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# Debarre --- 2350
<!----->
Debarre was still mostly full from dinner at home, but he had a few bites of fish forked from End Waking's plate. Tasty, but, as always, lacking in salt.
When Debarre received the ping from End Waking, he quickly excused himself from dinner and dashed out into the back yard to respond. The last time he'd received a message in the middle of a period of overflowing, it had been when the skunk's leg had been impaled on a branch, so he hoped against hope that it wasn't the entire tent washing away in a flood this time. It was getting on in spring --- still a bit early for floods, but one never knew...
After they ate, End Waking tasked Debarre with washing off the plate while he tucked another small log into the stove and started the kettle for tea, which they shared while sitting on the step at the entrance to the tent, keeping the last of the spring chill away.
"E.W.?" he said. "What's up? You okay? Is the tent?"
"So, my political junkie friends aside, do you have a better idea of what's going on with Jonas and company?"
"The tent is fine, my dear," he replied. "I apologize if I interrupted, but I have some news regarding May Then My Name, Ioan, and True Name, and you requested that I message you. Besides, I need to speak about it with someone other than them. Someone not an Odist."
End Waking shrugged. "A little, perhaps. I think it is this upcoming audio-video tech. I do not think he wanted--"
He frowned down to the lawn, kicking at a tuft of crabgrass. "Well, if you're getting in touch, I'm assuming it's urgent."
"Moment," Debarre said, holding up a paw while he sent a hasty message back home. "Sorry. We'd been guessing at that, just sent a confirmation. Done now."
There was a sense of a sigh from the other end. "I am sorry, Debarre."
"Please do not act on it yet, my dear."
"Fuck, I'm sorry, E.W. That came out way snarkier than intended. I understand. I only meant to ask if it was the type of thing where I should fork and come by right away."
So serious was the skunk's tone that Debarre set down his mug and turned to face him. "I won't, but you gotta tell me why."
"Please," End Waking said, sounding relieved. "There is nothing to be done, but I am very impatient to speak with someone."
"I am going to be at this meeting. I should probably not even know about their AVEC, but I do because of True Name."
"You? Impatient?" Debarre laughed. "I'll be right over."
"And given you and I, there's probably only one place I'd get it," he guessed and, when the skunk nodded, sent another message back home. "You sure this place is secure, then? And you're sending a fork, right?"
He forked off Debarre#RelEW and watched him step from the sim, then spent another few seconds looking out into the yard, trying to remember the last time anything had been so important that it had required him leaving immediately. Something other than a tree falling on his boyfriend, that is.
"Yes and yes."
"Well, shit," he muttered, turning to head back inside. "This is gonna be a mess."
"Good."
-----
End Waking smiled. "I know that you do, but it is always pleasing to have confirmation that you think so much of me, Debarre."
Debarre#RelEW was greeted by the sight of End Waking kneeling in the clearing across from May Then My Name.
"Of course I do," he scoffed. "But I interrupted, sorry. You were saying?"
"Oh, company," he said, frowning. "Wasn't expecting two of you."
"Right. With this AVEC technology, I think that Jonas sees an opening to edge True Name out. I do not know why, but she mentioned something about a diversity of governance across Systems. I do not agree with him on this. I think he is playing a dangerous game by treating each of the Systems so differently. Each System treating itself as a separate country is one thing, but potentially destabilizing them by forcing upon each a different form of governance feels like him treating politics as his personal plaything. I do not like it."
"You messaged...wait, does that mean you are a fork?" May Then My Name said, frowning at End Waking.
The longer End Waking spoke, the deeper Debarre's frown got. "Yeah, ever since they set up that Guiding Council thing over on Pollux, we've been wondering about that. It sounds innocuous enough. Reasonably close to the Council of Ten over on Artemis, I guess, at least on the surface. Just folks you can go talk to about disagreements and mediation. That part was inoffensive, but that they would even do such a thing in the face of the *History* is just wild."
"It does, yes."
End Waking shrugged. "You know more than I on that end. I do not keep up with either LV beyond what you and Ioan care to pass on. There are messages from the clade, but you know my feelings on them."
"I never knew you had it in you," she said, sounding proud. To Debarre, she said, "Did this asshole tell you why I am here?"
"Mmhm." Debarre hesitated, then added, "Though if you do wind up going through them and come across any juicy details about those politics you don't care about, you could always share them with me."
He gave her a hug before sitting down with them. "He said it had something to do with you, Ioan, and True Name, and that he needed to talk to a non-Odist. That's why I was surprised."
He laughed and shook his head. "Should my life become so boring, you will have more to worry about, my love. I am better at being a pest than you give me credit for."
She grinned. "You will have your chance, my dear. I will not be here long. I needed to step out for a moment, and figured I would catch End Waking up. I am happy to see you as well, though."
"Fine. I'll just get them from May Then My Name."
"Happy to see you too. You're always welcome over to my place, too."
"You will have to put up with her ceaseless flirting."
"Of course, yes. This did involve End Waking, though, so alas, I could not go make you uncomfortable with my flirting."
Debarre grinned. "I'm pretty well used to it by now. You're really going to go to this thing, though?"
He shoved at the skunk, who giggled.
End Waking nodded, chewing on a mouthful of tisane-bits. "Yes."
"Well, okay. What's up? You finally merge down?"
"Why, though? Isn't that gonna be dangerous? Never mind totally outside your interest. It'll all be politics."
She blinked, looking startled. "Yes, actually. How did you guess?"
The skunk was a long time in answering, staring out into the forest and listening to the far-away rush of the waterfall. "There is what Jonas hopes to accomplish and what I hope to learn. Jonas, I think, would like to gloat. He would like it known that he can loop even me into his plans. He would like even me, even the recluse, scared so that he may use me as a lever over True Name if she is to come out of this alive."
"Ioan mentioned it when we talked last. How'd it go? Did she explode?"
"And me."
"Not at all, no. Actually..." She shrugged, poking at the dirt with a twig. "Actually, I am finding myself rather fond of her, now."
"And you, yes. I do not doubt that even he knows what you are up to these days, though I do not know to what extent." He poked around in his mug to hunt down the last of the gooseberries. "I am pleased that you are so careful. I worry about you."
"Bullshit," he growled.
Debarre sat, silent. The comment all but demanded silence from him, so rare was any expression of worry from his boyfriend.
"Debarre," End Waking murmured.
"I will be going because if this is to be the end of True Name then it will be a step towards letting go. It will be an in for me to become independent. If I am to move beyond that which defines me, I would like to know how."
May Then My Name waved a paw. "It is okay. You do not have to like her. You do not even have to interact with her. End Waking wanted you to know about some of the practical considerations, but neither of us are planning on swaying your opinion of her."
"Still thinking of cutting your ties? Dropping the clade name?"
He frowned and leaned back on his palms. "Sorry. I guess I'm just worried about you. She's not exactly known for her openness and honesty without ulterior motives, so."
End Waking shrugged. "Would that be so bad? May Then My Name would become simply a friend, rather than a cocladist. True Name would become someone I know rather than a down-tree instance. I do not speak with the others. Serene, perhaps? But even then, it has been many years. It would not change my relationship with you. The forest will not care if I am an Odist or if I am not. To it, I am called Nobody, and when I die and moulder beneath the roots, then it will say that it feasts on Nobody."
She smiled wanly. "No, she is not. A fact I have not forgotten. Needless to say, I merged down, and she is making plans to meet up with Jonas, now."
Debarre sighed. Hearing End Waking talk so much was a rarity, but that the death-thoughts were still there meant it'd be a while yet before he'd be allowed back to stay.
"That falls more in line with practical concerns," he conceded. "And Jonas still wants both of you there?"
"And AwDae? The Name?" he asked. As he always did when Debarre said their friend's name, the skunk stiffened, hunched his shoulders, and drew his hood up over his head. All the same, he'd made it a point to say it at least once per visit. There had been a row the first few times, but he'd won on the point that AwDae had been his friend, too.
"As far as I know, yes," End Waking said. "I have spoken with True Name several times over the last few weeks and she has a plan of sorts. I do not know how successful it will be, but it is better than nothing."
"I do not know, Debarre. That is, I think, the one thing that I will ever defer to True Name on."
"Wait, *you've* been talking with her, too?"
He snorted. "Really?"
"Yes."
"If she, of all of us, were ever to feel comfortable speaking it, talking about em, then I will know that this embargo will have been lifted."
He shook his head. He could already feel his hackles up, and this wasn't helping. "Can't fucking believe it."
"Well, fair," the weasel said, finishing his tea before handing the mug back to End Waking to let the skunk snack on the remnants. He'd never really enjoyed them enough to do so himself. "I'm happy for you, you know that?"
May Then My Name frowned, leaned over to hug him around the shoulders, and whispered, "I am going to leave you to it, but first, remember who you were, who you are, and imagine who you will become. Let go, have fun, but above all, remember that you love him and that he loves you. Those are the rules of engagement."
End Waking laughed, swallowing the spent lemon balm and mint he'd been chewing. "Happy?"
After a moment's hesitation, he returned the hug. Had she said it in anything less than her most earnest voice, he might have scoffed, but as it was, he could see himself falling for the gentle manipulation as though from a meter above. He could resent her, but she had said exactly what it was that he needed to hear.
"Yeah. Like..." Debarre trailed off, hunting for words. "I've never seen you move forward so much all at once. Or at all, really. Like, it's not a bad thing to have a life that you're happy with, but watching you work on the things you *weren't* happy with is nice to see. Kinda glad May Then My Name talked you into the merge, honestly."
Because of course she had. She was May Then My Name Die With Me. She knew just how to. She was built to.
"It has brought me a lightness, yes. She is meddlesome, but kind-hearted."
"You're such an asshole," he whispered back, then kissed her cheek to take any sting out of the words. "I'll do my best. Now, shoo."
"You're telling me. She gave me rules of engagement when I first showed up. Thought she was being weird, but they worked pretty well."
She laughed and licked at one of his whiskerpads. "Yes, yes."
"She is a brat."
After she leaned over to pat End Waking on the knee, she stood up and stepped out of the sim.
Debarre laughed. "You all are. But hey, I should get going."
Debarre rubbed his paws over his face. "Where's your root instance? Within an hour's walk?"
The slight sag in End Waking's shoulders spoke of relief. He nodded, saying, "Of course. Thank you for the chance to talk."
End Waking nodded. "Up-river, yes. Would you like me to walk you there?"
"You'll let me know when you're going out to this meeting, right?"
He shook his head. "Give me some time to think. There's still some of me that's stuck on dinner parties, then another chunk on this whole thing, and another still on May telling me about these rules of engagement or whatever."
"Of course."
The skunk smiled faintly. "Twenty minutes' walk up-river, then. He will know that you are coming."
"And you promise you'll send a fork?"
After End Waking quit, Debarre started to trudge up the faint trail that they'd already worn heading up along the river.
"I will."
He knew that May Then My Name was right, that he probably needed to at least take into account that if Sasha and Michelle could change enough to make the Odists, then surely True Name could change enough to become someone that even her up-tree instances could like, just as he knew that he probably shouldn't take that out on his boyfriend, frustrated as he was.
"And call if you need?"
Still, it was hard to square the image of End Waking and True Name meeting up voluntarily. What was it that he'd said when Ioan had come by asking after camping supplies? *"I need to be better to her than she might be to me"*?
"Debarre, shut up," End Waking said, patting his knee. "Go. I will keep you up to date."
*Remember that you love him,* he thought, even as he trudged up the path. *Even if you're working to undermine all that shit that she's done with Jonas, at least you still love E.W.*
"Okay, okay, I'm going." He gave the skunk's paw a squeeze and grinned. "Love you."
The skunk was crouching at the edge of the stream, washing his paws after having apparently just finished gutting a trio of large trout.
"Love you too."
"I understand if you are upset, Debarre," he said, keeping his gaze on his paws as he scrubbed rather than looking up to him.
Debarre quit, rather than bothering with stepping back home. The pile of experiences caught his down-tree instance in the middle of a sentence --- thankfully something unimportant --- and he had to spend a minute reconciling the memories with the ones he'd made since.
"No," Debarre said, sitting down next to him. "Or, well, I am, but it's whatever. I just don't see how something as stupid as May Then My Name merging down solves anything about this. Suddenly, you two are all buddy-buddy?"
"Well, that was interesting."
End Waking shook his paws free of most of the water before drying them on the hem of his cloak. "We are not. I am pleased that she is no longer who she was, but she is not a friend. She is not me."
"Fuck," user11824 said. "I was worried you'd say something like that."
"But you're visiting her!"
He laughed. "You're right to worry. Shit's gonna get really weird here. Life'll get both more and less simple real quick."
"On business, such as it is. May Then My Name has asked me over a few times." The skunk finally looked at him, gaze level and expression flat. "Did you not say that you would rather she not die?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that you need to interact with her. I don't want her to get offed by some asshole politician, but I also don't particularly want her in my life."
End Waking shifted from his crouch to sitting cross-legged on a rock on the bank of the river. "I do understand that, yes. I do not particularly want her in mine, either, but I am now a part of hers, whether she likes it or not. I have been able to help her process some aspects of the merge and also tell her more of how I feel to her face. Once this is over, she will not need to be a part of my life any more if I so desire, and I can move on to defining myself through something other than penance."
Debarre scratched a claw through the dirt of the bank, worrying a pebble free so that he could throw it into the river while he thought. Finally, he nodded, saying, "Okay, I get that. What will you define yourself as, then? Like, don't get me wrong, I'm happy you aren't her, and in part specifically *because* you aren't her, but that's not the only reason I love you."
"I do not know, my love," he said after a long silence. "If I am defined by not being her, by not being what I was, then what is left? I cannot say my love for you, because all of the clade has that to some extent. I cannot even say that I have being an Odist, because, after all these years and with all of her changes over the last few months, I am not even sure that I am that."
"You can be just End Waking," Debarre said gently. "Like, you can just drop the clade and be that nerd who lives in the woods."
The skunk laughed and elbowed him in the side. "We have rather turned our clade identity into idolatry of a sort, have we not?"
"Don't get me wrong, I like where you came from, but I won't be pissed if you drop your clade signifier. Hell, maybe you can even start saying things like 'don't' and 'isn't'."
"Do not push your luck."
They laughed.
"You don't have to have this sorted out, though." He shrugged, adding, "You don't even have to stop seeing True Name. I'm sorry I got angry there. I think I just got upset because any chance that you might start liking her felt like something of a betrayal."
"I am a ways off yet from liking her, Debarre. I will not say never, but I have gotten to the point where I tolerate her. I will not betray you, though. You or your reactionary friends or whatever she called them."
Debarre scrambled to his feet, eyes darting around through the trees. "What the fuck?"
"The sim is empty, my dear," the skunk said calmly. "I empty it every time someone enters."
"Yeah, but--"
"I think about you a lot, Debarre. Certainly more than anyone else I think about. I have pieced together enough."
He growled. "Well, shit. I mean, I guess I'm an obvious enough choice for it."
"You are, yes, and doubtless the powers that be have been keeping their eye on you since the dissolution of the Council. I do not know the specifics, nor do I want to. As I said, I will not betray you." End Waking smiled wryly, adding, "And I do not think I am of much interest to any of them, anyway. I rarely leave, and I never enter a building when I do. I am more focused on my next meal than anything else."
"Skunks just wanna get fat."
End Waking grinned toothily. "It is not *not* true."
"Well, anyway. Fair enough. I don't imagine you'll be ratting us out, and you're right that they probably already know. I'm just glad that you've been sweeping the place."
"I have never caught anyone hitchhiking on you, though I have on May Then My Name and Ioan." He shrugged, gathered up the line of fish. "But speaking of fat, can we go back to cook these? I am not ready for you to stay over, but I would like to eat dinner with you, if you are up for it."