``Secession is in the past, the council is heading towards dissolution, and I am starting to relax. More friends from phys-side uploaded, more furries figured out how to exist within the System as they would like, and I started to meet more people outside work. One of them just happened to be this fantastically well-dressed fox who was just as witty as I felt. We became friends, then we became a bit more.'' She shrugged. ``That instance of Jonas had\ldots well\ldots{}''
``Mmhm. How about you?''
``Twisted. He twisted my fork into something that neither the me of today nor the me back then would have agreed to,'' May said bitterly and wiped at her face. ``He turned that version of me into a way of influencing True Name.''
May yawned again before poking her nose up against eir chin. ``I do not know. I slept through it, too, apparently. It fits with what I said earlier, though. I am pleased to care for those around me.''
``Yes. It was a long game. He drifted in and out of my life, over the centuries, and then, shortly before Launch, he showed up again and we began to get close. A few years after Launch, they took me out to dinner and dropped the whole thing on me all at once. I am told they did the same on each of the LVs as well, just with different framing.''
``She also called us disgusting again.''
Eir head was swimming at the flood of information, and when rubbing eir face didn't work to clear it, ey willed the drunkenness away and waved a glass of ice water into being. ``Which I don't get. Why are you so overwhelmed here and not on the LVs?''
``That is because we are. Is that her making coffee?''
The skunk twisted her wine glass between her fingers for a few quiet moments. ``I have always been focused on continuity and stability. I think that Jonas was as well, enough to go along with the launch project, but once it was done and that continuity was assured, we here on Lagrange let them go their own ways—the Guiding Council on Pollux and the previous status quo on Castor—while he focused on cementing his power. They were safely away with minimal influence here.''
Ey nodded, nudging her snout with eir chin.
``Is that what this is all about?''
``Good girl.''
She nodded. ``We were in a steady state for many years after they explained everything. I was not happy, but I still liked the work that I had chosen and I did not know how to do anything else. It was the new tech from the Artemisians that pushed things over the edge. AVEC—Audio/Visual Extrasystem Communication—rather changes things and even though we agreed on what was to be done about it in a general sense, I think he does not want to risk his own specific vision not coming to fruition. He wants greater divergence, while I am more conservative.''
A few minutes later, True Name returned, carrying three mugs of coffee. Ioan and May pushed themselves up to sitting so that they could accept.
They sat in silence, then, while Ioan tried to digest this. Ey was still furious at Zacharias, but now that fury had gained a layer of what almost felt like despair that someone such as him might have their roots in eir May.
``I am sorry I shouted last night. I think I understand Dear's letter better now.''
At least it had all gone a long way towards explaining the dynamic on the three Systems. Who knew why the other True Names had decided to treat this one like they had, withholding valuable information, all but cutting her out of their plans. Clearly those few years between launch and Jonas and Zacharias's announcement had included additional shaping, both of her as well as the Systems.
May nodded.
``Fuck.''
``I was wondering if you didn't know about\ldots all that before last night, honestly,'' Ioan said.
May kicked eir shin lightly beneath the table. ``Language, Mx. Bălan.''
``I have been fed bad and incomplete information for years now. I had not suspected just to what extent. I am still frightened, if I am honest, but I will trust you two on this. It is complicated and bound up in emotions I do not understand, but I will trust you.'' She shook her head. ``But I cannot speak of it any more right now.''
True Name looked between them, then grinned. ``No, May Then My Name, Ioan is correct. Fuck.''
``Heading outside?'' ey asked.
``The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream of the Ode clade, you watch your mouth,'' May growled.
She nodded. ``Yes. I will need an hour or so of nothing but the morning and the grass.''
They all laughed. Ey couldn't help but. It was all too much, and the humor so perfectly timed to defuse eir anger that it had to be intentional. Some of that anger must have showed on eir face.
``Of course.''
\emph{Ah well, trust an Odist,} ey mused to emself.
May nodded. ``Take the space you need.''
Aloud, ey said, ``You guys continue to be completely nuts. Thanks for explaining, though. I'm not going to figure it out tonight, so I'm going to have another glass of wine and space out on the couch.''
True Name leaned over enough to dot her nose against the skunk's cheek. ``Thank you, dear. If you cook breakfast, I will refrain from telling Ioan embarrassing stories.''
``Fantastic idea, my dear,'' May said. ``If I have to think about it anymore, I am going to start shedding and not stop until I am bald.''
``Asshole.'' She laughed. ``Where did this humor come from?''
``Your guess is as good as mine, at this point.''
``She seems to be doing well,'' ey said, once she'd made her way outside and down the stairs to the prairie.
``It helps that I did not drop a merge onto her unexpectedly. She had more to process, but more preparation to do so.''
``She said she's done getting the memories in order but working on conflicts now.''
May nodded. ``About a third of the way done, then.''
``It's really gratifying to see it going so much more smoothly this time.''
``Agreed, yes,'' she said between sips. ``I was not expecting her to turn into a cuddlebug, but I suppose that will level out before long. Was that awkward, this morning?''
Ey shrugged. ``A little, I guess. Just hard making it work in my head. Doesn't fit with what I remember of her.''
``I cannot picture you getting cozy with \emph{just} True Name, no. I can barely picture her getting cozy with anyone, and that is certainly not even bringing End Waking's general touch-aversion into the equation.''
``I'd assume she got cozy with Zacharias, if they were together.''
May's expression soured. ``We will need to talk about him soon, but I cannot talk about him now.''
``Of course.''
She made a setting aside gesture, stepping back to the previous topic. ``Did that feel like crossing a boundary?''
``Not particularly, no. It just felt like me being awkward, more than anything.''
``That is good, then.'' She finished her coffee and waved the mug away. ``I do not know how to feel about it, myself, because I do not know what she will be like when she has finished incorporating the merge. She is not yet settled enough, so I will forgive much that I might not otherwise.''
``It's not like she was hitting on me or anything,'' ey said, laughing.
She smirked. ``Are you sure?''
Ey reached over to tug on one of her ears gently. ``Yes, I'm sure. I'm dense, but not \emph{that} dense.''
The skunk tilted her head at the tug, laughing. ``Has your opinion of her as a friend changed?''
Ioan tilted eir head. ``How do you mean?''
``I do not imagine that you felt the same about her when she was just True Name as you do now about who she has become. Or is becoming, at least.''
``Well, no,'' ey hazarded. ``But I don't know just how, yet.''
``Me either.''
They reconvened over a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and potatoes with toast.
``I instructed my fork to quit,'' True Name said by way of opening the conversation.
``Feeling positive about the merge, then?'' ey asked.
``Yes. Having worked through some conflicts, it will not be easy, but I am comfortable with the direction in which it is going.'' She took a bite of toast piled high with egg and potato, chewing thoughtfully. ``It is not all positive, but it has given me hope for a pleasant life moving forward.''
``Was your life unpleasant before?'' When May frowned at em, ey held up eir hands. ``Sorry, maybe that's impertinent. It's not important.''
True Name shook her head. ``It is okay. It was, yes. It was fulfilling. I felt hopeful and comfortable with the path I had chosen. The work itself was starting to grate on me, but that had less to do with the work than the coworker. Pleasantness was never a focus for me, however.''
May, having subsided, finished her bite of toast before\pagebreak\ asking, ``Did you have hope for happiness with just End Waking's merge?''
``No.~Not at all.'' She reached out a paw to give one of May's a squeeze, adding quickly, ``Again, I understand—now more than ever—why you did what you did, and I do approve of it in light of what is happening with Jonas, but it was an uncomfortable duality in comparison to this more comfortable plurality and I may yet settle into a new singularity. I do not know.''
May smiled gratefully, returning that squeeze.
``Meeting up with my fork hammered that point home pretty well. She looked\ldots well, I will not elaborate on the differences I saw. Seeing myself through her eyes, I can tell that she was pleased as well.''
``I am very happy to hear that,'' May said. ``Not least of which because you seem to be building a new self rather than simply a raw combination of us.''
True Name nodded, finished her plate before setting it aside. ``Thank you for breakfast, May Then My Name. Your secrets are safe for another day-- ow!''
``Your high station does not preclude you from being kicked, my dear,'' May said sweetly. ``You deserved that.''
The skunk preened.
Ioan watched the exchange, grinning. Beyond just what she'd said, ey could read relief in May's features. That resentment towards her down-tree instance had never quite gone away, ey knew, and, on some level, it likely never would. Still, that True Name was, as the skunks had said, rebuilding herself into a new person seemed to have brought out a new sense of friendliness within eir partner that had been lacking to that point.
Ey wondered if she would go through a reevaluation of who True Name had been before, much as ey had. It was certainly enough that she felt more positive, but ey—em and Codrin\#Castor, perhaps—seemed to have dropped much of that resentment that had lingered in May and so many others, though whether that was due to a difference in temperament or the relatively short time they'd known the skunk in comparison, ey couldn't tell.
``Is it just me, or is eir mumbling getting worse?'' True Name stage-whispered to May.
She whispered back, ``Perhaps the centuries are catching up to em. Is this how the Bălans crack? Should we warn Dear?''
``Are all skunks such pests?'' Ey smirked.
They laughed.
``I mumble more when I'm stressed, that's all.''
``Are you stressed now, my dear?'' May asked.
``It's a stressful time overall, even if this particular morning is pleasant enough.''
``It feels rather like the morning after a sleepover, yes,'' True Name said.
May nodded eagerly.
``I've never had one of those, so I'll have to take your word for it. Do those always come with cuddling up in the morning?''
Both skunks splayed their ears and dipped their snouts.
``It depends on the sleepover,'' May said, adding to True Name, ``Are you feeling well enough to discuss boundaries now?''
She hesitated. ``We can begin the conversation, though I will need to address further conflicts before long.''
``To be clear,'' Ioan said. ``I'm okay with it, it was just unexpected.''
True Name gave a hint of a bow. ``One thing that came up in our discussions leading up to the merge is that the one with the greater restrictions in a relationship defines the boundaries. Right now, I suspect that may be one of you two. I am the outsider, here. I have never had to have a conversation such as this.''
``My comment about you building up a new self has gone a long way towards soothing any fears,'' May said. ``I think I was worried you might incorporate my memories of the last few decades wholesale and wind up feeling exactly the way that I do about Ioan.''
True Name shook her head. ``I have taken to heart your requests and declined the personal memories you suggested. There are many conflicts,'' she said, speaking more slowly. ``Perhaps due to your feelings about me as I was, so I am not sure how I feel yet, but\ldots well, may I speak earnestly?''
May and Ioan both nodded.
``On that point, I remember enough to know why it is that you love Ioan. I can see what it is that you see in em. It is as if\ldots{}'' She trailed off, ears pinned flat. ``This is so fucking embarrassing. I am sorry. Uh\ldots it is as though there is a world in which I could do the same, but I do not know how to get from here to there. Again, I am sorry, May Then My Name.''
There was a long silence around the table while Ioan and May digested this. True Name spent it resting her head in her paws and staring down at her plate.
It was May who broke the silence, saying simply, ``May.''
True Name sniffled and lifted her head. ``Sorry?''
``Stop calling me May Then My Name.''
``I--''
``Do not make it weird, True Name,'' May said, laughing. She held out a paw toward the skunk ``Just fucking call me May already.''
``Right. May,'' True Name said, gingerly resting her paw in her up-tree instance's.
``I do not know how you get from this world to that one, either, should that even be something you want, but,'' she said, taking a deep breath, ``so long as you come by that path earnestly and we discuss it in the moment, it is your path to take. Do you have any thoughts, Ioan?''
Ey held up eir hands. ``Don't look at me. I don't have a clue.''
They laughed.
``We'll see, I guess,'' ey said, shrugging. ``It's all way too much for me to take in right now.''
``Perhaps that is a good place to pause,'' True Name said. ``This conversation has those conflicts begging for attention.''
``Of course, my dear,'' May said, giving her paw a squeeze. ``Go and walk. There will be time for discussions to come, especially once we are finished with this unpleasant political business.''
Still grinning, True Name nodded. ``That is quite enough of the topic, yes. I am going to go outside for a bit and then I am going to go to bed.''